And all the pitchers in the top 10, please allow Stephen Strasburg to bump thee. ¬†Let’s see what we can say about¬†Strasburg that hasn’t been said before. ¬†Mikhail Gorbachev’s port wine birthmark on his head is actually Strasburg mid-windup. ¬†I don’t think that had been said before. ¬†Stephen’s cheering section, The House of Strasburg, better get out its Austrian officer uniforms because Herr Strasburg is goose stepping back into town. ¬†I think in most redraft leagues you’d be able to find a dozen waiver wire pitchers that can do what Strasburg can do for this year. ¬†What’s he gonna get? ¬†4 starts at most? ¬†Brandon McCarthy could be as valuable as him in 4 starts. ¬†I’m just tempering you like¬†Margaret from Boardwalk Empire. ¬†I wouldn’t expect more than 20 innings of a 3.00 ERA. ¬†Don’t go dropping anyone too valuable to roll with the Strasburger. ¬†In keeper leagues, drop your priceless¬†Faberge¬†egg and grab him. ¬†Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Casey Kotchman – Which of these statements is false: ¬†1) He’s hitting .337. 2) He had¬†mononucleosis for two years because the Angels Rally Monkey used his toothbrush. ¬†3) He considered legally changing his first name to I’mplaying1stbasey.
Mike Carp – Just went over my Mike Carp fantasy. ¬†I wrote it while wearing giant gold sunglasses like Pitbull.
J.D. Martinez – He went from a lukewarm buy to a must have in less than a week. ¬†He could revert back to a lukewarm buy by (stutterer!) next week.
Brandon McCarthy – Has a 3.31 ERA, 1.17 WHIP and a 74:16 K:BB rate. ¬†McCarthy’s taking on every team this year like they’re the Reds. ¬†Hopefully he keeps it up tonight vs. the Rangers and doesn’t leave his¬†initials¬†on the mound.
Dontrelle Willis – For a long time his career looked as promising as the person who told Jordan a Hitler mustache was the way to go. ¬†His ERA looks the best its looked in years, but better still is he’s keeping his BBs in check better than Ralphie.
Jake Peavy – He’s looked good the last four times out. ¬†If you had him for those starts, take a lap around your computer, cheering yourself. ¬†You deserve it.
Rafael Furcal – Nothing says fresh blood infused into your fantasy team’s veins like an oldie-timer.
Eric Young Jr. – I ran into Eric Young Sr. and Eric Young Jr. Jr. at a Carl’s Jr. the other day and they agreed that the only thing that’s stopping Eric Young Jr. from stealing 60 bases a year is playing time. ¬†Then they began to argue over the real star of the duo, Junior Senior.
Jose Altuve – Has hit in ten of his last twelve games while batting .330 since his call up and is owned in 1.5% of ESPN leagues. ¬†Jed Lowrie, who has one good week every year or so, is owned in 13.4% of ESPN leagues. ¬†Then again ESPN dedicates five hour programming blocks to the Sawx so I guess it makes sense.
Johnny Giavotella – Could have some speed, power and abbreviate his last name as GTL. ¬†I’ll cop to picking up Giavotella in one league. ¬†Hey, if you can‚Äôt beat ‚Äėem or file a restraining order‚Ä¶
Yuniesky Betancourt – Hitting over .400 in the last week with a homer and a steal. ¬†Not a long term add but hot schmotatoes rarely are.
Jose Constanza – His name translates to Joe With Poem so here’s one in his honor. ¬†Constanza is playing over Jason Heyward/Leaving a hole in my outfield the size of a fjord/Now I’m blahtooning Eric Young and Peter Bourjos/What rhymes with that? Orange juice?
Jesus Montero – Will be called up shortly and hit 2 to 4 homers while collecting 9 to 13 RBIs; I can hardly wait!
Rafael Betancourt – He can be found in the definition of Cuddle Boy, but that shouldn’t stop you from handcuffing Huston Street who once pulled a hamstring from around a candied ham and strained his elbow.
Vinnie Pestano – If Chris Perez blows one more game in horrific fashion, Pestano will be the closer. ¬†If Perez blows two more games in less than horrific fashion, Pestano will take over. ¬†If Perez just shows up at the game wearing a mismatched outfit, he should be fine.
Vernon Wells – If you think Vernon Wells has another month and a half of productivity in his bat, then the Blue Jays GM Alex Snuffaluffagus has a bridge in Kansas to sell you.
Derrek Lee¬†– Has a team ever traded for someone then put him on waivers within a few weeks? ¬†I don’t know, but Derrek Lee or Ryan Ludwick might be the first ones. ¬†Pirates spokesman, “Listen, we were never really in the running and now we’re really not in the running… Anyone wanna take these schmohawks off our hands? ¬†How about Ryan Doumit? ¬†How about Dyan Roumit? ¬†How about a catcher to be named later?” ¬†Sure, Lee is wily with grit, but put grit and wily into Google and you get “Did you mean John McCain?” and he can’t play baseball.
Carlos Lee¬†– Sticking with the old Lee theme, if you have Chuck Lee, stop fighting the power and shut him down.
Jason Heyward – I wouldn’t drop him in keeper leagues or leagues 12 team or deeper. ¬†In those leagues, I’d walk into traffic wearing a burlap sack muttering about how Heyward betrayed you. ¬†But in shallow redraft leagues, it’s time to move on. ¬†What’s the best he can give you in a month-plus? ¬†6 homers? ¬†Rick Ankiel called and said he’d give you that, but not to call him back and his number is unlisted.