As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.
Everyone got all excited last Wednesday because Bartolo Colon hit a double in a game that he also won. Obviously, this was worthy of some attention given the fact that Colon is 41, bears a close resemblance to “Big P*ssy” Bonpensiero, and the fact that he twirled eight innings of one-run ball en route to the victory in St. Louis, which is not an easy place to pitch. Lost in all of that was the fact that Terry Collins took Colon out heading into the 9th at only 86 pitches. Unless Colon asked to come out because his mummy arm was falling off, I just don’t get it. It’s another one of those robot moves that make baseball managers so infuriating. Oh, it’s the 9th inning and we have a lead of three runs or less, time to bring in the closer. Nevermind that we don’t really have a closer, and that the closer of the night is Jenrry Mejia, whose birth certificate was typed up by someone who liked to eat peanut butter at their desk. Nevermind that the backup plan for that is a guy (Dana Eveland) who has a different hat on in his fantasy baseball profile photo. Well, Mejia almost blew it, which would have not only cost the 700-year-old Colon a well-deserved victory but would have also pissed off fantasy managers everywhere, including right here. Except for a few turdlet pies, Colon has been surprisingly sturdy in 2014. Maybe it’s not so surprising given his strong performance in the telling strikeout per walk category, where he’s at 5.3, good for sixth right behind Stephen Strasburg. It would have looked really silly, but I almost put Bartolo in the first tier, with starts in his cavernous home against Oakland and continues in Pittsburgh, where teams just don’t score a lot for some reason. He’s only 36 percent owned in Yahoo, 37 percent owned in ESPN. He’s definitely worth a spin while he’s going good, especially at Citi Field.
Here’s some more two-start pitchers for the week:
Maybe you’ve heard of the No-Hitter Hangover. A pitcher deals a no-no, does a spot on “The Tonight Show” and goes on a four-day bender with three hookers, a clown and Bronson Pinchot. Too many distractions, and the result is a stinker, or lesser game, in their next start. The numbers back it up too – in 2012, Fangraphs looked at 22 pitchers and found that 17 of them had higher ERAs in their first post-gem start than their season average. Sure, that could happen to Clayton Kershaw as easily as it did to, say, Carlos Zambrano after his 2008 no-hitter in which he gave up 8 ER in less than 2 IP, but are you even thinking about sitting him this week or ever? Didn’t think so.
Zack Greinke (@KC, STL), Andrew Cashner (@SF, ARI), Gio Gonzalez (@MIL, @CHC), C.J. Wilson (MIN, @KC), Mark Buehrle (NYY, CWS), Jeff Samardzija (CIN, WAS), John Lackey (@SEA, @NYY), Alfredo Simon (@CHC, @SF), Alex Cobb (PIT, @BAL)
C.J. Wilson gets Minnesota at home, where he’s 5-1 with a 2.45 ERA and a 1.01 WHIP, and the Royals in KC, where they’re kind of not so great offensively. Also, John Lackey is only 77 percent owned in Yahoo. Just thought I’d throw that out there.
Wei-Yin Chen (CWS, TB), Yovani Gallardo (WAS, COL), Tim Hudson (SD, CIN), Bartolo Colon (OAK, @PIT), Scott Feldman (ATL, DET), Matt Garza (WAS, COL), Lance Lynn (@COL, @LAD), Drew Smyly (@TEX, @HOU), Chris Archer (PIT, @BAL), Homer Bailey (@CHC, @SF), Andrew Heaney (@PHI, OAK), Jeff Locke (@TB, NYM), Chase Whitley (@TOR, BOS), Nathan Eovaldi (@PHI, OAK), Matt Cain (SD, CIN)
Lynn and Smyly have both been pitching well, but both draw one killer assignment (Lynn’s Rockies adventure, Smyly’s trip to Arlington) and one non-killer start, with Smyly clearly getting the better of the two in Houston. If you’re in a weekly league don’t start these guys. Also, I really do appreciate the Padres making things easy on us fantasy baseball managers. We don’t even have to check to see if a game is in Petco or on the road, because San Diego can’t hit no matter where they play.
Drew Hutchison (NYY, CWS), Jose Quintana (@BAL, @TOR), Jeremy Guthrie (LAD, LAA), Kyle Gibson (@LAA, @TEX), Justin Masterson (@ARI, @SEA), David Buchanan (MIA, ATL), Roberto Hernandez (MIA, ATL), Shelby Miller (@COL, @LAD), Aaron Harang (@HOU, @PHI), Jhoulys Chacin (STL, @MIL), Edinson Volquez (@TB, NYM)
Minnesota pitcher Kyle Gibson is no bastard of young, and if not for the matchups and his status as a Twin I’d consider rolling him out there.
What do you think about what happened to Colby Lewis? Who’s Colby Lewis? Lewis Texas Ranger. His season is falling out of a window. That’s one way to say it. Another way is, he wears a hat that is ten sizes too small for his dome. Another way is, his dome is too big for his hat. And even another way is, his dome is too big and his hat is too small, and opponents are hitting .336 against him and he has zero quality starts on the year, and that’s why he’s throwing his season out of the window to the tune of a 5.97 ERA and a 1.86 WHIP and never should start for any team, real or fake. Is that a fact? No it’s not, it’s just what I heard. Who told you this? They. They talk a lot, don’t they? They certainly do.