We’ve now officially reached the second-half of the baseball season, even though we officially reached that mark more than two weeks ago, according to the math. But since I get along with numbers about as well as I get along with asparagus, we apparently have two official second-half beginning points. I mean, we could have 80, but why? So yeah, the All Star break is now behind us, and we can now begin to get an idea if our teams have what it takes to either win a championship or, you know, not win a championship. And I know the general feeling around this time if your team is in the bottom-half of the standings is to throw in the towel. But you should try to fight that urge. Remember, there is still enough time to make a difference. How do I know that? Because it took all this time for you to get to arrive at this crucial juncture. And by that logic, there is an equal amount of time (sans two weeks) where anything can happen. Murphy’s Law yo. Your team could go on a tear while teams ahead of you collapse… things like this happen all the time, 50% of the time, some of the times.

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Be that lawnmower people. Be the hope. Be the dream. Never give up, never surrender. Or, you know, just start your fantasy football research by heading on over to Football.Razzball.com. That works too.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All-Duds… sounds like a candy. But, if we are taking it literally, it would be candy flavored as poop. Or, actually, now that I think of it, it would be flavored as duds. Which might taste like poop, but I’ve tasted neither, so I cannot deny, nor confirm the flavor. So yeah, that’s right, we’re here at the All-Star break, an event which has actual real-world MLB ramifications, yet is regarded like a Bono press event by fans and players alike. Thanks Bud Selig! What’s the cure in our RCL corner? As I might have alluded to it with my candy-poop, (call me, ladies), I hereby refuse your All-Stars. I don’t want them, I don’t need them, and since I’m already knee-deep in the fantasy football warm-up (clutch link drop right there), I honestly have no idea who the All-Stars are. But this would be true of any season, seeing as how I care as much about the game as I care about my asparagus intake. Which is to say, not at all. So let’s have fun, and make an All-Duds team… a team, dare I say, full of poop…

Note: In a perfect world, I would tally a vote for this, then again, in a perfect world, I would be the one and only ruler of all that I see before me… which, if we’re still being literal, would be my basement. And I may have just stolen a quote from The Lion King. Anyhow, I chose these playerss using the arbitrary criteria of having at least 250 PA’s / 100 IP for SP / 28 IP for RP, and sucking every single orifice around them. Like your mom. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Note: If you play fantasy football, our rankings are being released as we speak. Well, not really as we speak, as I’m typing. But you get the point. Not really the point of a spear, this isn’t Game of Thrones. But you get the idea. Unless it’s running. Okay, I’m just going to stop now.

After witnessing the death of Edwin Encarnacion’s hamstring this past weekend, my first reaction was this:

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And then my next most immediate reaction was this:

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While this is what I usually call Friday night, I’d be lying if I said this didn’t hurt. I essentially own E5 on 170% of the 13-15 teams I have this year. Just forget about those numbers for a second, since they make no sense. The only number that matters is one. And that’s the loneliest number. Coincidentally, that’s also how many operational hamstrings Encarnacion has at the moment. Fast-forward to yesterday, the news obviously wasn’t as horrific as the actual injury looked, and at an optimistic four week time-table, it shouldn’t be a season-killer. But why did it have to happen in the first place, is what I want know. Haven’t we already had enough oblique and shoulder explosion this season? The entire MLB is committing seppuku this year, and there appears to be no end in sight. Anyways, let’s get to your RCL tidbits… mmmm, tidbits…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Note: If you play fantasy football, our rankings are being released as we speak. Well, not really as we speak, as I’m typing. But you get the point. Not really the point of a spear, this isn’t Game of Thrones. But you get the idea. Unless it’s running. Okay, I’m just going to stop now.

That’s right folks, today we (probably just me!) celebrate the 100th anniversary post that has been authored by yours truly. Well, technically, it’s my 144th post if you include our Football site, but I’d like to keep them separate, if only for the fact that I would have nothing to write about in this lede. I mean, who celebrates their 144th anniversary? Put your hand down Bartolo Colon. That being said, my goal here is not to draw attention to myself (I do that plenty elsewhere), but to reminisce on how fantastic it is to write for a brand that understands and supports poop jokes. (Also, how the heck has Grey and Rudy allowed me to write for so long?) And while the number “100” probably doesn’t hold any particular meaning in the grander scheme of things, except the zeroes looking like boobs, it does trigger some feels, ya know? I’m coming close (that’s what she never says) to the four year mark of being part of the site and the community, and I can’t imagine my daily grind without Razzball. Helping to provide the readership, (that’s you guys), an entertaining product, and to work with so many great contributors is a privilege and honor. And you should know that. So on this day of self-awesomeness (is that a thing?), I guess it’s nice that I’ve reached the 144 100th-post mark. But what’s better than that, is I’ve reached that mark with these group of fantastic people: Grey, Rudy, Nick, Smokey, Mike, Sky, Tom Jacks, JB Gilpin, Guru, Dan Pants, Tehol, Paulie, J-FOH, Dano, Pete, Schlurr, Jeremy, Seth, Chris, and Paul… you guys make it about the journey, not the destination. So thanks for that. Now, hurry up and get your post’s in so I can add an egregious amount of comma’s to them.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Note: If you play fantasy football, our rankings are being released as we speak. Well, not really as we speak, as I’m typing. But you get the point. Not really the point of a spear, this isn’t Game of Thrones. But you get the idea. Unless it’s running. Okay, I’m just going to stop now.

We are officially now somewhere near the half-way point of the baseball season. I say somewhere, because giving an accurate number would force me to do what the experts call “math”. That’s a NOPE if there ever was one. And while taking the time to open my calculator thingamajig in Windows, along with some sort of webpage that tells me how many games teams have played so far may seem so simple to you, well, I don’t really blame you. You probably think it’s just as simple and easy to hit on your mom. And that’s actually hard. I’m serious. Look at how the crotch of my jeans resembles a castle with a moat. It’s like a map of Italy making an emergency landing on an apple. I have no idea what is happening, and there’s no segue to put here… But let’s just say we got tools. Fantasy tools. And while most in the RCL Universe know what I’m talking about, maybe there are a few lost souls out there that have no idea how much the Razzball website can help you win your league. Or maybe there are a few readers out there who showed initiative, but a slow start dashed their motivation. Well, we still have another half ahead of us, so use Razzball to get yourself out of the ditch. Because what you’re doing in a ditch… I don’t know man. Why would anyone go into a ditch? Unless there’s a tornado, then studies show that your survivability rates are better in said ditch. So good job bro. Unless the ditch has a mountain lion. Then you dead son. Hey, am I too old to lay down a Ghost and the Darkness joke? Yeah. Way too f*cking old. Let’s just go over the tools… TO FANTASY SUCCESS! [Plays air guitar, eats a Cheeto].

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here at Razzball, we usually try to take the outlandish approach whenever possible. Quite frankly, I’m not sure what the alternative is. So when my favorite player of all-time sucumbs to cancer, I just simply have no idea how to react in this medium. Well, I do have one immediate reaction. Cancer… I’m gonna need you to drive over to my house and put your hands behind your back so I can punch you as hard as possible in the d*ck. But beyond that, what else is there to do? Yes, you’ll find many remembrances, comments, and stories about the life and times of Tony Gwynn (all done by much better writers than myself), but I feel like I have to try and briefly add my two cents to the conversation. Because I’m cheap and don’t have three cents.

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

So if you hadn’t noticed, Nelson Cruz has been occupying the top spot (until yesterday) on our Player Rater for quite a while now. For the season, he’s hitting .303/.374/.636 with 21 home runs, 42 runs, and 55 RBI’s. In other news, what is up is down, and I’ve already made an appointment with the Catholic church to seek what our options are for exorcism. Afterall, this isn’t the only strange thing happening in the year of the Tommy John, aka year of Closermageddon, aka year of the Nelson Cruz. I can only surmise that the fantasy baseball gods are trolling us. How do I know this for sure? Anyone see what Lonnie Chisenhall has done? I rest my case.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Looking for the Razzball Podcast? TOO BAD! It’s now Razzball Radio, and you can check out all the episodes here!

Welcome to another weekly recap of your Razzball Commenter Leagues. I’m Jay, your host. Also, I’m known as Admiral Obvious, since my intro basically promoted me from Captain. Questions remain though, like, for instance, what kind of hat should I wear? Also, do I still have a ship? Or is this, like, an armada situation? More ships the better, but then, wait, what about all the decisions after that? Do I want pirate ships? Or maybe aircraft carriers? Wait a sec… I should get a aircraft pirate carrier full of parrots, swashbucklers, rail-guns, and Somali’s. Wait, that doesn’t sound as cool as I thought it would. And I might have just described the plot of Captain Phillips. So yeah. What were we talking about again? Oh, right, RCL’s. Let’s just get to this week’s theme, and that’s trades. More specifically, this is pretty much a lede that allows me to talk about some of the interesting trade offers I’ve received in my 10 RCL’s. And apparently, also to talk about pirates on aircraft carriers. I love this job.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Looking for the Razzball Podcast? TOO BAD! It’s now Razzball Radio, and you can check out all the episodes here!

With only two (three if you are including the eventual death of Yordano Ventura‘s elbow) notable names going on the Disabled List this past week (Mike Napoli and Noah Syndergaard, who probably pulled something while pillaging a camp near the North Sea… HAHA Viking jokes, so good), things are looking a tad bit brighter. But not really, since there are still about 983 players currently on the DL according to my last count. Which seems low, but what do I know? Rudy does all my counting for me. And, as we took a moment this weekend, between relaxing and cooking stuff, to honor all the men and women, active, retired, and tragically lost while defending their county, in all the armed services, we should take a moment today to remember that Jose Fernandez is awesome. Prince Fielder, well, he’s fat. Matt Wieters‘ elbow just seems to be one angry effer. Kris Medlen is strikingly average, but some Patrick Corbin could have been nice. Special thanks to Bobby Parnell for the wake he’s left in New York. Jose Valverde… more like Jose LOLverde. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, which is probably the most apt metaphor ever. EVAAR. I mean, just check out my team’s start of the season, in picture form:

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So, after taking a moment yesterday to remember all of those brave souls that we’ve lost, and all those who have served and are serving now to preserve our way of life, let us take a moment today, Tuesday, to remember all the hamstrings that have been pulled, all the obliques that have exploded, and all the ulnar collateral ligament’s that have just simply dropped dead, and honor their sacrifice. How did I honor them, you might ask? By doing what I usually do when perusing my leagues available player list…

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My Fantasy Baseball brethen… 2014, the year of the DL… always remember.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Looking for the Razzball Podcast? TOO BAD! It’s now Razzball Radio, and you can check out all the episodes here!

Look, it’s not that I want to talk about all the injuries going on in baseball ad nauseum, but another baker’s dozen of arms, obliques, and ankles died this past week, and seemingly has turned everyone’s RCL team page into a mix of names, stats, and the color known as ‘Tears of Blood and Screams of Death’ red. My favorite Crayola color next to Razzmatazz. Both of which, coincidentally, only work when doing Jazz hands. Whatever that means. Listen, I’m not a god-fearing man, but I hope she’s hot when I’m finished reincarnating a couple times. Also, the problem here might be the lack of a DL graphic that CBS uses, which is a red box with a white cross in it… but I understand that this might be problematic for the vampire population. Or maybe the cross wouldn’t help because maybe our team’s now require priests and injury protection amulets to activate the cross-box? Religion still uses amulet’s, right? And what’s the patron saint of fantasy baseball anyhow? Alex Rodriguez’s 2007 season? Rickey Henderson talking? John Rocker jumping off a three-story building? Who knows, but I’m willing to try anything at this point to part the sea of red that are now all of my RCL team’s. Get it? Moses! Yul Brynner? Meh, who cares, it wasn’t even that funny anyhow. Regardless, I think it was a great step this season to move to two DL spots instead of one. However, with the data we have now, I think we should go ahead and expand it next year to 32 DL spots. It’s a good middle-ground.

Please, blog, may I have some more?