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I wish I knew what Donnie Baseball was doing, he says what he doesn’t mean but means what he doesn’t say.  I personally think we need to get Rand Paul involved in this and get some filibustering going.  Maybe Magic can open a movie theater or something to show us a preview of what is actually going to happen.  Well my theory is this, Donnie is a player’s manager and doesn’t wanna step on anyone’s feelings, so instead he will have no common decency and piss all over everyone’s fantasy teams.  He kinda makes me feel the same way I felt when I watched Iron Eagle for the first time and I really thought Chappy died. Cheated is the reference, if that movie escapes you. So for my own personal rankings below I have inserted Kenley into the chart, while I am not completely sold that we know which way is loose.  So screw it, it’s my list so I am placing him there just like the Gideons place bibles.

Also this week you will notice a huge uptick in the rankings for Edward Mujica, let’s just say I am a believer in his capability for the remainder of the season.  He is having a season eerily similar to Rafa Soriano last year after Mo went all gimpy. The Cardinals starters lead the league in wins, length of starts and ERA (by a great margin), this all translates to great opportunities for a closer’s success.

This upcoming week will also see the return of Andrew Bailey as the Red Sox closer. He is scheduled to throw a simulated game today and will be available to come off the DL on Monday. If all goes to plan anyways. Junichi Tazawa has been in the role and seen a total of zero save chances.  All those hard earned FAAB/waiver wire adds for not.  All is not for not, double negatives are fun, as I wouldn’t drop him unless completely forced too just yet.  Bailey is a walking boo-boo and should walk around with a helmet or inside a bubble, so hold onto Junichi for a few days until Bailey gets his training wheels off again.

 

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel  (-) (Eric O’Flaherty, Luis Avilan, Jordan Walden)

2.Mariano Rivera  (+3) (David Robertson, Boone Logan)

3. Aroldis Chapman (-1) (Sean Marshall, J.J. Hoover, Jonathan Broxton, Sam Lecure)

4. Joe Nathan (-1) (Tanner Scheppers, Robbie Ross, Jason Frasor)

5. Rafael Soriano (-) (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard, Henry Rodriguez)

6. Jonathan Papelbon (+1) (Mike Adams, Antonio Bastardo, Jeremy Horst)

7. Jim Johnson (-) (Darren O’Day, Brian Matusz, Tommy Hunter)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

8. Jason Grilli (+2) (Mark Melancon, Tony Watson, Justin Wilson)

9. Tom Wilhelmsen (-1) (Carter Capps, Charlie Furbush, Yoervis Medina)

10. Sergio Romo (+1) (Jeremy Affeldt, Santiago Casilla, Javier Lopez)

11. Addison Reed (-2) ( Jesse Crain, Matt Thornton, Nate Jones)

12. Casey Janssen (+1) (Steve Delabar, Brett Cecil, Aaron Loup)

13. Edward Mujica (+11) (Trevor Rosenthal, Randy Choate, Carlos Martinez)

14. Rafael Betancourt (-2) (Rex Brothers, Matt Belisle, Wilton Lopez)

15. Fernando Rodney (+1 ) (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee, Cesar Ramos)

16. Ernesto Frieri (-1) (Scott Downs, Ryan Madson)

17. Glen Perkins (-1) (Jared Burton, Josh Roenicke, Brian Duensing)

18. Huston Street (+1) (Luke Gregerson, Dale Thayer, Joe Thatcher)

19. Greg Holland (-1 ) (Kelvin Herrera, Aaron Crow, Tim Collins)

20. Chris Perez (+1) (Cody Allen, Matt Albers, Joe Smith,Vinnie Pestano -INJ)

21. Grant Balfour (+1) (Sean Doolittle, Ryan Cook)

22. Jose Valverde (+5) (Joaquin Benoit, Al Alburquerque, Phil Coke)

 

Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

 

23. Bobby Parnell ( +5) (Brandon Lyon, Frank Francisco – INJ)

24. Kevin Gregg (+3 ) (Carlos Marmol, James Russell, Kyuji Fujikawa)

25. Kenley Jansen (-5) (Brandon league, Paco Rodriguez)

26. Jim Henderson (-1 ) (Jon Axford, Brandon Kintzler, Francisco Rodriguez)

27. Heath Bell (-13) (David Hernandez, Matt Reynolds)

28. Steve Cishek (+1) (A.J. Ramos, Jon Rauch, Mike Dunn)

29. Jose Veras (+1) (Hector Ambriz, Travis Blackley, Paul Clemens)

30. Junichi Tazawa (-7) (Andrew Bailey – INJ, Koji Uehara)

  1. Fratstar says:
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    Why do you have Wilhelmson losing a spot? He’s been nothing but solid so far…

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Fratstar: Just like Grilli by one spot more is all.

  2. Tehol Beddict says:
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    Valverde is comin up b

  3. Jeff Akston says:
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    Why is Henderson always so low? He is absolutely dominating, while Axford continues to implode on every given opportunity.

    I’d rather have him than half the people in the Donkeycorn tier.

    • Sniff Test says:
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      @Jeff Akston: I assume it has something to do with his instability…due to the fact that a. the brewers suck and b. they want axford or k-rod to close which supports how true a. really is. Enjoy Henderson while it lasts.

      • Clint says:
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        @Sniff Test:

        While I’m admittedly biased being a) a Henderson owner and b) a Brewer fan, I disagree. K-Rod wasn’t great last year closing for them so it’s not a Valverde situation where they want Henderson replaced (he’s got <2 ERA and <1 WHIP). Given the news that just came out about Roenicke sounding resigned to sending Axford down to the minors until he sorts things out, I'd say K-Rod's coming up to replace the Ax Man shortly, not Henderson.

        • Smokey

          Smokey says:
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          @Clint: Completely true. K-Rod wont sniffthe closer role unless something awful happens to other options

          • Sniff Test says:
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            @Smokey: Hmmm then why is Henderson ranked so low?

            • Smokey

              Smokey says:
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              @Sniff Test: Just not sold on him surviving a bad streak. In 2 weeks he will be in the next group of Balfour Chris Perez if all stays the way it is.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Jeff Akston: Definitely because of job security, numbers are stellar all across the board. Few more weeks sees him start the climb.

    • Bosmosis says:
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      @Jeff Akston: I’m wondering the same thing. Why so low on Henderson?

  4. MasterofGrond says:
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    Currently sitting on a double dose of Brain Freeze in my RCL, with the real chance Holland could make it 3 at some point.

    Highway to the danger zone…

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @MasterofGrond: well depending on who it is maybe. Holland is frustrating to me.

  5. Tim says:
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    Would u drop tanazawa to pick up Bailey now?

    • Jason says:
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      @Tim: Absolutely!! Especially if you’re in a weekly league. What has Tazawa done for you so far?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Tim: Yes immediately.

  6. Will says:
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    What are your thoughts on Madson? I have him stashed on the DL but he’ll be coming off it soon and I don’t know if I should be holding a roster spot for him b/c it is unknown when he will be closing.

    • Enos says:
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      @Will: I’ve done the same based on blogs here. I hope it pays off as I need a 3rd closer and there ain’t nobody left in my league.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Will: Well Frieri hasn’t done enough of anything wrong to be replaced by an injury guy. I give it a month before Madson has the reigns full time, he will prollyget 2-3 saves in the interm as a day off type of sitch

  7. royce! says:
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    Yeehaw, I finally have a Donkeycorn in the RCL…was starting to get a bit chilly in the noggin with all those Bran Freezes.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @royce!: Royce!!! Congrats.

  8. wynams says:
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    3 of the top 5 closers in my points league laugh at this article …

    Grilli
    Mujica
    Wilhelmsen

    Also, JJohnson blew one this week, why is he unchanged?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @wynams: Job security and total saves for the year.

  9. talderson says:
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    Would you drop Bobby Parnell to pick up Andrew Bailey?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @talderson: No hold for now.

  10. gareth says:
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    14, 16, 18, 19.

    My closers are a mediocre bunch.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @gareth: Culd always be worse homie

  11. gareth says:
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    14, 16, 18, 19.

    My closers are a mediocre bunch.

  12. Clint says:
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    If someone could please get a Ouiji Board out and tell me which guy, if any, is the clear choice for replacing Gregg on the Cubs I’d be happy. I drafted Marmol, who blew up and got replaced by Mount Fuji. Then Gregg emerged when Fuji went down. I grabbed Fuji assuming he’s going to eventually replace the decidedly mediocre Gregg but Sveum keeps saying ZERO regarding Gregg good or bad that I can see.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Clint: It’s Gregg’s job for now. If something isn’t broken you don’t talk about it.

  13. MB says:
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    I have 3 closers plus Jansen. Need only 3 closers (holds league). Safe to trade one of my other closers or do I need to wait? need upgrades elsewhere

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @MB: Sure. Closer value is lower then others in trade sometimes.

      • Jason says:
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        @Smokey: Sorry bro, not to be a d!ck, but I have a hard time understanding why it’s so hard to know the difference between “then” and “than?” Not picking on you but I see it all the time. Than= a comparison and then refers to “time”. School for the day. You got some good inside though, I appreciate it.

        • Smokey

          Smokey says:
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          @Jason: Appreciate your “insight”, Johnny Grammar

          • Jason says:
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            @Smokey: Jason Grammar

            • Jason says:
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              @Jason: Oh I see, but I meant “inside” info.

              • Smokey

                Smokey says:
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                @Jason: Oh well that’s a whole nother ball game. Lol. Typing or spelling has never been my schtick. But appreciate the good humoredness.

  14. Kevin says:
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    Drop Tazawa for Cishek or Veras? League is also available to complete the shitty option trifecta.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Kevin: either, any chance at a save is better than a guys setting up for one ( unless holds are in play)

    • Jason says:
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      @Kevin: Just drop Tazawa and you’ll be a better team than before.

  15. ritzer says:
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    What type of closer should I target for my Josh Ruthledge. 14team H2H
    I have Philips 2B and Segura SS so he isn’t starting.
    Its a 14 team league with holds and saves so very few speculative adds available for saves. I have Wilhelmsen and Street. I keep loosing saves 5-4 or 6-5 each week. An extra closer would make me very strong in the cat.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @ritzer: Prolly looking lower level type return, try for Balfour or Parnell types

  16. Evan says:
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    In a dynasty league, got offered Saltalamachia and Smyly for Travis wood. I’m in 1st place so thinking about doing this. Good idea?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Evan: Ehh, it’s like trading a quarter for 2 nickles. Salty is an average C at best, and Smyly is a long man stuck on a team without a rotation spot to be had. I would ride the Travis “My manager thinks I’m the best pitcher in Baseball” Wood.

      • Evan says:
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        @Smokey: ok thanks smokey, I like Smyly but your right there’s really no spot for him in the rotation. Appreciate it!

  17. ferris says:
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    jose fernandez or kenley jansen?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @ferris: Hard to say, you need saves?

  18. Paul Wilson says:
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    Take his J Heyward and Heath Bell for my Rafael Soriano? I could use an OF, currently going with A Soriano, but Heath Bell is not rosterable

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Paul Wilson: I would hate to trade for something that I couldn’t use.

  19. Jacks says:
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    Trade Cishek for J Henderson or is that too lateral of a move? I have Cishek @ $8 ($300 cap) and Henderson is a FA pick, so the guy might be willing to deal. Worried that Cis just won’t get enuff opps this year and damn I need to build some saves to win.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Jacks: sure

  20. Mike says:
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    J.J. Hoover with 3 saves in the last three weeks is he worth a pick up. I am in a save and holds league.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Mike: He seems to be lucking into good situations. He is a great pitcher, but has a dominant and more veteran reliable pitcher in Marshall ahead of him from the Left side Broxton from the right. So it will be hit or miss, long term I like his potential. Rostering in normal leagues I am kinda meh.

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