Hello all,
I write to inform you that Avoiding the Blurbstomp will be moving to its new day of publishing, Thursday. We at AtB apologize for any inconvenience caused by this disruption of services. We have been gratefully providing our services for the internet for more than a year now and would be lying if we said we wouldn’t miss Friday. Friday has meant a lot to us. Procrastination anxiety hits hardest on a Friday morning. That said, we welcome change. If we’re going by College Rules, Thursday is the new Friday regardless of what an Olde Thyme Manne like I may scream into my sweat-yellowed pillow.
A Blurbstomp Reminder
We will analyze player blurbs from a given evening, knowing that 1-2 writers are usually responsible for all the player write-ups posted within an hour of the game results. We will look at:
- Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award – Given to the player blurb that promises the most and delivers the least.
- Q and Q – Qualitative and quantitative look at how a site’s editorial vision colors the blurb “analysis”
- Shadow of the Colossus – when a blurb assigns past greatness to a struggling player
- Name de Plume – When a man is their name
- Flowery Diction – how sites juice up descriptions of player performance
The hope is that by season’s end, we’ll all feel more confident about our player evaluations when it comes to the waiver wire. We will read blurbs and not be swayed by excessive superlatives, faulty injury reporting, and micro-hype. I will know that I have done my job when Grey posts, and there isn’t a single question about catchers that he did not address in his post. Onward to Roto Wokeness!
Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award
Reds’ Colin Moran: Not in starting nine
Moran should see a fair amount of playing time as the designated hitter this season, but he’ll be out of the lineup for Opening Day. Mike Moustakas will serve as the DH while Brandon Drury starts at third base Thursday.
Source: Rotowire
You can feel the boredom dripping off this blurb like a leaky garbage bag on the sidewalk in New York City. Can’t believe they don’t have back alleys. While this gets the Stephen A. Smith award, I almost gave it the first-ever Dour-ey Diction category, as the natural antithesis of our usual Flowery Diction section. This blurb feels like you wake up, look at the slate-gray sky, and wonder why you ever woke up. My thought process:
“Hmph. He’s on the Reds now?”
“He can’t be their regular DH, that’s absurd, let me check some depth charts.”
“Well, he is. I now know this.”
I’m absolutely thrilled to be alive.
Q&Q
Red Sox third baseman Rafael Devers turned down a contract extension from the Boston Red Sox, Hector Gomez reports.
Devers rejected the extension because it was much lower than he expected. The all-star third baseman will now look to improve his market value during the upcoming 2022 season.
Source: Fantasypros.com
I will not mock this blurb’s analysis for the first sentence, as it is low-hanging fruit, but Hector Gomez’s original tweet echoed the sentiment of the “Needs More Money” complaint Devers apparently lodged regarding the contract extension. I stomp back on this blurb because it is lower than expected in regards to context. This is extremely simplistic reporting, and it doesn’t do Devers or other players any favors re: public sentiment towards the labor side of things.
Why else would anyone turn down a contract extension? The quality of the paper used on the offer? They texted it to him? They tied it to a brick and threw it through his living room window? Contract offers by rule of negotiation start with a low-ball (gross) offer, followed by a parry, a thrust (gross), and maybe an agreement. This frames the argument as either “The Red Sox are Too Cheap,” or “Rafael Devers is Greedy and Ungrateful.” Guess which side Everyday Joe Baseball picks for his bias.
Shadow of the Colossus
Yankees shortstop Gleyber Torres will not be in the opening day lineup this afternoon.
Yankees manager Aaron Boone instead will deploy DJ Lemahieu at second base and Isaiah Kiner-Falefa at shortstop in the season opening game against the division rival Boston Red Sox at Yankee Stadium. It is a questionable decision after the strong spring Torres had, batting .294 with three home runs and five runs batted in during Grapefruit League play.
Source: Fantasypros.com
All of Gleyber’s rate stats were down after a full season of games last year. All of them. Barrels. Hard Hit Percentage. Slugging and xSlugging. Launch Angle. But sure, let’s weigh a handful of games in Spring Training against a full season of production. Why not. We all remember Hall of Famer Chris Shelton.
Maybe it’s the defense? Nope. DJM and IKF are both sterling defenders, and Gleyber posted his first-ever positive defensive WAR last season. In short (PUNS, BABY), the assumption that the Yankees will keep giving him everyday at-bats is foolish. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s part-time this season as long as IKF keeps his batting average above .245.
Name de Plume
Twins placed RHP Cody Stashak on the 10-day-injured list with right biceps tendinitis.
Stashak fell a bit behind in Twins camp and will hang back at extended spring training as the regular season gets underway. The 27-year-old could be an option for the Minnesota bullpen sometime in April.
Source: Rotoedgesportsworld.com
Some would say that the Twins STASHED him on their IL. Cody’s a big fan of Tom Selleck, Sam Elliot, and that brother from Sparks. His parents were always checking his room for something, you know what I mean? I’ll stop now, before the Stash-ute of limitations expires on these cheeseballs.
Flowery Diction
Cardinals second baseman Tommy Edman homered and drove in one run in the Cardinals’ 9-0 win over the Pirates.
Edman is not known for displaying much power, so the home run on Thursday was a bonus. He should continue to be a vital part of the Cardinals lineup this season.
Source: Fantasypros.com
I’m all for giving credit where it’s due, but there has been a cottage industry of fantasy scribes and blurbists touting Edman using words like “vital.” He’s the number nine hitter, therefore not getting as many opportunities to score runs and steal bases. I wouldn’t put it past him to go 70/10/45/25, but everyone is paying for him as if 90 runs and 30 steals are his ceiling. Any man batting in the last spot of a lineup isn’t vital, the dude just had to be placed somewhere on the card. The top four spots in a lineup are vital. Look at the Pirates. Their top four are about as vital as Kyrie Irving’s opinion on science. I would rewrite this last sentence as, “He should continue to hold up the caboose of the Cardinals lineup this season.” Cabooses are cool, and I think we as a culture are forgetting that. They’re shaped differently than the other train cars! You can usually jump onto them from a galloping horse or dropped from a helicopter! Cabooses!
With that last caboose of a blurb, we are done for this week. Keep sending me your favorite blurbs, and I’ll see you all next Thursday!
