Jam it or Cram it: Lounge Against the Machine

August 25, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 54 Comments

Welcome into the Razzball Lounge, fantasy freaks. Here in the lounge we celebrated Razzball scribes like to kick back, relax, sketch Grey’s mustache, debate Yasiel Puig and lament our fantasy baseball failures over a couple of scotch and sodas as we prepare for some football drafting here. What do you mean it’s too early for scotch? It’s 11 in the morning, Guru. Well, get me a Pop-Tart with it. On this lazy Sunday in the lounge we find Sky in a dark corner trying to decide where to rank Bilal Powell, “Isn’t baseball season over yet? How many games do they play, like a 100?” Dropping his quarters into the jukebox is our resident bear or bull, JayWrong, “You guys should really pick up Jhoulys Chacin. Mind if I play Elvis Costello again?” *bottle smashes above head* Bellying up to the bar is our Podcast host and resident Canadian arguing with the bartender, “Whaddya mean you don’t have Labatts? How am I gonna wash down this pickled egg, eh?” Meanwhile, in the ladies room we find the one and only Tehol mid fondle with a handsome honey he’ll soon discover has an Adam’s apple, “Uh, guys? GUUYYSS?!” And here at the pool table is your humble and almost as manly Guru preparing a list of ballers that are going to deliver you a fantasy baseball championship. *closes eye, takes aim, sinks eight ball in corner pocket, downs scotch* What are we doing here again? Oh yeah, it’s time to jam it or cram it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

#	MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/11
	ARI \| ATH \| BOS \| CHW \| CIN \| COL \| DET \| HOU \| KC \| LAA \| LAD \| MIL \| MIN \| NYY \| PHI \| PIT \| SD \| SF \| STL \| TB \| TEX \| WSH \| ATL \| BAL \| CHC \| CLE \| MIA \| NYM \| OAK \| SEA \| TOR

Creeper Of The Week: Rejoice In Re-Morse

August 25, 2013 | Creeper of the Week | 41 Comments

by: Sky

Greetings and good cheer, my fellow Razzballians (which sounds like a portmanteau of ‘Razzball Aliens’ but I swear it’s not; the status of your US green card is not knowledge we currently own. Note the word ‘currently’.) and welcome to the end of days. See how if you say it nicely how well it goes over? ‘Huzzah my good and lovely wife of 15 years, I’m here to divorce you!’. Try it, it might work out to where you don’t have to give up 50% of your Furby collection. Hrm, maybe I shouldn’t hand out life advice and stick to fantasy baseball…anywho, our season is winding down and it gets harder and harder to find a good bat on waivers. Trust me I know. If I hadn’t seen some hope for Michael Morse this week, you might’ve been hearing about Bogusevic here. We’re scraping the bottom of the barrel full of monkeys at this point and if you’ve ever cleaned one of those barrels out, you know what the bottom is full of. You haven’t and you don’t, you say? You don’t get the implication, you dully respond? I’m talking about fecal matter here, people, of the primate variety or ‘monkey poo’ if you need it in layman’s terms. By the end of the year, you’re trying to justify any and all pickups since most ownable players are already on teams and the rosters haven’t expanded for some September rookie upside plays yet. So without further ado, let’s discuss the monkey poo that that is Morse for 2013 Fantasy baseball…oops, my boss over at Razzball Football is telling me something via my bluetooth (hint: I am my own boss over there…so yeah, I’m basically talking to myself in this made up scenario). It seems that some of you do play Fantasy Football and for those that do, you can join a Razzball Commenter Leagues for football just like you did for baseball. There’s all the same things you’d expect to find on the baseball side. Good league mates, a grand prize, an image of Grey lying naked on a Polar Bearskin rug with a meerschaum pipe. So hop over there, create/join a league, then hop back over here to finish the story of my great Re-Morse…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Minor Accomplishments: Week 21

August 25, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 29 Comments

by: Scott Evans

Back in May, I wrote a Courtney Hawkins fantasy. You can read it here. At that point in time, Hawkins was at High-A Winston Salem knocking homers at a good rate, but he was struggling to make contact, striking out more than 50% of the time he stepped to the plate. Near the end of the writeup, I said this: “The Sox must be thrilled with the huge power Hawkins is showing, but if the K’s continue at this rate, they’ll need to consider bumping him down the ladder to a level where he can more easily focus on approach and pitch recognition. There’s plenty of time for him to improve in that regard, and for fantasy baseball purposes, I truly hope he doesn’t go the way of the Donkey. Either way, though, he’s a fascinating dude to follow.” So here’s our Courtney Hawkins update, almost four months later: .182/.252/.407, 19 HR, 9 SB, 38% K-rate in 95 games at High-A. In other words, the whiffs continued, and the White Sox never demoted him. Hawkins is an extraordinary athlete with enormous upside, and I rarely am one to question a team’s development strategy, but it bothers me that the Sox have allowed their 19-year-old prized prospect to struggle so severely all season long. He won’t be ready for Double-A next spring, and I’m beginning to worry that this 1st rounder might never realize his potential.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You’re Coming With Me Cain

August 24, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 46 Comments

by: Jay

Sean Connery enjoyed the landing of B-Weezy.

So it’s official. Just in time for your playoffs or late-season run for a title, Matt Cain has joined Jason Heyward and Rafael Betancourt, all recent casualties, on the DL. Even though the X-ray’s came back negative after Cain got hit by a line-drive on Thursday, Bruce Bochy said it was too soon to say whether or not he would make his next start. A mere seven hours later, which I guess was not too soon anymore, it was decided that Cain would not only miss his next start, but at least three. You’d figure with such a big head, Bochy would have a better grasp of time. And, you know, bullpen usage. Granted, this season wasn’t shaping up to be Cain’s finest and was pretty up-and-down (more down) in general. But his second-half ERA of 2.84 and improved walk rate were representing an expected regression. So the timing couldn’t be worse, especially since the Giants are not postseason bound and really have no reason to rush a recovery. Relevant. Here’s what else I noticed yesterday…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Two-Startapalooza — Week 22

August 24, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 56 Comments

by: Scott Evans

Instead of relegating him to bullpen duties, the Cardinals have opted to send Jake Westbrook to the disgraceful list. In a corresponding move, they’ve called up Carlos Martinez from Triple-A. As of the time of this writing there’s been no official word, but it appears likely that Martinez will claim Westbrook’s spot in the starting rotation. That’d make C-Mart the probable starter for Monday, putting him in line for two starts next week. If you’ve been paying attention, you know that I’ve not been shy about my unhealthy adoration for Martinez. The 21-year-old is flat out filthy — 4-seamers at 98; 2-seamers with unreal sink at 96; deceptive change in the mid-80s. If he can shore up his location, he brings as much K-potential as any pitcher in baseball, and that’s not hyperbole. I listed Martinez as a first tier guy below, even considering the tough match-ups. If you have a chance to watch him pitch next week, please do. It’s truly something to behold. The rest of your two-starters are below.

As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Call The Money Store To Buy Scooter

August 23, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 722 Comments

by: Grey

Because we don’t like to leave anyone out here (yeah, right; I don’t think 80% of the words I use would be made up if I wasn’t trying to exclude anyone. I’m sure everyone that stumbles on the site is like, “Oh, yeah, he’s a SAGNOF hot schmotato that was pulling a Kotchman with The Concusstador.”), the title is referring to Phil Rizzuto commercials from the 80’s. I don’t like to point out where anything comes from, to be honest, but Rudy thought it was necessary for non-NY’ers. I do like pointing out how I don’t like pointing anything out, is that too meta for you? So, with that aside, um, aside, Scooter Gennett is calling a black man White and holy cow he’s hot (hitting near .375 in the last week and over .400 in August with 3 homers). You know what Scooter is doing? He’s playing hard in the dog days of the summer to prove he should have the starting job next year. From a fantasy perspective, I love that. If you can have a whole fantasy team of guys playing for a job, and playing well, you’ll be okay during this time of year. Gennett also has some speed in his gams and won’t hurt you on average. If you have a trouble area in the middle infield, I’d absolutely look at him. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Commerce Comet

August 23, 2013 | Y to Z | 21 Comments

by: Paulie Allnuts

In 1948, Yankee Scout Tommy Greenwade had taken a trip to Kansas to see a prospect named Billy Johnson who played for a semi-professional team named the Baxter Springs Whiz Kids. During the game, a young, strapping 16 year old boy named Mickey Mantle walloped three long home runs. The next year Greenwade returned, and when he left town, Mantle had signed his first contract to play for the New York Yankees.

“He’s the best prospect I’ve ever seen.” – Branch Rickey

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Beachy Has Freezer Burn

August 23, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 206 Comments

by: Grey

First Heyward, and now Brandon Beachy is headed to see Dr. Freeze. This is the worst back-to-back days in Atlanta since Sherman burnt Atlanta and then Home Depot decided to push back their grand opening by 100 years. If the Braves keep going like this, TBS might have to show repeats of The George Lopez Show. NOOOOOOOO!!! The caps were for emphasis, you know, in case it was lost on anyone. The last pitcher to see Dr. James Andrews and pitch again within 6 months was Lee Majors during a Battle of the Network Stars tourney, but he was bionic. I’d put five internet dollars on Beachy missing the season, but I’d hold him for now. This would obviously clear up the confusion in the rotation between Alex Wood, Paul Maholm and Kris Medlen. Or Alis Moodlen, for short, though that sounds like a guitarist for Deep Purple. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bullpen Report

August 22, 2013 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 22 Comments

by: Smokey

Winning is defined differently through the annuls of our time. I mean Chuck Sheen uses it because winning is banging a gaggle of porn stars. Winning in fantasy baseball is fake, but it really isn’t. It’s getting with the trends and knowing when to throw out your IOU sweatshirts because Champion ones are cool now. Winning NSVH and straight holds leagues is no different. Follow winning trends. Look at the schedule, who plays Miami or Houston. What bullpens have been cold blooded, or just be lazy and ask me. I have useless amounts of brain… wait check that. I have a dwindling amount of brain cells at your disposal. So go with the trends of who is garnering holds, and don’t be afraid to add/drop a ton, they are only RP, a new one comes up every other week that gets 3-4 holds in a week then fades into the blue like the end of “Shane”. So enjoy the week to come and good luck.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pitcher Keepers: Eggs Holland-aise with a Side of Sanchez, Mmm…

August 22, 2013 | fantasy baseball keepers | 21 Comments

by: Terse

I hallucinated on Sunday night, and it was really disturbing. You see, the night before was the final night of my trip to the Jersey Shore — one filled with trash of all kinds — on which I can confidently say I imbibed too much low-shelf vodka. I danced with cougars, saw a guy with a mustache, asked if he was Grey, got looked at weird, continued to dance with cougars, got sick, got unsick, had more cougars, and eventually found my way back to my trashy motel. And no, I didn’t wake up with a cougar, but saw the guy with the mustache leave with all six of them. After a nauseating 5-hour ride home earlier in the day, I sat down on my fluffy couch and flipped on ESPN for the Sox/Yanks game. What I hallucinated was a bit odd and was very confusing: I envisioned a guy who isn’t supposed to be playing and who is at war with his team and management get trotted out onto the field to help his team while simultaneously warring with his team, get hit by a pitch, get defended by one of the guys whom he’s at war with, get booed, then cheered, then hit a redemption homer off the pitcher who wasn’t thrown out of the game despite clearly pegging four straight pitches at a player. I saw a manager who never flips out flip out and get ejected while defending a player whom he wishes wasn’t on his team in the first place, yet who he plays everyday. I saw the Yankees beat the Red Sox, and saw Mariano Rivera get hit hard for the hundredth consecutive time. And this wasn’t the first time I’ve felt this confused.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So That’s Why Jason Wore A Mask

August 22, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 628 Comments

by: Grey

All the time in Los Angeles I’ll see older women who have had way too much plastic surgery. Trying to hold on to their youth. It’s sad. It’s a never-ending cycle too. One older woman gets her face done, then her friends are pressured to do the same. But never, and I mean never, have I seen someone get plastic surgery then try to rearrange someone else’s face. Yesterday, was the first time I’ve seen it as past nose job recipient (Niese) tried to fix up Jason Heyward‘s schnoz. Jon Niese is a danger to himself and others. What if your proboscis is walking along the street and you run into Niese? If he doesn’t feel it’s worthy of his new nasal perfection, he will punch you in the face. God forbid he ever runs into Barbara Streisand. Heyward ducked at the last second and took the brunt of the pitch off the ear flap and jaw, but he’s still gonna be out for the better part of the season, maybe returning for the last week to tune up for the playoffs. Not your H2H playoffs, the Braves playoffs. In his stead, B.J. Upton, Jordan Schafer and Evan Gattis. Because they’ll all be sharing time, it’s hard to say there’s one guy that gets a boost in value. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bear or Bull: Much To My Chacin

August 21, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 21 Comments

by: Jay

For the most part, there is general theme that I try to cover in this series. Usually, I like to concentrate on the heavily owned guys, say, in the top-100. And within that 100-or-so range, I try to focus on ones that scare the shittake mushroom out of us. Or, players who show us something that is unexpected. A new skill or the deterioration of production are prodded, shaken (not stirred) until we find a suitable conclusion. This is what I do. And while Jhoulys Chacin definitely does not fit the former of what I cover, he does fit the latter quite well. And while he won’t get confused as a player in the top-100, there was a time and a place not too long ago when he was considered a guy with potential, and a pitcher, who, if everything came together, could be a lot more. Plus, you know, this is my series, I do what I want.

Please, blog, may I have some more?