Andrew Bailey bettah work on his non-rhotic (Word of the Day!) pronunciations cause he’s headed to the town of beans.  This is my town and these are my beans!  Not to say I told you so, but to tell you I told you so.  When Melancon went to the Sawx, I said, “The GM over in Beantown says Melancon is “capable of closing.”  In big market speak, that means he won’t be the closer.  Melancon is the stereotypical small market closer, big market set-up man.”  Prescient ain’t just a word you need a spell checker for.  It’s a state of mind!  Bailey will be absolutely fine as a closer when he’s healthy, which is to say maybe 4 of 6 months of the season if the Sawx are lucky.  So Melancon will get some saves, say, maybe, I don’t know, interjection, 10 saves.  It’s not bad for a guy that won’t be drafted in many leagues.  This also solidifies the Sawx’s intention of putting Bard into the rotation.  I think it’s slightly crazy talk, but I’m wearing a burlap sack and drinking a Capri Sun without a straw so what do I know?  Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves and what they mean for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Sike!  Before we get into today’s post, just want to say that if you’re into fantasy basketball, you should check out the work Adam’s doing; it’s smart and funny, and I don’t know basketball at all.  One time I was playing a pick up basketball game and I tried to do a layup and I threw the ball over the backboard.  I was like, “Call me Calista Flockhart cause I’m throwing up shizz.”  Ah, the laughs we had.  Then I was never picked to play on a team again.  Anyway II, some offseason moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Josh Reddick – Heads to the A’s on the other side of the Bailey hullabaloo.  Did Beane get enough?  I don’t know.  Instead, let’s ask ourselves this:  Did Braun test positive because he was treating herpes?  In Triple-A, Reddick hit .127 in 2009, then .266 in 2010, then .230 last year.  So I’d be surprised if he hits above .260 over the course of the 2012 season.  He has shown the ability to hit for power, but now he moves to the unfriendly confines of Oakland.  Best case scenario, you’re getting a 15/10/.260 guy.  It’s all right, but if he fails to meet those modest expectations, he’s nothing but a third outfielder for AL-Only leagues.  Herpes, Braun, really?  That’s your defense?  That’s like telling your wife you killed her cat to take your mind off cheating on her.  Braun, you couldn’t say you tested positive because you were taking some non-FDA approved Chinese medicine for migraines?  Who’s advising this schmohawk?

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Pittsburgh Pirates 2011 Minor League Review

Organizational Talent Rankings via Baseball America:

2011 (19) | 2010 (15) | 2009 (18) | 2008 (26) | 2007 (19) | 2006 (19)

2011 Affiliate Records

MLB: [72-90] NL Central

AAA: [76-68] International League – Indianapolis

AA: [64-77] Eastern League – Altoona

A+: [74-63] Florida State League – Bradenton

A: [69-69] South Atlantic League – West Virginia

A(ss): [31-44] New York-Penn League – State College

The Run Down

With the first overall pick in the June draft, the Pirates selected Gerrit Cole and gave him $8 million upon signing.  Although I’m partial toward Trevor Bauer – Cole’s teammate at UCLA and third overall pick in June – Cole is probably a safer option, given his projectable frame and mechanics.  And while I doubt he’ll arrive before 2013, it’ll be fun to watch him destroy batters in Double-A (Cole was clocked at 102 MPH a month ago in the Arizona Fall League).  In addition to Cole, the Pirates’ system has quite a few high-ceiling arms:  James Taillon, Luis Heredia, and Stetson Allie all profile as frontline starters.  Unfortunately, though, they’re rather far from arriving in Pittsburgh.  Offensively, the Pirates’ system doesn’t have too much to be excited about for 2012.  Starling Marte has great potential and could yield some fantasy value, but I’m afraid we’re still a year or two away from him being viable option.  Josh Bell is probably Pittsburgh’s most promising offensive prospect, but the 19-year-old switch-hitting outfielder is a long ways off.  Until Cole arrives, there’s no one draft-worthy here.

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Whenever I think of rookies playing for Dusty Baker, I think of the phrase, “Let them eat cake!”  So here we are again with another Reds rookie, Devin Mesoraco.  With Mesoraco, Cozart and Juan Francisco, I kinda want to take off my Zubaz and wear the Reds rookies as pants.  And following that to its natural conclusion, Mesoraco would be the crotch area of my pants.  And taking that to an even weirder place, I would have to dry clean my pants once a week.  Finally, I’d have to tell the dry cleaner that those stains were dried glue because I was pasting together a collage of Reds rookies.  Lastly, if you followed that, you’re sick, go see a shrink!  Last year, Mesoraco hit 15 homers and .289 in 499 Triple-A plate appearances, but did poorly in his short stint in the majors (2 homers, .180 in 53 plate appearances).  These numbers are in line with his past years in the minors.  He hits well once he adjusts to his new surroundings.  Maybe he doesn’t trust the baggage handlers with his security blanket and has to wait for it to arrive through snail mail.  So what can we expect from Devin Mesoraco for 2012 fantasy baseball?

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On Dancer!  On Prancer!  On Comet!  On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in.  Welcome, reader!  Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire.  The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away.  Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to place Matt Joyce.  Exciting!  In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2012 fantasy baseball season.  This took me far longer than it probably should’ve.  Can’t someone write me a program that sorts all the players by games played at a position?

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Tyler Pastornicky was born 12/13/1989, which is crazy young, good lord.

Certainly he’s too young to have been a fifth round draft pick THREE YEARS ago by the Toronto Blue Jays. Or not, I suppose.

He made his way down to Georgia as part of the semi-big trade that exiled Yunel Escobar and his “’tude” to Canada, which isn’t a portion of the United States of America.

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Yu Darvish is on his way to the States to pitch for the Rangers.  Erik wrote a Yu Darvish 2012 fantasy post already.  To pull some quotes from that article, “Darvish was once involved in a “major scandal” in Japan, where he was caught smoking,” “He also goes by the Persian name Farid, meaning ‘glorious,’” and “He mixes in a cutter.”  He sounds like he’s in the Yakuza.  I don’t want to draft Yu; I wanna hang out with him in illegal gambling halls and pick up coquettish girls.  I’m gonna be honest with you (for the first time ever!) and tell you I don’t know what to make of Darvish’s Japanese numbers.  Dice-K came to the States with some serious bells and whistles.  In his first year, he had a 4.40 ERA.  The Ks did, for lack of a better word, translate to the States early on for Dice-K and I think they will too for Yu (hey, sounds like there’s a haiku in there).  His stuff looks filthy and batters will not be familiar with him at all.  Last year, he had 276/36 K/BB in over 232 innings.

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When you play in a league where you’re required to draft at least one player that sounds like a dish from a delicatessen, who do you want?  Kipnis or the Russian émigré, Kasha Varnishkes?  Easy, Jason Kipnis.  Even in leagues that aren’t drafted on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, Kipnis needs less selling than a five-day-old kugel when you look at Bill James’s 2012 projections for him — 88/18/69/.272/18.  If you look at his short stint with the Indians where he had 7 homers and 5 steals with a .272 average in 136 ABs that looks less crackers than it should, but it’s crackers nevertheless.  He had a HR/FB of 20.6%, which is nice but he’s not repeating it.  Last year that figure would’ve put him in the top ten in the league with hitters like Fielder, Bautista, Granderson and Mini Donkey.  His ISO last year was about the same as Ryan Howard.  As you can imagine, that’s kind of silly.  So now that we know what not to expect of Jason Kipnis in 2012 fantasy baseball, what can we expect?

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