Homer has so many different meanings. When I say 'Homer', I could be referring to Mr. Simpson himself (or Mr. Plow if you prefer). Conversely, I could be referring to when a player hits the ball out of the park. That would make sense given the context but I'm not going that route either. Even further, I could be referring to the Greek poet but we all know I'm not smart enough for that reference. Or better yet, since we're talking about a Padre, I could be referring to Jaywrong and his dirty affliction for all things Friars. But nay, I talk not of any of these things. I'm here to talk about being a homer like I'm a rapper and I get to make shizz up. I'm gonna call [player]Yonder Alonso[/player] a homer for the coming week for 2013 fantasy baseball and if you'd like to find out why, you'll have to read on into the next paragraph. Be careful with that first step and I'll meet you there!
Monthly Archives: July 2013
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Minor Accomplishments: Week 17
July 28, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 93 Commentsby: Scott Evans
The Phillies paid a shizzload of dough to sign the big league-ready Cuban RHP, Miguel Alfredo Gonzalez. The deal is worth up to $60 million, $40+ million of which is guaranteed. So, if we're taking for granted that Ruben Amaro knows what he's doing, then it's a safe assumption that Gonzalez is going to quickly blossom into a front-end starter and a coveted fantasy asset, a la [player]Yu Darvish[/player], who signed for similar money. But I'm not so sure about all that. Gonzalez is 26 years old and he's been pitching in international ball long enough for talent evaluators to have come to a consensus on his projection, so it's surprising to find such mixed opinions on the guy. The Phillies are paying him starter's money, but there are plenty of folks around baseball who don't even see Gonzalez working out long-term in a starter's role. Clearly I'm skeptical about the Phillies' financial commitment, but even so, I'm not completely writing off the possibility of M.A.G. earning every dime of that contract on the mound. With a deep arsenal of fastballs and various off-speed offerings, all of which he throws with deception and good command, Gonzalez appears to be a guy who'll keep hitters guessing and tally up the whiffs -- there's certainly enough upside to be stashing him in deep leagues. Still, my inclination is that there's not $60 million dollars worth of talent here.
Brewers’ Bat Wood No Match for Tyler Chatwood
July 27, 2013 | Daily Notes | 118 Commentsby: Dan Pants
[player]Tyler Chatwood[/player] continued his red hot play last night pitching seven innings, surrendering just six hits, two runs, and walking none while striking out 11 Brewers for his seventh win. He also went 2-for-2 at the plate with 2 RBI because apparently he is Tyler the Run Creator now. How about that headline, you guys? I woke up in the middle of the night and saw it in bright lights. And as much as I kept telling myself it was really, really bad -- sometimes these things are too bad to be denied. Back to Tyler Chatwood. Hello there, strikeouts! Have we met? You're just visiting for the weekend? Oh, that's too bad. The Ks may be a bit fluky and that Milwaukee line up is inspiring fear in no one these days, but Chatwood's success over his past few starts can't be denied. He lowered his ERA to 2.48 and has allowed 2 ER or fewer in his past four starts. He has also managed to notch three wins in those four starts, with the tough luck loss coming after pitching 8.0 innings of one-run ball. He is a great option on the road and is at criminally under 10% owned in RCL. I'd absolutely grab him for his start in Atlanta next week if you need starting pitching help. He cannot be stopped right now! I better go knock on Chat-wood.
Here's what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:
Two-Startapalooza — Week 18
July 27, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 85 Commentsby: Scott Evans
How many times have you completely written off Francisco Liriano? Seriously. Probably four or five times, right? I know I've uttered the phrase "f**k that guy, I'm never using him again" at least once a year for the last five years. That's the way it is with him -- the K-potential has always made him an interesting option for fantasy streaming, but until this year, I don't think he's ever helped my team. Not once. Which is what makes Liriano's 2013 production so absurd, and it's definitely no fluke at this point. Through roughly 90 IP he's posted a 2.23 ERA and a 1.18 WHIP while whiffing more than a batter per inning. And given his sub-3 FIP, the peripheral numbers bode well, too. I'm sure I'll have to write him off again at some point, but it's amazing to consider the path the 29-year-old Liriano has taken to transition from never-using-him-again streamer status, to one of the best arms in the league. He goes twice this week, making his debut in the must start tier. The rest of the week 18 two-starters are below.
As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.
It’s The Time Of The Season For Loving 8th Inning Guys
July 26, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 856 Commentsby: Grey
You wrote a letter to your leaguemates, but before you sent it to them, you asked me to proofread it but not share it. Too bad, here it is, "Yo, what's up, snitches?! I have six closers and am sticking it to the rest of the league in their whole bum, then acting that out like Knight from MTV's The Challenge. I don't need no one! All I need is [player]Huston Street[/player], [player]Kevin Gregg[/player], [player]Ernesto Frieri[/player], [player]Joaquin Benoit[/player], [player]Brad Ziegler[/player] and this chair, I need this chair. I got saves for days! Open up your 'kitten-playing-with-motherf**king-yarn' calendar and mark September 28th down for the day when you concede the championship to me. Use your rainbow-colored pencil. Is it okay to use that word? Any the hoo! Rather than recount all of that SAGNOF g'dness, let me take this time to instead ask you if you watched the most recent Top Chef Masters. I'm lonely and looking for friends." Solid letter, I probably wouldn't put single quote marks around kitten-playing-with-motherf**king-yarn but it's fine to send it off as is. The only other problem is you might also lose more than half of your closers in less than a week. This is also the last week when you and your opponents can gain major saves if you're hurting in that category. On July 31st there could be as many as 10 new closers. At no point from now until October do you have a chance for this much turn over. Guys that could move into the closer role in under a week includes, but is not limited to: [player]Luke Gregerson[/player], [player]Blake Parker[/player], [player]Ryan Webb[/player], [player]James Russell[/player], [player]Antonio Bastardo[/player], [player]Carter Capps[/player], [player]Dale Thayer[/player], [player]John Axford[/player] (still even with Henderson taking over the job), [player]Jose Cisnero[/player], [player]Pedro Strop[/player] and Antonio Alfonseca, because he has six fingers on each hand and you can't ever count him out, at least not without removing your pants and a shoe. Granted, guys like Huston Street or [player]Tom Wilhelmsen[/player] or [player]Glen Perkins[/player] might be traded and stay in the closer role on their new team, but that means someone else would lose their job. Or maybe Huston Street will go to the Yankees and become the 8th inning man and Robertson moves to the 7th. Or maybe [player]Jonathan Papelbon[/player] goes to the Tigers and Benoit owners have to call the Ben-wambulance. A lot could happen in the next few days or nothing, but I'd absolutely stash as many middle relievers as I could right now. Anyway, here's some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
I know a lot of writers want Beddict gone, but my kind of beef will f%#k up ya grill and not the kind you put franks on. Greetings all!!! Tis I, Tehol, Razzball's head to head expert, points league expert, fantasy football champion, and the most prestigious male model/fantasy writer in the world. I come to you today even more full of testosterone than usual for I just devoured 2 dozen oysters and injected some moose testosterone. Do you worship the ground Wil Myers walks on? If so you will like this post. If you are obsessed with Twilight, Kristen Stewart, or her character Bella, then you may have stumbled across the wrong article. Quick side-note. How many MF'ing people am I going to meet with dogs named Bella? Or kids for that matter!?!? Yeah, it seemed like a cool name before the books/films caught on like wild fire and now there's 3.2 million people with Pit bulls named Bella. Don't be ashamed people. JUST CHANGE IT!! Let's move on.
Sing Us A Yawn, It’s Soriano Man
July 26, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 336 Commentsby: Grey
Like Billy Joel, [player]Alfonso Soriano[/player] is washed up and in a New York state of mind. Don't tell A-Rod, Christie Brinkley is his type of gal. Soriano getting traded to the Yankees is the best news for him in some time. That's the magical elixir calling to fantasy baseballers (<--my mom's term!). Soriano will now revert back to his younger self -- when he was still in his forties -- and start mashing the ball, stealing bases and doing an extra springy hop when he catches fly balls. Playing for the Yankees is a youth tonic made of juniper berries and grounded-up mints Steinbrenner hoarded from restaurants. There's just an air about playing with other guys in their fifties that brings everything to life. It's a real life Cocoon in the Bronx. Don Ameche will be played by Vernon Wells, Wilford Brimley will be played by Travis Hafner and Alfonso Soriano is Steve Guttenberg! Girardi might be the third youngest guy on the bench. Birth certificates are inconclusive. Or! Soriano is who he is at this point. This second scenario seems more likely. It's not like Wrigley is a bad hitters' park. Nothing's gonna change for him in Yankee Stadium. He could hit a few homers, give you a .260 average and throw out his hip at a moment's notice. Anyway, here's what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
So down goes a top ten guy in an off week where I talk about set-up guys. Jason Grilli is beset with a forearm strain and up steps the league leader in Holds, [player]Mark Melancon[/player]. Melancon has been spooktacular this year, and if wasn't owned prior to the injury then your league is hot garbage. Sorry, but truth is truth. So the pecking order in the 'Burgh now reads like this, which really isn't devoid of good RP this year. I see [player]Tony Watson[/player] and [player]Justin Wilson[/player] splitting the left-handed set-up duties and [player]Bryan Morris[/player] and [player]Vin Mazzaro [/player]to continue their RH dominance. If given the opportunity, [player]Victor Black[/player] could be brilliant, so keep an eye on him. Not one guy is going to run away and garner the hold chances that Melancon has gotten to date this year so it is going to be a mish-mosh of hold chances. Also factor in that the Pirates are in some trade rumors for some end game help and the rosterability of all these guys is tough to call until we know how long Grilli is under the weather. Enjoy the week to come.
Fantasy Keepers: Braun’s Still Brawny
July 25, 2013 | fantasy baseball keepers | 77 Commentsby: Terse
I had a dream last night that I was fifteen and [player]Derek Jeter[/player] was caught with steroids and suffered the same consequences as [player]Ryan Braun [/player]and those who will be suspended from their Biogenesis connections. Smart, interesting people dream about other worlds, space, love, mustaches, breasts, and loads and loads of money — I, on the other hand, seem to be stuck thinking back on my adolescence and how neurotic, nervous, and unconfident it eventually made me. I grew up in New York as a Yankee fan — 2001 ALCS game 7 is my fondest moment that doesn't involve sex, alcohol, or gambling — and if Cap Jeets was indeed ever connected to PEDs, HGH, IGF, ATD, or any other incriminating acronym, my entire perception of good and evil would be forever skewed. All the Luke Skywalkers, Frodo Bagginses, and Disney Worlds on Earth would be incapable of convincing me genuine goodness exists. I'd probably become homicidal. I'm not even really sure if I can say I'm kidding. All underdog stories would be a joke, right? Did Luke really use his targeting computer? Did Frodo actually just fly one of those giant eagles all the way to Mordor?! (and why didn't he just do that?) Did Rudy take steroids?! The possible deceptions are endless! My faith wouldn't keep. I'd be an empty soul. I'd be... Ryan Braun, the soulless rat who could grow back into a prince if we play our keeper cards right.
If you're squeamish, don't watch the video of [player]Tim Hudson[/player] getting hurt. That's what they say. This is like saying, "Your Christmas (Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus) presents are under the tree (Star of David, Star Jones, pole) and they're unwrapped, but don't look at them." Is there anyone in the history of mankind who's ever heard the phrase "don't watch this because it's too gruesome" and has actually stopped watching it. That sentence is brain crack! It's like your brain neurons suddenly start moving around like a Roomba in a closet, bumping into the sides, trying to get out. So, with that said, I wouldn't watch it. Hudson will need surgery and is out for the year. Well, if Eric Young was gonna step on his foot like THAT I wouldn't have been speculating for two months who was going to get bumped for [player]Brandon Beachy[/player]. I've been saying for the last two months that I don't own Beachy. I think he's going to give a lot less than what you're expecting. Tommy John surgery causes most pitchers to lose control when they first return, and Beachy has a 5+ BB/9 in the minors. That would be near the worst in the major leagues. Edinson Volquez looks at that walk rate and says, "Whoa, pardner." You know the guy from Shadesville at the horse track who goes around picking up discarded race tickets hoping to find a winner, if you pick up Beachy, you might resemble that guy. Anyway, here's what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mid-Season Top 50 Fantasy Baseball Prospects
July 24, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 131 Commentsby: Scott Evans
Quite a bit has changed since the 2013 MiLB season began in April, and folks have been clamoring for a mid-season prospect list. Well, here it is, 50-deep. But before we get into it, a quick primer on the criteria for this top 50: There was no specific timetable considered, so the rankings below can be considered a dynasty league list. You'll notice that the ETA's here range from this season all the way to 2016. To prevent any overlap with lists that Grey and JayWrong put together last week, I've included only prospects who are currently in the minor leagues. That means I had to remove [player]Christian Yelich[/player] and [player]Jake Marisnick[/player] from the board after news of their call-ups -- Yelich was #7, Marisnick #40. It also means I couldn't list [player]Carlos Martinez[/player], who's currently working in relief for the Cardinals -- he would've been ranked right around #20.
Anyway, I'll be writing notes on all of these fellas during the off-season, once the dust has settled on the 2013 season and I've had a chance to take a more thorough look at depth charts, injuries, etc. For now, I've included only a few pertinent details: age, current level, fantasy impact categories, and ETA. Each player is linked to his player card on Baseball-Reference.com, or his Razzball player card where possible. My hope is that this list will help dynasty leaguers sort out their rosters as keeper deadlines approach. Enjoy.
Well the Midsummer Classic has come and gone, but unlike Groundhog Day, we saw our shadow and there's still over two more months of baseball. Or is it if he doesn't see his shadow there's more winter?
I never understood Groundhog Day. Some rodent comes out of his hole and then depending on its reaction there's more winter? I'd rather have Ancient Mayans calculate my seasons. Oh wait, then we would've been out of seasons since last December...
After an All-Star Break and a Friday dedicated to the Classic, the RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CAN YOU BEAT RUDY GAMBLE contest is back! Entry fee is back down to $5 and we're playing for tickets into DraftKings' next biggie, the $100,000 Sweet Spot on August 23rd with a grand prize of $20,000. 35 spots will be open this week, 2 per user with spots 2-10 doubling up to $10, and yours truly will be back out there battling with the Nation. I've finished in the money all but one week I've played, but still looking for that elusive 1st place! I guess I've been seeing my shadow too much and can't get out of the hole...
