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Every major leaguer knows that there is absolutely no crying in baseball.  Then there’s Hall of Fame speeches.  I’m preparing mine right now for the DFS Hall of Shame for last week, and believe me, there’s plenty of wet spots on the notecards.  After an abysmal call on Kazmir as my top choice last week I’ve had to take my lumps, swallow my pride and get back out there.  I apologize to all of you and shed a tear on your behalf if you listened to me last week.  No reason to stay attached to the whipping post so I pushed harder with my most active week on Draftkings to date and I’ve been able to regain some of the swagger with a 70% gain in bankroll since that fabled day.

With all that said, there is one thing becoming true that we all can’t ignore:  The San Diego Padres are the most pathetic offense I have watched in my 10+ years of analyzing baseball.  They are the living embodiment of AAAA.  Chase Headley, Jedd Gyorko and Carlos Quentin were supposed to be the only guys who busted them out of that mold and they have been the worst of the bunch.  When Seth Smith is your best offering, you have no offering.

Mike Leake, P: $8,300 – He annihilated the Giants last time out in a pitcher’s park on the road against an ice cold offense.  This week he gets the Padres in Petco.  I could use a lot of words and numbers to say, start Leake today!

David Price, P: $11,900 – With 5 straight games with double digit Ks you’d think he’s clearly the best pitcher available, but Kershaw has eff’d that up.  Nonetheless he’s absolutely killing it showing his great longevity with nearly 8 IP per game over his passed 9 outings.  He’s #2 on Stream-O-Nator today and there will be plenty of scouts on hand looking for a reason to tell their club to buy this guy approaching the deadline.  I’m following suit as Price chases his future suitors.

A.J. Burnett, P: $8,100 – If you aren’t gonna pay for a premium for Price or Strasburg (who is also a nice choice today) I think Burnett could continue to impress on his recent stretch today.  Despite some early struggles, he’s got 4 straight QS.  He faces the Marlins, whom he faces last time out to a tune of 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks.  That was in the hitter friendly confines of Citizen’s Bank.  Today he’s in Crayola Canyon.

Marco Gonzales, P: $4,700 – So here’s the cheapest play I’ll probably recommend all year on the pitcher front.  He’s very young and had a poor outing in his debut against the Rockies in Coors.  Crazy shizz right?  Nah….  I like Marco to nearly double his value today.  He’s facing the Giants who are basically the worst hitting team in baseball right now.  They’re 2nd only to the Padres which makes them the worst hitting major league offense.  Dollar value to potential points, I like Marco as top play today.  I got no fear putting my ass on the line again…

Marwin Gonzalez, SS/3B: $2,600 – This guy is a fan of more Zs than Marco.  Usually his stats follow suit.  Today I like this guy as a nice value play.  He’s a career 6/10 against Hisashi Iwakuma and just hit a homer last night.  For this price, I’m not gonna sleep on this guy today.

Eduardo Nunez, OF/3B: $3,300 – Yeah he ain’t that great either.  He’s also fresh off the DL so his value is a little depressed and he went 2-4 in his return last night.  He’s 7/18 against Shields with 2 HRs and cheap as hell.  Hard to ignore today.

Matt Joyce, OF: $3,600 – He’s very warmish.  He’s streaky.  I likey.  3 HRs in his last two games and 6-12.  He’s also 6/16 with 3 HRs against Hiroki Kuroda, on the right side of the platoon split and is hitting in the most hitter friendly park to LHB in New Yank Stadium.   Kuroda is also either losing his stuff or just in the midst of a terrible stretch.  Either way, yes Matt Joyce.

Ben Zobrist, 2B/OF: $4,000 – Also a hot schmotato as he’s 5 for his last 14 with 3 BBs and 4 XBH.  The offense is warming in Tampa and he’s also a LHB in Yankee Land.

Freddie Freeman, 1B: $4,700 – He’s a guy who is feast and famine on a day to day basis.  He’s got the platoon split in his favor today and he’s 2-4 with a HR and 5 RBI against Dice-K.  I’m betting the young big fella is eatin good today.

Adam Jones and Steve Pearce of the BaltimOrioles are both lookin nice as well sporting mini hitting streaks with power and both homered yesterday.  Great matchup as they hit at home with yet another terrible Ranger SP serving up BP.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

D-Bags @ Pirates looks like the best chance of slip and slide party today.  Maybe KC @ MIN will too?

Doing Lines in Vegas

STL @ SF at 7.5 Two crappy pitchers… that’s insane right?  Two ice cold offenses say otherwise.  Continues to emphasize Marco…

MIL @ TOR at 9.5 This is stackable, but I like the under as I see two pitchers trending towards ownable in most formats 2nd half…

From Around The Web

  1. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    San Fran’s lineup sucks but I do like the matchup for Brandon Crawford. He crushes lefties. He has a .529 wOBA against lefties at home.

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: True but my prejudice can’t even stomach him in DFS… Crawful

  2. Allan says:
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    Trout and company have a good matchup vs scott carroll but it’s the second game of a double header. Should that have any effect on their performance?

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @Allan: I think it will. I don’t have any stats handy to back it up but I feel like there’s less offense in 2nd games of double headers

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @Allan: Blew it on this call. I’m cursed on Tuesdays!

  3. Mike says:
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    Kluber or Richards ROS?

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @Mike: Kluber

  4. Shawn says:
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    Derek Norris, John Jaso, Wilin Rosario, Wilson Ramos, Kurt Suzuki, and Dioner Navarro at catcher- who do you take?

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @Shawn: Today I take Ramos. ROS I take Rosario.

  5. Mookie Wilson 1 says:
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    My pitching is good, hitting average, non-keeper. My Stras and SCastro for Leake and Tulo. league. Yay or nay?

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @Mookie Wilson 1: I really want to say yes, but according to my sources Tulo hasn’t yet made even 1 of his 2 annual DL trips. Screw it, you gotta do the trade but get friendly with the Stream-O-Nator.

  6. Joe says:
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    Dallas kuechel is done ….do you think he will beounce back? I need to drop a pitcher for a bat because i have david wright and ángel pagan in DL i have to drop wily Peralta and Dallas kuechel which one of this to you recomend me to drop?

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @Joe: I’d go Peralta because he has the better offense and bullpen to get some more wins. I evaluate them pretty evenly though. I think Keuchel is going to have his ERA go up but his WHIP and Ks should stay where they are. He’s a good 3rd starter and borderline 2 (real baseball)

  7. costaricanchata says:
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    what do you think of bauer vs the dodgers ?

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:
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      @costaricanchata: Lookin like Lincecum 2.0. Roulette bitches!

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