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What up blood! What up cuz! What up Gaaaaangstas (Turn this up)!!!  They say I walk around like I got an ‘S’ on my chest. Nah, that’s a keyboard and a cashmere sweater vest on my chest. Greetings! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, internet-thug extraordinaire, returning to you from a much needed creative sabbatical. I can’t truly explain my absence last week. Yes, I was experiencing the kind of migraine headaches I imagine  Christian Slater receiving when he thinks about his career path, for a couple days, but there was something more, something deeper. The creative juices simply weren’t flowing, as I felt like Macaulay Culkin after he made Getting Even With Dad. Where do I go from here? Have I peaked? Do I have anything left to give this world? Has Domonic Brown soul f*cked me to the point there’s nothing left of me but a dried up, useless corpse? My chicken, the normally loving and playful Beatrice, that you see pictured, wouldn’t even look me in eye! The Elder Gods, whom have guided me to countless fantasy championships, had seemingly abandoned me. As I laid naked, curled up in a ball on my polar bear rug, bawling my eyes out, all seemed lost.

Then the nuclear bomb dropped. 50-cent brought back the entire G-Unit at summer jam, taking me back to a time in my life that was absolute bliss; Mass quantities of drugs and alcohol, young women flocking to me like the salmon of Capistrano, and starting countless fights for no reason. My modeling career was beginning to take off,  I rescued the aforementioned Beatrice from Kentucky Fried Chicken slaughterhouse, and Ja Rule’s career, (one of the top-3 most popular rap artists at that era), was being dismantled right before the world’s eyes. Life was grand. The Unit filleting and deep frying Murder Inc., and all other rap foes gave me the confidence I needed in life to succeed. If they could destroy Ja Rule’s life and disrespect anyone and everyone with zero consequences, who was to say I couldn’t become the most famous male underwear model in the world?

50-Cent-Summer-Jam

 

SIDENOTE: Obviously, not everything went as I expected, as the Elder Gods clearly had another plan for me. A young Grey Albright, discovered me on Cinemax, performing in those late night, soft core porn films. Needless to say, he witnessed what a massive asset I could be to his fledgling website, Razzball.com. With each cheesy line and every gluteus maximus flexed pump, young Albright become more deeply infatuated with my talents. He even allowed me to sleep in the Razzball offices, where I honed the craft you are now witnessing today. He once told me “Tehol, when you write, something special happens every time. You’re the greatest, something like Ali in his prime.” May the Elder Gods bless Grey Albright with an abundance of  pleasure and prosperity. I owe you my life, sir.

Okay, let’s return  to how Beddict got his groove back. The aforementioned G-Unit reunion immediately sparked up controversy, with the creator of the clothing brand “Slowbucks,” getting mollywhomped on stage, chain snatched and all, live, in front of 70,000 people. The feeling was restored! G-Unit was officially back. To make matters worse for “Slow”, he held a press conference, taking legal action against 50-cent for brand tarnishment, which is a major no-no in the hood ya’ll. That’s when I found what might be my true calling; Trolling rappers and their groupie fans on twitter and instagram has invigorated my soul and taken my creativity to places I’ve only dreamed about. Verbally assaulting snitches and phonies has filled the hole in my soul, and has given me fuel and fire I lacked to return to my number one passion in life, which is writing about Fantasy sports for the greatest website in this universe.

Every week I do a Disgrace/Delight column breaking down the MLB players who disgraced or delighted their fantasy owners. It’s a pleasure being back, and I thank you for allowing me back into your lives, for without you, I’m simply just an internet thug. You ready for some actual baseball talk? Okay, let’s bang out! Witness!

 

MLB Players Who Have Delighted Me With Their Play This Past Week: 

Jon Singleton- Pitchers who cross his path, he’ll crush ya, thinkin’ he won’t touch ya. He’ll have that a** using a wheelchair, cane, or crutches. Fear this man, for he comes in at a Karsa Orlong, like 260 pounds, and crushes the baseball with the kind of savagery I’ve only once before witnessed; When Gregor Clegane aka “Da Mountain,” popped Prince Oberyn’s skull like a grape, (possibly NSFW) on, Game of Thrones, two weeks back. I was shocked to see young Jonny boy sell his soul for $30 mill, but hey, this is fantasy baseball, why do we care what he’s getting paid? Do you playa? A .265 average with a couple jacks thus far is enough to sell me on him. Kudos to you if you picked him up a few weeks back.

Nelson Cruz- He don’t fight fair, he’s dirty-dirty. He’s from the Dominican Republic, pitchers, ya heard me? It’s true, Cruz wasn’t fighting fair when he was poking those needles in his butt, awarding him what WE THOUGHT made him such a powerful hitter in his early thirties. But with 21 yack jobs and a .300 batting average, it’s safe to say Cruz doesn’t need that muscle enhancement. All he needs is some dumbbells and a sandwich. Nellie is the biggest steal of this year’s fantasy drafts thus far.

Brandon MossClickity clank clickity clank. The money goes into his piggy bank. Big money is on the way for Mossimo, as he’s absolutely blown my mind, blossoming into one of the finest mashers in all of baseball.  I feel confident in saying we’re getting 30 plus bombs  and 100 RBIs when the season is finished. It’s extremely rare that a player is pretty much worthless until they are 28 years old but that’s exactly what happened with Moss. It’s kind of like the opposite of what occurred with Christian Slater. Ughhh.

Oscar TaverasSee Oscar play for keeps and Oscar stay with heat. He can’t go commercial, they love him in the street. Yes, I know OT is beneath the Mendoza line at the plate but I’m just overjoyed to witness the young man getting some Major League at bats, and trust me the Cardinals will need him if they expect to make another World Series run. Speaking of the Cardinals, where does THIS fan sit at the stadium? See I’m a liar, man, I really don’t care.
I tell them hoes whatever they wanna hear. 

Paul GoldschmidtYou say you a gangsta, but you never hit nothing. We say you a wanksta and you need to stop frontin. Conor Jackson, Daaaaamn Homie! 10 years ago, you was the maaaaan homie! The F#ck happened to you? Goldy has erased the memory of the D-Backs last big time 1st base prospect, coming through in all the ways Jackson was incapable of. During the past week, the Golden Boy, has batted a robust .400 with 3 doubles, 3 long dongs, and 10 Ribbeys. That my friends, is how you get in Beddict’s Delight section.

Other fantasy sites beware: Be easy, stop the bullshizz, you get your whole crew wet. We on the net doing the same old two step. Razz-unit, cuz, they say we bugged out. Cause we don’t go nowhere without our tablets , we thugged out.

Fernando RodneyDon’t go against Rod, he’ll hurt your feelings. Stones in his cross the size of your earrings. His confidence level’s high  can’t tell? Lickin his lips at ya b!tch like he’s LLMaybe my favorite song ever from tha Unit). They said my man, Rodney, was a bad signing by the M’s. His detractors failed to realize “Tha Rod” would come out throwing haymakers, silencing the hate with save after save and a 2.19 ERA. Not giving up a run hit or a walk in the past week is good way to grace the delight section. Kudos.

 

Non-MLB Delights:

The Grand Budapest Hotel- This film fits perfectly in this section, for that’s exactly what it was; A Delight. By no means did it change my life but I’d highly recommend it. The cinematography was excellent as was the acting and storyline. #BeddictCertified [Jay's Note: Probably one of Wes Anderson's worst movies to date. It's a beautiful emotionless doll-playing session, that's almost too self-aware to be an accident.]

G-Unit Reunion- Ah yes, back to this blessed reunion. The Elder Gods finally answered my countless prayers and animal sacrifices by reuniting these legends in the game. After the reunion they traveled directly to the studio and thus far blessed the world with 3 bangers; Nah I’m Talking Bout, Real Quick (0-100)and my personal favorite, OrdinaryThe transition was seamless as they’ve taken hijacked 3 popular artist’s beats and made them theirs. Even, 50, who fell off lyrically long ago, sounds reinvigorated, dropping the kind of heat that has me attacking his nemeses on Twitter, even being blocked by some. Now that I’ve mentioned it, how does some supposed hard core rapper, block someone over a couple of light jabs via Twitter? Yea, I’m talking to you, Troy Ave. That ain’t gaaaaaansta! Yes, G-Unit has re-formed like Voltron and I’m obviously overjoyed. Praise the Gods!!!

Penny Dreadful- Not positive this show is deserving of this coveted slot quite yet, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m all for sex, monsters, murder, and a combination of British fiction from the 18th and 19nth century. Josh Hartnett is alive, people!!! Shocking, I know. He adds some star power but little else in Dreadful. This isn’t’ mind blowing information considering he’s always been a horrid actor and I’ve never been able to take my eyes of  that mole on his neck. Still the show has immense promise having already been picked up for a 2nd season on Showtime with a 3rd pretty much a guarantee at this point. I’m always fascinated with the story of Dorian Gray, for that’s who I’m constantly compared to. We both adore looking at ourselves in the mirror and neither of us have aged in centuries. That’s correct, readers, your boy Beddict is over 450 years old. Crazy to think about. But seriously tho, Hartnett, take a quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your neck.

 

Players Who Disgraced Themselves This Week:

Grant BalfourIf you know anything about Balfour, then you know he’s not a baller. If he don’t get hit the first night, you know he’s getting shelled tomorrow.  I saw the downfall of Balfour coming early in the season as he was allowing a jillion base runners, yet somehow escaping the fatal blast. His supporters attacked me on Twitter for my verbal accosting of their offseason prize piece. Not surprisingly those same endorsers of Balfour have up and vanished like a fart in the wind. With that being said, Balfour still has a chance of getting the job back in a month or two but I wouldn’t count it. Hey, if, M Night Shyamalan, can come back after the disgraceful Lady in the Water, then Balfour can certainly close again. Wait, what? Oh my bad, Shyamalan stays dropping duds so maybe Balfour really is finished in the streets. RIP

Don’t nobody wanna die, but everybody wanna ballSomebody gotta go when them Managers call.

Joe Nathan- Texas to Detroit I got my hoes in the Lear, while Joe Nathan’s b!tch bald-headed like Britney Spears. Simply put, Nathan has been(could have just stopped at Nathan and “has been”) pathetically inept at his job as closer for Detroit. Dude was supposed to be the missing piece and instead has been about as useful as Kim Kardashian in a spelling B. The ERA has ballooned over 7 and that’s not a disgrace. That’s BEYOND disgraceful. Just glancing at his numbers sickens me in ways I never thought possible. Goodnight, sweet Prince.

At least Nathan is taking it like man, as he had the following to say to his critics. “Hits and walks may break hearts and getting shelled may hurt me. But I take it like a man, you beg for mercy.” Respect.

britney-spears-bald-400a030207

Xander BogaertsNightmares of Tehol punchin’ you, flatline. Doctor pumpin’ you, the blind could see the punk in youOver the last 7 days, Bogamil, has batted a paltry .115 average with 0 bombs, 1 RBI, and a solitary walk. I’ve had it with bum. My patience is at its end as I can admit I made a grave mistake in reaching for him in all fantasy drafts. My dreams of a young A-Rod like season were crushed early on, then brought back to life when he heated up, making me believe the Elder Gods hadn’t forgotten about me. Bogaerts’s inadequacies are making me ill, as it’s caused me to vivaciously scratch at my own skin, tearing into the flesh like termites do a tree stump.

You don’t think Xander can hit the curve cause He’s out the hood? That’s a stereotype, like everybody that’s black can jump.

But maybe true in this case.

 

Non-MLB Disgraces This Week:

The Miami Heat: The Heat’s defense was absolutely disgraceful in game 3 of the NBA Finals, Tuesday night. I’m not positive on wether or not there was a schematic issue, but the effort clearly wasn’t there, and that’s highly troubling considering, you know, YOU’RE IN THE NBA F#CKING FINALS!!! Chris Bosh, a supposed future Hall-of-Famer, took FOUR SHOTS to go along with THREE REBOUNDS! LeBron James played was about as terrible as you’ll ever see him in the second half, deciding not to even ATTEMPT a jump shot to try and get himself going. Instead, he chose to continually drive and get stripped like a jersey chaser at NBA all-star weekend, complaining about the no-call each and every time, instead of hustling back on defense. Last but not least, Mario Chalmers has the most abysmal player I’ve ever witnessed in an NBA finals. An absolute disgrace. He has without a doubt been the Heat’s most disgustingly horrific player and I for one, can’t take much more. I might be able to get past the fact that Chalmers literally can’t hit a shot but his lack of playmaking and his shocking ability to produce an offensive foul seemingly every 3 minutes is the definition of appalling. Just atrocious basketball. Imagine Spurs backup PG, Patty Mills, on the Heat; He would unquestionably light it up. I can honestly tell you that if the Heat had Patty Mills they could have won this series, 4-1, which is now the score I’m predicting in the Spurs favor. Just gross.

Dumb And Dumber To- Is there anything worse in this world then a tragically blown sequel to one of the greatest films in history? Okay, maybe poverty, Aids, drug and alcohol addiction, and Bill Maher are worse but you know what I’m saying, yo. I can tell you with no hesitation that THIS particular sequel is total gutter trash. I’ve never understood why a good sequel is apparently impossible to create. It seems the Farrelly brothers took out the realism of the original film and just turned it into 3 stooges tape. I pray to the Elders that this is the rare case of the preview not doing the film justice but I’m almost positive that it’s going to be a total dud. Jim Carrey has been shooting blanks for years now and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. The man was truly legendary. #Tragic

Slowbucks- The aforementioned entrepreneur, who was stripped naked of his jewels on the Summer Jam stage and stripped of his Jesus piece. If you want to be entertained just type “Slowbucks” into your Twitter search engine. It’s seriously kept me entertained for the past week. I’ve never witnessed so much hate. Needless to say this dude’s clothing line is hitting clearance racks across the globe and will soon be shipped to Africa like this pre-made championship shirts that are made for sports teams who don’t end up winning. Don’t wear this brand. Listen to your Uncle Beddict or this might happen to you:

 

That’s all I have for you this week, but it was truly a pleasure to be back. Please follow me on Twitter at @TeholBeddict47. If you find anything I have to say entertaining in these columns then you need to be with me on Twitter also. It’s only right, ya’ll! As per usual, your questions and comments will be responded to with the grace of flamingo and the quickness of Mongoose. Now, I must return to talking tough to rappers on the internet. Good day to you.

 

  1. FunkyTown says:
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    Yo Tehol – Need a solid reliever and have too many 1b/3b ‘s – Goldschmidt, Pujols, Frazier, Longoria and Howard. I’m sitting Howard most of the time unless he’s on streak – Are there any closers worth a straight up trade or is Howard too much? The guy who is offering has Aroldis, Grilli and Holland and is throwing out Grilli for Howard.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FunkyTown: yea I’d feel good about dumping Howard for a closer. I don’t expect him to do anything amazing and you are stacked at that spot. go ahead playa. thanks for stopping by

  2. Fungazi says:
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    April 3rd, 2014:

    Fungazi: Brown blows man, get over him.
    Tehol: Blows? Based on what??
    Fungazi: Sheesh.. look at his numbers 2011-2013.. you could get 56-21-68-6-.251. Wait, that’s Nate Schierholtz.

    June 12 2014:
    Brown: 18-4-30-4-.211
    Schierholtz: 19-2-20-3-.217

    (Burp)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Fungazi: Fugazi, i don’t turn my back on my boys that easily. I”m riding Brown till the wheels fall of my brotha!!! Get on board! thanks for commenting tho

      • Fungazi says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Might as well, he still has a big month in him, I can agree with that much.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Fungazi: I need it. my job depends on it.

  3. D Rich says:
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    D-Rich in the house, bad news. I got my knife in the house, bad news. Whenever Tehol around its bad news!

    I too have placed all my hopes and dreams in Sir Domonic and I refuse to believe he won’t bounce back. July will be the huge month we have been waiting for or I will join the Slowbucks marketing team.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @D Rich: Go ahead go against me I’ll hurt your feelings, the stones in my cross the size of your earrings.

      Wow the movement is back and soon I’m gonna start pokin other fantasy writers and I’m not talking boning em.

      If Domonic doesn’t turn it around I will get a slowbucks tattoo on my neck, b.

  4. The Great Knoche says:
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    Tehol, and feller Razzballers, I need some input. 10 team roto 6×6 with OBP and holds. Dynasty league. Looking al following trade:

    Sale and Carlos Gonzalez for Stanton and Cole.

    Only Cargo would be to expensive to keep for next year. I have decent pitching and need Home Runs and RBIs. Which side do y’all like?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @The Great Knoche: Stanton and Cole no doubt other than the fact Cole may be getting shut down but latest news says he’s fine. especially in dynasty I’m taking stanton anywhere or anyway i can get him and Cole still has as much upside as any pitcher in the game. Cargo’s injuries have become part of life. #StantonCole

  5. Alicia says:
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    I’m loving you’ve brought G-Unit into this! I’m excited as well :) Good Stuff! LOL

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Alicia: A FEMALE!!!!!!! G-G-G-G-G-G Unit. we taking over. I’m trying to buy some of the phuckin shoes. i can’t find em anywhere. they need to bring those back like now. Thanks for stopping by, lover.

  6. The Duchess says:
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    I don’t know if I can handle Tehol twice in one day… personally I prefer the live version (hey other female fan go watch he’s on Razzball Radio today, looking exceptionally handsome)

    How does Taveras make your delight list? he’s more than likely being sent back to AAA when Adams comes back… and you’re totally showing your Seattle bias with Rodney. I don’t know how anyone could be delighted by that ridiculously lame arrow shooting move he does… plus the FIP regression fairies have a date with him sometime in the I’d guess near future. (I love FIP & xFIP) I also completely hope you’re wrong about Cole- he WILL pitch again this year and resemble the highly touted stud he’s supposed to be.. I own him, well now you do since my team is now your team. Aww how sweet <3

    PS- Your movie choices continue to be extremely questionable, quite honestly they suck- no wonder no girls want to come over and "watch a movie with you"… xxxoo

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @The Duchess: My darling duchess. Without your never-ending support, I’m nothing. Thank you for the constant complements. I don’t receive the love I need in the comment section cuz it’s all dudes. I mean can I at least get a couple gay fans??? I need that yo.

      What movies did I refer to now? Getting even with Dad? I was actually in that film. What movie should we watch before the drill session ?

  7. C-unit says:
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    First time reader here Tehol, very much enjoyed this article in spite of your excessive and random commas (even 50 gets an editor for his liner notes, holleratchyerboi if you ever want free proof reading). The one glaring omission I see though is Lonnie Chisenhall in your delights section. He surpassed the stats of every guy you named in one game, metaphorically snatching the chain off the neck of all of fantasy baseball. My question: try to sell high or is this kid finally ready to do big thangz at the MLB level? His avg in the minors last year would indicate he’s ready to take the bullets outta 50 and put em in his 45, and he ain’t even got his feet wet yet.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @C-unit: whaaaaaat. C-unit, what’s poppin!?!??! Glad to have u first time read. Yea man, I have an editor but he has to proofread thousands of these things so maybe I’ll send u the tha next one so u can perfect that shizz. Oh man u r right. Totally forgot to put Lonny dottie he likes to party chissenhall on this betch and I’ve been talking about him all week. I’m sold man. Thanks for stopping by and if u serious about editing hit me at Tehol@razzball.com. chuuuuuch

  8. Nick says:
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    I made a trade this week that involved losing Moss and Cuddyer for Allen Craig and Francisco Rodriguez. I’m a die-hard Cardinals fan and love that I have Craig now, especially since I know he usually heats up after the All-Star break. The trade ended up being a controversial talking piece in my league with several people thinking that it was a trade rape. I’m not sure if I was raped or did the raping (as most of my most memorable drinking adventures), but I have a lot of power in my lineup (Freeman, Tulowitzki, Brantley, Cespedes, Danny Santana and Taveras) and needed help in the SV department (I have Uehara and Rodney but was still losing the SV category against some of the other league members). What do you think? Was I the one sneaking the roofie in his drink, or being roofied?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: HAHAHAHHAAH yea man, I hate waking up wondering if I was butt raped. All good man. Moss is monster but Cuddyer not a killer loss there. I wouldn’t say you “raped” him by any means nor did he “rape” you but I like his side a tad better but that’s because I swallow Moss on my blog every week, so I kind of have to. Either way, I believe you’ll be fine and I appreciate your comment as it was highly entertaining. Kudos.

  9. Luke T says:
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    Nice article. I need some advice please. Which side wins ROS? Rizzo/Street or A.Gon/Holland? Thanks for the input.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Luke T: Uncle Luke!!! A-Gone Holland but pretty tough considering R to the izzo looks like possible superstar. could see either side of this trade turning it down and probably a coin flip but I love Holland so I’ll go that route.

      • Luke T says:
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        Thanks man, all I needed was that little extra push. @Tehol Beddict:

        • Luke T says:
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          Also, How’d you know what me niece and nephew call me???@Luke T:

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Luke T: Are they part of 2 Live Crew?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Luke T: puuuuush it to the limit. no problemo. any time.

          • Luke T says:
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            That’s right, going old shool on that one.@Tehol Beddict:

  10. Just Make Pitch says:
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    Tehol, I think it’s time to give up on Domonic Brown. The potential is still there but there’s too many other promising OFs (Oswaldo Arcia, Corey Dickerson , etc….) to remain focused on Dom Brown.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Just Make Pitch: I didn’t mention Domonic in this post did I? I was going to mention arcia On razzball radio today but I was cut short on time since I rambled. He was my next player. u may be right but I’m not ready to give up yet

      • Just Make Pitch says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Part of me your continued support of Domonic is part of a long-term scheme to get with his almost-certainly fine sister.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Just Make Pitch: she gives me that old fashioned feeling. Where I’d do anything to bone her

  11. Pope says:
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    (Tehol to rappers on the internet) – I write my life you write what you see in gangster movies
    (Me to Tehol) – I love you like a fat kid loves cake
    (Tehol to world) – When I die, they’ll read this and say a genius wrote it
    (Tehol to female population of world) -Have a baby by me, be a millionaire

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Pope: winner and still, Chaaaaaaampion of the comment section, POPE!!!!!

      Don’t think he won’t cut you cuz he’s popular. Cuz he’s a gangster and a gentleman

  12. Beastman says:
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    Tehol, aggrieved Hosmer owner here in a deep 16 team league with no streaming of SPs. Think he’s on the cusp (needlessly fancy word) of turning his season around? Can trade Pomeranz for Singleton and stick Hosmer on bench or utility. Would hurt losing Pom Wonderful, but Hosmer is a black hole at 1B.

    And belated welcome back!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Beastman: right, I would swap Pom for Singleton. I think Polmeranz falls off but he may be swallowing that Oakland magic. Im down wit tho Beast-dooooog. And thank you for the warm welcome. thanks for reading

      • Beastman says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Pom certainly has the top prospect pedigree, although he’s playing a bit out of his mind. ERA and WHIP likely to rise. Is Singleton just a younger version of Chris Carter though? I’m not expecting him to hit .280, but is .260 and 20 HRs from this point reasonable?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Beastman: I think so. He’s much better than Carter. Pomeranz always seemed overhyped to me in college and now on his 3rd major league organization but Oakland got that magic. I ike singleton tho

  13. Joel says:
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    Bro, my leaguemates never wanna trade and I am stuck with an annoyingly good dilemma of deciding which OF to drop. You know who I have already:

    Mccutchen
    Trout
    Jones
    Springer

    Who then shall get the chop?

    Heyward
    Bruce

    I’m sick of having one on the bench/hittertron and could really use some help in the SP dept. Problem is, the SP options are lesser in value than the potential dropped OF.

    Alternatively, if (and that’s a mighty big IF) I were to trade Lord Trout of Riverrun, I’d want an absolute stud SP plus another solid SP in return. This would put me over the top in my league. Suggestions? Keep in mind it is a 4 keeper rule. Here’s the link to my team. Thanks a million Gold Dragons for all that help this year and last!

    http://games.espn.go.com/flb/clubhouse?leagueId=142770&teamId=14&seasonId=2014

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joel: wow thats a filthy outfield and it hurts my heart to say this but it’s gotta be Heyward.

      Lord Trout of River Run? How have I never thought of this or heard this before?!?!? Kudos.

      Yea you have the pieces to work out a pretty nice trade. even heyward, springer or Bruce would return a stud pitcher I would imagine.

      • Joel says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        There ya go man. Lord Trout is all for you. It’s the least I could offer in return.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Joel: I’ll be sure to give u credit when I drop it next blog

  14. Clint says:
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    So, I’ve got your old golden boy (Matt Adams) in my 12 team roto league and your new golden boy (Oscar) in my 8 team h2h pts league. Which league gets a new bat and/or could the other lose one to the minors or, worse, could they split playing time & kill me softly twice Tehol?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Clint: I’m praying to the Elder Gods as we speak. it has to be Adams who despite somehow packing the power of Magic Johnson’s son, is still hitting .320. the homers HAVE TO Come. Taveras hasn’t been good enough to stay with the club at the moment. in an 8 team team i probably wouldn’t own him. let’s see it play out. I wish they would just trade craig and open up that spot

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Sheriff McRawDawg: ooooooooh, that’s my name. nicer than these japanese ninjas at ping pong. look my rings don, at least 100 k worth of bling on.

      Raw Dog, you came through as always. You’re the man

  15. Jackie Treehorn says:
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    Great article. Loved the Wes Anderson movie review.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jackie Treehorn: Thank you, Jackie. I greatly appreciate it.

  16. Peter Nincompoop says:
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    Good stuff

  17. Frank White says:
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    Wutup My Nuka!!! Yo I didn’t know they reunited, Thanks for the info. I was too busy listening and praising Styles (Phantom and the Ghost)!!! Man you gotta be my twin that was separated at birth cause you just like me Brotha! Anyway how you been?? Yo I’m so glad Young Buck is back on the squad and %0 is hitting it hard like the early dayz. I downloaded 50′s new album Animal Ambition but never heard it yet. Is it Nice?? YoI’m sure you have already but if you didn’t then you gotta get all that Meek Mills new shit like, Dreams and Nightmares.. HOT!!!

  18. Inspired & fun prose! (Except, to be frank, for the generic Grand Budapest commentary. You really changed tone there. Astute movie criticism is harder than it looks.) Oh yeah almost forgot: the baseball stuff was good too.

    Although is Bogaerts really a “bum”? Or is the problem the fantasy owner who expected immediate gratification from Bogaerts? I’m sorry Tehol but the owner who expects Trout-like immediacy from every young player has only himself to blame. In a long-term league, I’d gladly sucker you out of Bogaerts in a trade.

    Nitpicking here but enjoyed the column, thanks.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Fanthead: I appreciate all tha nitpicking, broseph. Hahaha I just saw jay wrong editors note where he hammered the movie. I certainly though it was better than the last one but that’s just me. Yea I suppose it didn’t really fit.

      I expected something more out if Bogaerts this year, period. Wouldn’t trade or recommend trading him in dynasty but unfortunately I own him in all single season leagues. Thanks for reading and I appreciate the positive criticism

  19. D Rich says:
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    What up Blood, What up Cuz, What up Tehol! I remember when I snatched my first chain. It was from my Mom and no one knew it went missing. Probably won’t get the same street cred as 50 but “you know what time it is” -adam holt

    Who is your Adam Holt of fantasy this year?

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