As we begin our autopsies of the 2022 FMLB season, let us gain a unique perspective to better understand the performance of a handful of players. A paradigm shift such as this will help you better evaluate your boys going into 2023! Presenting fantasy baseball player’s season represented by various Coen Brothers films!

In the Razzball group chat that I know you’re all dying to see (/s), I was lamenting that Giancarlo Stanton had finally hit a homer for my team, only to realize I owned Will Crowe in multiple places. I felt both exultation and grief, a washing machine of swirling emotions. I contend now with you […]

Another short little introduction here. While I was writing the Yonathan Daza breakdown, I wanted to check in on WAR and wRC+ for one of the most hapless teams in baseball, the Colorado Bud Blacks. The results will not surprise you whatsoever!

One misses their weekly column for reasons few enough to mention. The author found that after a minor surgical procedure, sitting up or holding a laptop in the self-same location became unbearable. A potent combination of painkillers and procrastination led to a dereliction of my duties, and for that, I can only apologize to my editor Truss, my benefactor Grey, and my three fathers in Heaven, John Cassavetes, Peter Falk, and Ben Gazzara. One day they again will smile upon me roguishly. 

The anonymity of the internet lends itself to a very silly recklessness. If one is to climb the peak of jacked-in skullduggery, one must recognize the effect of becoming the Nameless (I’m sure this Game of Thrones mention ends up being the new show’s top related search result, hello new followers). When one writes with a nom de plume, they tend to take chances regarding style and content that they may not otherwise attempt. It’s like the concept of liquid courage, except it’s not really like alcohol, but the courage thing has the word ‘courage’? Grey will never know the true joys of a good nom de plume, which is a pity, as I’d love to hear his sardonic wit rend his name into something fresh and exciting. You know he’d think of something really kooky, like Auburn Nonedark. What a maroon!

Let me tell you all how the rest of this season will go. I will not tweet this out, because that’s giving free content to my nineties of followers. Instead, I will give this information out for free on this website, although if you’re smart you are paying to kill the myriad advertisements that helps fund Grey’s continued head-specific cryogenesis. You didn’t know that we refresh his profile picture every day with a new photo of his head frozen in a solid block of ice, hoping one day to release it after Manfred has finally destroyed the baseball? You didn’t know that? Or that like that prisoner Languille after his guillotining, according to Dr. Beaurieux, Grey responded to his name, turned to look at us before the freezing agent kicked in, and said, “Fantasy baseball blog?” He has not stopped posting since, using pupil movements to write his posts, much like the protagonist of Feel Good Movie of the Century The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. There I go again, showing you how the sausage is made, how gauche. How will the season of fantasy baseball content wind itself down?

It’s the dog days of summer, I think? I could look that up, but Google broke the other night, and I’ve been having a recurring nightmare about the AskJeeves butler tearing me to pieces using the lawnmower from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. I have been shrunken down in the dream, to give you proper context, and yes, Amy O’Neill is my girlfriend. What I’m trying to say is that it may or may not be the dog days of summer.* Much like that lull that occurs at the beginning of the last quarter of any given school year, the time seems to stretch like taffy. However, we begin to make moves as if MLB’s season ends in the next week. Articles begin to appear talking about stretch runs, which is gross (Keep bathroom humor in the bathroom!). One reads another article explaining how you should spend your FAAB now, as the chances that a new closer or impact bat appearing on the wire is slim to none.

This week I will be trying an experiment. Seeing as how when I am home I am constantly attached to an infant, thus rendering me one-armed, I will be attempting to use Google’s dictation software to write this week’s intro and outro. This comes with pros and cons. The pro is that I can write one armed. The con is having to listen to the sound of my own voice asking a machine to provide a punctuation mark, thus interrupting my flow of thought, which is already rather ruptured.

This is going to be less on the flowery introduction, and more on the blurbs. This will be a mega blurbstomp, and I hoped you packed a big lunch, and something to drink, maybe a kettle and a convection oven, some cast iron skillets, a gas range, a refrigerator, a sink and garbage disposal, custom Ikea cabinets with a marble countertop, maybe an island unless it’s going to be a small space, a herringbone backsplash, sealed linoleum floors, fan for the range, a Danish Modern dining room table with 4-6 chairs, candles for mood, flower petals, a heart-shaped hot tub, and finally, a roll of quarters for the vibrating bed.