With the season winding down and most H2H leagues in full-on go mode, this week’s holds post will be the last one of the year.  I know, so sad, right?  It has been a 25-week journey into the pits and pendulums that are fantasy bullpens.  But with the conclusion, it is always good to look ahead to next year for everyone in keeper, dynasty or just anyone looking to get a jump on next year now.  I mean, I never stop really doing bullpen research all year, I drink one can of beer at a time and then look to the bottom of the can to see if the answer or answers are printed on the bottom.  Alas, I haven’t found one yet, but that won’t stop me from trying again and again in my ever search for bullpen enlightenment. Things to look for late in the year for future bullpen potential; high leverage usage, a great success with stranded runners and a great situational involvement in that teams bullpen moving forward. Just a P.S., those are the things I give you with every bullpen piece in my helpful chart. Yes that last one is tough because we never know who will be traded and add or subtract value from another, but great bullpen arms on one team with potential for holds, saves and just overall decent fantasy return are very rarely ever traded and don’t return to same spot with new team.  So put your feet up, I have 10 more beers left before this post is done…

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Ryon Healy couldn’t have come at a better time for the A’s.  Their corner infidels were about as weaksauce as they come.  Mark Canha?  More like Can’t-hit.  Andrew Lambo?  More like ‘that Lambo is bahhhd.’  Yonder Alonso?  More like ‘over Yonder’ as in everyone’s over him in value.  Though, looking at Healy’s minor league numbers, he doesn’t look much better.  However, Josh Donaldson wasn’t much to look at in the A’s minor league system either.  It wasn’t until he came up and the A’s adjusted his swing to get more lift than a Beverly Hills surgeon.  Not saying in 2017, Healy will be Donaldson, but we shouldn’t write him off as a 15-homer hitter either, as his minor league numbers may indicate.  Why didn’t the A’s give Canha, Lambo, Alonso and others the patented lift?  An anecdote to illustrate:  for a few months, I wore shoe heels like Tom Cruise to give myself an extra two inches.  It was impossible to tell I had them in, they elongated me!  I looked like Fred Astaire (as old people told me)!  But after a few months, I got bunions the size of pearl onions and couldn’t walk.  I had to stop with the lift because it wasn’t natural and making things worse.  Maybe those other players couldn’t do the lift because it didn’t feel natural to them.  Of course, none of this matters for this year.  I’d grab Healy for the last ten days.  Doode’s fahrenhot!  Doode is straight butter that a professional hibachi chef puts on a sizzling lobster tail!  Doode’s Kurt Russell in Backdraft!  Healy is a social worker at a female prison that married a Russian mail-order bride!  Wait, that last one is a plot point for a Netflix show.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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The minor league season is over, so allow your favorite Prospectors to light the hot stove. It’s like an outside fire pit on an autumn night type of stove. You know, hoodies and shorts. We’ll save the pellet stove for the December doldrums, whatever those are. Enough about heating units! This week yours truly, and Michael Halpern of imaginarybrickwall.com kick things off with some Padres talk, as they called up the quartet of Manuel Margot, Hunter Renfroe, Carlos Asuaje, and Austin Hedges. We then touch on top playoff performances from Billy McKinney, Jason Martin, “King of the North” Tyler O’Neill, and Braves pitching prospect Max Fried. We then get into our top 5 sleeper/breakout hitters, and top 5 sleeper/breakout pitchers for 2017. Never mind the bollocks, it’s the latest episode of the Razzball Prospect Podcast.

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Shhh, can you keep a secret? Please don’t let him know. I’ll be passing the ‘Do you love me? Check yes or no’ note to Carlos Perez prior to first pitch so please don’t blow my cover, internet, on which I am writing about Alex Meyer for everyone to see. Ok, maybe ‘love’ is a strong word for a pitcher with only 18.2 career innings and a 7.23 ERA. At 26, the shine is probably off this former first round pick, but the course to true ‘love’ – ok ‘like’ – never does run smoothly…especially when it goes through Minnesota! If you know me, which of course you do, you know I have despised the Twins organization for quite some time. This is the team that told Francisco Liriano to pitch to contact. Said Liriano went to Pittsburgh and became a fantasy star again. This is the team that willfully started Eddie Rosario in 2015 and compounded this failure by actually making him a part of their 2016 ‘playoff contending team’. They are one of the worst developers of young talent this league has so whenever I see a pitcher move away from them, my interest is immediately piqued. The cliff’s notes version of Meyer’s scouting report is as follows: good stuff, shaky command. There’s nothing that says this still isn’t a problem, but hey, this is DFS and we care about price and expectations. The Astros are 4th in the league in K% on the year and Meyer rolls in with a 10+ K/9 over the course of 2016. A 10+ K/9 at the $4,000 pitcher min salary? *Inserts ‘OK’ Emoji*. There’s obvious no floor here so rostering Meyer is strictly for tourneys, but 16 points isn’t an unlikely outcome and really, that’s all you want when your pitcher is a free space. So who will I pair him with? What types of wondrous bats can I pay for with him on my roster? Follow on to find out. Here’s my ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ taeks for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday September 26th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

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Steven Matz is likely done for the year after hurting his shoulder again.  I’m not even joking.  I kinda wish I were.  NY Post writer, Joel Sherman’s headline, “How Terry Collins broke Matz news to Mets in stirring meeting.”  Unless everyone had coffee, creamers and were stirring, Joel, buddy, you’re overselling.  Quick aside, sportswriters assume their audience is a bunch of illiterate 8th graders.  *makes farting noise with hand under armpit*  That’s what I think of that.  Any hoo!  If I could toot my own horn, I’d never leave my house, but I told you Matz wasn’t going to start.  If I were a Mets fan, I’d be particularly worried about the Mets going deep into the playoffs, because, unlike Joel Sherman, I’d like to point out this will be more innings on Gsellman and Lugo’s arms.  Ya know, the same thing that got Matz, Harvey and deGrom in trouble this year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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rel-baseball-logo-new-2016-wsThe regular season in the first REL season has concluded! In the AL, a strong second half finish from The Tribe vaulted the Indians into the World Series, winning the first AL pennant. In the other corner, standing a combined 254 feet weighing 3,000 pounds (I dunno, that math might be WAY off!), the Washington Nationals pick up the NL pennant. It really wasn’t a contest the whole season in the NL!

The inaugral World Series (final 2-week H2H playoff) has already begun, and it’s a razor close 6-3-1 lead thus far by the Nationals, with all categories neck-and-neck. If you’d like to check out coolest and most prestigous final in all of fantasy baseball (no hyperbole there!), you can track the matchup on our 2016 World Series page. Dope, right?!

For the other 28 franchises, this is our final post to reflect on the 2016 season that was… We’re all prepping for the offseason with some hopeful Winter trades and praying our parent clubs make smart offseason decisions. Here’s our regular season wrap-up of the Razzball Elite League:

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The Cleveland Indians’ rotation has taken some major hits in the last week or two, with Carlos Carrasco and Danny Salazar going out for the season with injuries. Mike Clevinger, he of the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen this side of Sampson, starts against the Royals today. They need to find a way to expand their rotation options for the postseason, and I suspect that Clevinger will get stretched out plenty in his last few starts; his lack of innings in his last few starts should stop being an issue, and instead it should be all about his hair (and his nasty stuff).

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday September 26th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

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I don’t understand this.  The Padres’ Triple-A affiliate made a run for the Triple-A championship against the Yankees’ affiliate, so the Padres were holding down their top prospects to play in the championship.  On the surface, it seems straightforward enough.  Making run for championship, want best players there.  Okay, I get that part.  The part where I get lost, WHY DO YOU CARE IF YOU WIN A TRIPLE-A CHAMPIONSHIP?!  Sorry, my keyboard got sticky the other day when Giancarlo returned.  Don’t ask.  The Padres are in the business of winning AAA championships?  I don’t remember the Yankees keeping Gary Sanchez, Aaron Judge and Tyler Austin in Triple-A to help their Triple-A team.  I’d love to go into the Padres’ front office, throw some furniture against a wall and start screaming, “Let’s win some major league games for a change!”  They need a organization-wide readjustment, and Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), is just the man to do it!  So, with this said, the Padres called up Hunter Renfroe and Manuel Margot (and some other guys).  Margot and Renfroe, who sounds like a name that exists to only be said by Scooby Doo, are top 100 prospects.  Margot is straight SAGNOF this late in the year, maybe could provide a few steals in the last ten days, and Renfroe is the exact opposite, with a chance to provide a few dingers.  They’re not going to make much impact in ten days.  Too bad they had a Triple-A playoff run to attend to first.  Which they lost!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:

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For today’s post I draw my inspiration from the spirit animal of this post, the incomparable Corey Feldman. There’s a couple of reasons for this; first and foremost his recent viral-worthy Today show performance. The general message of the performance was be yourself, dance like no one’s watching, and go for it. Yes, ladies and gents, I’m the Tony Robbins here at Razzball, looking to get you up and out there, getting yours. Seriously, be yourself Corey. Be. Your. Self…….That goes for you too Angels, even if the look in your eye is one of a captured animal who’s freedom has been stripped of them one Lost Boys themed orgy at a time. The other reason Mr. Feldman is such an inspiration for this post, his career. It started out bright, and successful, but quickly spun out of control, as the remainder has been a trainwreck. Sorry dude, but 80’s drug use is no excuse (cough, cough Charlie Sheen and Robert Downey Jr. did okay, if only for a little while). This narrative is not much different than the prospects we’ll discuss today. They too started their seasons with a spectacular run of success, rubbing elbows with the Michael Jackson’s of the minor leagues (That’s Tito BTW), on their way to great first halves. But that’s where the plot thickens. As they hit the second half they faltered, and the results weren’t anywhere close to their previous levels. So today let’s talk about some of these first half heroes, the ones that went full Cinderellay, as their production went pumpkin. Here are this year’s Corey Feldman’s.

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samuel-l-jackson

Is there anything cooler than Samuel L. Jackson cursing? I mean seriously, I think even my Grandma would remark ‘he’s so sweet’ after watching this MF’ing montage (ummm, and I shouldn’t have to say this but that thing NSFW…you muthaf@#$a). I’m of course quoting Pulp Fiction, where Jules Winnfield kindly asks Pumpkin, aka Ringo to help Honey Bunny, aka Yolanda to, ahem, ‘regain her composure‘. And again, please read the damn title…you should know that it’s also NSFW. I mean, is there any SFW Tarantino film? Rhetorical! Let’s move on to the real reason you’re here, shall we? Yes, let’s. The cheap go for today is Chad Kuhl. Now I say this with some slight caveatism (<– totally a word). Would I prefer to see this matchup in Pittsburgh? Yeah. Would I prefer that Ryan Braun not be in the lineup today? Sure. But am I gonna pass on the fact that the Brew Crew leads the MLB in K%? Hells to the no, children. And just to clarify that ‘1st in K%’ statement, let’s break things down further. Home K%? Brewers are King. Full season K%? Tops there, too. Last seven days? Yup and in fact, they’ve upped the ante and are sitting at a huge 28.4% level, well above their season number at 25.4%. There are lots of safer choices for your cash games so I wouldn’t consider Chad there, but I’m all about him in tourneys today. So don’t panic and tell that Honey Bunny within yourself to be Kuhl as you roster Chad today. And with that, we’re off. Here’s my great vengeance and furious anger taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday September 26th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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