I have a small leather-bound notepad on me at all times, always there for the moments of divine inspiration to be written, recorded, and later used as material for my posts here at Razzball. I can never quite remember when or why I wrote each tidbit, though I’m pretty sure about the steps I followed to get ink on the paper. Step one, drink Jaeger. Step two, drink more Jaeger. And finally, step three, write. The ramblings range anywhere from names of specific players to full paragraphs on pineapples, and even single words that I love to think about, like ‘furiosity’. Think about it, you can never have too much furiosity. Why else do you think there are four sequels to Fast and Furious? Because people wanted more fastness and more furiosity. However, as much as I would like to discuss all the things that involve Michelle Rodriguez – except for Avatar, since the last time I saw that movie, I was so excited, I blue myself – we have more pressing matters then sexy n’ angry Latinas. Actually, we don’t, but I’m going to have to start talking about baseball at some point… hopefully before Grey’s mustache turns into a beard that he names Carol.
Because of the amazing success that this post’s predecessor had, we are going for a sequel. Actually, to be honest, I’m not sure if it was successful or not, but who cares? There was a Speed 2, so if someone can make money off of setting a boat on cruise control and putting leeches on William Dafoe, I’m gonna do my thing, and give you more furiosity. This time, we are going to go deeper than we ever have before. And no, there is not going to be a sexual euphemism follow up, because that’s just way too easy. No, no, we are talking about so deep, we end up at The Core where Hilary Swank slaps around Earth’s center mass with Stanley Tucci’s nukes – that’s what she said last night, son! See, now that’s expert level. And yes, I am well aware I just referenced another end of the world action movie in a continuing themed Razzball series named after an end of the world action movie, of which said series writer continually references Armageddon, another end of the world action movie. And, of course, what has two thumbs and loves Bruce Willis? This guy. (You can’t see it, but I’m thumbing myself right now.) I can do this all night long baby, I haven’t even gotten to Day After Tomorrow. But not the thumbing part, I get hand cramps.
Replacing Daniel Bard in the rotation, Franklin Morales has done a stable enough job filling in. Slated to stay a starter post all-star break, he might be worth a spot if you are in need of some innings and strike-outs. Morales hadn’t started any games since 2009 when he was with the Rockies, but he has always shown the ability to strike batters out. So far this year, his 9.32 K/9 and 2.53 BB/9 are enticing enough for me to bite, so get your finger out of my mouth. His FIP sits at 3.84, even after his horrendous start against the Yankees. He has somewhat of a pedigree, placing in the top 30 of BA’s Top 100 Prospects list back in 2007 and 2008. At age 26, his prime years are now, so I’d dabble. If he stays in the rotation, I could see a 4.00/1.25/85 as a good benchmark for the rest of the season.
Are you tired of filling your starting line-up with Brandon Crawford or Jamey Carroll? Like an Emo-chick at a Dashboard Confessionals concert, the constant fantasy black-hole at MI makes me cry my mascara off. If you haven’t got anything else interesting roaming on your waiver to save you from the bludgeoning of suckitude, I’m happy to present you with the next best thing. Or worst thing, depending on how you feel. Brian Bixler, age 29, soon to be 30, really doesn’t offer much more than a pulse. With a consistent K% of 31.8, I’m pretty sure if you are in need of someone who can only manage to hit .246 with a high BABIP of .359, then, well, you got hosed. He’ll most likely sprinkle in very light power and very light speed, but if your main goal is just AB’s, his defense will provide those. Just don’t expect more than a 240/300/370.
Scott Moore also fits nicely in this conversation, and is the more comfortable of the two for me. Also playing for the Astros – because that’s where all the good talent is, I guess – his illustrious 6-year career of 236/275/409 may look equally as unappetizing as Bixler’s. However, at the very least, Moore has sustained a career minor league BB% over 11.0% and held a strong ISO, constantly just over 0.200. There is, at least, the potential here for some power and semi-respectable OBP. If he can tap into some of that, the upside could be 260/330/440. Tread carefully though, as this is true MI fantasy dumpster diving. Only heed these two names if you need middle infield roster filler on a temporary basis.
I know I’m late to the game with this whole Brandon Moss party, but, to be fair, I don’t think I was invited anyhow. If I was, I still wouldn’t have shown up, since for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been Plouffing all over the place. And let me tell you, the dry-cleaning bill was outrageous. But now I’m ready to crash the party and promptly tell you to get the funk out of there. Unless you are in desperate need for power, the rest of his stats will drag you down. His career slash line is 238/302/412, and that looks about right for his true skill set, save for a little bump to his SLG. As long as he keeps hitting the ball out of the park, he’ll get AB’s, but I would expect a slow burn for the rest of the season, so act accordingly.
I’ve done a lot with my life these last two years. Actually, now that I think of it, I’ve pulled a Ben Sheets and done nothing with my life the last two years. Desperate for starting pitching? The Braves were, and perhaps, if your fantasy baseball team finds itself in a similar predicament, you should follow their example. For what it’s worth, his two minor league starts showed us some nice peripherals. An 8.44 K/9 and 0.84 BB/9 along with a 1.89 FIP are fantastic, but don’t read too much into it. Dabble if you’re in need, but if you aren’t ready yet to take a chance, pay special attention to his starts. (His first is scheduled for today.) Don’t worry if there’s inconsistency, what’s most important is where his K/9 and K/BB rates are. If stable enough, you have my blessing. And since I don’t believe in anything, you should probably reject my blessing so we don’t end up in a place that’s hot n’ spicy to the tune of third degree burns.
I was going to talk about Pedro Ciriaco, but Grey beat me to it several times. But that’s okay, as I hold no malice. Speaking of Grey, a little history for you fine gents and gents that pretends to be gals on the internet. I was actually born in a deep crevasse, in the Transantarctic Mountains. Raised only on goji berries and Eskimo breast milk (shipped 2-day by Amazon.com), my life was full of hardship and penguin hunting. You could say that Earth was my mother. So naturally, I soon called child services. I was then rescued and released upon Razzball by a drunk social worker. Grey kindly taught me Algebra and different ways to work out your calves and thighs, and in return, he too sips on Eskimo breast milk and now has several stuffed penguins on his mantel. What’s the point of all this? No clue. But yeah, Ciriaco will help you with speed. That’s about the gist of it.
While I’m putting my full recommendation stamp on Franklin Morales, the same cannot be said for Everett Teaford. When we start having a relationship with names this deep, its only because they have a great personality. His Minor League numbers are enticing with a K/BB sitting around 3.0 and a BB/9 hovering over 2.0, but none of that has translated above Triple-A. He could be worth a shot, if… you guessed it, have a desperate need for innings. But with a current FIP of 5.70, his current ability to pitch is on par with Tom Sizemore’s ability to not beat women. So yeah, no touchy.
As usual, and repeated from our first dip into this format, these are not the most exciting names. It’s okay, I get it. But remember, deep leagues can get ugly. Real ugly. In some leagues, Brett Cecil has become the first and last straw in my path to becoming a cutter. But sometimes, we have to do some nasty things to win or even stay in the game. In those famous words of wisdom, you gotta do whatcha gotta do. Now, come over here and smell my thumbs.