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Some players seem like they are MLB The Show “Create a player” players. Here I call them Lab Babies. Jordan Walker? Oh, he’s definitely a Lab Baby. You see him and think, “Well, that guy’s 28 years old and has been destroying minor leaguers for years, right?” Then you hear he’s 20 years old and you start stumbling around humping fire hydrants because you’re drunk on rookie nookie. You’re hitting the hooch on that 151 Rum of Sexy Prospect Liquor. You’re drunk all right, but on all natural 80-grade sativa. It’s a strain that grows in prospect journals and gets nothing but shine, no shade whatsoever. Here’s what Prospect Itch has said previously, “I made the trip to see Walker in High-A, but he was on the bench that night, or rather, atop the dugout steps cheering on his new teammates, looking like a human giant. I have no reason to argue against his listed 6’5” 220 lbs, but I can say he dwarfed everyone else on the team. I can also say I saw enough of Walker’s work on MiLB.tv that I want to be driving that bus in dynasty leagues. He features double-plus athleticism for a big man, a controlled swing that explodes through the zone, and plenty of foot speed to make himself a pest on the basepaths. He’s looking like a consensus top ten prospect sooner than later, and I’d like to punch Grey in his head.” Okay, putting aside that last part, this was from Itch last year! Think Itch would be the first person to tell you that Jordan Walker has only got better! So, what can we expect from Jordan Walker for 2023 fantasy baseball?

Keep talking about how Jordan Walker is a Lab Baby and haven’t even shown you yet his 80-grade Cardinals Create-A-Player, Eye-Popping, What-Even-Is-Going-On-With-That. Allow me:

He’s not swinging, guys and five girls. He’s basically putting the bat on the ball and it’s going 450 feet. Okay, unofficial on the measurement, that’s just a dude saying 450, but still. That’s a “whatever” swing and the ball sails out of the stadium. That’s 80-grade power. Here’s more:

Jordan Walker is not 20 years old, and, if he is, he’s a “Pujols 20,” which is to say he might be 20 years old, but people age at different rates, and Jordan Walker is like the kid in your 7th grade class that had a full beard. Saw someone compare him to a young Jermaine Dye. Call him Jermaine Alive. For those who forget, Jermaine Dye was a 35/7/.270 hitter for roughly ten years. Yeah, I’d take that. Oh, but Jordan Walker stole 22 bags in Double-A last year. Welp, buried the lede! WHAT?! 22 bags, bro! What even? He had 22 steals and only 19 homers. Ha. That’s goofy. He had a 21.6% strikeout rate and hit .306. I’m sorry, what is going on? Is this real? The guy in those videos who hit the ball 450 feet and looks like he was born with chest hair hit .306 and stole 22 bags? This guy is unreal. Literally. He’s not a real person. As many of you know, I have a standing desk, and haven’t sat down in 12 years. I think I might need to sit down. Jordan Walker’s made me woozy.

Dude, he’s 6′ 5″! He’s Aaron Judge! My God! Okay, I love this guy. His ETA is the only question mark, and why he’s not the 1st prospect in my fantasy baseball rookies series, but the third bat behind Corbin Carroll and Gunnar Henderson. I asked my Cards’ guy, and he said Walker might break camp with the team, it wouldn’t surprise him. Hows’ever, realistically, they told me they expect Jordan Walker closer to mid-to-late May. So, I love him, but that’s more of a Draft Champions and deep league flyer until we get to March and wait to hear different. For 2023, I’ll give Jordan Walker projections of 51/14/56/.262/6 in 342 ABs with a chance for much more, depending on when he breaks camp. That’s still 350 ABs of wonderful that I am absolutely excited about.