If I may, I’m going to vent for a minute. Or maybe a bunch of minutes. Might even be more than a bunch of minutes, kinda depends on how quickly you read. Let’s just settle on calling it as many minutes as it takes you to read this. There’s no simple way to say this, but I hate your dynasty league. I don’t just hate it a little either I hate it a lot. I want to crap all over it every season to you and your friends, but I restrain. I don’t hate all dynasty leagues, some are great. I play in an embarrassing number of them, with a variety of sizes, scoring, and roster setups. Some have keepers, some salaries, some have complicated rules no one knows because reading the constitution is like reading an insurance policy. So I’ve had my share of aggravation over the years, but nothing like yours. No you guys did EVERYTHING wrong and now you have a crap sandwich on soggy wonder bread. So today I’m going to tell you all the things I hate about your dynasty leagues. Because I’m salty and I can, that’s why.
Bizzaro Setups
Why do you have divisions? You’re a freaking 12 team league! You don’t need divisions, you don’t need to buildup the rivalries within the league. You have 12 teams I’m completely capable of hating the other 11 owners. I don’t need divisions to inspire me to want to beat you guys, how about we dead the divisions.
This brings me to my next point. Why do you have so few roster moves every week? Why are you letting everything come down to luck? If I have two injuries in a week I’m pretty much screwed. So thanks, I didn’t need to use those moves anyway. I mean why let me directly effect the outcome of my team?
Head to Head
I get it some people just can’t get into roto. That’s fine, different strokes for different folks, and honestly I’ve been playing in head to head leagues for years. Sometimes they can be wonky, teams that would win the league in Roto, often struggle to ascend to their rightful place in head to head. I’ve played them all too. Categories, categories with single wins, and now points. Can I say with all due respect to Malamoney, some points leagues are batshit. Why are my pitchers getting so many points for innings? Why are they losing so many for losses? I can’t help that Noah Syndergaard had no run support, why deduct 5 points? Why is Logan Forsythe better than Chris Davis? Not just this year either, but every year. That makes no sense. It’s like your drunk uncle designed this scoring.
The Minors and Weird Keeper Rules
If I have a player that’s demoted with a lot of future promise why do I have to either eat his roster spot or drop him. We have minors why can’t I just demote him? I can’t help that Luis Severino and Eduardo Rodriguez both forgot how to pitch. What if they remember how to throw strikes next month? By that time some other team scooped him already. Why can’t I just keep these guys? What’s with the weird limit on keeper year’s too? Why are you making this confusing? Seriously why?
Just Weird Rules, like really weird….
I’m in a few leagues with awful setups for waiver wire and other f*ckery. Why are you making this hard? I shouldn’t need a law degree and a team of actuaries to figure out the rules and salary cap structure. For example why is it that I can own an entire roster of major leaguers on rookie contracts that I can stash in the minors? Why is it that the commissioner, the guy that created the rules, has a second major league team in his minors. I don’t mean he had a crop of prospects called up, I mean Jose Abreu, Mookie Betts, Gregory Polanco, and Tanner Roark are all in his minors at times. Yeah, that’s no fair brah. Don’t even get me started on some of the rules I’m dealing with in the REL 2. The rules translated so badly to Fantrax that I took over the league by email coup d’etat. I’m now in the process of reworking said weird rules. I mean like Gary Busey on meth weird rules, rules so bad that people were quitting left and right. To quote Nick the Dick it was Bizzaro world, example: some real life trades effected you while others didn’t. How are you going to pull top players from me in the middle of playoff race, or award me Aroldis Chapman because I owned Adam Warren? Makes no sense. Bad rules!!!
Play The Game!!!
One of the things I find to be the most aggravating in all formats of dynasty, is teams that won’t, don’t, and can’t play. In the last year I’ve been guilty of this myself. Don’t undervalue your MLB talent because they were bad down the stretch. Don’t do what I do in Razznasty and sell because you want a complete rebuild. It’s easy to get washed up in the waves of Top 100 Prospect lists over the offseason, and then set out to own as many as possible for the upcoming season. Word to the wise, don’t do that, prospects crumble overnight. Some crumble, resurface, and crumble again. I’m not saying don’t buy a good up and comer with an MLB vet when you’re out of it, but I am saying don’t sell all your vets. It’s also inconsiderate to your league mates, when you’re handing out roto points or head to head victories it affects the league outcome. Also don’t tank in a 12 team league. You have 12 teams there’s no reason to tank.
In closing no league is perfect, but try to make things as even and competitive as possible. Make sure you’re league is flexible too there’s nothing worse than taking over a garbage roster and knowing it’s going to take years of trading and good drafting to field a competitive team. That’s a daunting task that many owners take on with the best intentions only to be discouraged early in the process. My suggestion is make sure you’re turning over MLB rosters at a good clip, less keepers makes for a more competitive league. As I stated before the point of the game is to play the game, simple and plain.
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