Looks like someone got around to translating Karabell’s Etch-A-Sketch writings into fantasy baseball advice. Unless the rumors are true that Karabell’s gone green and started simply writing his fantasy baseball advice on toilet paper. Waste not, want not. So Karabell’s latest blog post was about how unproductive DHs currently are and how this should affect the way we look at pitchers. Could Karabaloney have hit on something when he surmised from seven unproductive DHs that league disparity isn’t what you think? Yeah, he hit on my last nerve. You have to be an ESPN Hindsighter™ to fully appreciate Karabell’s mangling of common sense, but I’ll give you a few turd nuggets to mull:

…with one month down, it’s no longer so big a gap (between leagues) that we should evaluate pitchers differently. The current league ERA in the NL is 4.07, and in the AL it’s 4.23. In 2007, it was also a small difference, 4.43 to 4.51. Maybe the designated hitter isn’t such a big deal anymore, eh?

Besides, using the word ‘eh,’ there’s about four hundred things wrong with this (you don’t draft entire staffs or entire leagues, you don’t draft every single middle man that is influencing these stats, you don’t start three of five starters in Citizen’s Bank or four of five in Coors, you draft maybe one Marlins starter, maybe two Pirates starters — I could go on, but I’m getting a tumor thinking about this.). So I’m going to focus on the most obvious:

The designated hitter isn’t such a big deal, eh? Who in their right mind would prefer to face a designated hitter instead of a pitcher? Heffin’ hey, are Karabell’s posts being written by Corky for Life Goes On? Sure, Karabell could shat on a piece of paper and win a FSWA.ORG award, but to say the DH is irrelevant is stoopid. (BTW, The FSWA has a mission statement. It’s akin to someone writing down rules for Rock, Paper, Scissors. Picture the FSWA getting together for drinks. “Hey, man, I’m not paying for your second colada!” “Figured I could sneak it through… Like I snuck Wade Boggs through in ‘87!” *Belly laughs all around.* But I digress.) In 2007 (I’m going to ignore 2008’s stats because, unlike maybe Karabell, those are the stats I drafted with. Not to mention, one month of stats isn’t indicative of anything other than someone who doesn’t know how to sort stats correctly), the fourteen AL teams placed in the top fifteen teams for OPS for the ninth placed hitter. The only NL team that snuck in was the Cardinals. Why? Because LaRussa, who’s cracked out of his mind, batted the pitcher eighth. So with current DHs sucking up the suck pot, does this mean it’s easier to face them than the NL pitcher? C’mon, only Karabell would think that nonsense. Or another way to put this, Karabell’s off his meds.

Then Karabell talked a bit about how awful some DHs have hit thus far. Again, it’s only one month, but we’ll let Karabell play with his Speak & Spell. Frank Thomas was on his list. The same Frank Thomas who Karabell pegged as a big sleeper. Dude, I’m telling you, you can’t make this shizz up. It’s like Karabell is not a real person but an amalgamation (Word of the Day) of whatever the interns are talking about while they pickup Kruk’s lunch.

Someone else who was in this list, David Ortiz. Now I’m not sure how I even missed this one back in March, but Karabell described David Ortiz as his pick for AL MVP! (Sorry for the exclamation point, but I felt it was needed.) A DH who has off-season knee surgery is who he chooses? Seriously, this is ESPN’s top fantasy analyst. Did he forget when Ortiz had his best seasons people wouldn’t vote for him because he was a DH? Did Karabell call in his pick from Tijuana after a night of ‘ludes and donkey shows? When he chose Ortiz, was he eating a Sonic Coney that caused him to hallucinate? Does his high school bully still torment him and was giving him a noogie until he chose Ortiz? Please, someone explain this to me, cause I’m about to lose it. Meanwhile, Karabell, go get your shinebox!

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After ten or so years, Rudy and I managed to agree on a trade. Melky Cabrera for Zach Greinke in a ten team mixed league. A fair enough trade in my estimation, but I still waited a day before pulling the trigger. Why? First some backstory (in case you weren’t sufficiently bored at work reading about a trade of Melky and Greinke), Rudy and I are best of friends, and, as any good friends should be, we’re hated fantasy baseball rivals. I’d rather lose a girlfriend to Tom Arnold than lose a league to Rudy. Once we step inside the imaginary world of fantasy baseball, I like him about as much as The Iron Sheik likes B. Brian Blair. (As with all Iron Sheik links, that is NSFW.)

Are all my leaguemates hated rivals? Nah, some are innocuous. The guy in last place who is starting Howie Kendrick for two weeks while he’s on the DL is no competition — innocuous. Some are annoying. The guy in first who streams starts and keeps coming up aces — annoying. Some are harmful. The guy in first that trades Kotchman for Prince Fielder — harmful. But to be a hated rival, you have to be a worthy competitor who is close enough to you that you can hear about how you screwed up a trade for the rest of your life. So I abstained from trades with Rudy for… well, ever.

So why trade now? Needs and it’s a trade that I don’t think could conceivably bite me in the ass too bad. I mean, I’m only giving up Melky. I like him this year, but I don’t see him suddenly becoming a top twenty offensive force. I think he could be a cheap 15/15/.285 player. On my team, Bill Hall will fill in for Melky, so it’s a downgrade, but not terrible. Most importantly, I needed starters. Right now I’m starting Jair Jurrjens with my last pitching spot. Now before Jair’s minions come out of the webwork, I obviously like Jurrjens, as well. But he’s risky moving forward in a ten team league. With the addition of Greinke, I’m not going to drop Jair, but I think I might have to at some point because he’s unproven at this level. Do I think Zach Grienke is headed for 20 wins and a nothing ERA? Nah, probably not. I’m just hoping he doesn’t take the mound in his next start wearing a rainbow wig, holding a sandwich board that has a psalm written on it in silver highlighter. If he does, I’m sure I’ll hear about it for the rest of my life.

RUDY’S TAKE

This was the equivalent of the Yankees trading with the Sawx. I don’t even like the thought of us trading - it’s like the episodes of Tom & Jerry when they were friends. But when I got offered M. Cabrera for a Royals pitcher, how could I say no? Oh, it’s Melky not Miguel….goddamnit. Larry King is right on about Cabreras…

Even with Melky, this trade works. My pitching staff in this league is STACKED. I had 12 undroppable pitchers - Peavy, Harang, Vazquez, Wainwright, Cueto, Greinke, Rivera, F-Cordero, Capps, Street, B-Wilson, Betancourt - meaning I had no bench slots for hitters. I lucked out over the first couple weeks as Kelly Johnson and Matt Kemp both had great days at times I may have benched them.

I figured Greinke and Cueto are lowest men on the totem pole and that the Zach Attack had more trade value. A swap for Johnny Damon with another leaguemate was declined. I figured Melky was better than nothing - I already got him on two expert league teams anyway. He can start for me until Bourn gets back on track and then I’ll probably rotate him in and out. My pitching staff doesn’t need Greinke - the only category I don’t have a 10 in is Wins which is his worst category anyway (after Saves of course).

Despite the unclean feeling that comes with trading w/ my bitter rival Grey, I think this is a win-win trade even if Greinke goes bat shit again….

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To protest a trade or not? Hmmm… How about, do you have a vagina or not? I keed. I’ve protested trades in the past, but I’m a convert. Now I believe everyone is entitled to manage their teams any way they’d like. If someone wants to trade Prince Fielder for Nomar, that should be protested, but only because the Fielder owner is obviously a drunk and needs a Dylan McKay-like intervention. But 99% of trades should be allowed with protests simply used to protect the integrity of a league. When someone makes a trade you don’t agree with, you can bitch and moan, but it’s their team. What else are you going to do? Tell them to drop Matt Morris for Scherzer? Tell them Cristian Guzman may not be the best utility guy? You can’t manage their team for them, so why should you be allowed to tell them who to trade?

I’ve never traded Asdrubal Cabrera for Matt Holliday to a foreign exchange student who thought fantasy baseball in some way involved girls. Yet I’ve been on the veto side of quite a few trades. It sucks, especially when you know you’re getting vetoed simply because you’re in first place and you’ve just made your team better with a completely fair trade. Last year when I got Reyes for Vlad, protest flags flew immediately. Was the trade in my favor? Well, I try not to do too many trades that aren’t, so, yeah. Was it completely lopsided and shouldn’t have been allowed? The guy needed an OF and I needed steals. When I traded Vlad, he had 11 home runs, 46 RBIs and was batting .355 through two months. Unfortunately (for the other guy), Vlad ended up hitting just 16 home runs the rest of the way, but that’s not my fault. That’s my good fortune. The trade went through and I won the league partly because of it.

In related news in the life of Grey (cuz you care!), there was a trade in my ‘pert league that sent Johan Santana to a team for Granderson and Ervin Santana. I was the first person to post a message on the board. I wrote, “Seriously? No… Wait. Seriously?” My “Seriously” soliloquy sparked a controversy, or I was simply the first person to see the trade and comment. Either way, the ‘perts came out blazing. I don’t think it’s my place to list the parties involved or what was said exactly, but I’ll give you the gist:

“This is collusion!”
“How dare you, sir? Collusion would take me actually knowing someone else in this league!”
“Collusion – delusion. It shouldn’t be allowed.”
“My good man, I made the trade and I think it’s fair.”
I chimed in again, “I just thought it was a bad trade on (the team owner who gave away Johan)’s part, but I never thought collusion. Honestly, I don’t even think there should be a protest option. If someone wants to do trade, they should be allowed.”
“Yeah, the trade sucks. But I guess there was no collusion.”
“Yeah, no collusion. Just a bad trade.”
“I still think the trade should be overruled because the trade sucks.”
This last part I will post directly what was written because it made me laugh, but I won’t mention the owner (but he’s free to chime in the comments). “I will weigh in a say that the trade is lopsided, but every deal is. Hey, if (the owner who got Johan) thinks he got a good deal and is happy with that crap for Johan Santana, then (the other owner) needs to be a car salesman! I’ll go on record right now and say Ervin Santana and Curtis Granderson are not going to be the answer (the new Granderson owner) is looking for. And, when it is all over, he will have traded the top pitcher in all of baseball for a SP with a 3-year average of a 4.84 ERA and a .263 OPP BA and a hitter that nets you about a .280/.344/.496 line with 35 steals. Hardly worth it! Oh, just because your child wants to walk into on coming traffic, doesn’t mean you let him for the betterment of society. Trades have a veto button for a reason. Most of the time people need to be protected from themselves more than they want to believe.”

So there’s the gist and a decent argument in favor of the protest button. I disagree with most protests (this crappy trade included), but there ya go. You can accuse us ‘perts of a lot of things, but dispassionate should not be one of them.

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Last week, I told you about some guys you should be adding to your roster. Now said player is sitting there on waivers and you have , say, the 3rd claim. Or say the 7th or the 1st, doesn’t really matter for this exercise. When do you know the right time to grab a player who’s been dropped by another team? Well, here’s how you know when to use your waiver claim:

When it’s someone you need for your roster.

Stop pussyfooting around and grab the player you want/need. Remember the idiot Cowboy Jon from, like, The Real World 2 who was saving his virginity? That’s who you are if you think saving your waiver claim is a wise move. I don’t care if Jesus, Gandhi or Mitt Rommey told you to save your waiver claim. They’re wrong (in this instance only, of course). Do you want to be Cowboy Jon sitting there in August praying that Evan Longoria is finally called up so you can use your claim? Or how about you’re Cowboy Jon and you finally get to use your waiver claim on Jay Bruce in August and by that time you’re out of the race for first? What farkin’ good is Jay Bruce doing you then? Use your waiver claims fast and furious. While your leaguemates are waiting for someone they deem worthy of a pickup, you’ll be grabbing all kinds of other players that are immediately useful.

“I just dropped Abreu for Kory Casto!” Well, I hope that was Tony Abreu, not Bobby, because I’m not saying you drop useful players for waiver wire fodder. Act like you know, MC Lyte! This ain’t rocket science. Use common sense, and your waiver claim. You’re welcome.

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My 2nd ‘expert’ blogger league draft took place on Monday night - a 12 team 5×5 league run by our friends Jay and Brett at Greener on the Other Side.

The participants are:
David Bloom- Baseball Happenings
Jay Sarney & Brett Greenfield - Greener on the Other Side
Brad Stewart- MLB Front Office
Geoff Stein- Mock Draft Central
Adam Ronis- Newsday
Mike Sessa and Chris Corcione- Pseudo Sports
Rudy Gamble- Razzball
Ken Mathe- Roto Advice
Eric Stashin- Roto Professor
Jordan Frank- Roto Rob
Sean Salsbery- Warning Track Power
Arnie The Regular Guy (the one non-blogger in the bunch)

It had been about a month since my first blogger draft and I hadn’t made too many adjustments to my rankings (move Pierre down, move Josh Hamilton and Billy Butler up, etc.).

My strategy remained the same - get the most value out of each pick and don’t leave the draft with any glaring weaknesses (harder in a 12 team league to fill holes via free agency - espec. in an advanced league). After running projections for each team, I feel quite strong about my team in all categories except SB and Wins. But with Pierre and Velez, I’ve got hope in SB and I’d prefer to finish middle of the pack in Wins than use crappy starters and damage my ERA/WHIP.

The only other observation I have coming out of this draft is a mild note of surprise at the number of reach picks that were made (vs. Average Draft Position). Examples include Kinsler in the 4th round, Zimmerman in the 5th round, Hamilton and Victorino in the 6th round, Carlos Gomez and Billy Butler in the 13th round, and Andre Ethier in the 14th round. It goes to show that despite all the mock and real drafts done by the members of this league, it’s tough to know exactly when a certain player might come off the board. I prefer to avoid reaching more than a round over ADP for any player but definitely respect a team going after ‘their players’.

See below for my team and the rosters of the other teams. Those in blue are players that I have on my other blogger league team.

If you are so inclined, feel free to comment on my team…

C (131) Jorge Posada
1B (14) David Ortiz
2B (182) Ty Wigginton
SS (107) Michael Young
3B (38) Garrett Atkins
CI (179) Adam LaRoche
MI (158) Jhonny Peralta
OF (35) Nick Markakis
OF (59) Torii Hunter
OF (86) Jeff Francoeur
OF (203) Nate McLouth
OF (251) Melky Cabrera
UTIL (278) Mike Jacobs
UTIL (206) Juan Pierre
SP (11) Johan Santana
SP (62) Dan Haren
SP (155) Pedro Martínez
SP (230) Andy Pettitte
RP (83) Joe Nathan
RP (110) Mariano Rivera
RP (134) Matt Capps
RP (227) Rafael Betancourt
RP (302) Hideki Okajima

Bench (299) Jon Rauch
Bench (254) Kelvim Escobar
Bench (275) Eugenio Velez
Bench (323) Kazuo Fukumori
Bench (326) Jonny Gomes

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