This post is about 3000 words due to wanting to cover everyone. Stupid, OCD! OCD Voice, “Don’t forget to touch your elbow 75 times before ranking these guys, it’s good luck!” Due to its length, I’ll get right to the good stuff. All the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are there. All 2013 Fantasy Baseball Position Eligibility is there. All 2013 fantasy baseball sleepers are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball rookies are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball dollar values are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball hitter projections are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball pitcher projections are there. And everything tangentially related to nonsense is there. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball:
81. Hisashi Iwakuma – This tier started in the top 80 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball. This tier goes from here until Teheran. I called this tier, “Schoolboy Q and Kendrick Lamar.” Iwakuma’s 2012 numbers were: 3.16/1.28 and a 7.25 K-rate, which is nice. Want it to be nicer? Of course you do, you greedy SOB. As a starter, his ERA was 2.65 and his WHIP was 1.23. This year there shouldn’t be any bouncing between bullpen and rotation. Not if I can help it (I can’t). I could’ve also ranked Erasmo Ramirez here. Their projections are similar. If nothing else, both will make nice Marginers. Jason Vargas who?! He’s an ex-Mariners pitcher who pitched well at home and not so great on the road. He’s now on the Angels. I know, Random Italicized Voice. I figured, since you were the one that told me about Vargas’s trade. Okay, can I move on? Who’s stopping you? 2013 Projections: 9-12/3.56/1.26/152
82. Vance Worley – When he was traded, I wrote this, “Will become the Twins number one starter, which can be illustrated by a sideways emoticon with a piece of hay hanging out the side of its mouth, saying things like, “Over yonder a piece.” Maybe the Major League Baseball Association, as spam comments call it, can fold the Twins and Astros together and make an egg-white omelet. Worley’s not a bad gamble for the Twins (that wasn’t sarcastic, though even in my head it sounded it). He did end the season on the DL with elbow problems, getting shut down at the tail end of August. August’s Tail End, “Stop staring at me.” Worley had some loose bodies removed from his ‘bow and should be ready for Spring Training. That’s really the only huge red flag. In Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome, he could easily be a 3.75-ish pitcher with an average-ish WHIP. He did have an 8+ K-rate as recently as 2011 and he’s only 25. There’s some possibility here for a slight break out, so get proactive. (Pun point!)” And that’s me quoting me! 2013 Projections: 9-11/3.90/1.28/155
83. Wily Peralta – I was watching The Biggest Loser the other night. I know, how appropriate of me. That’s cute. Thanks. So, on the show, they had an NFL player. I don’t know who, but that got me thinking. When I was a kid, baseball players were the go-to inspirational kid role models. You’d see guys like Johnny Bench show up, smack some kid’s ass in a non-sexual way and tell them they could be like him with hard work and a prematurely balding head. I want baseball players to matter again. This saddens me. I blame Bud Selig. Besides everything he’s done to baseball, he’s completely out of touch. Plus, he wears a toupee. All you need is a prematurely balding head, like Bench said! Toupees are the antithesis to the American flag, apple pie and baseball! Why do I mention this right now? Well, first, Sky from our fantasy football blog, already went over his Wily Peralta fantasy. I agree with him. Peralta is a solid option as a late round gamble for Ks, but he’s not guaranteed a rotation spot and he’s pretty wild like a YoGa-lite. Which would be pilates. Actually, YoGa-lite would be more like sitting in an uncomfortable position on a subway train where the air-conditioning isn’t working. 2013 Projections: 7-10/4.12/1.33/135 in 140 IP
84. Nate Eovaldi – This tier is also filled with young pitchers on poor teams. Eovaldi averages a 94 MPH fastball; can touch 98 MPH. An average 94 MPH fastball would’ve been a top five average fastball velocity last year if he had enough innings to qualify. You can teach control (hopefully; especially in Peralta’s case), you can teach conditioning (again, Peralta can use some help there) and build up stamina, you can’t teach stuff. Eovaldi’s stuff is solid. Though his name backwards is naive. 2013 Projections: 8-12/4.15/1.36/144
85. Wade LeBlanc – As I alluded to in the top 80 starters with Tillman and Cobb, LeBlanc is safer than Eovaldi, Eovaldi has more upside. For kinda the same reasons. LeBlanc averages an 87 MPH fastball. The best we can hope for with LeBlanc is an Emmy nomination for his comic portrayal of himself that he claims is a not really how he acts but– Wait, that’s not the best that could happen to this LeBlanc. Best we could hope for this LeBlanc is a Miley-type year. 2013 Projections: 9-13/4.04/1.33/100
86. Trevor Bauer – When he went to the Indians, here’s what I said, “The Diamondbacks really did not want Bauer. In general, they just love trading German last-named pitching prospects… Scherzer, Bauer. Double-A phenom, Dirk Nietzsche, better not unpack. While the rest of the major leagues hoards young pitchers, prospect arms move through the D-Backs’ system like they’re bad Mexican food. Wait, Arizona did have that whole “Let’s build a fence around our state” thing. Nah, can’t be related. This trade does seem absolutely asinine from the outside looking in for Arizona. We get it, you don’t like that he throws the ball 300 feet in practice. You couldn’t just ask him to warm up differently. I already went over my Trevor Bauer 2013 fantasy. I’m not going to change my projections with the league switch. My thought is he’s still going to be raw, and, while Progressive is more neutral for pitchers, it won’t matter. He can pitch anywhere; his problem is he needs to control his stuff.” And that’s me quoting me! 2013 Projections: 6-7/3.85/1.38/168 in 160 innings
87. Carlos Villanueva – Doesn’t he sound like a sheriff in a telenovela? Sheriff Chuck Newtown, as the gringos would say, has never thrown more than 125 1/3 IP in a season and he’s 29 years old, so upside here is tenuous at best and non-existent at worst. He’s always excelled better in relief (4.80 ERA vs. 3.76 ERA; starting vs. relieving), and has never possessed an overpowering fastball. Due to a league change and the K-rate he put up last year (8.76), I’m willing to throw a flyer his way. 2013 Projections: 8-10/4.10/1.32/162
88. Dan Straily – When he was called up last year, the heavens opened and said, “Grey, this guy leads the minor leagues in Ks, grab him now!” But it turned out he doesn’t really have a 10+ K-rate type stuff, averaging a 91 MPH fastball. He made this obvious when he had a 7+ K-rate in 39 1/3 IP last year in the majors. The heavens didn’t mention he lacked the stuff for Ks. Heavens, “Sorry.” No worries. “Cool, thanks for being understanding. There’s still no place for you here.” Yet? “Um, yeah, that’s what I meant.” 2013 Projections: 7-9/4.12/1.29/135
89. Tyler Skaggs – I already went over my Tyler Skaggs 2013 fantasy. I wrote it when I was on one. 2013 Projections: 10-7/4.10/1.29/140 in 180 IP
90. Jacob Turner – Our prospect writer, Scott, wrote about Turner, “His stuff isn’t as overwhelming, but he mixes four pitches well and displays advanced command. If, for instance, Grey was in a dunk tank, Turner could hit the bull’s eye and Grey would emerge from the water with a wet t-shirt and rock hard nipples.” Wow, I didn’t remember that last part at all. As with most guys that possess control but not elite stuff, Turner’s upside is limited. 2013 Projections: 7-8/4.22/1.27/110
91. Julio Teheran – As with most young pitchers, Teheran might show no signs of translating his minor league success into major league success, then, out of nowhere, everything clicks. Sometimes this takes a few years; other times it’s overnight. Last year, Teheran was ugly, but at 22 years old those struggles could disappear and he could be a number three starter. More than likely, he’s going to be a messy project like Hamsterdam. 2013 Projections: 7-9/4.45/1.40/110
92. Cory Luebke – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Hudson. I call this tier, “Hey, you may as well fill your free DL spot until Jed Lowrie hurts himself.” I don’t believe in drafting a guy that will be suspended or a guy who will be in the minors for two months in redraft leagues, since they’d clog up a bench spot. A DL’d player is a whole ‘nother ball game. Well, actually, the same ball game, but you catch my drift, especially if you’re downwind of me. If you have a DL spot, go ahead and grab one of these guys. Don’t do it before the last round because here’s what will happen. “Hmm… I’d like to pick up Starling Marte because some stunod just dropped him, but Yahoo hasn’t officially put Pineda on the DL yet… Maybe I’ll go ask Grey when players are officially DL’d. He’s real smart.” Yahoo, ESPN, CBS and all of the boutique fantasy sites that you think are cool for playing at but are really just a pain don’t DL players until the start of the year, so more than likely you’re gonna drop Luebke before the season even starts. If you make it to April with Luebke (or any of these guys), they might be able to help you if you hold them on the DL for a few months. Luebke had Tommy John surgery in late-May last year. At least I think it was late-May because that’s when it was reported that Dr. James Andrews was driving around in a new Peugeot. Usually it’s 14 months until pitchers return, so around July for Luebke. Maybe late-June, if he’s lucky. 2013 Projections: 6-3/3.60/1.19/80
93. Brandon Beachy – In June of last year, Dr. James Andrews bought a condo in Miami. He said to the realtor, “That’s my Beachy money!” Beachy will also return around midseason. I’m guessing I’m gonna have a lot of (fill-in player’s name) returns this week; grab him Buy/Sell’s. Bee tee dubya, some of the projections aren’t bad in this tier, but there is a lot of risk with these guys. A pitcher has a setback with his arm and he misses the season. Or it takes him longer than anticipated to get a feel for his pitches, and we don’t see him until August or September. 2013 Projections: 8-4/3.47/1.23/84
94. Colby Lewis – Had elbow surgery in July and hopes to return about a year later. Colby’s a Survivor! 2013 Projections: 7-5/3.75/1.21/87
95. Michael Pineda – He’s due back late-June, as well. It’s anyone’s guess how he’ll do. My guess is not great. I mean, my guess is Pineda won’t be great, not that I’m a poor guesser. 2013 Projections: 5-3/4.30/1.25/96
96. Daniel Hudson – Had TJ surgery in July, but Hudson is saying he’ll only need 12 months of recovery time from his Tommy John surgery. Who am I to doubt him? Actually, I do doubt him. I’d put his return date around mid-August, and wouldn’t be surprised if he only throws 20 innings this year. 2013 Projections: 2-1/4.05/1.32/27
97. Wandy Rodriguez – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the list. I call this tier, “Doode, just draft a middle reliever.” The Worldwide Leader in Things That Were Interesting Six Months After They Talk About Them puts Wandy down as the point where starters go from good to not good. The Wandemarcation line, to make their shizz more clever. The Equatoriguez. The Berlin Wandy. If Wandy’s your cutoff for good and not good, you’re in a Throwback to 2011 league. 2013 Projections: 11-13/3.98/1.30/132
98. Derek Holland – I could’ve also named this tier, “I could see ESPN ranking these guys much higher.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with these guys (other than their collective ERA is over 4.) There’s also not a whole lot right with them, either. One of these guys who we know exactly what to expect from will yell, “Liar!” and prove us all wrong, then for the next three months you will wait for his ERA to catch up to his xFIP and for the other shoe to drop. 2013 Projections: 13-11/4.10/1.27/150
99. Wei-Yin Chen – Now, none of this is to say I won’t pick up one of the guys in this tier if they do well out of the gate. I’m just not wasting a draft pick on any of them. Here’s a scenario. You draft Chen instead of Bundy because you know the O’s won’t put Bundy in the starting rotation to start the year and you don’t want to clog up a spot. Well, the O’s surprise the world and insert Bundy into the rotation. Try prying Bundy from his owner’s hands by trading him Wei-Yin. How about No-Wei-Jose? 2013 Projections: 10-12/4.17/1.29/148
100. Justin Masterson – He was an extreme homeschooler last year with a 3.62 ERA in Progressive vs. 6.40 ERA elsewhere. If only the people who lived in Cleveland enjoyed being home that much. 2013 Projections: 9-10/3.90/1.36/162
After the top 100 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball there’s a lot of names, but here’s some more:
Jason Vargas – Here’s what I said this offseason about Vargas, “Traded to the Angels. What’s the thanks the Mariners get for raising Jason Vargas? Some indie film cred from the Hispanic community. It’s not enough. They put him on the map. Now, he’s got big city pressure (not really; it’s Anaheim, people) and he’s no longer in the pitcher friendly confines of Safeco. His numbers at the Big A over his career aren’t bad (2.27 ERA, 1.09 WHIP, 6.8 K/9), but last year his total away numbers were 4.78 ERA, 1.31 WHIP and a 5.5 K/9. I tend to believe the latter numbers more, if by latter I mean last year’s away ERA, et al (not the Israeli airline). He’ll mean more to the Angels, than he will for fantasy, except in favorable matchups.” And that’s me quoting me! 2013 Projections: 13-9/4.22/1.30/129
Ross Detwiler – I wouldn’t be surprised to see Detwiler end up in the bullpen at some point, and he’s beholden to BABIP because he throws so many ground balls. If his grounders miss gloves, Detwiler is unownable. Also, the Nats will be contending this year (weird!) and won’t have time to let Detwiler figure things out. 2013 Projections: 12-9/4.09/1.30/118
Ricky Nolasco – I have a tattoo on my torso that says, “Ricky Nolasco used to be good.” If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t remember it either. 2013 Projections: 10-11/4.33/1.34/133
Clay Buchholz – Here’s why I don’t love Cueto or Hellickson. For two years, Buchholz proved everyone wrong by outperforming his xFIP, by almost two runs at one point. Then last year, the balls no longer were bouncing right, which is also a common complaint for a klutzy prostitute. 2013 Projections: 12-8/4.02/1.31/138
Aaron Harang – Will probably split time with Chris Capuano or Ted Lilly. If the Dodgers were smart, they’d let Capuano start the year because his 1st half ERA is more than a run better than his 2nd half ERA. FWIWuertz, Harang has around a 3.60 ERA in his last 350 innings. That wasn’t in one game. Dusty Baker, “I tried!” 2013 Projections: 9-8/3.95/1.39/115 in 155 innings.
Ubaldo Jimenez – In three years his fastball velocity has dropped from 96 MPH to 92 MPH. By 2017, he’s gonna be throwing eephus pitches. That’s Ulobo to you. 2013 Projections: 10-14/4.42/1.45/140
Ricky Romero – The obvious question for Romero is can he bounce back? The easy answer is: maybe. The complicated answer is: he won’t be as bad as he was last year. No one can be and stay in the major leagues for very long. If he’s that bad again in April and May, he’ll be demoted. As I said going into last year, he wasn’t as good as he showed in 2011. Well, he wasn’t as bad in 2012. But there’s some serious issues. He had the worst walk rate in the major leagues last year. He stopped throwing his fastball and reverted to throwing nothing but cutters and curves. Now whether that was because of an injury, I don’t know. He did have elbow surgery in October. This was relatively minor elbow surgery, if any elbow surgery can be for a pitcher. Since his pitch selection so dramatically changed in 2012, it would make sense that it was due to a hidden injury that might be fixed now. I’m just not risking it coming out of a draft. If he’s on waivers in mid-April after a decent start or two, maybe I’ll grab him. 2013 Projections: 13-11/4.27/1.35/146
Jaime Garcia – Was shut down twice last year with shoulder issues, and chose not to have surgery. Garcia isn’t planning on being on the DL as of right now. By the time you finish this sentence, he could be. Or now… Now? How about… Now? There he goes. 2013 Projections: 5-8/4.07/1.38/90
Paul Maholm – Last year, he threw 500+ more pitches than the year before and thirty percent of those pitches were sliders. Here’s to Maholm ending up on Rudy’s risky pitcher post! 2013 Projections: 9-8/4.17/1.35/115
Henderson Alvarez – You might think you’re outsmarting everyone by drafting one of the guys in this tier, but you’re only outsmarting yourself. Holding these guys on your team coming out of the draft ends up just clogging your lineup so you can’t pick up a hot hitter in the spring or a guy that surprises by getting a starting job. You need a scenario? Okay, here ya go, “Grey, you magnificent mustachioed bastard! Dee Gordon was just traded to the Padres… Is he worth a pick up or should I hold Henderson Alvarez? I really like Alvarez on the Marlins, though I know you weren’t excited about him– Forget it, while I was writing that Gordon was picked up by someone else. Eh, Gordon will probably only steal 75 bases with a full time job. I still got Henderson Alvarez who had a 3+ K-rate last year.” 2013 Projections: 7-12/4.30/1.40/90
John Danks – I could’ve just as easily listed Edinson “Strikes, What Strikes?” Volquez, Brett “Strikes? I Haven’t Hit Anyone In A While” Myers, Andy “I Will Play Long Enough For This Whole Steroids Issue To Blow Over” Pettitte, Jeff “Niemann!” Niemann, Ervin “Not Magic” Santana, Bruce “Not Joyce” Chen, Joe “Is Joe” Blanton, Bronson “I Make My Fastball Work By Throwing A 45 MPH Changeup” Arroyo, Barry “You Call That A Changeup, Arroyo, Looks Like A Fastball To Me” Zito, Mark “Once A Year I Throw A Gem” Buehrle, All Rockies Starters Will Be Limited To 90-100 Pitches, All Hodgepadres, Gavin “MacLeod” Floyd or I could’ve listed any other veteran pitcher here, and I kinda just did. 2013 Projections: 11-9/3.97/1.33/140
