Party people in the place to be it’s your host, the Legendary Lif-s-h-i-t-z back on the M-I-C. That’s right Y’all, I’m back on my DFS grind with DraftKings, bringing the funk on what we used to call Hip-Hop Sunday. Maybe we still do, I don’t know, I’m too busy dominating fantasy sports, NCAA pools, DFS games, pushup contests, and beard growing competitions. It’s an exciting life I lead and I still find time to make babies at rates only matched by Mel Gibson. So how’s everybody been? Have you been filling your time with inferior daily fantasy games like basketball, football, or hockey? It’s cool, the grand master is back and you can play along with your old Uncle Ralph just like you did all last summer. I promise I won’t get drunk again and get too touchy. That was a one time thing and it’s not that big a deal because we’re all adults and I’m not really your Uncle. BTW, that reminds me of a question that’s been burning my head like a splinter in my mind. When did incest porn become a thing? What’s wrong with you people? Have you no shame? Has the country music craze gone too far? I’ll just be right here bumping some Old School Wu-Tang pretending it’s 1996.
Any the who, Daily Fantasy Baseball is why we’re here right? That’s correct so I should probably get to talking about it. How many of you are believers in BvP? Some of you are shaking your head, some of you may think I’m about to talk about a dutch footballer, and some of you may actually be fellow believers. It’s batter vs. pitcher historical data and it’s the one thing that I always consider before making my lineups on DraftKings. I want to know who’s hit who in the past because that’s a hell of a lot more relevant than making assumptions based on who I think is good and who I think is bad. This will be a theme throughout my picks below, so take a look, follow my guide to cashing and who knows you might end up telling your league mates to Run The Jewels.
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Dallas Keuchel, P: $6,700 – The lefty outpitched Corey freaking Kluber on Monday. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but that’s kind of a big deal. He’s not going to get you huge strikeout numbers but there’s a great chance for low hit, walk, and run totals plus a W. He’s also known for going deep into games which is always a bonus on DK when you have a shot at the always elusive complete game. Sure it’s a matchup with in state rival Texas but the Rangers don’t scare me the way they used to.
Alex Wood, P: $9,300 – Well his first game vs Miami was not what we in “the industry” call good, but a matchup vs the Mets can cure a lot of ills. Hopefully he can cut down on the walks and get deeper into the game than he did the first time out. The Braves are surprisingly 5-0, though it’s certainly unlikely they make it 6, but once again it’s the Mets. In the second half of last season Wood was dominant, posting a 2.20 ERA, a K/9 of 9.21, and a BAA of .223. You could make the case that he’s the ace of the Braves staff and he’ll cost you a lot less than King Felix, Max, Sale, Ross, or Tanaka.
A.J. Ellis, C: $3,200 – This is real simple: he’s 4/10 lifetime against Josh Collmenter with two of those hits going for homers. This is one you need to watch and make sure he’s in the lineup over Grandal, otherwise you’ll be staring at a goose egg and no one likes that, not even a mother goose. You know ’cause it makes her think about that time she got hammered on Goose Island IPA, and went home with that gander who’s name she can’t remember.
Carlos Santana, 1B/C: $4,600 – So finally I’m getting around to tying in my title to the post. Yaaay to burying the lead and instead rambling for 400 words about why I’m awesome and why you’re all weird for watching incest porn. See there I go again ranting about nothing. Santana on the other hand is worth your attention as I’m guessing he crushes Kyle Lobstein, I know, shocking stuff. He has a homer off of the lefty in 4 at bats and I would not be shocked if he does it again today.
Jason Kipnis, 2B: $4,000 – I liked the Indians stack in the early game, but there’s a lot of injuries in the lineup. Still not a bad contrarian play in GPP’s. Kipnis is only 1/4 with a steal off of Lobstein, so the BvP isn’t phenomenal but as I said he’s part of my stack along with Lonnie Chisenhall at $3,700, and who ever else is in the Tribe’s lineup now that Yan Gomes and Michael Brantley could be DL bound.
Evan Longoria, 3B: $4,500 – Longo kills Henderson Alvarez. Not literally because that would be a crime, and no one likes a criminal except for everyone! Seriously though 7/13 lifetime with 3 homers and 6 steaks is duuuurty. I left the I’s out of dirty because it’s all about you…:)
Billy Hamilton, SS/OF: $4,600 – I had to, I’m sorry. He’s still SS eligible and I have no idea why. He’s never played a single game at short in the majors as far as I know, but maybe I missed something. Currently in the midst of a historic start, and I want some of that form.
Jacoby Ellsbury, OF: $4,900 – Hittertron loves him tomorrow and I can see why. Clay Buchholz looks like Matthew Mcconaughey in Dallas Buyers Club and I’m not buying the Clay renaissance. Ellsbury had the day off after going 1/9 in the 19 inning monster that kept me up until 2:30 am on Friday night. Hopefully the rest did him some good.
Justin Upton, OF: $4,100 – J-Up has hit Jake Peavy pretty preeetty preeeetttty good in his career, to the tune of 7/13 with a homer, a triple, a steal, and 5 ribbies to be exactamundo. The $4,100 price tag has me buying happily. Please and thank you DraftKings, but what do you know that I don’t?
Rockies and Cubs – All of you are damn expensive for the second day in a row. You know, you would think that DraftKings was trying to prevent players from stacking bats in these lineups. You would think, but I’m sure that’s not the case.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
This is so true, I’m from the Northeast I’m freaking ecstatic as long as it doesn’t snow. The only showers in the forecast are in the Texas vs. Houston game and that’s currently around 50%.
Doing Lines In Vegas
Miami vs. Tampa Bay – Total 7.5 – I like the over and I’m taking Tampa at +138.
NYY vs. Boston – Total 7 – I’ll take the over and the Yankees to take avoid the sweep at -108
Colorado vs. CHC – Total 10 – Big number I’ll take the under and the Cubbies at +111