Just do it, you wuss. Yeah, she was probably hammered and will scream when she sees you in daylight, but you never know, the chick might actually like you. So pick up that phone and dial those digits she gave you. What’s that? It’s a number for a cat hotel? That sounds like an awful job … poor girl. Oh, the number was fake … gotcha. Well, that’s good because now you have plenty of time to play some DraftKings tonight, and better yet, you don’t even have to take a shower. You, my friend, are now living the DFS dream.
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Tom Koehler, SP: $6,500 – His home splits are solid enough (2.45 ERA), and St. Louis doesn’t strike fear like they used to (24th in OPS on the road), so I’m all about Koehler tonight. This is the perfect pairing for Felix Hernandez investors, who I imagine will come in droves.
Jesse Hahn, SP: $8,800 – Chewbacca’s favorite pitcher might have the filthiest curveball in baseball, and it’s certainly helped Hahn attain a stellar 8.65 K/9 this season. He’ll face the Rockies tonight, who are an entirely different offense at sea level. This will be Hahn’s first start against Colorado, and that gives him the upper hand like a Wookie sidekick in a bar fight.
Stephen Vogt, C/OF: $2,900 – Now that Caleb Joseph has moved on up to the east side, Vogt is the go-to option at C for the penny pinchers. I don’t even know if he can play the position in real life, but I do know he’s hitting .336 versus RHP.
Garrett Jones, 1B/OF: $3,400 – Jones used to be my favorite bat to employ at home vs RHP, but he plateaued for a while, and I fell hard for this bald guy in Seattle (we’ll talk about him later). Still, Jones holds a .343 wOBA and .194 ISO versus righties in Miami, and he’s 7-for-13 (with 2 HR) lifetime against Shelby Miller.
Jose Altuve, 2B: $4,500 – Altuve is always worth mention at home when facing a southpaw (.533 SLG and .438 wOBA), but his career numbers against Tommy Milone aren’t all that great (4-for-16). A lot of potential owners might be scared away by that, but not me. I see Altuve as being very due, and I see Milone as very mediocre.
Kyle Seager, 2B/3B: $3,900 – This is that bald dude I mentioned earlier. He’s slugging .744 with a .500 wOBA at home versus RHP. Throw in that B.S. 2B eligibility and ahhh whammy! He and I should really get an apartment together after this.
Chris Taylor, SS: $2,600 – Last week, I predicted Taylor would get at least 1 hit in every start of his (soon-to-be) stellar career. So far, so good! I hope you know I’m kidding, but since making his debut on 7/24, all this kid has done is hit. He’s 12-for-28 so far at Safeco, and all you need is a single to meet value. Here comes the kicking team.
Giancarlo Stanton, OF: $4,700 – His ISO at home is incredibly high (.316), as is Miller’s HR/9 on the road (1.45). People were starting to hate on Stanton, but he’s homered in 3 of the last 4 games. Hi hater.
Adam Jones, OF: $4,500 – The wind appears to be blowing towards left field In Baltimore, and Jones rrrrrrakes against LHP (.370/.432/.672). Who’s got next?
Seth Smith, OF: $3,600 – This is basically the only Padres hitter an opposing righty (or someone with a lisp) should fear. Seff Smiff has a .918 OPS versus RHP, and he’s averaged more than 12 DK points per game against the Rockies this season. Sufferin’ Succotash.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
There are strong chances of thunderstorms for DET/PIT, LAD/ATL, and MLW/CHC, but odds are Lieutenant Dan won’t be impressed. Still, I’d use extreme caution with players in these games.
Doing Lines in Vegas (9-15-2 overall)
I was creeping towards .500 and then last week happened. I’ll attempt to get back on the horse with the overs in MIN/HOU (8.5) and OAK/KC (7).