“Rut” is a splendid noun. I am not speaking of the close encounters of the deer coitus kind, but the classic rut where one is stuck in a negative pattern of behaviors. If one were to be judgemental, one would ascribe rut to the situation of Mr. Cody Bellinger. I found a quote from Old Cody regarding his struggles in hitting the baseball, wherein he said he didn’t need to fix his swing.
These are the things you say and do in a rut. Again, not that kind of rut. I may be Welsh, but we’re talking about baseball here. Don’t be craven. Bellinger could do any number of things to fix his swing. He could shorten his swing, add three toe taps, choke up halfway up the bat. He could also drink the venom of a cobra on the dawning of a Super Moon at the home plate in Dodgers Stadium. He could hit Mickey Morandini with a car. Regardless, he is staying the same and it is not working.
Do not be Cody Bellinger at this point in the season. I am dead last in runs in my home league, and I’ve got the best pitching I’ve ever had in my life. I am the Mets (if only Keith Hernandez would narrate my life. Mention that to him when you all see him kthxbye). Any the ways, I should have traded for at least two runs-heavy hitters a month ago to make up the ground that is still staring at me in the face. Stupid ground, always there. Staring.
You have no time left, friends. Trade and scrape and scrap while you still can! I only have four waiver moves left in this season in this league, and yet I picked up Thairo Estrada. Wind, I need to warn you, because I’m hucking a giant wad of caution in your face place. There is only one path to glory, but I ain’t going to share it with Kirk Douglas!
On to the blurbs!
A Blurbstomp Reminder
We will analyze player blurbs from a given evening, knowing that 1-2 writers are usually responsible for all the player write ups posted within an hour of the game results. We will look at:
- Flowery Diction – how sites juice up descriptions of player performance
- Q and Q – when a site contradicts a player valuation on back-to-back blurbs
- Trade Rumors – When there is nothing else to write about, why not just copy and paste from mlbtraderumors?
- Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award – Given to the player blurb that promises the most and delivers the least.
The hope is that by season’s end, we’ll all feel more confident about our player evaluations when it comes to the waiver wire. We will read blurbs and not be swayed by excessive superlatives, faulty injury reporting, and micro-hype. I will know that I have done my job when Grey posts, and there isn’t a single question about catchers that he did not address in his post. Onward to Roto Wokeness!
Flowery Diction
Gleyber Torres went 1-for-3 with two RBI and a stolen base on Thursday in the Yankees’ loss to the Red Sox in an extra-inning marathon.
Torres opened the scoring with an RBI ground out against rookie right-hander Tanner Houck in the fourth inning and also plated a key insurance run with a sacrifice fly off former teammate Adam Ottavino in the eighth inning. The 24-year-old shortstop has been on a roll since the All-Star break, hitting .263 (5-for-19) with three homers, six RBI and one steal in just six games.
Source: Rotoedgeworld.com
I’d say that at this point in the season, Gleyber is starting to deliver on some much-needed counting stats rather than “been on a roll.” Being on a roll would indicate that Gleyber has been showing more consistency, rather than being pretty dang good in six games. The counting stats should be the star of the show here, not a weak idiom that belongs in a sentence like this: Cody Bellinger has been on a roll of suck, piling up 0-for-3’s and 0-4’s like they’re going out of style. Or maybe this: The only roll that Cody Bellinger can officially be on is a moldy dinner roll, accidentally left in the trash can underneath the garbage liner, with mold so blue the Dodger’s team color is embarrassed. See?
Jameson Taillon gave up three runs – one earned- in seven innings to pick up a win against the Red Sox on Saturday.
Taillon was hurt by some defense, but it was mostly his undoing early on.
Source: Rotoedgeworld.com
I tried to diagram this sentence, but the scratch paper rejected the formula by balling itself up and throwing itself into the wicker garbage basket. These are the Sigur Ros of independent clauses, so vague and passive that they achieve an ethereal, soporific quality. What is “some defense?” The “it” is more terrifying than Stephen King’s. One can only assume that the “it” is actually that self-same Maine-haunting entity. Really changes the tone of the blurb:
“Taillon was hurt by some defense, but the shape-shifting, child-consuming, celestial horror was mostly his undoing early on.”
That would definitely hurt my pitching performance. Poor guy.
Q and Q
Jesse Winker homered, doubled and drove in four runs on Saturday, powering the Reds to a 5-3 victory over the Cardinals.
Winker gave the Reds a 2-1 lead with a two-run double off of Jake Woodford in the second inning. He then crushed a solo homer off of T.J. McFarland in the seventh inning. He’s in the midst of an outstanding season at the dish, slashing a monstrous .297/.374/.531 with 20 long balls and 56 RBI.
Source: Rotoedgesportsworld.com
So we’re not going to mention that he’s hitting .202 over the last 30 games with only three homers? That is a choice. Since his three-homer game on June 6th, his average went from .350 all the way down to .297. In those 40 games, Winker went 18/3/19/1/.220. One could use this blurb to sell on Winker if you’re sick of him hitting better than Cody Bellinger. Check him out on the Buy/Sell-atops, and see what you could get. I’d love to say that you could buy low, but a blurb like this, plus his owner’s prolonged confirmation bias may prove tough to overcome.
Johan Oviedo spun five frames of one-run ball but was saddled with a no-decision Tuesday against the Cub.
Oviedo hit two batters, but he didn’t issue any unintentional walks, which saying something for a guy who entered the night having walked 30 over 53 frames….
Source: Rotoedgesportsworld.com
We all get tired of writing from time to time, but you don’t need to take that out on your skimmers. I do hope that someone else will start incorporating the “unintentional walks” statistic into box scores. We need to troll the Phil Mushniks of the world into oblivion. It is a need, not a want. Trolling Phil Mushnik is breathing, friends. That dude should have a Groundhog Day experience, except he wakes up and everyone only wants to talk about Exit Velocity and Launch Angle. I don’t believe he’d have the moral turnaround though. Probably because I wouldn’t cast the ageless, glorious Andie McDowell, and because he truly thinks that people hate baseball as much as he does. He might even enjoy his role as the only contrarian in a world of fools. Holy gods. Never mind everything I just wrote. Let’s go ahead and put Phil Mushnik in Groundhog Day, only it’s the scene where Bill Murray drives off the cliff on repeat. I am not a violent man. I only propose the universe do a better job of balancing the darkness with the light.
Trade Rumors
Joey Gallo went 0-3 with a walk and a strikeout in Friday’s loss to the Astros.
Not much doing on Friday for Gallo. The slugger is slashing .226/.385/.492 with 24 home runs and 52 RBI in 92 games this season. With the Rangers in the middle of a lost season, Gallo is a potential name to watch on the trade market.
Source: Rotoedgeworldsports.com
“Friday for Gallo” sounds like a vanity wine brand. Otherwise, you chose a night where he did nothing to highlight that he may be traded? Isn’t that what every breathless Daily Dose is dedicated to anyways? I mean, we’re all going to mlbtraderumors.com, yeah? There was a moment when I realized that blurb sites were micro-sport blogs, maybe six or seven years ago. I followed the source link at the bottom to a beat writer on Twitter. I’m on that cursed site now, but back then I X’ed out like I had walked into school naked. What a terrible little hole Twitter is, friends. What was I saying? Why wouldn’t the Rangers trade Gallo? Unless Bud Black isn’t on COVID isolation, and he’s secretly GM’ing the Rangers. Could you imagine? “We gotta keep Ian Kennedy around, who else is going to block Solak at 2nd base when he finally regains his confidence in the AAA?”
Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award
Freddy Peralta tossed four scoreless innings while striking out five and taking a no-decision in Friday’s win over the White Sox.
Peralta did not give the Brew Crew much length, in what was the 25-year-old right-hander’s first start since the All-Star Game, but he kept the scoreboard clean nonetheless. The White Sox managed just one hit off the hurler before his relatively early departure….
Source: Rotoedgeworldsports.com
Me no understand. Peralta gave them the dang length they had decided pre-game, as per MLB.com: “…Peralta’s first start of the second half, already delayed by design to give him a breather after an electric, three-strikeout inning in the All-Star Game, was set up ahead of time as a tandem with fellow right-hander Adrian Houser.” He gave them exactly what they asked him to do, and he did it in 51 f’ing pitches. I guess if you’re only playing Head to Head or FantasyDuelBettors and can’t read, you’d fixate on the lack of quality start and/or win. I’m sure his Yahoo! Discussion page was full of snowflake emojis and people calling him a prima donna. “Duh da all star game went to his head, i’m sure he only pitch twice more this season, this sport is a joke.” I don’t have to read it because I don’t want to. If ya’ll want me to scope the gutter that is Yahoo! Discussion pages, set up a GoFundMe and get me off COBRA.
That’s it for this week. I’ll be hopping over and doing NFL blurbstomping, so if you need yet another dose of labyrinthine language quibbling, you do the hopping too, Cassidy!
