When does the trend end for the path of articles that trend in the direction for Bux-ton?  Weirdly enough, he shares the same name as the guy who stole Pee-Wee Herman’s bike, pretended to hide it in the Alamo, and then in the end got what he deserved.  I wish I had some genius follow-up to that haymaker of a comparison, but there is more in the world of steals than some Minnesota Twin who is actually not a twin but quite possibly an only child. So ignoring the greater northern Midwest, as there are other things going on in steals-ville.  Ahhh, who am I kidding, the world needs another Byron Buxton article.  I have only seen 42 in the past three days across the fake baseball world, so one more should summarize it nicely.  The dude is straight up sizzlin’ right now.  If it’s not Hoskins, it has to be Byron.  If you don’t know his stats over the past fortnight… well here they are anyways: batting .345 with 9 runs and 5 steals.  This is the speed portion of the Buxton love affair, so the taters and other starchy stats aren’t included, sorry.  It’s the end of year SAGNOF grab who you can and will drool all over… the fancy guys that you don’t own in the concessionary drooling steals/saves session.  Let’s see what else is going down in the lower ownership SAGNOF ship of love!

Jorge Polanco –  Wait, there are other Twins doing things that relate to baseball activities?  What are the Olsens’ or the Doublemint twins up to?  What are the wOBA’s?

Juan Lagares – Meet the Mets, meet the Mets.  Wait, who is playing for the Mets? Lots of opportunities now as the Wilpon’s try the anything for their “save a dollar” campaign and soon to be introducing a BYOB night.  Seeing semi-regular at-bats as the CF with style points, three steals in the last four games.

Andrelton Simmons – Who get’s drafted first next year him or Didi Gregorious?

Matt Joyce – Has gone from being the only guy arrested as a stalker at a left-handed convention to being a useful commodity over the past two weeks.  Two steals and 10 runs scored.  If you can’t trust a man with two first names, does that still hold true when one of them is a woman’s?

Starling Marte – Stupid question, like what is his value going to be next year?  A hyped up guy that experts think will be X, Y and Z because of blah, blah or will he be just an end of draft guy who cheated?  On pace for 8/20 season which isn’t awful but i kinda want him to suck and get all the discounts I can next year on draft day… besides my AARP discount.

Blake Parker – Got the last save in the merry-go Angel save machine.  Next up could be cam or Norris.  Who will win?  No one knows?  feed the hungry save hippos.  Cam doesn’t pitch in back to back games so there is that.

Jake McGee – If the Dutch continue to squander saves and ineffectiveness the day for Mcgee could be nigh.  Maybe the best handcuff in closer-dom currently.  Besides all those closer situations and such.

Zach Britton – Has a squeaky knee, B-Rad B-rach is the deputy you want, just in case their is a save shootout at the Camden Yards corral.


  1. Tehol Beddict the God says:


    • Count de Monetball says:

      Razzball presents……. Real Men of Genius
      (Reeeaaalll men of Genius)
      Today, we salute you, Mr. first commenter on the blog (Tehol)
      (Mr. first commenter on the blog)
      Like the kid that’s always picked for last kickball, you race to the front of the line hoping to be picked
      (There’s that wimpy kid)
      To make sure you wake up on time to comment on Smokey’s bullpen report, you set your iPhone alarm to Edith Piaf’s “non je ne regrette rien”
      (That’s the wakeup song from the movie Inception)
      So, try some Valium to help you sleep Mr. first commenter on the blog, because even though sometimes you are actually second, third or fourth commenter, you are always first with us…..
      (Mr. first commenter on the blog)
      Count de Monetball, Kalamazoo, Michigan

      • Grey

        Grey says:


      • Smokey

        Smokey says:

        @Count de Monetball: was literally humming the song while I was reading that.

        • Tehol Beddict says:

          @Smokey: incredible!

  2. Pags says:

    Hello there … some advice if you don’t mind:

    I’m gonna need more saves/holds as I head into the playoffs.

    Current roster:

    Devenski (in a SP slot)

    Cams just not getting used enough, and there are some HLD/SV available:
    Beat Claw
    Dave Hernandez
    Blake Parker (who I like but Scioscia hates me)

    You approve of any of these over cam? Or could there be someone further down the list I ain’t seeing?

    Thanks for your time

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @Pags: avoid the angels. I’m saying Barraclough here. But don’t be afraid to bounce around if allowed unlimited moves.

Comments are closed.