Watch out, because I’m about to eviscerate someone, which Google tells me means to disembowel and I consider softening eviscerate, but decide to stick with it. That’s how mad I am! I’m ready to disembowel after deliberations! Hey, ESPN, you best get your colostomy bag ready cause you’re gonna need it. (By the by, I Googled colostomy bags for the holidays, and I couldn’t find any. I may just invent some and go on Shark Tank and wow Robert Herjavec with my pitch. “Wait, there’s more! A Passover colostomy bag because we know it doesn’t stay unleavened forever.” Don’t steal my invention ideas.) Today, I take a knife and seppuku (I’m running out of thesaurus entries for disemboweling) ESPN’s 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. To the tune of Jackin’ For Beats by Ice Cube. Commence knife to belly: