With two home runs yesterday, Ryan Braun is up to 20 HRs. Not sure I mentioned this before, but I traded for The Hebrew Hammer a couple of weeks ago. (If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!) I traded Carl Crawford for Braun. Rudy called me all kinds of names about this one. Topped with, “I’d say you’ve sunk to a new low but trading Verlander to (so-and-so) for Street (two years ago) when (so-and-so) was 3 starts away from being maxed out was the lowest…” Honestly, I enjoy pissing off my friends at fantasy baseball, but I wasn’t sure why Rudy was mad about this one. I mean, Crawford for Braun is fair, no? Well, turns out the team I traded Crawford to didn’t need steals. Know what? I don’t care. The team’s owner has been playing with us for a long time. He’s proven himself a worthy adversary. If he wants to trade for more steals while sporting Reyes, Pierre and Bourn, it’s his prerogative. (I don’t need permission to make my fantasy baseball decisions….It’s my prerogative…) So does this mean I suddenly endorse Braun? I placed him 22 overall; I never didn’t endorse him (sorry, double negatives hurt my brain, too). I just thought Braun was going too high. Well, on that team, I needed power because Hafner was a have-not, so I went out and got Braun. Am I suddenly down on Crawford? I am starting to think the power may never come and I’m not a huge fan of speed only guys, so there’s that. The lesson that should be taken away? Every player has a place on some team. Except Ryan Zimmerman. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chase Headley – Watched him bat three times yesterday. Saw nothing that exciting. Seems like he likes to take a pitch even if it means striking out. Reminded me of Jeremy Hermida in this respect. This was one game; this is by no means a ‘pert evaluation.

Manny Parra – 7 shutout innings, 5/4 K/BB. Confidence level looks like it’s climbing. (I don’t know what that means. I heard Bill Schroeder say it and Bill Schroeder is a knowledgeable color man.) Know what helps a confidence level? Pitching against the Blue Jays.

Jose Reyes -Left with what Jose Mota (not Molina) deemed a minor injury. Word from a different (more reliable) source is he might have strained a hamstring. Ugh… *sticking head in oven*

Brad Penny – Hit the DL yesterday. Here’s what Alyssa Milano’s MLB blog update said today, “I told him to stop eating all of those fried foods and late nite meals at Mel’s Diner. When I was preparing for the roll (sic) of Charlotte Wells in Embrace of the Vampire, I ate only soba noodles for 2 months straight! Do u think I wanted to eat so much soba noodles? Well, actually…. Yeah! I did! (Wouldn’t u?) But even if I thought soba noodles tasted gross, I’d still ate (sic) them if I thought they’d help me stay in shape. BTW, I wasn’t the one who gave you herpes! L8 and <3”

Chad Billingsley – I want to draft Billingsley right now for 2009, 2010 and 2011 with an option for 2012. In the same blog entry, Alyssa Milano said this about Billingsley, “Blame Penny for the herpes. Sorry! L8 and <3 * 2”

Johnny Cueto – Not sure why his Ks are so down. Might have something to do with scouting reports, but I think it’s more to do with him falling behind and going for contact. There’s also a strong chance that Dusty Baker is somehow responsible. Dusty, “Cueto, I will throw you in back-to-back games for the ‘mainder of the season if you try to strike people out. I’m not joking. Call up Mark Prior, he will tell you.”

Brandon Webb – Going through what the people in the biz call, “a dead arm period.” If this period is anything like my girlfriend’s, it’s best to act like he’s fine and NOT bloated.

Justin Duchscherer – Of course, Dook-sheer pitched well. Apparently, that’s what Dook-Sheer do. Needed only 94 pitches to get through 8 innings.

Jeff Clement – The Mariners called him up, so he got in the game, right? Nope. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 Seattle Mariners!

Brandon Morrow – Making the best of the opportunity, converted a save with a perfect ninth. Putz hadn’t pitched a perfect inning in June.

Ian Snell – Snell got O-Cab to ground out to open the game. The rest didn’t look so good.

Carlos Quentin – Batting .170 in June. Where’s April/May Carlos? We want him back.

Livan Hernandez – Movie trailer guy, “In a world where Livan Hernandez looks like a good replacement for Johan Santana… He’ll baffle you with his eephus! He’ll take his time with each pitch! He’ll avoid the foul line when walking off the field! George Lopez is Livan Hernandez!”

Brandon LyonKazaam’d up the joint for 4 runs in 2/3 of an inning.

  1. agar says:

    hey so right now I have Stephen Drew as my SS as Furcal has decided to kill my first place lead, just wondering, im struggling in steals with Furcal gone, should I drop Drew for Lugo?

  2. george lopez is livan hernandez! ha. what – luiz guzman isn’t available?

    fair or not, braun’s helped you a lot more than crawford. looks like you sold crawford at his peak. you’d probably be in 6th instead of 5th w/o him!

  3. SaltyBiscuits says:

    Reyes’ injury isn’t serious. He will play today.

    You can take your head out of the oven now buddy.

  4. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @agar: Get Aviles if he’s available. I did, and I’m happy at SS for the first time all year!

    O-Cab: Yay!

    Snell: Boo!

    O-Cab: Yay!

    Snell: Boo!

    (Repeat as needed.)

    p.s. I am now over my Snellidiction. Snell is dead to me. It feels good to be Snell-free.

    p.p.s. Question: If I was smart enough to pick up the Gambler and spot-start him against the Jints in the RCL league (IN WHICH I AM NOW IN FIRST), why wasn’t I smart enough to do that in my other league? Discuss.

    Prediction: Longoria goes Baby Braun this year and hits 24+ HRs between now and season’s end. Did you see his little wrist-flick, Oh-did-I-hit-that-out? home run last night? That kid has some serious power.

    @Rudy Gamble: 6th instead of 5th. Oh, snap. The Snap Heard Round the World.

  5. Frank Rizzo says:

    I’ll happily accept a case of herpes from Alyssa any day of the year.

    I’m still pissed at myself for dropping Duscherer for Kershaw when he came up. The Duke has been nothing but quality every outing.

    Manny Parra was my spot pickup of the week with staying power. I fully plan on pitching him again at home on Sunday against the Orioles.

  6. Zebo says:

    @Grey: will Justin Duchscherer continue his Tim Hudson impersonation?

  7. Bobbofitos says:

    With Furcal rotting on my bench I’ve been trotting The Riot out there, hoping he plays every day. Do you like Aviles better for the interim — the guy looks like he can hit.

  8. p0rk burn says:

    Grey: I’ve bitched about this before and I’m going to bitch about it again, because thats the risk you take when you hold yourself out to the world as an expert. I had the choice of three keepers in a league and the final spot came down to Braun or Prince. I also wasn’t sold on Braun and you reinforced my gut feeling. Now I have a fat vegetarian on my team.

    Don’t open any ticking packages with a Miami return address.

    Just kidding, you’re a great guy. No really, its ok. Jerkface.

  9. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Bobbofitos: You know who likes Aviles? Brandon Funston.

    You know what I like?: rookie-nookie.

    Do with this information what you will.

    @p0rk burn: Prince will outhomer Braun in the second half. I guarantee it!*

    *not a binding guarantee

  10. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Rudy Gamble: Luis Guzman will only do the movie if PT Anderson’s directing. The studio’s just not sure if PT’s vision of having Livan be a power-crazed, loner is the way to go.

    re: standings — Luckily the season didn’t end yesterday.

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Glad you finally read the writing on the wall about Snell. Granted, two months late, but still…

    @Frank Rizzo: re: herpes — So true. There should be a list of ten girls that you will accept herpes from. Maybe I’ll get on that. Parra vs. O’s is good.

    @Zebo: I think Dook-Sheer is in for tough roads ahead and I wouldn’t jump on that bandwagon now.

    @Bobbofitos: Aviles is a solid bat. Definitely worth a grab.

    @p0rk burn: Braun’s not stealing bases and Prince is not hitting home runs. My money’s still on Prince hitting home runs before Braun steals bases. If that’s the worst advice I’ve given you, I’m doing pretty good. Cause Prince over Braun is not a move that kills anyone’s season.

    EDIT: Typos and shizz.

  11. p0rk burn says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: I keep hoping Braun breaks his leg or something so that I can gloat and feel smug.

    Thats kind of mean. We actually share a birthday too. So when you are celebrating the Hebrew Hammer’s birthday quaff some suds for me.

  12. DrBaseball says:

    I hate Cueto. I dropped him last week because I couldn’t take all the home runs he gives up. 18 homeruns in 15 starts? I also thought he was supposed to have pinpoint control? And where are all the K’s?

    For all this trouble, I didn’t even get to start him in his first start. To think I chose him over Volquez…

  13. Zebo says:

    @Grey: is Aviles or Barmes worth picking up? Should I drop these schmoes for any of those two?

    Yunel Escobar
    Chase Headley
    Nick Swish
    B. Morrow

  14. p0rk burn says:

    @Grey: Awww Grey. I take it all back, you don’t look bloated I swear. I’m with you on Prince hitting bombs before Braun starts stealing, but it looks like Braun is going to have more homers and rbis this year. Granted, the rbis are a result of him clearing the bases before Prince gets up to bat in the cleanup spot.

    So if thats not the move that killed my season you mean it was my subpar drafting? Can’t I just blame you instead? I don’t like this accountability stuff.

    I can’t think of *any* other bad advice you’ve given me let alone worse advice, other than always disparaging my boy Dunn Uggla. If this were a performance review I’d recommend a 2-step raise for you – just stop sexually harassing the interns.

  15. p0rk burn says:

    @Zebo: Yunel should have trade value, don’t drop him.

    Chase is too early to tell, you might be able to sell him on speculation alone.

    Morrow’s value might dramatically increase if Putz ends up having an injury keeping him out for a substantial portion (or all) of the season

    Swisher is good while he’s hot but I’m not entirely sold on him personally.

    Torres is doing a great job but for some reason the Brewers appear to be willing to give Gagne another chance to implode.

    I like Barmes out of the two but it depends on how he comes back from the injury.

  16. @p0rk burn: Braun’s going to have a great 2nd half to spite your unkosher handle.

    @Grey: I drink your Guavabanana fruit shake!

  17. nick says:

    Start Marcum & Zambrano tonight ?

  18. Grey

    Grey says:

    @nick: Sure, why not? Are they playing in an anti-gravity chamber?

  19. Mike says:

    Aviles or Alexi Casilla?

  20. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Mike: Casilla’s upside isn’t that spectacular. I’d take a chance on Aviles.

  21. cruisinkc says:

    Does anyone know when Chris R Young might be back? Is he even worth stashing on the DL?

  22. @DrBaseball: I hear you on Cueto. Burned waiver picks in two leagues on him. Parra and Cueto both came in with ridiculous AAA performances – the two previous players with their readiness were Gallardo and Rich Hill who both performed well. Parra isn’t K-ing as much as I’d like to see but he’s been quite solid for over a month. Not sure what Cueto’s issue is. Haven’t dropped him but had him benched for yesterday’s start.

    Volquez has been a huge gamechanger in leagues….i just hope he has some ‘corrections’ like we saw with B-Webb last night….

  23. Mike says:

    @Grey: can Aviles steal bases? thats really what I was using Casilla for was SB and AVG.

  24. KarlJ says:

    @p0rk burn:
    I have Braun in 3 leagues( incl the RCL league) so he’d better not break his leg. He’s running more too ( I think he has 4 or 5 sbs in the last two weeks) so I can definitely see him steal 10 plus in the 2nd half

  25. Grey

    Grey says:

    @cruisinkc: He wasn’t that good when he was hit with that line drive. Who knows how the line drive that took his sense of smell away will affect him. He’s not worth holding onto.

    @Mike: Aviles has ten steal speed.

  26. Mike says:

    @cruisinkc: I had him stashed until today, I just dropped him. They say he may need an operation still and by the time that is done and he starts pitching again it could be a while. Plus he wasnt pitching that good when he was healthy.

  27. royce! says:

    i’ve got a hole at C (swapped McCann in a deal to get HanRam, now starting Dioner, who’s in a funk) and am wondering if anyone is worth dropping for Clement- I’m thinking of dropping either Headley or Wellemeyer (both BN) for him. Any insight into the brilliance/idiocy if such moves?

  28. Frank Rizzo says:

    10 “gimme the herpes” girls (off the top of my head). In no certain order.

    -Alyssa Milano
    -Jessica Biel
    -Jessica Alba
    -Scarlett Johansen
    -Kim Kardashian
    -Eva Longoria – NOT EVAN!
    -Jessica Simpson
    -Halle Berry
    -Angelina Jolie
    -Selma Hayek

    Probably not my top 10 overall, but it ain’t too tough to think of 10 that I’d be willing to accept the herp from.

  29. Freak says:

    So, you’re saying I should pick up Chris Carpenter and stash him on my DL instead of Chris Young?

    Also, where’s RT with my Barmes info?

  30. Mike says:

    @Freak: Carpenter had a setback the other day, coming off Tommy John I dont think u can expect much until next year. Look at Liriano, they say hes starting to get his shit toghether but it took half the season.

  31. wakeNbake says:

    what do you think of Elijah Dukes, hes been playing pretty good lately?

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: Why don’t you just drop Dioner for Clement? Not that I’m suggesting you do this. I’d like to see what the M’s plan on doing with Clement. Meaning, start him five games a week? Six? Three? Ya know?

    @Frank Rizzo: Really surprised to not see Mila Kunis. I’m a big fan. And Ellen from Family Ties. But only b/c she has Michael J. Fox’s stank on her.

    @Freak: See Mike’s comment re: Carpenter.

    @wakeNbake: Eh. Who would he be replacing? Who are you dropping to pick him up?

  33. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: “wait and see” I think that’s best.

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