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Just do it, you wuss. Yeah, she was probably hammered and will scream when she sees you in daylight, but you never know, the chick might actually like you. So pick up that phone and dial those digits she gave you. What’s that? It’s a number for a cat hotel? That sounds like an awful job … poor girl. Oh, the number was fake … gotcha. Well, that’s good because now you have plenty of time to play some DraftKings tonight, and better yet, you don’t even have to take a shower. You, my friend, are now living the DFS dream.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 Teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!

Tom Koehler, SP: $6,500 – His home splits are solid enough (2.45 ERA), and St. Louis doesn’t strike fear like they used to (24th in OPS on the road), so I’m all about Koehler tonight. This is the perfect pairing for Felix Hernandez investors, who I imagine will come in droves.

Jesse Hahn, SP: $8,800 – Chewbacca’s favorite pitcher might have the filthiest curveball in baseball, and it’s certainly helped Hahn attain a stellar 8.65 K/9 this season. He’ll face the Rockies tonight, who are an entirely different offense at sea level. This will be Hahn’s first start against Colorado, and that gives him the upper hand like a Wookie sidekick in a bar fight.

Stephen Vogt, C/OF: $2,900 – Now that Caleb Joseph has moved on up to the east side, Vogt is the go-to option at C for the penny pinchers. I don’t even know if he can play the position in real life, but I do know he’s hitting .336 versus RHP.

Garrett Jones, 1B/OF: $3,400 – Jones used to be my favorite bat to employ at home vs RHP, but he plateaued for a while, and I fell hard for this bald guy in Seattle (we’ll talk about him later). Still, Jones holds a .343 wOBA and .194 ISO versus righties in Miami, and he’s 7-for-13 (with 2 HR) lifetime against Shelby Miller.

Jose Altuve, 2B: $4,500 – Altuve is always worth mention at home when facing a southpaw (.533 SLG and .438 wOBA), but his career numbers against Tommy Milone aren’t all that great (4-for-16). A lot of potential owners might be scared away by that, but not me. I see Altuve as being very due, and I see Milone as very mediocre.

Kyle Seager, 2B/3B: $3,900 – This is that bald dude I mentioned earlier. He’s slugging .744 with a .500 wOBA at home versus RHP. Throw in that B.S. 2B eligibility and ahhh whammy! He and I should really get an apartment together after this.

Chris Taylor, SS: $2,600 – Last week, I predicted Taylor would get at least 1 hit in every start of his (soon-to-be) stellar career. So far, so good! I hope you know I’m kidding, but since making his debut on 7/24, all this kid has done is hit. He’s 12-for-28 so far at Safeco, and all you need is a single to meet value. Here comes the kicking team.

Giancarlo Stanton, OF: $4,700 – His ISO at home is incredibly high (.316), as is Miller’s HR/9 on the road (1.45). People were starting to hate on Stanton, but he’s homered in 3 of the last 4 games. Hi hater.

Adam Jones, OF: $4,500 – The wind appears to be blowing towards left field In Baltimore, and Jones rrrrrrakes against LHP (.370/.432/.672). Who’s got next?

Seth Smith, OF: $3,600 – This is basically the only Padres hitter an opposing righty (or someone with a lisp) should fear. Seff Smiff has a .918 OPS versus RHP, and he’s averaged more than 12 DK points per game against the Rockies this season. Sufferin’ Succotash.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

There are strong chances of thunderstorms for DET/PIT, LAD/ATL, and MLW/CHC, but odds are Lieutenant Dan won’t be impressed. Still, I’d use extreme caution with players in these games.

Doing Lines in Vegas (9-15-2 overall)

I was creeping towards .500 and then last week happened. I’ll attempt to get back on the horse with the overs in MIN/HOU (8.5) and OAK/KC (7).

From Around The Web

  1. Ralph Lifshitz

    ralph lifshitz says:
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    I love Justin Upton facing Dan Haren at home in the middle of hot streak. He’s a good value at $4,300.

    Also sort of like Pirates against Verlander and Vargas and Santana against Peacock.

    BTW I don’t want to live in a universe where Caleb Joseph costs more than $2K. Hot streak be damned!

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @ralph lifshitz: I like matchups in LAD/ATL and PIT/DET too but waiting to see what weather holds.

      And yea, Twins are in play, esp. those two.

      Missing the old Caleb indeed :(

      • BTXJ

        BTXJ says:
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        @BTXJ: man, i hate weather. I was all set to start alex wood yesterday, but chance of rain scared me off b/c it was the night game, and i started morton instead. as a result, i made no money.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        ralph lifshitz says:
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        @BTXJ: Pittsburgh/Detroit has me a bit worried but I think they’ll get in the game in Atlanta.

    • Maxi says:
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      @ralph lifshitz: looks like Kevin Correia is the Dodgers’ poo flinger du jour, and not Dan “Flings Poo In His Sleep” Haren

      • BTXJ

        BTXJ says:
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        @Maxi: haha HOF caliber comment right there

  2. Ralph Lifshitz

    ralph lifshitz says:
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    I sent you a head 2 head

    • BTXJ

      BTXJ says:
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      @ralph lifshitz: ah man, i’d rather attempt to take money from the enemy. and i have a few.

  3. BTXJ

    BTXJ says:
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    taylor out. scooter is easy swap (weather looks safe enough)

Comments are closed.