One day, someone working in development at Yahoo(!) woke up and decided that fantasy managers needed new ways to express mirth and/or derision at the players they “owned.” I can’t begin to fathom the reasoning behind giving people with usernames like Uggggghhhhh or 420YrMomm69 the ability to comment on a player’s page via phone. Here is a little snippet of Fernando Tatis’s “Discuss” section.
The Discuss function has everything Twitter offers, only it’s hidden from computer users. This guarantees a bizarre playground of awful takes, trade questions, and add/drop schadenfreude. My dark familiar Nick Solak’s Discuss is full of people cursing him out for producing useful fantasy production after dropping him for the likes of Luis Urias, while everyone else dunks on the droppers. The Luis Urias Discuss page is full of dynasty owners proclaiming him “already better than Tatis.” The Discuss pages for players are car crashes in two ways: It’s absolutely gross and awful, and you can’t look away from it. Will this give way to user-generated blurbs? Will RotoEdgeWorldSport.com become the Buzzfeed of fantasy update sites, letting college students create their most popular quizzes while paying them with email compliments? Probably.
A couple weeks ago I wrote about how fantasy baseball managers are usually in several circles of Dante’s Hell. Having used Yahoo(!) as my primary fantasy interface for more than a decade, I have watched as features that I loved (threadless discussion boards, posting GIF’s in the message board) were dropped and the phone app was prioritized. Also, why the F does Stat Tracker not work in the app? I know it’s Yahoo, and they’ve patented foot-shooting, but the self-owns are so brutal and misguided. The interface itself is a circle of hell, but the Discuss pages are the wastelands, full of random demons with their own torture to share. Tread not unless you’re willing to get into a four reply argument over the new Diamondbacks closer that goes on for three months, ensuring that no one is ever happy in this life.
A Blurbstomp Reminder
We will analyze player blurbs from a given evening, knowing that 1-2 writers are usually responsible for all the player write ups posted within an hour of the game results. We will look at:
- Flowery Diction – how sites juice up descriptions of player performance
- Q/Q – Qualitative and quantitative look at how a site’s editorial vision colors the blurb “analysis”
- Double Takes – instances where successive player blurbs contradict each other
- Bob Nightengale Syndrome – instances of updates that don’t update anything
- Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award – Given to the player blurb that promises the most and delivers the least.
The hope is that by season’s end, we’ll all feel more confident about our player evaluations when it comes to the waiver wire. We will read blurbs and not be swayed by excessive superlatives, faulty injury reporting, and micro-hype. I will know that I have done my job when Grey posts, and there isn’t a single question about catchers that he did not address in his post. Onward to Roto Wokeness!
Flowery Diction
Chris Flexen was brilliant Saturday against the Red Sox, allowing just one run with seven strikeouts over seven innings as part of an 8-2 victory.
It was an impressive showing against a potent Boston offense. Flexen allowed just four hits and one walk, with the only damage coming on an RBI single from Marwin Gonzalez in his final inning. Flexen was efficient with 61 out of his 88 pitches going for strikes, racking up 16 swinging strikes in the process. The cutter was really working for him, inducing seven whiffs. Flexen holds a 2.74 ERA through four starts and has allowed one earned run or fewer in three of them. He’s interesting, though it would be nice to see him miss bats like this on a more regular basis. He’ll square off against the Angels at home next week.
This is a really interesting write up – for me to poop on! This was a good joke and punchline – in 1997 delivered by a puppet dog! There is a trend on RotoEdgeSportsWorld to add game notes into every blurb’s analysis. I do not need to know that Marwin Gonzalez hit an RBI single in a blurb about Chris Flexen. This is not even an egregious example of this practice, as I’ve found several blurbs that serve as game recaps rather than analysis of a player’s fantasy performance.
I can’t decide how fantasy sites believe their blurbs (player updates, player news, etc) are being read. Maybe a lot of citizens only read the blurbs for the players they drafted, and they only do so on their team page? Maybe blurbs aren’t meant to be psychotically scrolled through in vertical fashion for nigh over a decade? Maybe everything I know is a lie, and we’re all a dream in Matthew Berry’s head?
There is also the end of the analysis, in which the blurbist says that Flexen is “interesting,” and then say that he needs to miss bats “on a regular basis.” What does “interesting” mean? Is he ownable in a deep AL-Only leagues? Is there a hierarchy of bland adjectives in relationship to league ownership? If so, I would like to put “he is interesting” above “he is there” and below “He is someone you should see?
The other shoe in this rant that you didn’t know was dropping footwear is “on a regular basis.” What is a regular basis in regards to missing bats? I know what the league average is, but should we assume that every fantasy baseball citizen has multiple tabs open to Baseball Savant and/or Fangraphs? I don’t think we can, especially after reading perusing the Yahoo player Discuss abyss. You have to contextualize that number instead of providing play-by-play breakdowns!
Q and Q
We’re going to compare two blurbs that were posted within five minutes of each on Rotoworld:
Dylan Moore is getting the day off for the Mariners in Saturday’s game against the Red Sox.
Ty France will take over at the keystone, with Jose Marmolejos serving as the designated hitter and batting cleanup, against hard-throwing righty Nathan Eovaldi on Saturday afternoon at Fenway Park. The 28-year-old second baseman is hitting .107/.239/.214 across 67 plate appearances this season.
Source: RotoEdgeWorld.com 10:55am
Javier Baez is not in the Cubs’ starting lineup for Saturday’s game against the Brewers.
Baez will get the day off to reset mentally after getting off to an abysmal start at the plate, slashing .233/.273/.507 with 12 runs scored, six homers, 17 RBI and five stolen bases in 19 games this season. The power and speed combo production has been nice for fantasy managers, but his plate skills have been horrendous so far. The 28-year-old shortstop has struck out in nearly half (35) of his 78 plate appearances to open the 2021 campaign. Nico Hoerner is starting at shortstop and batting eighth on Saturday afternoon.
Source: RotoEdgeWorld.com 11:00amOne of these blurbs describes a player who has produced absolute 4 steals and a this season. Another blurb describes a player who is currently ranked 6th overall by Yahoo in a standard 5×5 roto format. As someone writing these blurbs, how do you write a blurb about Moore taking a seat without contextualizing his horrible start, and then describe Javier Baez’s counting stat-heavy start as “abysmal,” I know some of us are in OBP leagues, but even then, his counting stats are glorious! My starting shortstop is Trevor Story, on whom I spent a first round pick. Guess how many homers he has! TWO. TWO HOME RUNS. But RotoEdgeWorld has described his performance as unlucky. I guess he isn’t striking out as much, but I certainly could not give a flying F about K’s if I got Javy’s delicious counting stats outside of the first two rounds.
As a fantasy manager, you can use Baez’s blurb to either sell high or buy low. It’s a perfect weapon to use against owners in your league who live a Blurb Life. Recency bias is the number one killer of fantasy managers, so make sure you get those
Double Take/Bob Nightengale Award
Jake McGee struck out the side in a scoreless ninth inning on Thursday, protecting a three-run lead against the Marlins to record his major league-leading seventh save of the season.
McGee was summoned to keep the Giants’ shutout intact and needed only 16 pitches (12 strikes) to extinguish any hope of a Marlins’ comeback. He whiffed Garrett Cooper, froze Jazz Chisholm and whiffed Miguel Rojas to end the contest. The 34-year-old southpaw owns a 2.61 ERA, 0.87 WHIP and 14/3 K/BB ratio across 10 1/3 innings this season.
Source: RotoEdgeWorldSport.comApr 23, 2021, 12:30 AM ET
Mark Melancon fired a perfect ninth inning on Thursday, preserving a one-run lead against the Dodgers to collect his major league-leading seventh save of the season.
Melancon was summoned to protect a slim one-run advantage and needed only 13 pitches (10 strikes) slam the door on the Dodgers. He struck out Luke Raley, Austin Barnes and Mookie Betts in an impressive outing. The 36-year-old veteran righty is tied with Giants’ southpaw Jake McGee for the major league lead with seven saves this season. He owns a microscopic 0.90 ERA, 0.30 WHIP and 10/0 K/BB ratio across 10 innings.
Source: RotoEdgeWorldSport.com Apr 23, 2021 1:22am
I had to combine these two beautiful posts and give them both the Double Take and the Nightengale! They’re the Bo Jackson of Blurbstomp! This might be the case of two/three/four writers being responsible for the different player blurbs, or one person working too late into the night, but at the end of April 22nd, McGee and Melancon were tied for the lead. These blurbs are individually correct, but combined they are incorrect. If these blurbs were movies, they would be Highlander and Highlander 3. At the end of the first Highlander (McGee), we remember the tagline “There can only be one,” and we cheer as our protagonist, our Highlander, is the only immortal left on Earth. Highlander 3 (Melancon) takes place in the future, and there are suddenly 20 more Highlanders.
“I thought there could only be one!” you Shawshank into the night sky, a tear dripping down your mortal cheek, as your suspension of disbelief is torn asunder. “I thought. There. Could only be….” You are unable to finish the thought. There are two major league leaders in saves, but they are also not sharing that lead. Like not being able to recognize a no-hitter in a seven inning game that MLB insists isn’t a real game, this is a concept I will have to get used to. Alas alack.
Stephen A. Smith jpg Trophy
Jonathan India (head) was removed from Sunday’s game as a precautionary measure. He was hit in the head by a pitch. (Source: C. Trent Rosecrans on Twitter)
Fantasy Impact: India was struck in the head by a Jack Flaherty fastball, and initially stayed in the game to run the bases. He passed all the on-field tests to rule out a concussion, but the Reds removed him to be extra careful. He should be considered day-to-day, but it seems that he should be set to go.
Source: Fantasypros.com
Head injuries are nothing to be sneezed at. It is utterly terrifying that the money is so good in professional sports, and the spots so few, that players try to “shake off” head injuries. I got my second COVID spike and was told I might feel sick on Tuesday. Did I grit my teeth and fight through it? Hell no. I lay in my bed, ate a box of Traditional Cheez-Its, and played a bunch of my Switch backlog. Unlike Levar Burton, players should take it from me: Healing your body and mind is worth more than potentially damaging your brain for life. I care about everyone’s brains. Sorry for the cheese, but the lizard microchip in my arm won’t stop burning my insides until I make a heart-felt attempt at recognizing the real life impact the game we cherish has on the players we objectify.
That being said…I would change nothing about that first sentence in a vacuum. Considering what follows that sentence, maybe they should?
That wraps up another absolutely foul edition of the Blurbstomp. I hope two things are happening here:
- You wonderful readers of FMLB words are learning to ignore the noise provided by fantasy outlets and use your knowledge of bias and misdirection to manipulate your opponents.
- Fantasy outlets are checking out these articles, and are stepping up their respective games. I’ve already noticed edits appearing on blurbs I planned on including this week. As Kurt Cobain once explained, “Just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean they’re not after you.”
Stay safe fellow Blurbstompists! I’ll see you in the comments section of your favorite player’s news tab on Yahoo! I’ll be the one trolling Luis Urias stans.
