Ayo whaddup it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka The Guy With No Tummy Tuck But Just Looks Fine aka The Guy Who Spent Forty Minutes Googling Steely Dan Lyrics aka The Guy Who Tries To Spell Every Word On A Calculator Held Upside Down aka The Guy Who Eats A Macadamia Nut Like A Professor And Says, “I’m An Macademic” aka The Guy Who Often Wonders Whatever Happened To Ione Skye aka The Guy Who Says His Name Is Steve To Telemarketers aka The Guy Who Can Sing Any Song Off The ‘Fear Of A Black Planet’ Album aka The Dirt On Your Keyboard’s Shift Key. I’m here with 2019 content, snitches! Okay, I need to sit down, I’ve exhausted myself in the excitement of it all. Well, the joke’s on my butt, I have nowhere to sit! A quick preamble about the 2019 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks. Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP. That means no Roman Quinn, no Magneuris Sierra, and no Ramon Laureano. In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout. That wasn’t an accident. I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!” Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year. Last year that honor went to Ronald Acuña Jr. Yes, it’s an honor, don’t be so condescending. This year the top fantasy prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep. Vladimir Guerrero Jr. will be your number one 2019 fantasy baseball rookie. Will Vlad Jr. be named to the All-Century Team in 82 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue, due to trademark infringement, only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball? Can Vladimir Guerrero Jr. be a top 50 overall player in 2019? Let’s stop the questions and start the answers! Okay, one more question… Anyway, what we can expect of Vladimir Guerrero Jr. for 2019 fantasy baseball?
If I didn’t see a picture of Vladimir Guerrero Jr. from sixteen years ago with his dad, standing on 2nd base with the Expos, waving to the crowd, looking like he’s three years old, I would’ve thought Vlad Jr. is now turning 27. Doode is a man-child. Not to heap blame on him, but, all you people out there who are 25 years old who still get carded? Vlad Jr. is why. He’s ruined it for everyone whoever tried to buy beer under age. Someone cards him, even though he looks like he’s ten years past the date for carding, and, boom, he’s underage and the store clerk now knows they have to card everyone, which then led Ice Cube to drop some of his best rhymes on Death Certificate, so, I guess, technically, Vladimir Guerrero Jr. has done a lot of good. He inspired one of Ice Cube’s best albums before he was even born. What did you do before you were born? Yeah, jackshit, which is also jackfruit three to twenty-seven hours after you ate it. Any hoo! Not many people have eyes on guys (rhyming dictionary, watch out!) before they hit the majors, so let’s develop our non-tactical senses:
I could put another 100+ GIFs in here to illustrate, but that one stood out because it was off Jack Flaherty and it was in a major league park with two outs in the 9th. Vlad eats pressure for breakfast. They’re called Pressurios. They taste grrrrrrrreat. VGJ, as he’s known in free clinics, hit .402 in 61 games in Double-A with 14 homers. Basically, the greatest hitter to ever hit in Double-A, and because he has OCD, his BABIP was .402 too (stutterer!). Then, in Triple-A, he hit six homers in 30 games, and .336. Bummer, he might only be a .315 hitter in the majors with power. He’s not Vlad Jr., he’s Vlad. Unless they vote Acuña’s dad into the Hall of Fame for donating his sperm to Acuña, the Guerreros might be the first Hall of Fame father and son duo in the Hall. Yes, I just said Vlad Jr. could be a Hall of Famer before he’s played one game in the majors. Never said that before (I don’t think), but Vlad the Mini Impaler is that good. For fantasy, he’s not as good as Acuña, though. At least not for 2019. He doesn’t have Acuña’s speed and that makes a difference in fantasy. Still think The Mini Impaler has top 100 fantasy value for 2019 written on him and it’s not a rub-off tattoo. He could easily repeat a year like Miguel Andujar just had, which was about as good as Anthony Rendon, which meant a top seven 3rd baseman. Maybe we shouldn’t be so mad at Vlad Jr. for ruining underage drinking for decades. If the Jays go out and sign a big free agent this offseason, and think their time is now, then Guerrero might be up out of camp. If the Jays play it cautious, he might not be up until late-May, early-June. My guess is he’s up around the same time as Acuña this year. Either way, Vladdy Jr. looks like the preseason AL Rookie of the Year candidate to beat. For 2019, I’ll give him the projections of 62/24/71/.308/3 in 487 ABs and a mid-April call.
