Snap, snap, claw, claw, save.¬† That’s The Save Vulture Dance.¬† Snap, snap, claw, claw, save…¬† Sing it like it’s The Electric Slide.¬† The save vulture is a scavenger bird.¬† They see weakness in others‚Äô misfortune.¬† A closer goes down or struggles and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer‚Äôs handcuff.¬† Peck, Jim Johnson, peck.¬† Peck, Joel Peralta, peck-peck.¬† The save vultures are indigenous to rural and metropolitan areas, especially if there’s an injury.¬† Goodbye, Brian Wilson.¬† Hello, Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla and Jeremy Affeldt.¬† Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they‚Äôre usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they‚Äôre dating is talking about.¬† ‚ÄúHow does my manicure look?‚ÄĚ¬† ‚ÄúVery pretty, Manny Acosta.‚ÄĚ ¬† ‚ÄúDid you just call me, Manny Acosta?‚ÄĚ¬† ‚ÄúNo.‚ÄĚ¬† Joakim Soria has tightness in his hamstring; the save vulture has limberness in its loins that only Greg Holland can satiate.¬† If you need closers, there’s quite a few of them out there right now.¬† There’s also quite a few that you can drop.¬† Member when you were my closer, Fernando Salas?¬† Fernando Salas, “I don’t know who you are and why are you sitting on my couch in the dark?”¬† Doesn’t matter cause I just dropped you for Jason Motte and it felt great.¬† Snap, snap, claw, claw, save… ¬†Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Brent Morel – Has 4 homers in the last week with one of them coming off Porcello in a battle of the mushrooms that had the Smurfs gasping.
Omar Infante – If I was teammates with Infante, I’d be like, “What’s up, Toddler?!”¬† Then he’d be like, “It’s Infante, not Infant-e.”¬† “That’s cool, Toddler!”¬† He’d probably hate me.¬† It’s a’ight, I usually hate him, but right now he’s hitting (.346 in the last week).
Paul Goldschmidt – I’ll probably go all in with Goldschmidt next year, but he’s still a little raw.¬† To put that in Hell’s Kitchen-speak, if you’re owning Goldschmidt now, you’re probably walking with scallops about a minute early.
Derrek Lee – Back in the 50’s, when Lee was particpating in “Duck and Cover” drills, I wonder how he used to get under the desk.¬† Any the hoo!¬† He’s hitting, so there’s that.
Ryan Raburn – He hit two homers this week, and, yeah, I have a hard time trusting him too.¬† Appropriate his name contains ‘burn’ cause he’s done it to me a bunch of times.
Dee Gordon – Over the last week, he’s looked pretty lost at the plate but he could steal 5 bases this weekend.¬† It’s like that old joke; you own Gordon cause you need the eggs.
Allen Craig – Now he should get extra playing time because of Holliday’s injury.¬† He reminds me of the best and worst of Infante.¬† Cute, but peeing in your face when you change his diaper.
Drew Pomeranz – (Or Matt Moore or Brad Peacock or Shelby Miller or any other top pitching prospect.)¬† These adds are more for dynasty and keeper leagues.¬† As for other starters at this time of year, they’re all either addable or droppable depending on their matchups.¬† If you want some under 50% owned starters, look at my borderline fantasy starter post from yesterday.
Wilin Rosario – The Rockies moved on from Iannetta.¬† In Double-A, Rosario had 21 homers in 426 plate appearances and only walked 19 times.¬† Sounds like the Rockies found themselves Miguel Olivo Jr.¬† I will now call you Miguelito, The Tiny Olive.¬† I wouldn’t run out and add Rosario outside of NL-Only keepers and deep two catcher leagues.
Adam Jones – Hey, he’s making himself undervalued for next year.¬† We can appreciate that, right?
Nelson Cruz – He might start, uh, starting games tomorrow or Sunday.¬† Then he might sit for a day, start, sit, etc. etc. etc.¬† If you have room to switch him back and forth from your bench, then you hold him.¬† Otherwise, I want someone I can trust to play.
Kevin Youkilis – Youuuuuuuk looks like puuuuuuke.
Mark Reynolds – He’s in one of his 6 for 40 stretches that makes you want to reconsider your Mini Donkey tattoo.¬† Or at least it does for me.¬† Stupid permanent ink.
Carlos Quentin – Ozzie’s currently infatuated with De Aza and Viciedo, which is fine by me.¬† I’m not hatin’, I’m statement statin’.