Nick came to Rudy and me with an idea for a show where we present a scenario for a fantasy team and through our sheer energy, not unlike the pantyhose, we come up with a solution for your team. A team we do not know at all, but can sense is struggling. We’re helping you, hermit, who lives in the basement of his mother’s house and is too shy to ask a question in the comments even if it’s completely anonymous. In fact, we are slow clapping for you right now. You can’t hear it, but it’s giving you the self-confidence you need to get a job at the local Dairy Queen and ask Cindy out on a date. Not that Cindy! She’d never date you! I’m talking about the Cindy who should be more “proactive.” We are not just saving fantasy teams here, we are saving lives! On today’s show, we go over the trades I made to get David Price and Adrian Beltre. I’m a trading fool! But, most importantly, we touch on what you should do if you’re struggling in average (or Ks or power or saves or pitching ratios). Guys that you can trade for to fix your teams. Rudy also uses a word that no one knows, including him, but we’re playing a Five-Dollar Word drinking game and he’s trying to get me drunk. Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (now with more elucidation):Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mauledbypandas (Josh Hamilton’s Fake Stache – Cracking The WHIP) is on top of the world for another week. “The only way that Member’s Only jacket isn’t hanging in my closet come October is if I get bored and move on to fantasy football,” he was heard to exclaim this week. Of course, he’s claiming he was misquoted. “Bl@#p*@g Vin! He’ll write anything to boost readership.” Meanwhile, the Ottoneu Bay Stormtroopers (RCL On PEDs) became the latest challenger, jumping from 9th to 2nd. The Troopers lead the RCL with 37 wins, but they are well ahead of the pace for Games Started. Check out the Master Standings (you can also access them via the Leagues menu up top) to see where your team ranks in comparison to the other 767 teams through Sunday. Tell me your team and league in the comments and I’ll add your Razzball handle to the standings.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Johnson and Justin Upton made a nice Diamondcomeback last night. To welcome them back, everyone in attendance received a visiting team home run ball. Upton and Johnson went a combined 7-for-9, 3 runs, 5 RBIs with two homers as they both came a triple short of the cycle. Their trade to Atlanta for infielder Martin Prado and four prospects was a trade that Kevin Towers said was done because his team needed a facelift. That facelift looks about as good as Bruce Jenner’s, and right now Justin Upton is Ray J having sex with Kris, Kourtney, Khloe and Kim while making some wack-ass rap video about it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As you all know, pitching is my favorite part of fantasy baseball and baseball in general. It’s as overpoweringly addictive to me as gasoline is to the leather-clad gangs in The Road Warrior. Now I most certainly don’t have any ass-less chaps, but I was on the edge of my seat watching some of thee performances, I’m not gonna lie mainly Chris Sale last night, just because he’s on many of my teams and I was on vacation over the weekend…
There were a lot of comments last week asking for a Shelby Miller breakdown, and as probably everyone knows (spoiler alert! Wait it’s in the title. Don’t look at the title…) all he did was go out and throw a 1-hitter. So I went back to watch the tape and break down the start for all you loyal pitcher profile fans:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is not a drill. Eric Young Jr. should actually see steady starts in right field with Michael Cuddyer hitting the disabled list. After Helton went down we were teased by the occasional EY2 start. I may or may not have seen Grey with a Cuddyer voodoo doll in his hand and next thing I know, EY2 is the Rockies leadoff hitter and starting right fielder. He and a few others who are on page one of the steals’ leaderboards may still be available in your league. Juan Pierre, Michael Saunders, and Kelly Johnson all graduated from this list with over 50% ownership now. Hopefully they are able to contribute to their new fantasy owners instead of doing what I did when I graduated, which was sitting in my parents’ basement eating pizza rolls and hoping that today would be “PLINKO” day on The Price Is Right.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Much respect to the mothers. Without my emergence from my mother’s vagina, I wouldn’t be able to bestow on you my fantasy baseball ‘pertness. We are one people and everyone has popped out of a mother’s vagina at one point, unless you’re an alien — I’m looking at you, Andrelton! — and with our emergence from our mother’s vagina — or that Cesarean stuff that I don’t fully understand — I say we should all live together, loving each other, and never speaking of Ike Davis again, cause he sucks. With all that mother loving out of the way, yesterday was about the worst offensive day I’ve seen during a full schedule day for rosterable fantasy hitters. I mean, there were a ton of Brayan Pena’s and Donald Lutz’s doing work, but not a whole lot from guys actually owned. Though, it would be awesome if someone got caught corking their pink bat. Corking a pink bat is like A-Rod growing a mustache. Then the nadir of that offensive dearth (pinnacle of pitching success?) was Chris Sale. He tossed a shutout, one-hitter with 7 Ks vs. the Anathema Angels. Still don’t trust him to stay healthy all season, but it looks pretty likely that he’s going to be pitching well until his arm falls off. Then, if his arm doesn’t fall off perchance, he’s going to be a number one pitcher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mark Twain wrote there are three types of lies; there’s lies, damned lies and baseball stats. That’s from Huckleberry Finn, Page 84…I think. I’m not entirely sure as I went to an “alternative high school” in Maine which was a flannel-clad cross between Glee and Lord of the Flies. Now everybody sing “Don’t you Forget About Me” while I impale this pig’s head on a spear. Happy Mother’s Day!
*Now back to our regularly scheduled blog*Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hold me! Clap, clap! Love me! Clap, clap! Eight days a week, he will Pronk you! Hrm, I just turned an awesome Beatles tune into something sordid sounding. Sorry for the ending to that sentence, lispers, and welcome to your weekly addition of the Creeper series. Why is it called the creeper series, you ask? I honestly don’t know, I didn’t make it up. Grey just said “hey, you wanna rub my feet and feed me grapes while listening to Paula Cole on my iPod?” and when I said the obligatory “no,” he said there’s something else I could do to help him. In a statement made in the pursuit of honesty and integrity, picking Travis Hafner feels a little underhanded. As of this typing, he’s 24.8% owned in ESPN leagues and 35% owned in yahoo leagues. But he’s not owned in one of my RCLs so I felt justified. Yes, I have more than one RCL. Don’t judge me. But, more to the point, the ownership of Pronk might be higher than it currently should be. As of Saturday morning, Hafner is just 8/34 with only 1 HR over his last 14. So why am I suggesting him, you ask? Well that’s what paragraph two is for, silly! So with that, let’s see why you should visit the Pronktologist during week 7 of the 2013 fantasy baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
In my Week 4 MiLB report, I included a brief writeup on Blue Jays pitching prospect, Roberto Osuna, highlighting his hot start to 2013 season at Low-A Lansing. My blurb from that particular post: “Number five on my Blue Jays top ten from March, Osuna is a rather plump 18-year-old with a front-end arsenal. Through 18 IP at Low-A Lansing, he’s posted a 26/3 K/BB along with an ERA at 2.95 and a WHIP at 0.82. Some folks are concerned about his potentially tubby frame, but the stuff might just be good enough to overcome the weight issue.” Well Osuna was pulled from his most recent start with elbow discomfort. A subsequent visit to Dr. Andrews has revealed a UCL tear, and it’s now all but official that the Jays’ prized prospect will require season-ending Tommy John surgery. The developmental setback is disappointing, but at age 18, Osuna was ahead of the developmental curve already. There’s still reason to remain optimistic about his future outlook, but it looks like it’ll be a full year before we see him pitching in a meaningful game again. And that sucks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I have to admit that I am completely tired of talking about all the Nick Green‘s and Hector Jimenez‘s of the fantasy baseball world. I could use a one-week recharge from rummaging through the free agency trash heap of our deep leagues, which means you do to. I’m the driver, so you never really had a choice anyways. That being said, today’s subject might be useful as you begin to get a feel for what your team is and what it needs. Whether or not you are thinking about buying for a run at the championship, or already day-dreaming about drowning your team in a fire-sale, I’d like to tackle some players you should be asking for as throw-ins. And by throw-ins, I’m talking about prospects outside of the Top-100 that you should ask for in every trade proposal. My goal is to name names that aren’t expensive, don’t move the dynamic of your proposal, but could pay dividends a couple years down the road. Remember, there were 1,026 players taken in the 1988 draft before Mike Piazza. Let’s find ours.Please, blog, may I have some more?