Three. Let’s get that out of the way right now, said like Gordon Ramsay. One Polanco to type, one Polanco to dictate the words and one Polanco to move the keyboard around so the typing Polanco doesn’t just keep hitting the same letter. That’s three Polancos. How many Polancos does it take to hit four home runs in four games? That’s one Jorge Polanco. Not Juan Polanco, he’s not a baseball player. Juan Polanco is a cloud competitor in the Vape Olympics. Any of you ever feel down on yourself remember this simply thing: there’s people who compete in exhaling vape. “Hey, guy, you’re not really competing in something, you’re, uh, exhaling.” Jorge Polanco has actually had a decent season (for him), though it’s mostly contingent on his last week. This Buy is wholly contingent on his last week. He’s no longer Jorge Polanco, he’s Jorge Schmotato, and he will rescue your teams from their failings and take out your garbage. Okay, maybe not the 2nd part, but, damn, I wish that were true. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you hail from Central New Jersey, sorry. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up. Albert Pujols does not represent the 609. If you are a Ludacris fan, sorry. Pujols may or may not have garden hoes in different area codes, but I can neither confirm nor deny it. Rather, Pujols slugged his 609th career home run Friday night. It doesn’t matter that it came off Jeremy Hellickson, who’s allowed the 14th-most home runs this season, and is already the 439th-worst of all time. I was going to go on an epic rant about how all the stories are focused on the fact that he’s tied with Sammy Sosa for the most home runs by a foreign-born player. Who gives a flying F where he was born? Then I started thinking, I wonder which player born in Los Angeles has hit the most home runs. Yet again, I’ve managed to stymie myself. Anyways, who cares that Pujols has a triple slash of .229/.274/.374 with an ISO of .144. Let’s just celebrate the great career he’s had and send him off into the sunset after this season. My self checks to make sure this is his last year…Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Book of Job says, “We will send out at least one email a day to all your contacts whether you like it or not.” Shoot, I immediately see what I did wrong there. I Googled for a Bible quote, and accidentally got an employee handout from LinkedIn. Big bad on me. Yesterday, Zack Godley went 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.86, with this start coming in Wrigley. *gulps* Maybe Godley isn’t an overstatement. His peripherals are gorge too — 9.2 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.23 xFIP. Throwing 92+ MPH with a mix of four pitches, and mostly going to Dazzletown with the curve being the pony killer (totally a saying!). “I made you glue!” which is what I shout trying desperately to make “pony killer” a saying. Oh, and all of it is coupled with a 56% ground ball rate. That would be the third best in the majors if he qualified. When there’s nary a starter in sight with a decent ERA, Godley’s otherworldly. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Almost 10 years before The Fast and the Furious, many of my friends were into street racing. They’d form crews and fix up their cars to race at Battle of the Imports or on the street for cash or pink slips. I remember one crew was called the Decepticons and had the logo plastered all over their cars. Some looked so tight. I’ll never forget one guy, though. He’d spend a ton of money on the exterior: rims, lights, body kit. He even decked out the interior with a roll cage, racing seats, pedals, instrument gauges, etc. His ride looked so, so nice. The only problem was that he spent no money on the engine. ALL SHOW NO GO. Which segues perfectly to Carlos Gonzalez (70% owned – decrease of 6.1%). CarGo sucks. One of Grey’s favorite movie lines is: See that S Car Go from Trading Places. One of my all-time favorite movies by the way. Anyways, this CarGo ain’t going anywhere. He hit 40 home runs two years ago. Last year, he hit 25 home runs. This year? He’s hit six. SIX! The ISO is at .116. The triple-slash line is .218/.296/.335. wRC+ is 47. His ground ball rate is at a career-high, hard contact rate is at a career-low, and he’s going oppo at a career-low rate. Steamer has rest of season projections at .277 average, 12 home runs, 33 runs scored, 38 RBI, and one stolen base. I’m just not buying it. He’s 31 years old. Side rant. Why didn’t the Rockies trade him last year? Anyways, other than the fact that he sucks, is he even going to play everyday? Charlie Blackmon is entrenched in centerfield. You guys know my love for Gerardo Parra. I guess he platoons with Ian Desmond. But….what happens when David Dahl returns? TRASH.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, the All-Star break happened and now here I sit. Only three games of data to expunge my sort of genius onto the masses… that’s like the Gettysburg Address stopping at “four score and seven”. So with limited research, I gotta get creative with words. Like, have you checked out Fantasy Soccer, yeah… it’s that oddly shaped ball at the top of this page. Don’t play? Well you should. So onto the number seven with bacon. Also known as the KC stealer. Over the past 15 games that oddly enough dates back when we were still celebrating fireworks and stuff, Whit Merrifield leads the majors in steals with 7. Big deal, 7 whole steals! Well, the steals bandwagon has lost some steam this year with Billy not doing consistent Billy things and Trea doing game-ready stuff at Chuck E. Cheese’s, but strangely enough he still needs an adult with him. Curse you baby-faced guys! Whit isn’t just a dead stick as he has revitalized the Royals line-up, as they have an unbelievable record since his insertion into the leadoff spot. It’s not George Springer-type good, but for SAGNOF, we take what we can get. Currently owned in half of the ESPN leagues, which means that he is owned in every RCL league (basically), so kudos for all of us that are paying attention. But on the happenstance that he isn’t owned, go grab him, do it gently though, he pees when he gets nervous.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Legit, this is longest July 4th weekend of all time. In 1776 on July 4th, Ben Franklin grabbed six ladies, and was like, “This will be better than Flag Day. We will call this Flagellation Day. Now twerk with a firework!” That lasted for three days until Ben yelled out an Astros’ hitter last name and called for a volunteer fire department to put out his redness. Any hoo! Ian Desmond hit the DL with “I wanna rest for a few extra days before the break.” It’s an epidemic that is going around the majors right now. This especially sucks for those that had him in their weekly lineups because you’re getting ziplock. But, for the rest of us, we got Raimel Tapia (3-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer). Fun fact! He has a brother who drinks too much and can’t control his lasciviousness. His name is Felasleepon Tapia. Raimel gets a huge boost in value with Desmond’s DL stint. He’s a grab for every league, especially if you need SAGNOF. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Julio Urias is this week’s gut-punch injury of the week. The 20-year-old uber-prospect is about to miss a year and a half (at least) after undergoing anterior capsule surgery in his throwing shoulder. Urias has had some bad luck throughout his life. As a kid in Mexico, Urias underwent three surgeries on his eye to remove a non-cancerous mass. In 2015 he had cosmetic surgery to repair the drooping eyelid caused by this mass. Hopefully Urias will come back strong from this current surgery, but there is cause for concern any time there is a major surgery on a pitcher’s throwing shoulder. I’d recommend dropping him even in dynasty leagues as his successful return is not a given. As for his replacement you can trade one J-U for another: Jose Urena (17.7%.) Over his last 4 starts Urena has 3 quality starts and 16 K’s in 23 IP. He’s allowed 23 base runners which isn’t phenomenal, but Urena’s throwing shoulder is in one piece so he’s got that going for him. Which is nice.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There is no truth to the rumor that Elvis Andrus stole his entire playing career from “Fats” Domingo, “Ivory” Roberto Kelly or Nate King Colbert. Elvis hits the covers off the ball better than Cam “Carl” Perkins and Jerry Lee Lewis Brinson. It is not Elvis’ fault that the way he plays the bat is seen as an appropriation of a top shortstop of yesteryear. He’s got the chops to knock down that axe! (All guitar knowledge I possess was used in that nine word sentence.) Yesterday, Elvis Andrus had the best game of an already great season, going 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs with his 8th and 9th homers. On our Player Rater, he’s in the top 20 overall. Not for shortstops, for all hitters and pitchers. Love me tender! Some of the names he’s above Giancarlo, Correa, Mookie and Dee Gordon. Love me sweet! Never let me go! Well, not so fast there. If I thought you could actually get value for Andrus in a trade, I could see it since he’s likely at his peak value. Unfortunately, there’s little chance you’d get back in a trade anything resembling Andrus’ value, so I’d Bubba hold Tep. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hello, I hope everyone is enjoying their work day. I welcome you all to another wonderful DFS slate on FanDuel. I know all the way back in week 1 I said I’d try to never recommend a game in Coors Field…well that ends today. Sorry, but you can’t ignore the game in Coors Field. There’s plenty of ways to make sure your lineup isn’t all chalk. Making multiple lineups and stacking each team or stack a whole team 1-8 across a few lineups and I’m talking right down to the catchers. Tony Wolters? Sure, if he’s playing and not Tom Murphy. What about Chris Herrmann? Yeah, him too. The usual suspects are in play as well including Mark Reynolds, Nolan Arenado, Jake Lamb, Charlie Blackmon, and Paul Goldschmidt. Those OF bats ain’t too shabby either, so check and see if Gregor Blanco, Carlos Gonzalez, and/or David Peralta are playing. Just remember: don’t use either of these pitchers, though…DUH. Colorado is playing too well for Walker to make a difference and Hoffman is really really bad.
Now on to the picks…
New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Every year, there are surprises in fantasy baseball. Some players come out of nowhere and breakout or, in the case of Aaron Judge, absolutely dominate. Other players regress after a breakout season the year before. There are even the players who have long track records of mediocrity who, all of sudden, appear to have figured something out en route to becoming legitimate contributors both in fantasy and in, you know, real baseball. I like to call these players Justin Smoak-Logan Morrison-Yonder Alonso. The more popular terms among Razzballers for these players are Schmohawks and Hot Schmotatos.Please, blog, may I have some more?