LOGIN

Inspired by Seattle’s Doug Fister-Adam Moore battery, we’ve compiled a list of pitcher-batter combinations that, at their worst, make us wincingly smile like a corny Jay Leno weddings segment and, at their best, make us laugh like Jay Leno’s audience does at the aforementioned segment.

If you’ve got a got a good one, post it to the comments and we’ll consider adding it to the post (giving you credit).  Here are the rules:

  1. Has to be one pitcher and one catcher.  No “If Scott Rolen was a catcher, him and Steve Stone would rock!”
  2. Has to include both last names.  Incorporating the first name is optional.
  3. A last name can be used only once.  Best one wins.  So if you want to use one with ‘Moore’, you’ll have to find a better one than Fister (which is already at 11).
  4. Either the pitcher or catcher would be known by someone who has followed baseball since 1980.  (no submissions with two players from the deadball era.)  Unless it’s really funny…

Current Players

Fister/Moore (Doug Fister + Adam Moore) = The preferred Mariners battery of the Seattle Storm.

Coffey/Teagarden (Todd Coffey + Taylor Teagarden) = Very hospitable to hitters.

Marmol/Laird (Carlos Marmol + Gerald Laird) =  Preserves leads.

Morton/Saltamacchia (Charlie Morton + Jarrod Saltamacchia) = Taste like their fantasy owners’ tears.

Lyon/Treanor (Brandon Lyon + Matt Treanor) = Can handle dangerous situations.

Rzepczynski/Pierzynski (Mark Rzepczynski + A.J. Pierzynski) = Guaranteed will win you the game….of Scrabble (submitted by commenter El Famous Burrito)

Buck/Hunter (John Buck + Tommy Hunter) = Dangerous tandem that will take your head off and mount it when they’re finished (submitted by commented Matt Belanger)

Flores/De La Rosa (Jorge De La Rosa + Jesus Flores) = Seduce umpires to expand their strike zone  (submitted by commenter peter)

Soto/Moyer (Geovanny Soto + Jamie Moyer) = Old but still reigning supreme.  (submitted by commenter swpayton)

Capps/Zaun (Matt Capps + Gregg Zaun) = THIS DUO MAKES HEADLINES! (submitted by commenter DrEasy)

Parker/Posey (Jarrod Parker + Buster Posey) = Well-respected for their pitch selections but prefer to play on smaller, edgier teams vs. big, mainstream teams (submitted by commenter peter).

Current and Historical Players

Manwaring/Colon (Bartolo Colon + Kurt Manwaring) – Smooth operators.

Mlicki/Foote (Dave Mlicki + Barry Foote) – Only Asian batters and A-Rod feel comfortable against this duo.

Daulton/Wade (Cory Wade + Darren Daulton) = The battery to call when your current battery needs to be bounced.  How you like that, Brad Wesley?!

Barbee/Kendall (Dave Barbee + Jason Kendall) = Just toys with hitters.

Berra/Wang (Yogi Berra + Chien-Mien Wang) = Look great but expensive.

Ellis/Eiland (Dave Eiland + A.J. Ellis) = Most accommodating tandem to international hitters.

Maddux/Porter (Greg Maddux + Darrell Porter) = Skilled at making batters want to leave the country.

Ausmus/Mel Wright (Mel Wright/Brad Ausmus) – A tandem that would stink and be comfortable with it.

Watson/McCann (Allen Watson/Brian McCann) – By the time you realize they’re  in the game, it’s already too late.

May/Flowers (Rudy May/Tyler Flowers) – Much like Teixeira, looks ugly in April.  Fine after that.

Wynegar/Duchscherer (Justin Duchscherer + Butch Wynegar) = Perform best when fresh.

Dean/Martin (Dizzy Dean + Russ Martin)  = Perform best when drunk.

Street/Walker (Huston Street + baseball pioneer Moses Fleetwood Walker) = Tandem for hire.

Raschi/Johnson (Vic Raschi + Charles Johnson) = Hung out with Street/Walker too much.

Yeager/Baumann (Frank Baumann + Steve Yeager) = Popular among college kids.

Rivera/Coke (Phil Coke + Mike Rivera) = Popular among late ’70s/early ’80s MLB players, the 1986 Mets and Ron Washington (submitted by commenter Awesomus Maximus)

Russell/Dalrymple (Jeff Russell + Clay Dalrymple) = This battery is about nothing.  Get a good look, Costanza?

Lloyd/Christmas (Graeme Lloyd + Steve Christmas) = Chance of these two coming together?  About a million-to-one.  So I’m telling you there’s a chance…

Nomo/McCarver (Hideo Nomo + Tim McCarver) = The battery I wish Fox would honor.

Bill Lee/Grote (Bill Lee + Jerry Grote) = The battery that cursed the Cubs.

Ferrell/Wolf (Rick Ferrell + Randy Wolf) = Dangerously wild

Savage/Lyons (Jack Savage & Barry Lyons) = Dangerously wilder.  (submitted by commenter Jif & The Choosy Mothers).

LaRue/O’Day (Darren O’Day+ Jason LaRue) = Managers regret putting this duo in.  (submitted by commenter peter)

Gross/Torre (Kevin Gross + Joe Torre) – So instead of applying a foreign substance by using his cap or leg, he would reach down into his _________ for it.

Peavy/Herrmann (Jake Peavy + Ed Herrmann) = Quite the adventure.

Palmer/Gooch (Jim Palmer + Johnny Gooch) = Likes to pick people off at 1st base.

Fingers/Surhoff (Rollie Fingers + BJ Surhoff) = Relieves Palmer/Gooch but removed for Fister/Moore on special occasions.

Leyritz/Carlton (Steve Carlton + Jim Leyritz) = The top-of-the-line battery that Minaya paid for in the Bartolo Colon trade debacle.

Good/Servais (Andy Good + Scott Servais) = They’d clean home plate before each batter and leave a mint on top of it (submitted by commenter swpayton)

Forsch/Shaw (Bob Forsch + Al Shaw) = Very trustworthy.

Pagnozzi/Hunter (Tom Pagnozzi + Catfish Hunter) = These two were inglorious basterds.

Wilcox/Estrada (Milt Wilcox + Johnny Estrada)  = Best when the CHIPs are down.

Mossi/Valle (Don Mossi + Dave Valle) = Sounds like the results would be pretty until you see them up close.

Leonard/Skinner (Dennis Leonard + Joel Skinner) =  Would play for free if signed by the Cardinals, Orioles, Blue Jays, or any team located in Alabama.

Holland/Oates (Al Holland + Johnny Oates) = Watch out other team, they’ll chew you up (submitted by commenter Ana-Jaime)

Gomez/Adams (Mike Adams + Randy Gomez) = Scary duo to face.  (submitted by commenter Ana-Jaime)

Richard/Simmons (J.R. Richard + Ted Simmons) = Even scarier duo to face.

Scott/Towles (Mike Scott + Justin Towles) = This multi-generational Astro battery helps if the game gets messy.

Black/Decker (Bud Black + Steve Decker) = When Scott/Towles isn’t enough.  (submitted by commenter Jay)

Fabregas/Face (Roy Face + Jorge Fabregas) – Painful to watch.

 

Heath/Barr (Jim Barr + Mike Heath) = No one’s first selection but better than nothing.

Odom/Alomar (Blue Moon Odom + Sandy Alomar) = They throw junk that Balbonis wax poetically about.

French/Fry (Luke French + Jerry Fry) = Another unsuccessful duo against Balbonis (submitted by commenter Beer Bum).

Lake/Trout (Steve Lake + Steve Trout) = Popular tandem in Baltimore (submitted by commenter royce!)

Eaton/Napoli (Adam Eaton + Mike Napoli) = When this duo comes in, fughettaboutit (submitted by commenter Awesomus Maximus).

Cox/Porter (Danny Cox + Darrell Porter) =Not afraid to throw the high, hard one.  Pedro Martinez, Juan Marichal, and Jim Palmer are three notable examples.

Gooden/Snyder (Dwight Gooden + Chris Snyder) = It’s coming right down the middle.  (submitted by commenter AZ Bobblehead)

Harden/Long (Rich Harden + Jimmie Long) = Just the type of battery that Pat ‘The Bat’ Burrell would like (submitted by commenter Smell the Glove)

Lilly/White (Ted Lilly + Sammy White) = A battery that Tom Yawkey would’ve loved.

Small/Dickey (Aaron Small + Bill Dickey) = Underwhelming performance.

Gott/Doumit (Jim Gott + Ryan Doumit) = The embodiment of two decades of Pirate performance. (submitted by commenter bostonaccent)

Murphy/Law (Vern Law + Dale Murphy) = Expect anything from balks to catcher interference to grand slams.  (submitted by commenter AZ Bobblehead)

Nova/Scoscia (Ivan Nova + Mike Scoscia) = Best tandem to bring in against Tim Salmon.

Buck/Rogers (Kenny Rogers + John Buck) = Pretty good given that baseball didn’t even exist 500 years ago.  (submitted by commenter peter)

Hancock/Cummings (Sterling Hancock + Jack Cummings) = Best when not brought in to finish a game prematurely.  (submitted by commenter and1mcgee)

Tingley/Pole (Dick Pole + Ron Tingley) = Often precede Hancock/Cummings (submitted by commenter royce!)

Howry/Dooin (Bob Howry + Red Dooin) = Okay if a bit needy  (submitted by commenter Bring Back Pluto).

Bando/Wagner (Billy Wagner + Chris Bando) = Good for a playoff stretch run but untrustworthy during the tough times (submitted by commenter Terrence Mann)

Lemon/Partee (Bob Lemon + Roy Partee) = Brian Sabean’s favorite duo.  Be glad I didn’t link to the real site.  (submitted by Terrence Mann).