Yahoo’s 2018 Fantasy Baseball Rankings Ranklings

My esteemed colleagues at Yahoo have put out their 2018 fantasy baseball rankings.  I think I’m using the word colleague incorrectly.  Does colleague mean someone you’re in a league with?  Yes?  No?  Okay, let’s move on.  I might be using esteemed wrong too.  Know what?  We’re moving on!  The Yahoo 2018 fantasy baseball rankings are out; I’m sure about that after consulting with my hair stylist, Jeffrey, at SuperCuts.  I said to Jeffrey (don’t shorten it), “Do I have dandruff, Jeffrey?”  Jeffrey, digging through my full, lustrous mane, “Why do you think this horrible thing, Mr. Grey?”  I replied, “I saw how low Yahoo ranked Cody Bellinger and I began to demonically scratch my head.”  After a three-hour explanation of who Cody Bellinger was, what fantasy baseball is and the ins and outs of Yahoo fantasy baseball, Jeffrey responded, “That is not dandruff, Mr. Grey.  I shaved my hair and donated it to a sculpture at Miami’s Art Basel, and that Cody Bellinger ranking makes me scratch my head too.”  Thrilled I didn’t have a disease of the dry scalp, I was still left puzzled by some of Yahoo’s rankings.  So, I figured be a Pisces and jam.  For this post, I will be looking at the consensus Yahoo 2018 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2018 fantasy baseball rankings.

Since my baby bae who sent a rocket up my tukis in lots of metaphorical ways is Cody Bellinger, I need to shovel down to what I think is the logic of his ranking of 30th overall.  On our Yahoo Player Rater for 12 teams, Bellinger is ranked 20th overall, and behind two pitchers.  You know how I feel about drafting top starters, so I would say, taking me out of the equation, Cody is still the 18th best overall player.  I have him ranked 17th overall.  Yahoo, however has him at 30th overall, and only one round behind is quibbling a bit, but I’m a quibbler, y’all!  Plus, one round that early in drafts makes a huge difference.  What I’m guessing here is Yahoo is considering Bellinger is due for a bad case of the Mondays and it’s back to Regression City, which has three Mattress Firm stores within two square miles.  Only thing is, regression to what?  A 35/10/.250 year?  That’s the most conservative projections for Bellinger that I can find.  Yahoo has Corey Seager ranked in front of Bellinger.  Seager doesn’t have ten steals in 1264 career ABs, and hit nearly half the amount of homers Bellinger hit last year.  So…Again with some stank…SO, yeah, I don’t know.

Here’s a berg of ice I seem to be floating on all by myself, Anthony Rendon.  There’s a difference of 27 spots between my rankings and Yahoo, who has him all the way down at 55 overall.  And “way down” is being sung by Tom Waits.  “When you draft with my rankings you get Rendon, but you gotta watch your back, well, I beg your pardon.”  Or maybe Yahoo’s ranking of Rendon is “Way Down in the Hole” by the Blind Boys of Alabama, who pronounce their cellphones a’la ‘mo-beel.’  This berg of ice I’m on is somewhat secluded, apizzarently, since Rudy’s rankings have Rendon down at 69 overall.  I’m on an island alone, mumbling about Rendon to my volleyball I’ve named, Vilson, due to trademark infringement lawsuit.   Just love this Nationals’ lineup, where Rendon will be hitting in the middle, and he feels on the verge of that season that everyone expects from Josh Donaldson.  The 32/10/.295 line that will send me from this deserted island to the island of Mypos while doing Balki’s Dance of Joy.

If Bellinger had me scratching my head, this one has me pointing an electron microscope at my head looking for mites, because the head scratching is so severe.  Yahoo has Johnathan Schoop at 79 overall.  Hmm.  Well.  Interjection.  I don’t know, guys and five girl readers.  I’ve mentioned this before, but when Robinson Cano was putting up 30+ HR, .290 seasons, he was regularly drafted in the top 30–Wait!  Cano is ranked above Schoop?  Daniel Murphy is ranked in front of Schoop with his microfracture surgery?!  Schoop who is six and eight years younger than those two, respectively?!  Schoop who was better than both of them already last year?!  Schoop something something rhetorical?!  Before I blow a casket like a necrophilic who doesn’t know the idiom is gasket, I’m moving on.

*me scanning down the starter rankings vs. my starter rankings*  Looks fine, looks okay, Strasburg is too high, but that’s fine.  Wow, a lot of these look pretty similar–WAIT, JAKE ARRIETA IS RANKED WHERE?!  Hold up (wait a minute!), he’s ranked in front of Sonny Gray, Luis Castillo, McCullers, Trevor Bauer–WAIT A SECOND!  Trevor Bauer is ranked where?!  After Cole Hamels?!  Kenta Maeda?!  David Price?!  David Price is ranked before Luis Castillo?!  Okay, my head is spinning and I need to sit down.  OH MY GOD, I AM SITTING!!!  AHHHH!!!

I’m going to list players in a handy chart like I did the other day with ESPN’s fantasy baseball rankings.  The Thank You’s have it.  It being good value from my rankings vs. Yahoo’s.  The No Thank You’s don’t have it.  They’re bad people.  Meh, they might be okay people, but they’re likely not ending up on any of my Yahoo drafted teams.  For this, I’ll be using my 2018 fantasy baseball rankings (go figure!) and Yahoo’s 2018 fantasy baseball rankings (crazy, right?).

THANK YOU

NO THANK YOU