On this dreary snoozy December day, Walt Jocketty got his wish and made a splash for the Cincinnati Reds in the offseason. In return for four years of Mat Latos, the Reds sent the San Diego Padres Edinson Volquez, Yonder Alonso, Yasmani Grandal and Brad Boxberger.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Before he was called up in the beginning of June, I expected Brett Lawrie would get a 15/15 season in three-quarters of a season. (I also had one of my favorite titles of the season, “Brett Lawrie on Toronto is One Delicious BLT.” Hehe, that still gives me the giggles. BTW, it’s okay for a mustachioed man to admit to giggling. Anyone else over the age of eight should be embarrassed.) Lawrie then fractured his hand, no relation to Brad, and missed about two months. Then in 43 games last year after he was called up, he hit 9 homers and stole 7 bases. That sounds like he would’ve had the 15/15 in the abbreviated season as originally predicted by me. Or as Lawrie would say on Twitter #yabuddy. “You want to convey your emotional state while giving the most information possible, all in under 140 characters.” That’s Lawrie explaining Twitter to his Grammie. How did I know he was going to hit for power and speed? Am I time traveler? Do I read tea leaves under the pseudonym, Future Man? Am I witch? No, nope and I don’t think so, but without a good burning at the stake one can never be sure. I knew what he was gonna do because I looked at his minor league numbers. The things you can do with eyes! In Triple-A last year in 69 games, he hit 18 homers and stole 13 bags. The year before in Double-A, he hit 8 homers and stole 30 bases in a full season. Oh, and he’s only going to be 22 years old this year and he was born on my day of birth. We are both Capricorns. A land sign that enjoys walks on the beach and discreet nose picking. Usually at different times. So what can we expect of Brett Lawrie for 2012 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Baseball’s hot stove season has been largely dominated by the new-look Marlins. The last time a Miami team made such headlines in free agency, it was the controversial Miami Heat “Dream Team.” Although they did not have their own hour long ESPN special and subsequent public hatred like Lebron and his gang, the new-look Marlins have come to play.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Baltimore Orioles 2011 Minor League Review
Organizational Talent Rankings via Baseball America:
2011 (21) | 2010 (8) | 2009 (9) | 2008 (14) | 2007 (17) | 2006 (12)
2011 Affiliate Records
MLB: [69-93] AL East
AAA: [56-87] International League – Norfolk
AA: [75-66] Eastern League – Bowie
A+: [80-59] Carolina League – Frederick
A: [55-85] South Atlantic League – Delmarva
A(ss): [24-51] New York-Penn League – Aberdeen
The Run Down
With guys in their system like Manny Machado, Jonathan Schoop and Dylan Bundy, Baltimore is not without exciting prospects. Unfortunately, though, the aforementioned are a bit too far from their MLB debuts to garner fantasy consideration for 2012. That leaves us with a bunch of fringe-types to discuss. Sure, a few of these names will blossom into regular roles, but I find it unlikely that any of them will reach significant fantasy value.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Brewers signed Aramis Ramirez to a deal worth between $34-37 million. Wouldn’t you love to make so much money that there’s a gap of three million between what you might make? “Hey, Aramis, you got a second?” “I was just rolling up hundred dollar bills to make kindling.” “Just wanted to see if you’ll take a deal for somewhere between $34-37 million.” “There’s a three million dollar gap there. That gap is more money than some people make in their lives. Yeah, I guess I’ll take it. If I make $37 million, I’ll be able to light more fires.” I make between three and four dollars daily from Razzball. I have a one dollar gap! I want a three million dollar gap! Inner monologue, “Breath, Grey, breath.” Okay, sorry, my chakras need alignment. So Aramis goes to the land of cheap beer and Laverne & Shirley on the heels of the Brewers about to lose their two best hitters — Prince Fielder and Craig Counsell. Sorry, their two best non-cheating hitters. Eh, the Cubs last year looked like they couldn’t hit soup if they fell out of a boat that was floating on top of a giant vat of soup, and Aramis hit just as well as he usually does. At 34, he’s not going to be less injury-prone and there’s no way he’s ever hitting 30 homers again. He is, however, a professional hitter when healthy. (Don’t you love when I interrupt sentences with “however?” Makes me sound so smart! Even when “however” is interrupting a trite claim like someone’s a professional hitter.) I’d give Aramis a line of 75/25/95/.295. Anyway, here’s some other offseason moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Casey McGehee – Traded to the Pirates or as I like to call it, “Make room for Mat Gamel!” The camera pans to Gamel for his reaction and he’s fumbling his drink. What a klutz. McGehee was always utility man-ish before his breakout in 2010, then he went right back to crizzap in 2011. I’m not buying into McGehee in 2012 in Pittsburgh either. Maybe he can go to the plate while the remix plays, “Blech and Yellow.”
Mat Gamel - No one likes Mat Gamel. The Brewers wanted to try Gamel in Spring Training last year and he was 30 pounds overweight. Lay off the mayonnaise, doode. His Triple-A manager said he’s “hard-headed.” (No one ever said that of Justin Morneau.) I get this feeling with a beat provided by will.i.am that Gamel is gonna go the way of Matt Murton. I hope he doesn’t. I hope he gets a real shot at 1st base in Spring Training. I think now that McGehee is gone he will. Even if all Gamel does is hit homers and make errors. In 2007, Milwaukeeans called that The Braun Exacta. I propose the Brewers correct Gamel’s defensive problems similar to how the Rockies went to the humidor. They should put The Vacuum in Miller Park. Whenever the visiting team is hitting, you turn The Vacuum to suck and watch as everything is hit to the left side. The Vacuum sucks so Gamel doesn’t blow. He had another great year at Triple-A — 28 homers, .310. He looks like he’s more than ready with the bat. Definitely will be someone I’ll look at late in drafts for my corner infidel spot. Could get a cheap 25 homers and a .290 average.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Braun tested positive for something. Maybe it was a performance-enhancing drug. Maybe it wasn’t a performance-enhancing drug just one that causes a positive test. Maybe he just drank sixteen bottles of Red Bull and made out with a stripper who had a cold sore. I don’t know. No one knows, but Ryan Braun. Some will say whatever he did is unforgivable. Others will say they couldn’t forgive him after he came out with a line of t-shirts for Affliction. He’s guilty until proven innocent nowadays and, frankly, I’m fine with that and don’t call me Frank Lee. Players should know what they can ingest. Pay me $10 million a year to play a game and I’ll make sure I’m aware of the banned substances. Did Prince Fielder get a batch of tainted tempeh and Ryan Braun ate it before Fielder could? Well, that seems impossible; no one eats Prince’s tempeh but Prince. Whatever comes out, what really concerns us is what are we supposed to make of Ryan Braun for 2012 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
As reported ad nauseum yesterday, Albert Pujols signed with the Los Angeles Suburb of Los Angeles Angels yesterday. Or the Albertaheim Pujalos, as they should now be called. Something that wasn’t reported, with Pujols going from a Cardinal to an Angel, Dan Brown now has a new book idea. After every home run, Pujols seemed to be pointing at God, but he was obviously pointing at the Angels. And since it is the Christmas season, let us not forget: When a Pujols gets a contract, an Angel gets his rings. Someone reported how Pujols stands to make $68,493 per day. I have an idea: Occupy Pujols! They’ll like that one in West Hollywood. Okay, enough of the jibber-jabbering.Please, blog, may I have some more?
And just like with the Wayan Brothers, the Marlins like sequels. This offseason is a sequel to 1997′s spending spree. We’ll call this one, “Don’t Be A Miser In South Florida While Drinking Your Profits In The Hood.” Mark Buehrle signed on with the Marlins for $58 million. The Marlins are currently acting like they are under the ownership of Montgomery Brewster. Jeffrey Loria is investing so much, Bernie Madoff probably wishes he was back in the game. It’s like Loria is investing all the money that Wilpon lost. Last year Buehrle had his 3rd straight year of a K-rate under 5. He’s about as bleh as pitchers get. Anyway, here’s some more moves from the Winter Meetings for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Huston Street – Traded to the Padres for a player to be named later. I think the PTBNL in the Street deal will be an undocumented worker from a meat processing plant. Gotta keep Dante Bichette’s Inferno Hot Dog stand stocked up. No one wants a repeat of the hot dogs with drifter meat from the Larry Walker Ranch. Assuming Street will be healthy, he’ll be more than suitable as a closer.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sergio Santos was traded to the Blue Jays for Nestor Molina, no relation to Alfred. Santos will take over the Blue Jays closing job with Frank Francisco being waved away like a stale fart — Stank Fartcisco, if you will. Santos was made for this job. He’s a cyborg. A cyborg of Ks who was sent here from the future to save games and to dance to the club remix of O Canada. Only wish he wasn’t traded so less people would be aware of him and he’d come as a bargain in 2012 fantasy drafts. Alas, he’s still gonna be worth a high (for a closer) draft pick. Last year he had 92 Ks in 63 1/3 IP. Who are you, Carlos Marmol? I love you, Santos, now have my babies and then name them something with a K. Like Klancy or Kasey or Keith. Anyway, here’s some more moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Heath Bell – Signed with the Miami Marlins to replace Juan Carlos Oviedo, who wants to know why the Florida Marlins can change their name but he can’t. Heath Bell will be a capable closer that I may or may not have on my fantasy teams, depending on where he’s drafted. I think he’ll probably be too rich for my blood. If I get a transfusion, I’ll revisit him.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh, boy, Bill James has gone and done it again. His misguided love for all things Chris Davis has reemerged for Paul Goldschmidt. He gives him the 2012 projections of 93/32/99/.266/9. Wow. Maybe after Goldschmidt’s done curing cancer he can also invent a Facebook Dislike button so I can properly grade all of my so-called friends’ posts. Or if you’re to believe that James line, maybe I should be writing an overrated post for Goldschmidt instead of a sleeper one. Alas, I’m taking into consideration that most people ignore Bill James or just don’t follow his projections when it comes to fantasy. (Yes, lots do follow his projections that read this site, but, let’s be honest, you’re the two-percenters. The average fantasy baseballer (<–my mom’s term!) doesn’t follow Bill James’s projections. Then when you consider that the ‘smart fantasy baseballers’ that do know about James’s projections also know to ignore them, the percentage gets even smaller.) So I’m gonna say most aren’t taking Bill James’s line that seriously and Goldschmidt will still have some sleepitude to him. So what can we expect of Paul Goldschmidt for 2012 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?