Oblique? More like nooooooblique! Seems like it is a mild one so he has that going for Jonathan Schoop, 2B, (strained oblique). Which is goodblique. Orioles are hoping for a minimum stay, but I think it’ll be similar to Christian Yelich where they hold him out for 15-20 days instead of just the minimum 10. Stash or Trash: Stash. Fill In: Howie Kendrick (14.5%.) Nobody wants to play Howie Kendrick — we all just somehow end up with him on our team at some point throughout the year when our players get hurt. (Which always coincides with that two game a month hot streak Kendrick always has.) The conversation we usually have with ourselves when it comes time to add Kendrick typically ends with “I guess I’ll grab Howie Kendrick to replace ____” Here’s the same old song and dance you hear about Kendrick every year: he’s hit safely in every game he’s played this season except one. He’ll accidentally hit 1-2 HRs right before you pick him up, but then won’t hit 1-2 more until right after you drop him two weeks later. Howie-ver, he won’t hurt your AVG/OBP and could provide a HR and a nice handful of runs in the Nats lineup until Schoop comes back. Then you can pass him back to the waivers until someone else needs him.

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…And presenting our next award is Chance the Rapper and Grey the Napper.  *I lean into the mic*  “Thank you, it’s wonderful to be here.  Did you know the inventor of Ping Pong originally named it Fing Fong?  Yup, but he had terrible penmanship.”  *no one laughs*  “Oh, hey, there’s Jeff Daniels.  My dad loves you, but calls you Jack Daniels.  Then again, I’m not sure he’s talking about you.  Anyway, the nominees for our first Teoscar are… Teoscar Hernandez, from years in the minors of 17 homers, 33 steals.  Teoscar Hernandez, from the projections of 17/17 for this year.  Finally, Tesocar Hernandez, playing a fire emoji in The Emoji Movie, who yesterday went 4-for-6, 2 runs, 4 RBIs, hitting .421, with his 1st homer, while coming a double short of the cycle.  And the winner is…  *fumbles with envelope*  “Wow!  Tesocar Hernandez.”  “He was the only one nominated, and it’s called the Teoscars.”  “Shut up, Chance!  You’re ruining the ratings!  By the way, to cover the weed smell in your house, you should open a Subway sandwich shop in your living room.”  So, obviously Teoscar’s been all that and a swag bag of freebies, and I would grab him in all leagues.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Boy, this Ohtani is all anybody’s ever talking about. I’m so sick and tired of hearing about how brilliant that Ohtani is. I was so tempted to put Shohei Ohtani on this list. So tempted! Unfortunately he only has 30 at-bats compared to the league leader, his teammate, Albert Pujols’s 67. That’s too small of a sample size for me to overreact and 3-4 batting games per week can leave you in a hole. It is fun to see that he has a 0% soft contact rate though. But that Ohtani is some kind of something, huh?

This winter weather is messing with a lot of players. At the bottom of my top 100 you’ll see a list of hitters who shoulda, coulda, woulda been in the top 100 if they were healthy. I think most of them will return and find themselves back on the top 100 list, but for now, due to their missed games and health uncertainty — they get their own list.

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Hello and welcome!  We’re going to take a look at the AL and NL league leaders in each standard rotisserie category after the first full week of baseball and discuss, analyze, and Razz it up! (90’s phrasing!) My favorite in the group is ONLY available when there is a tie in a category. Waiting in the weeds is a pitcher or hitter that is not currently leading the category, but could find their way into the lead soon…

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Yesterday, it was a good day (freaking brothers every way like M.J.) to be an ace.  Corey Kluber went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 13 Ks, ERA at 1.57, pitching against the Tigers. One of the best, if not the best, pitchers goes against one of the worst, if not the worst, hitting teams, and you have a masterpiece by the pitcher.  Just be clause.  Qualifying, that is.  To not be outdone, Max Scherzer went 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 0 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 0.90, and stole his first base.  Take that, Ohtani!  Scherzer has 80 grade speed if he’s in a DeLorean and wants to go back to 1955.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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What do ya hear? What do ya say? We’re a week into the MLB season, are you jumping to conclusions yet? I’m just kidding, we’ve all been doing that since the very first pitch. While it’s nice to see your season-long teams at the top of the standings this early, it’s still just one week out of about 25 in the grand scheme of things. It’s not meaningless, but, you know, nothing is guaranteed. Plenty of guys who are off to slow starts will catch fire this weekend and vice versa, so it’s important not to get too up or too down or too high (especially if you aren’t yet on the 40-man roster) or too low. That being said, daily fantasy is a one night stand with no time for regression. You must dance with the matchups you chose when lineups lock, but only until about midnight. Wham, bam, thank you, sirs. Then start all over again tomorrow. But first, here are my picks for tonight’s slate on FanDuel.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

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What’s up everybody! I’m excited to be back for another season of DFS here at Razzball, and I’m even more excited to be covering Draft.com! And I’m even MORE excited for this Hot Pocket I have in the microwave. Only thirty more seconds! Anyway, Draft.com is a super awesome way to play DFS because (spoiler alert) you get to draft your players! So, let’s get into some picks. The first guy I’d like to highlight is Corey Kluber. You’ve got a few options at SP to go with early, but I like Kluber the most because, well, he was the best pitcher in all of baseball last year. I’m not always one to take a pitcher early, but if you can get another eight inning, eight strikeout, one earned run start like the one Kluber put out last time, you’re gonna be well ahead of the competition. If Klubot was playing Draft, he’d probably pick himself, and he’s a robot, so he knows more than me.

New to Draft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!

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Didi, Didi, can’t you see, sometimes your home runs hypnotize me?  Or how about, Gre-Gre-Gregorius?  Gre-Gre-Gregorius… Gregorius sung by Duran Duran or Biggie work for me.  Fun fact!  Duran Duran is the past tense of Da Doo Run Run Da Doo Run Run.  Bit a of a trivia whiz, though I did need to Google to see if it was spelled whiz or wiz.  Did you know Truvia was discovered by someone sniffing artificial sweetener off a Trivial Pursuit card?  Any hoo!  Didi Gregorius went goofy time, there’s always money in the banana stand, crying at the end of The Last American Virgin but with tears of joy, with himself yesterday — 4-for-4, 3 runs, 8 RBIs and two homers (1, 2). His first homer went 346 feet, which is almost three and half Cespedes.  I was way off Didi in the preseason, but that was almost (exactly) five games ago, let’s forget about that!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Padres starters give me the feels; Mariners starters start the underneath tinglings; Dodgers starters feather enthusiasm on the undercarriage.  Reds starters?  That park is so blech.  Luis Castillo’s sexy, but, again, that park and…I trail off, thinking about whatever happened to Better Call Saul, did that show end?  When my thoughts drift back, I remember what I was thinking about, and see Tyler Mahle.  More like Tyler Mehle was my thought.  Now?  After watching him dismantle the Cubs?  Color me intrigued, with a red paintbrush.  Yesterday, Mahle went 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks.  He looked shaky as all get out to start the game — walked Happ, Bryant lined out hard, hit Rizzo, then he said, “Good morning, good afternoon, and–Well, I already have two outs, so I’ll have to say good night in the next inning.”  And he did.  He settled down after that, and no one looked close to starting a rally.  He had a bit of luck at one point by getting to face the opposing Tyler after giving up a triple to Baez, but Mahle didn’t exude a whole lot of sweat beads otherwise.  I’ve seen more sweat on a girl doing a Tyler Chatwood, which is a euphemism for tying a cherry stem into a knot with your mouth while seamlessly carrying on a conversation.  I grabbed Mahle in one league for his next start vs. the Pirates, and plan on going one start at a time for now, but I’m encouraged.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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For Opening Day, I woke up at the crack of dawn on the West Coast, because no one in this godforsaken country cares about the West Coast.  Once I had my coffee and vape set up for a full day of baseball, I saw the Pirates/Tigers game was postponed and thought about how they should have their seasons postponed.  “I Mahtook you for a friend of the Tooks!”  That’s Mikie Mahtook.  Finally, I opened the MLB app on my iPad to find I had forgotten my password.  Cut to two hours later, and I was ready to watch some baseball!  Then Carlos Martinez gave up multiple runs on multiple fantasy teams of mine and I was ready to nap again.  Ah, it’s good to be back!  Speaking of which, I’ll trade you Carlos Martinez for a bag of Dick Pole’s.  Doesn’t matter which bag.  Maybe the one Salvador Perez was carrying.  You know what would’ve been Sweet Baby Jesus of me?  If I benched that goofy-haired, can’t-keep-his-hands-to-himself Cardinals pitcher.  Not to worry, I had Chris Archer going later in the day.  *sees Kiermaier and Span misplay a Eduardo Nunez ball into an inside-the-parker, crawls under bed*  Fantasy baseball:  When everyday stress is just not enough.  Any hoo!  It’s good to be back, now let’s get down to business.  Matt Davidson went 3-for-4, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 1st, 2nd and third homer.  Someone wants to be Tuffy Rhodes.  “Not bad for five innings.”  Oh, shut up, Mark Whiten!  Do we have our first hot schmotato?!  I schmay schwe schdo!  Sounded better in my head!  Davidson won’t be in today’s Buy column, but he could’ve been.  I grabbed him in my RCL, because I’m in straight panic mode and Joe Panik is already owned!  Yes, there’s a Buy/Sell later today.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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