Fantasy Baseball Advice

I left Matt Antonelli off the September call up post because I thought this season’s struggles would mean no promotion, but the Friars cut Tadahito Iguchi and decided to reward Antonelli for a miserable minor league season. Though he has been better recently. Ducksnorts breaks down Antonelli for real baseball. For fantasy, in NL-Only leagues you should take a flier (or a friar — oofa!). He might be useless, but it’s a MI flier, and you can’t really hurt your team with one of those as long as you don’t drop anyone too important. In keeper leagues, he’s a must have. If he comes out of the gate in ‘09 like a young Marcus Giles (that’s a compliment), he’ll be well worth keeping. Meanwhile, Mat Gamel was mentioned in the September call ups post and this Thursday’s fantasy baseball keeper post. But I thought he wouldn’t get the call. Now it looks like he will. If you’re in a keeper league, you should get him on your team. In regular leagues — eh. If the Brewers clinch the Wild Card with some time to spare, maybe Gamel makes a slight impact towards the very end of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jason Bartlett – 4-for-4 with his first home run of the year. Good to see the one person who stuck with him this year was rewarded. Now his Mom can drop him too.

Wandy Rodriguez – He left the game with a strained oblique. I think they’re narrowed his injury down to somewhere in his stomach. Well, it was a fun week and a half where I liked Wandy. Now I must drop him.

Ty Wigginton – HR yesterday to tie the Astros record for the most HRs in a month at 12. No, he did not match, Billy Hatcher. It was Bags.

CC Sabatahia – See what I give you when you let me finish the game. After throwing 117 pitches in his no one hitter, he went to a local carnival and threw 300 more pitches winning stuffed animals for all of the kids. I can’t wait until the Brewers meet the Cubs in the playoffs. I can see it now, Prince Fielder throwing 95 MPH fastballs using CC’s arm and Derrek Lee swinging a bat made of Harden’s ulnar collateral ligament. Fun times!

Mike Aviles – Finger contusion and he’s day-to-day, which is not quite ass-to-ass like in Requiem for a Dream.

Jeff Kent – Career might be over with torn knee cartilage. Here’s hoping the sportswriters make Bonds wait one year for the Hall of Fame as a slap on the wrist then him and Kent can go in together. My first chart-topping R & B song is, “Through Gritted Teeth.”

Kevin Gregg – This is slightly old news because we don’t do our roundup on Saturday (because my girlfriend would fucking kill me — her words), so just reporting this now, but he’s going to be out for at least a week. Matt Lindstrom should get the majority of the saves. (BTW, Matt Lindstrom, Chris Volstad and Josh Johnson… Is it me or don’t these names sound like guys that would be at a frat party where the night would end with a girl pressing charges?)

Carlos Zambrano – Complaining of heavy arm, he’s being pushed until Tuesday. Don’t think he’s startable in any league that’s shallower than 12 team leagues. A very risky play right now.

David Eckstein – Former World Series MVP takes his grit, hustle and just-can’t-put-your-finger-on it-ness to the Diamondbacks. He only okayed the deal after the Arizona Diamondbacks agreed to provide Eckstein with a unlimited supply of Coppertone SPF 45 Sunscreen and a sun umbrella that will be carried around by Augie Ojeda. Augie, there’s sun hitting my elbow! Sorry, Mr. Eckstein.

Dear Reader,

On my way back from a charity fundraiser for koalas who are addicted to pot (This is why koalas sleep 23 hours a day!), I started thinking about the ways I could make this a better world — in addition to the koala relief work. Do I open a pet cemetery in the shape of a giant toilet bowl? Do I manufacture yarmulkes with curly locks attached to the side? Or should I just point out ESPN’s top fantasy analyst, Eric Karabell’s misuse of brains?

As always, you need to be an ESPN Hindsighter™ to fully appreciate Karabell’s dumbitude, but I’ll cut and paste the relevant twigs and berries.

McLouth might or might not have hit the proverbial wall, but you don’t hear his name associated with fantasy MVP honors anymore, not after he’s hit .248 with nine home runs since June 1.

Might or might not have hit the proverbial wall. Hmm… Picture you sit down at a fine dining establishment — no, not Denny’s — and you ask the waiter if the Soup of the Day is any good. Now imagine the waiter says, “It might or might not be good.” Mommy, where’s Daddy? Erica, Daddy’s out hedging his bets. Then the next part about Fantasy MVP is pretty easy thing for him to say about McLouth, until you realize he was the one crowning McLouth Fantasy MVP back in May. I like to call this dish, “The Best Pile of Macaroni Salad You Will Ever Taste, Until I Point To Another Pile of Macaroni Salad and Say It’s Better.” It goes really well with “The Most Robust Wine You Will Drink Until You Have This Other One.” Am I the only one who’s stumped by this Jenga building of logic?

The Japanese import (Fukudome) is owned in far too many leagues for the numbers he’s supplying.

He was the one telling everyone to pickup Fukudome. Or did an evil cyborg take over Karabell’s human skin and give that advice? Or is there a tiny alien inside Karabell’s human skin and he hasn’t figured out the controls yet for the brain?

For the final month, (Jay Bruce’s) OK and should, along with Joey Votto, hit some home runs, but neither guy is tearing it up. Votto has hit .320 since the All-Star break, but with only two home runs. Other Reds with two home runs since the break include Corey Patterson, Javier Valentin and recent callup Chris Dickerson. Bruce has hit eight home runs since then, but the .240 batting average negates quite a bit of it.

He told you he was this year’s Ryan Braun. The Ryan Braun of numbers we see hardly never — even if we go back to the days of The Tin Lizzie and when people called their friends, contemporaries? Yeah, that Ryan Braun.

Okay, here’s ESPN’s fantasy coverage. Appetizer — McLouth will be the best hitter of this season, bar none. Entree — McLouth will have some struggles, but this is a horse you wanna ride. Dessert — I just shat into a dirty ashtray and you ate it. Hey, Karabell, go get your shinebox!

Yours,

Hater

Usually on Friday we do our Buy and Sell feature, but with September 1st knocking on August’s door — August 31st is that you? Uh… No. August 30th? Nope. August 32nd? No, you nitwit! It’s September 1st! – it’s time we looked at September call ups. These are potential September call ups that will, should, could and potentially make or not make a difference in fantasy baseball. So take a drag on that Newport cause Razzball’s Alive With Pleasure with September call ups. Anyway, here’s some potential September call ups to keep your eye on for fantasy baseball:

Max Scherzer and Mat Gamel - Both mentioned in the other day’s fantasy baseball keeper post. Jobacum will get the call; Gamel will more than likely not.

Joe Koshansky – Corner guy for the Rockies. Some pop + Coors = Hall of Fame career? Perhaps. This offseason, Helton (who?) or Atkins or both will be on their way out, which could open some room for Koshansky. NL-Only’ers and keepers should toss a few bucks Koshansky’s way. (BTW, Koshanky, Iannetta and Tulowitzki sounds like an immigration law firm. Or the last surviving immigrants who orginally arrived on Ellis Island.)

Colby Rasmus – LaRussa says Rasmus is not getting the call up. Was he sober when he said this? You make the call!

David Price – A) I don’t think he’s ready to start in the big leagues. B) The Rays staff is filled. C) The Rays are a super-conservative team with prospects. Look for Price in ‘09.

Travis Hafner – Well, there’s a rookie name! If you have room on your DL, you can continue to hold him, but he’s missed three games this week in the minors due to shoulder soreness. Let’s not forget the comatose Indians fan who woke to see the Indians backup catcher with 17HRs and think the team was doing well. You may get Pronk’d!

Shaun Marcum – You’re familiar with his issues. You should avoid until TBD.

Brandon Wood -Here’s someone I really like when he gets called up (it will be a bit late because of playoffs for his minor league team). Scioscia will probably bench his regulars here and there when they clinch so he should be able to wedge Wood into the lineup.

Chris Ray – Soon Tommy John surgery will be an outpatient procedure. Bonkers, I tell ya. Absolutely bonkers.

Jerry Owens – Only seeing playing time late in the year if there’s an injury or the Sox clinch with room to spare. Still SAGNOF.

Adam Jones – Another “not really a call up,” but should be back burning jays by next week.

Jason Pridie – Twins prospect/outfielder who might get called up. Has some speed and power. Decided to drop trou and take a dump on his Triple-A production this year. That’s not an endorsement.

Jay Gibbons – His possible reappearance couldn’t even get Dame Jane Goodall’s nipples hard.

Jordan Schafer – As I mentioned the other day, Wren says the Braves will not call up Schafer. Stay tuned… Or not. Or yacht. Or…huh?

Brad Nelson – Needs to get out of the ginormous shadow of Prince Fielder if he’s going to have any chance for success.

Jeff Larish – Already been called up to replace Carlos Guillen. He has pop, but a liability on average. Should be on AL-Only keeper teams already, and worth the flier if he isn’t. Yo, that shizz is Larish!

Cameron Maybin – If he’s not owned in NL-Only leagues already and keepers, he should be. His floor is Mike Cameron. His ceiling is Derrek, who’s this kid I went to high school with that hit something like .790 with 20 HRs and 40 steals in just under 30 games. It was unreal.

J.R. Towles – Casual Reader of this site, “Hey, I drafted him!” Well, don’t go picking him back up.

Blake DeWitt – Mentioned him the other day, in the Ryan Zimmerman fantasy prediction
post-a-roo-ski.

Jon Niese – Supposedly getting the start for Maine on Sept. 2nd or August 33rd for those that don’t want August to end. If the start goes well, you might see more of Niese (BTW, no relation to Eric Nies).

Phil Hughes – For of youse out there with Bobby Meacham pillow cases and “Kiss Me I Got Jeter’s Autograph” t-shirts don’t do it. Put down that Hughes for this year.

Matt Murton – If he doesn’t get the call then The Federation For Equal Treatment of Gingies may have to step in. (That’s definition #2, btw.)

Steve Pearce – I pimped out my merkin with words of praise for Pearce earlier in the year, but he showed everything that Pittsburgh touches turns to Jack Wilson.

Andrew McCutchen – Can’t someone hire Bobby Bonilla to give an inspiration speech about how the Pirates were once good?

Brandon Morrow – I’ve covered him already. I’ll save you a sidebar search. I’m not buying into him for September.

Nadir Bupkus – The future of the San Diego Padres franchise.

When Max Scherzer was first called up, he was dubbed Jobacum by Razzballers because of his uncanny resemblance to Joba Chamberlain and Tim Lincecum or maybe it was because the name Jobacum made me giggle. Either way, in Jobacum’s cup of coffee earlier this year, he impressed. If Petit should falter, Jobacum will slide right into his rotation spot. This isn’t a foregone conclusion. Petit has looked good and it’s not necessarily a hirame. Petit was a highly ranked prospect while in the Mets farm system. Some of the shine has come off of Petit, but he’s still only 23. Jobacum may simply return as the long reliever he left as. Don’t let that influence your decision on whether to keep Scherzer for 2009. Or Petit for that matter. If you think Webb and Haren seem impressive right now, wait until Jobacum and Petit are in the ‘09 rotation. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball keepers for 2009:

Jose Arredondo – I don’t usually recommend keeping closers and this name is a bit out off left field — literally! (Because their bullpen is in left– Oh, forget it.) But K-Rod is putting together the ultimate cash-in season. He won’t be returning to close for the Angels. They might turn to Shields, but I think Arredondo’s the kind of youngster Scioscia will look to, barring any fatal meltdown in the playoffs. (No, that wasn’t an allusion to Donnie Moore. That’s just wrong.) In AL-Only leagues, you might get yourself a top closer for a couple of bucks.

Chris Dickerson – The fact the Reds brought him up already tells me they are committed to giving him a go of it. (Do you wanna have a go at it? He said, do you wanna have a go at it!? Sorry, but that’s just about my favorite scene from any movie and I’d be impressed if you recognize it. Random!)

Mat Gamel – Ryan Braun, The Hebrew Hammer, hits for average, power and butchered plays at 3rd base. Well, Gamel can slug with the best of them and plays 3rd like Jenny McCarthy in a celebrity softball game. Not to mention, his name is almost Gimel, which is the third letter of the Hebrew alphabet. The similarities are endless!

Brandon Wood – Conversely, I started with Jobacum and ended with Wood.

Let’s take a quick stroll down memory lane for what we’ve said about Ryan Zimmerman this season, “Out with a shoulder injury. Recovering from a wrist injury. We recommend that they just amputate the arm, put on a new one, and call him Ryan Zimmerhands,” “Being outslugged by Aaron Boone. Awesome!” “A man with a ’stache drafts Ryan Zimmerman and then drops him just after the draft — Just. To. Prove. A. Point. That’s what a man with a ’stache does.” Yesterday, Zimmerman hit his 1st homer since returning in July. That’s right, he has one home run since the All-Star break. He has nine homers on the year. With a three hole hitter like this, any wonder why the Nats are terrible? Zimmerman should’ve had surgery for this shoulder issue. The Nats should’ve forced it. Now they’re risking ‘09. Really bad decision making on all parties involved. Probably wait to hear about offseason surgery or how he looks in spring training, but as of right now, I’m not a fan for ‘09 either. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jordan Schafer – To update my excitement from yesterday’s post where I mentioned Schafer. Baby’s black balloon deflates. Wren, Braves GM, says Schafer’s not being called up in September.

Johan Santana – Was he outdueled by Kyle Kendrick? C’mon, seriously?

Josh Hamilton – Out with an abscessed tooth. If he needs oral surgery, can he have painkillers? That’s a serious question. I’m curious.

Dan Wheeler – Picked up his fifth save in the last week and a half. Didn’t I say he was going to be the closer? Even when everyone was saying Balfour would get the saves? Whatever. I don’t understand how everyone can still listen to those schmohawks over at Yahoo when they say shizz like, “Carlos Gomez is not in the lineup according to the Twins.” These things are effin’ automated. No one’s behind the wheel of that jalopy of a fantasy site. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out why people use Yahoo instead of ESPN. There will be more on this subject in the winter and going into the spring. I don’t like the ESPN fantasy ‘perts, but at least their player news makes sense. “Yahoo Fantasy News doesn’t make sense according to Yahoo Fantasy News.”

Juan Rivera – Got into the game at 2nd base. It was a fluky thing and he won’t see any more time there, but, if your league has one game elgibility, this could be huge.

Gio Gonzalez – 3 IP, 4 ER. Just doesn’t seem ready yet outside of matchups. Drizz-opped.

Josh Johnson – CG, 1 ER, 8 K. Been terrific since returning and I’ll be the first one to tell you I didn’t want any part of him this year. It’s fine, I was just erring on the side of caution. At this point, even I would pick him up. Of course, now I’ve just jinxed him.

Matt Harrison – 6 2/3 innings and 1 ER for the victory. He’s starting against the Mariners next week and I’m still not looking at him unless the league is, as the kids say, hella deep.

Pablo Sandoval – HR yesterday as he got the start at third base then was moved to 1st. Unfortunately, I went out and missed this game. Would’ve loved to see someone lay down a bunt and watch Bengie and Sandoval converge. Lincecum, “Nooooooo!!!”

Tim Lincecum – Speaking of “Nooooooo!!!” Member how people were worried Lincecum’s innings were piling up? Yesterday, Bochy Dustied Lincecum for 132 pitches.

Matt Garza – I spotted him in a ten team league and was rewarded. Will not start him next time out against the Yanks, then I’ll start him the next time out against the Jays. As Montell Jordan sang, “This is how we do it…”

Jensen Lewis – Kazaam!

Luis Ayala – Well, it’s about freakin’ time! We officially have a Mets closer. (This will change by this weekend.)

Randy Johnson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks. In a ten team league, he’s more than replaced Maine. I don’t think Pedro’s going to be pitching this well, or at all at the age of 44. It’s probably unfair to say that because of their body types are so completely different, but why do I have to be fair? Who said, “Grey, be fair.”  I’m not cutting up cake to share with my sister while she screams, “Mom, Grey’s not being fair!” No, that’s not what’s going on at all. In fact, I don’t have a sister. Geez.

Kelly Shoppach – 17th HR yesterday. Victor Martinez is in the minors. Waking comatose Indians fan, “Huh? Shoppach what?”

Blake DeWitt – Recalled from Vegas and will cut into Casey Blake’s time against right-handers. According to Elias Sports Bureau, this is the first time in the history of baseball that a player by the first name of Blake will be platooning with a player by the last name of Blake. Actually, they never said that, to my knowledge, but they could have. Here’s some more things Elias Sports Bureau could have said yesterday, “For the third time since ‘98, Leandro couldn’t fix the soft drink machine,” “For the fifth time since Monday, Gus has attempted to flirt with Rachel and she’s taken it as him being friendly,” and “For the first time ever, Bob, in Accounting, died.”