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I had it all setup, I was going to come on here and advocate you buying my favorite breakout player of 2014, Dallas Keuchel. I compared him to my favorite 90s wrestler Diamond Dallas Page. I even nicknamed Keuchel’s slider the diamondcutter after Page’s famous finishing move. There were fireworks, boobs, and jokes about the Mariners inability to hit lefties. I even fit in a jab at Teen Mom turned Pornstar Farrah Abraham’s lack of understanding of Memorial Day. Well I guess I still got that! Then Bo Porter decided sometime between my bedtime and wakeup that he was going to push back my Southpaw Sweetheart. Well that’s fine Bo Porter, I already thought you were a dink. In fact if I ever see you in person, I’m going to walk by you, wait until you are a safe distance away, and then say terrible things and run.

I all seriousness I can’t blame you for this move Keuchel did throw 128 pitches on Monday. So it makes sense. Well anyway I’ll just move on to another one of my favorite Aces in the making in Corey Kluber. His Manager is Terry Francona and he and I have an understanding because we both resemble personified turtles. He’d never do this to me!

Starting Kluber today will take some balls. He’s going against the Orioles who have been scoring runs in bunches the last week or so. Maybe we’ll get lucky and Chris Davis won’t play to be with his wife, who’s scheduled to give birth tomorrow. Even if Davis is in the lineup fear not; Corey K’s is getting to the point of being matchup proof. With a K rate of 10.13 and a walk rate of 2.06 on the season he’s pitching like an ace. He get’s strikeouts in bunches and in his last 4 starts his k/9 is 12.4, that’s a number that’s tough to ignore. With a price of $10,300 he’s not cheap but well worth the coin.

Before we proceed any further with this madness, let me get in a quick shameless plug. Did you start the season with a roster than included Prince Fielder? Jose Fernandez? Did you not listen to Grey and drafted Matt Moore? Have you been in a coma and completely forgot to change your roster and Mike Moustakas is your 3rd baseman? Well, get on over to Draftkings, sign up, and let good old Doctor Lifshitz be your guide. Bonus! I don’t charge for prostate exams.

Ryan Vogelsong, SP: $8,500 – Vogelsong sort of came out of nowhere back in 2011 to post back to back useful fantasy seasons before falling off the map in 2013. Well Vogie is back in the building ladies and gents! Over his last 5 starts he’s been pretty darn good. Allowing 1 run or less in 4 out of the 5, while going 6 innings or more in each. Let’s also mention that the one rough start amongst the 5, May 13th against the Braves, he struck out 8 despite allowing 4 ERs. Which in Draftkings is still pretty damn useful.

Travis Wood, SP: $7,700 – Admittedly I’m not a Wood fan and certainly wouldn’t advocate drafting him in mixed re-draft leagues. But he gets the Padres today at Petco which is typically a reason to start any pitcher (Edwin Jackson be damned). The Padres went off on Jackson last night and I’m betting against that happening again. So grab some Wood and give it a tug!

Wilin Rosario, C: $3,700 – Simply, I like the price for one of the better offensive catchers in the game. He’s also got a homer off Mike Minor , and he’s gotten a hit in every game since coming off the DL.

Mark Teixeira, 1B: $4,800 – For you early birds that like to get in on the afternoon contests, I’m a big advocate of drafting Tex. He’s been surprisingly good this year with a .387 wOBA and 9 homers. He gets John Danks today who he’s hit at a .587 clip. Granted it’s been in a limited sample size of 12 at bats. The sample size might be small, but I wouldn’t be shocked to see the same solid results as the sample grows. There’s a joke here somewhere, I’m just not funny enough to write it.

James Loney, 1B: $3,400 – Geoffrey Giraffe’s doppelganger is pretty boring from a fantasy perspective. Unless you play in a league that deducts points for power. Fortunately for us daily players Loney is cheap and has a tasty matchup with Mr. Duckboat himself, Jake Peavy. Loney is 10/33 with 5 doubles and a couple of dongs off Peavy lifetime. Draft at will.

Hunter Pence, OF: $5,000 – Pence ain’t cheap but with good reason; he’s 10/32 lifetime with 4 bombs off Ricky Nolasco. I fully expect Hunter to put one or two into McCovey Cove. Who knows maybe he’ll plunk one of those d-bags in kayaks. I can dream, can’t I?

Pablo Sandoval, 3B: $4,000 – (Insert weight loss joke here) I figured I could try and make this like one of those Choose Your Own Adventure Books I liked so much as a young Lifshitz. Story is the same as above. Panda has killed Nolasco hitting .500 going 9/18 with 4 doubles and 3 HRs. Anyone who has a 1.772 OPS against an opposing pitcher can find his way into my lineup at any price. Sandoval at $4,000 is a relative steal.

Marlon Byrd, OF: $4,400 – He’s 12/24 off Dan Haren in his career with 7 XBH’s. Get your purple gear out cause the Byrd Gang is back.

Derek Dietrich, 2B: $3,900 – He’s been under the radar for the most part this year, but as the Guru mentioned earlier this week, his wOBA (.363) is better than a handful of better known fantasy commodities at 2b. In fact, only Utley’s and Dozier’s are better. Just check to make sure he’s in the lineup.

Yoenis Cespedes, OF: $4,300 – No data here, I like the player, I like the price. he’s 1/6 against Dickey lifetime but the A’s are hot and I could see Yoenis doing something useful.

Drew Stubbs, OF: $3,400 – Stubbs kills lefties and in 3 PAs against Minor he has 2 homers and a walk. The price is right, me thinks this is a steal.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Not much chance of rain across the board, the worst I see is 30% in Philly and NY. All games should be a go.

Doing Lines In Vegas

Brewers at Marlins – 7.5, +101 – I like the Marlins and the over. The Marlins are good at home and I think 8 total runs is reachable in this game.

Indians at Orioles – 8.5, +104  – In a game that features two of the hotter offenses in the league I’m checking on a few things. Number 1, Chris Davis availability. His wife is scheduled to be induced this weekend and number 2, Manny Machado‘s availability. If neither of them play, I’ll take the Indians and the under. If they both play or Davis just plays, I’ll take The Tribe and the over.

Oakland at Toronto – 9, -110 – In the game I’m most looking forward to on Saturday. We see two of the hottest teams in the American League going head to head. Even though the pitching matchup is good I like the A’s and the over.

Challenge me on DraftKings at PuigRoast and follow me on Twitter @ralphlifshitzbb

  1. J-FOH says:

    I just passed a tumbleweed up in here. So did you like the swordfight last night….I guess I have the extra inch

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:

      @J-FOH: Hahaha, I know I guess everyone is on vacation…..I hope! I think I set a new record for comments.
      Yeah it was a solid sword fight came down to the last minute and I just lost. I can only imagine what kind of points you would have put up had you drafted anybody but Jackson. We knew he had to fall apart eventually.

      • J-FOH says:

        @Ralph Lifshitz: I won money in all 5 of my contests yesterday. $40 total

        • Grey

          Grey says:

          How’d you end up doing yesterday?

          • Ralph Lifshitz

            Ralph Lifshitz says:

            @Grey: Looks like you Jackson didn’t hurt you too much at all. $40 is a good take.

            I’ve cashed in 4 of the last 5 days. Did real well yesterday afternoon and won a couple of bucks last night. I nailed my pitching the last few days.

            • Grey

              Grey says:

              Nicely done!

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