Did you guys seriously think I was doing a theme based on the 1980 classic film 9 to 5? Now don’t get me wrong, I have seen that movie more times than I care to admit. Working for Grey is like working for Dabney Coleman in the movie. Damn, I miss Dabney, always enjoyed his work (here is my top five movies of his in no particular order: 1,2,3,4,5). I’m not even going to go down how the other writers fit into that cast. Okay, twist my arm why don’t you… if I must, Tehol is Dolly Parton for obvious reasons, Sky is Lily Tomlin with that big brain of his and I’m Jane Fonda. Wait, no, I mean Jay is Jane, Fonda because he has silky smooth skin. [Jay’s Note: I do.] I’ll be Margaret, the drunk wise cracker. Hey, I can’t be doing this, I said I wouldn’t I have some update issues to discuss. You have to excuse the mess above, I get sidetracked more than a meth head with ADHD. This week we won’t be having the weekly leaders due to some computer issues. I apologize for that, and hopefully they will return next week. If you had a good week, then please share in the comments… or if you’re SteveNZ, share if you had a bad week. That guy is always having a bad week. Instead of the weekly leaders, I’ll be highlighting the category counting stats leaders for the first third of the season, as I feel a need to show love to more people. My therapist says its good for my anger issues. That guy is a pain in my ass.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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I hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day filled with fun, booze, and fire. And if you used your booze to start that fire then you get bonus points. Fireball! Damn I loved that movie growing up, it taught me so much about life. Funny story, my mom took my brother, his friend, and I to see that in the theater not noticing it was rated R, but even when she figured it out let us stay and watch anyway. In hindsight, probably not the best idea when my eight and nine-year-old self would repetitively repeat “thats my pie!” and “we got bush!” at all the wrong times. Before I move on, I have to share one of my favorite scenes. Okay, enough screwing around. This week, we get the usual suspects (weekly leaders and top-10), plus the return of the top-5 trades according to me, because I write this and get carte blanche on that content. *Does Poindexter dance.*

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You might be wondering what’s with the title, and to be honest, I thought it was kinda catchy. Okay, I get it, I have too much time on my hands, and no time isn’t the name of the lotion I use. Love’s 7 and 7 is is one of my favorite precursors of punk rock songs. I have read oral histories on the subject and this song comes up as a big influence. It’s always interesting to see where something we love comes from. Groups like the Seeds, the 13th Floor Elevators, the MC5 and the Blue Magoos all laid down the tunes that influenced a great genre of music. You might be saying to yourself: What the hell does this have to do with the RCL update? Well, it’s me telling you that you need to study this format (and those playing it) at a high level. I’m hoping you try and organize strong leagues among fellow commenters next year that take on the RCL strategies. It’s what I did and I have never had as much fun playing fantasy baseball. This week, I have the usual suspects in here… weekly leaders, top ten, team profile and a new edition, the league ranks. These high index leagues at the bottom of the post are about as punk rock as they come when shattering the glass walls of the fantasy leisure suits. Playing in them is a proverbial mosh pit of action that will leave you with black eyes and bloody knuckles. It’s like dating a Salvadorian girl!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

How do I follow up my Cinco de Mayo intro this past week? There is no Doce de Mayo holiday, even though it has a catchy ring to it. So if I can’t play the Mexican card, then what am I to do? I know, I can talk about you… no-no-no, I already do that for most of this post. Too much you and not enough me makes Jack a dull boy. There is nothing worse than reading me wrestle my personalities in print, I mean, that’s what I have a therapist for. Blah, I’m stumped, the only thing I’ve had going on was watching Daredevil on Netflix. It was required, or at least I think it was, by our fantasy master lothario, and let me tell you, it’s friggin awesome. Dark and violent? Yes, thank you, and please give me some more. Seriously though, go watch it and then come back and let’s talk. Okay, enough of that rambling, let me get back to you guys… and girls. We having fun yet? The RCL’s are starting to hit their stride, and if you are failing, it might be time to cut bait on a few lost souls. You still have lots of time to make up ground, but if they are showing no signs of life or are easily replaceable then I would do it. Elvis Andrus comes to mind, he is more frustrating than dating a girl with a chastity belt. He might be super relevant later but every day that he takes you farther down is another day you could be batty calling his spot til something sticks. Before I move on I have one last thing. Have any of you ever taken a massive one day nose dive in the standings, like 8 points bad, that allows some a**hole below you to jump into first place? This can also apply to the RCL’s and the Master Standings too. Well that happened to a friend of mine and I guess this a**hole had to go and bring it up in front of everyone like the d**k he is. Wait, can I type d**k? Anythehoo, we should have a glossary term for when your team takes a massive one day fall in the standings. Please leave your suggestions in the comments.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Through the first month of the first year of our new dynasty league here at Razzball, team Hannibal Montana (owned by commenter Csifu) has jumped out to an early lead. Thanks in part to a ridiculously good 2.22 team ERA and top 5 performances in all but two of our ten categories, Csifu is sitting on 132.5 points in the early going. Razzball’s own JFOH (119.5) is hot on his tail, with Ra’zbahl Al Ghul (113) rounding out the top three. It’s a 16-team, 40-man roster dynasty league with weekly FAAB pickups and no restrictions on how long players can be kept (we keep 30). I love this format, and the league has been active in both trades and pickups. Considering how many players were owned coming out of our 40-round draft, there has been a lot of activity on the waiver wire. Here’s a peek at our league’s standings, as well as the trades and major free agent acquisitions that have gone down so far…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Since today is Cinco de Mayo and I am the resident Mexican-ish guy here at Razzball, I wanted to pay tribute to the late Chespirito. The Bumblebee Man character from the Simpsons was based off him, and since I assume most of you can relate to the cartoon I figured the GIF above would be more relatable. Enjoy your pistos today and give cheers to Chespirito! Now, lets get back to the only Razzball post where you can see your team or league listed in a post. Who got the props? We got the props… for you. I love this part of the site, because for those that don’t know, I was once a commenter and got pegged by the Sky to be a contributor. I would say a writer, but anyone who reads my drivel knows that’s debatable… oooh, self burn.  It’s crazy to think it was just March, I sat around waiting like a kid for Christmas, and now I can’t wait to get into June. That’s when the regression fairies should wake up and the rust bunnies should fall off. Hey don’t get mad at me, that’s the way it works most the time, but when they break out, oh I can dig it. With April in the rearview, we have arrived at the month of May, as in May I please have my stats back? Did you catch all the hip-hop tracks in there? It’s why I do the links. Click it, go ahead, you know you want to. I gotta get mine!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back my friends and opponents to the best RCL coverage on the net… hey, wait, didn’t I say that last week? Get some new tricks J-FOH! Oh hi there Sky, how did you get into my post? I don’t appreciate you telling everyone that I’ll be jumping out of a cake. You know I hate cake and consider myself a pie guy. Sorry, but I thought the pie trick would be messy. Would you prefer if I have you jump out of an over-sized keg? Perfect, as long as it’s half full, now carry on. [Jay’s Note: I’m pretty sure he would demand that it be a fad microbrew instead…] Thanks for coming in Sky. Okay, now back to where I talk about you readers. It’s still early and it looks like some of you are going into panic mode and that’s one reason why I’ll be highlighting some trades that have gone down this past week that show how hard people are reaching… (these views and opinions do not reflect Grey Albright Inc./Razzball and any affiliates and/or subsidiaries). Not all of them are reaches, but I wouldn’t make some of these trades. I hope some of the traders read this and come in and talk about those deals. As usual, we have the leaders of the week, the leaders of the pack (the top-10) and a new twist on an old staple where I highlight a random league for the whole world to see. You better put your pants because you never know when I will be popping in to take a snap shot. Oh, who am I kidding, who wears pants when they play fantasy baseball? I literally wear the same basketball shorts and sleeveless shirt all season. I wash it during the all-star break.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back to the best coverage of reader-sponsored leagues on the net. Seriously, do any other sites devote this much time and analysis to commenter-sponsored leagues? Do any other sites answer the quantity of questions like we do? Here we are, two weeks in, and we have our first master standings to peep at, gloat about, and use to either hate or love ourselves. Who am I kidding… we play fantasy baseball, we all hate ourselves to some degree. If you don’t, then play tougher opponents. I’m known as a hater in here, and this is true, but I’m also good at giving out love when love is due. It’s the duality of J-FOH. All I ask is don’t mind the hate, just stick it out with me til the end. This week, I get to sprinkle love on or first overall top-10, weekly leaders, and the mustached master of disaster as he takes over first in the RCL ‘Perts league. It’s Grey Day! As a bonus, Rudy dropped me a cut a paste portion of the update, breaking down the new scoring system for this year. Enough of me yammering, lets get to the meat and potatoes of this…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back to the most important Razzball Commenter Leagues post you will read all week. Okay, well, it’s the only one, but lets not split hairs. Speaking of splitting hairs, I really need a haircut and a beard trim. I look like a hippy. Which reminds me of a movie I watched the other day after another fantasy related bout of insomnia. Back in the 90’s, we had a lot of good low budget flicks to entertain us while we waited for the internet to get better. PCU was one of my favorites from this genre that still to this day holds up with its commentary on the ridiculousness of higher education, why you shouldn’t get high and go out in public and of course the concept of don’t be that guy. [Jay’s Note: Swingers is better.] Oh the good times we had on couches with cheap pizza and malt liquor. Now, you might be wondering what this movie has to do with the RCL’s and you are right in asking, so I’ll tell you. Nothing, I’m just distracting you because it’s still too early for the master standings. I’m sorry guys and four girl readers. We will have to wait until next week to premier the official standings. Until then, assume you are in first overall if you are in first place in your league. We cool? Alright then let’s move on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wow, what an amazing opening day. I thought I fell asleep in my DeLorean and went back to the juiced up era. And by juiced up I mean the players and/or ball. Am I the only one (I know I’m not) who thinks that blaming the players bad habits was just a smokescreen for the other culprits in the heist of our game? It was also the owners and their puppet Mr. Selig, the GM’s and the players association. Now don’t get me wrong, the players were dirty and deserve everything, they are getting but why not the rest of the guilty? Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox, I got laundry to do. If you didn’t get a dong on opening day this year, then your team is terrible and you will lose. I kidd, I kidd. This feels like when I was growing up and if you were the last one to get garbage pail kids cards or acid washed jeans, then you were lame. This week there are no master standings since the season is only two days old, so just assume you are tied for first and sleep well til next week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?