*fumbles with an envelope, Hillary Swank stands next to me, watching on, embarrassed for me*  And the Teoscar goes to…Teoscar Hernandez!  Hillary Swank leans into the microphone, “Well, he was the only one nominated.”  Ugh, totally unnecessary Swank!  I should’ve pointed out how she was checking out Hugh Jackman’s wife the entire time on stage.  I picked up Teoscar before yesterday’s game for the runs because he was leading off, I never expected such a windfall of gorge.  He went 2-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 6th and 7th homer in only his 73rd at-bat.  That’s 20 hits total for him, with seven going gonzo.  This is better than Million Dollar Baby!  Yeah, I hope Hillary Swank’s Google alerts are going bizzonkers today.  Not ready to announce my love for Teoscar for next year, I am more of an IFP Spirit Awards guy, but you have to grab Teoscar for these final days.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey, guys and five non-guys, Dylan Bundy has awoken my nethers.  But can I “stay awoken” as the kids say?  The kids don’t say that, do they?   Please, I’m woke AF!  Though, I am confused why kids go around abbreviating Abercrombie and Fitch.  When I was a kid, we spelled out Abercrombie and Fitch and had summer songs about girls that wore Abercrombie and Fitch.  LFO was AF!  Yesterday, Dylan Bundy went 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.94.  An Orioles starter with an ERA under 4!  It’s an early Rhystmas miracle!  Drop the balloons from the ceiling, Party City!  So, looking under the hood, in a non-sexual way, leaves me a little yawnstipated on Bundy.  His K/9 is 7.9, BB/9 is 2.6 and a 4.73 xFIP.  His velocity’s down this year, but he pitched in relief some last year, so maybe not the best gauge.  For 2018, I see nothing here to be excited about, but maybe he puts together a great September, and makes like Fonzie’s horse and says nay to the negativity.  I’d continue to ignore him in shallower mixed leagues or use the Stream-o-Nator.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Zack Godley ($8,800) takes on the Mets tonight. He’s dropped a serious poo in the pool since his fantastic July, surrendering 9 ER’s in 17 IP over his last three starts. Those are three chunky nuggets of bad, but hey, good thing David Wright has taken the form of Jesus to distract us! But let’s be real, there’s no forgetting this is the Mets, a team that has struck out 56 times over the last week. Here’s the game where Godley gets back on track, but the Mets are persistent, give em’ cred. This dumpster fire never dies quietly, but if Godley throws another 8 K’s against them like he did back in May, maybe, just maybe, the toaster will finally be thrown in Terry Collins’ crap-bath. On that positive, here’s your DFS plays this fine Wednesday!

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you hail from Central New Jersey, sorry. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up. Albert Pujols does not represent the 609. If you are a Ludacris fan, sorry. Pujols may or may not have garden hoes in different area codes, but I can neither confirm nor deny it. Rather, Pujols slugged his 609th career home run Friday night. It doesn’t matter that it came off Jeremy Hellickson, who’s allowed the 14th-most home runs this season, and is already the 439th-worst of all time. I was going to go on an epic rant about how all the stories are focused on the fact that he’s tied with Sammy Sosa for the most home runs by a foreign-born player. Who gives a flying F where he was born? Then I started thinking, I wonder which player born in Los Angeles has hit the most home runs. Yet again, I’ve managed to stymie myself. Anyways, who cares that Pujols has a triple slash of .229/.274/.374 with an ISO of .144. Let’s just celebrate the great career he’s had and send him off into the sunset after this season. My self checks to make sure this is his last year…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re on an ultralight beam on Thursday as Zack Godley takes the mound against the Cardinals. It’s been a God dream for Zack this season as he’s got a 3.32 ERA with a 9.30 K/9 in his 13 starts this season. He’s completely supported by his 3.12 FIP as well as his 2.83 Deserved Run Average. Godley’s 55.8% groundball rate is one of the best in the majors, mostly due to increased usage of his outstanding sinker. The best part about Godley’s start is that he’s on the road, away from the dangerous Chase Field. Godley’s price is only $8,500 on FanDuel, so he’s not getting treated like a legitimate starter, which makes him a fantastic pitcher to buy.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

My friends, welcome back from your DFS break if you didn’t play last Friday, Saturday, or Sunday…oh who are we kidding, you’ve been tying off and tapping that fantasy vein so much since the second half started, we should probably get you checked for infection.  Well, I’ve seen Trainspotting so let’s avoid that come down process that leads to creepy babies crawling along the ceiling for you and keep you DFS juiced.  Today’s third most expensive pitcher is Adam Wainwright, so the world is trying to tell you something: start Adam Wainwright.  Wait, no!  The world is trying to tell you it’s a tourney play kinda day.  I’d avoid cash play today and stay in the warm GPP waters.  But of course, that’s not what my title is about.  My title is pointing you to Josh Tomlin.  Tomlin’s a control freak with a minute 1.06 BB/9 with an alright K rate of 6.77 per 9.  His big issue is the long ball as he has HR/FB rates of someone pitching BP for the Home Run Derby.  Thankfully he gets to pitch against the Giants tonight in AT&T Park, a stadium that ranks last for HR factor.  Speaking of, Giants, you might wanna tap Cleveland’s shoulder about a trade or something here…anyhoo, enough of me playing GM, let’s play DFS.  Here’s my hot summer taeks for this Monday FD slate…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Since Corey Kluber returned from the DL, he’s been lights out.  Then lights on.  Then off.  On.  Off!  Nothing but glow sticks.  The sweet smell of body odor, ganja and herbal ecstasy rises.  An Asian man with pigtails walks by with a Red Bull and you see he’s wearing a diaper that reads “Change me.”  And…the…music…DROPS!  What?  He is a Kluber.  Yesterday, he went 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.58.  Shin-Soo Choo-Choo, next stop 3.25!  Kluber has had some great years, says Private Obvious.  “You’ll never replace me!” says Captain Obvious.  Kluber’s great years are looking up at this season’s peripherals thus far.  He has his highest K/9 (11) and his best xFIP (2.98) since his Cy Young year, which happens to be the fifth best xFIP in the majors before Clayton Kershaw.  I’d guess Kluber comes up short of his Cy Young season’s 2.44 ERA, but there’s little reason why he can’t be a top five starter for the rest of the season.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Derek Fisher was called up by the Astros to replace the concussed Reddick.  First off, Derek needs to stop singing that jingle, “Trust the Astros Fisher, man.”  Tres annoying.  Saying tres instead of very is tres annoying, too. Fisher was hoping Reddick was some combination of reddish and haddock.  “Get that seaweed out of my face!”  That’s Nori Aoki.  Everyone in MLB is happy for Fisher except this guy.  If you thought Strickland-Harper was something… Sorry, for Derek Fisher, that was a layup.  As for fantasy, Fisher has power and speed, has had strikeout issues, but no worse than Bellinger.  He could be a difference maker if he plays 75%+ of the time.  One of the best guys in the minors this year.  Better on power than speed, inefficient as a runner.  Yes, PCL, but MLB is kinda PCL-like nowadays.  Might outproduce Brinson, though Fisher needs to stick in a job for that.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his first home run, and I think Fisher is for reel, and not just on the casting couch.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When Ryan Zimmerman hits a homer, they should play the Coming to America clip where Murphy says, “In dee face,” at the basketball game.  Speaking of Africa (sentence intro commonly found on fantasy baseball blogs), why is it called Out of Africa if it’s in Africa?  Granted, I’ve never seen that movie, but the one thing I know about it is that it is in Africa!  Straight Outta Compton is in Compton, but they get OUTTA OF COMPTON!  This post is brought to you by Meryl Movie Lovers, or MeMoLos, as they’re commonly referred.  Two more homers for Ryan Zimmerman yesterday, bringing his season total to 19 homers.  Shame I didn’t believe in him (and still don’t).  Why do I have more doubt than Meryl Streep in a habit?  Answer me that, MeMoLos!  He’s 32 years old, and, in his last two years, he had 15 and 16 homers.  In eleven years, he’s only topped 26 homers once.  So, don’t even give me that crap that I should’ve seen this coming.  He’s hitting .372!  Last year, he hit .218 and .249 the year before, and only hit over .300 one year in his career.  He’s not having a career year.  Nope.  He’s combining all of his years together into one year, putting them into a Magic Bullet, pulverizing them for five minutes and drinking it.  And, like Meryl sold French cuisine to an American audience in Julie & Julia, I’m still selling Zimmerman.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m at my computer checking baseball news about six months a year.  Give or take about five hours here and there.  On Saturday, it was one of those times I was away from my computer, due to a family wedding in Cape May.  Closer change, prospect call-up.  Happens when you’re away from the computer, that’s it.  Call it a wrap.  With Prospector Ralph in the league, there’s no chance for me.  Around 6 PM, I got the dreaded text.  “Lewis Brinson was called up.”  Too bad I didn’t see it until about 7 PM.  Had a lavender-flavored champagne in one hand, a lobster claw in the other hand, my mom was like, “You have butter dripping down your chin,” my grandfather was complaining Bruno Mars doesn’t have good choruses in his songs, and there was the text, sitting there on a locked iPhone screen.  Done.  Sigh.  Well, if you got him, or can still get Brinson, you should.  Jonathan Villar hit the DL, and, brucely, he wasn’t playing well and Keon Broxton (1-for-4 and his 7th homer yesterday) moves to a platoon role.  Unless Brinson totally flames out, he’s up, and playing for good in center.  In Triple-A, he had six homers and seven steals in 45 games, which is what I’d expect from him in the majors.  Your basic 25/25/.280 guy.  Yesterday, he hit leadoff went 0-for-2 with two walks and stole his first base. Yes, he should be owned everywhere, and could be the Trea Turner-type call-up of the year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?