You’ve got to be realistic about these things: Stephen Strasburg isn’t the man we all dreamt he’d become. Absolutely, he’s become a very valuable pitcher and member of the invariably underachieving Washington Nationals, but alas, we expected career eliteness, Nicolas Cage in the 90’s level Eliteness. (Capital E for Emphasis.) Instead, we were given 2000’s Cage; Yes, Lord of War and Kick Ass were solid, but the rank stench of Bangkok Dangerous and Ghost Rider shall endure throughout the eternity of human existence. [Jay’s Note: But his hair sure achieved a lot in those two.]

We all recall Strasburg’s seven inning, 14 K performance in what was the most hyped debut in MLB history. Anything less than a first-ballot hall of fame career would be a massive disappointment after the mound mastery we saw displayed June 8th, of 2010. A little while later, as we all know, the dreaded Tommy John surgery was required and he just never became the man I desired him to be. Of course neither did I, but that’s a conversation for my therapist and I to have, but I suppose a botched penile enlargement surgery and Tommy John surgery have similar consequences (Jay, please look that up). [Jay’s Note: Risky Google of the day…] Every season, I would predict Strasburg to have his breakout season, and joining or surpassing the Clayton Kershaw’s and Justin Verlander’s of the world, only to be shamed by my colleagues, family and friends alike. It just never happened. The guy has TWO complete games in his CAREER. TWO COMPLETE GAMES!!!!!?!?!? How is that even possible?. I want to know how many times baby nuts has gone more than seven innings in his career since his debut. It’s one of the more insane stats I could ever imagine, and that’s without me even having a clue what the number is. I just know it’s extremely, mind numbingly low. So I suppose that is having a clue, but I’m not a detective, I’m Beddict the Elder and want JUSTICE!!!!! I could go on, but I’ll spare you the pain and self-loathing Strasburg has bestowed upon me over the last decade.

Last night, the former golden boy was taken to the woodshed and bent over a barrel and shown all 50 states by a lineup that features Pablo Sandoval, as he went a whopping two innings, and gave up three, before leaving with shoulder tightness. Here’s what I else I’ve found interesting around the MLB along with your Two Start Pitchers for the coming week!

Take Heed!

Week 11 Two-Start Pitchers

Player Start #1 Start #2
Chris Sale BOS (06/12)
@ BAL
David Hess
(06/17)
@ SEA
Mike Leake
Aaron Nola PHI (06/12)
vs. COL
Jon Gray
(06/17)
@ MIL
Chase Anderson
Carlos Carrasco CLE (06/11)
@ CHW
Lucas Giolito
(06/16)
vs. MIN
Fernando Romero
Lance McCullers HOU (06/12)
@ OAK
Daniel Mengden
(06/17)
@ KC
Brad Keller
Patrick Corbin ARI (06/11)
vs. PIT
Trevor Williams
(06/16)
vs. NYM
TBA
Mike Foltynewicz ATL (06/12)
vs. NYM
Jason Vargas
(06/17)
vs. SD
TBA
Eduardo Rodriguez BOS (06/11)
@ BAL
Dylan Bundy
(06/16)
@ SEA
Wade LeBlanc
Jose Quintana CHC (06/11)
@ MIL
Chase Anderson
(06/17)
@ STL
Jack Flaherty
Dylan Bundy BAL (06/11)
vs. BOS
Eduardo Rodriguez
(06/17)
vs. MIA
Elieser Hernandez
Madison Bumgarner SF (06/11)
@ MIA
Wei-Yin Chen
(06/16)
@ LAD
Alex Wood
Jack Flaherty STL (06/11)
vs. SD
Jordan Lyles
(06/17)
vs. CHC
Jose Quintana
Daniel Mengden OAK (06/12)
vs. HOU
Lance McCullers
(06/17)
vs. LAA
Andrew Heaney
Tanner Roark WAS (06/12)
@ NYY
CC Sabathia
(06/17)
@ TOR
Sam Gaviglio
Jon Gray COL (06/12)
@ PHI
Aaron Nola
(06/17)
@ TEX
Matt Moore
Jake Odorizzi MIN (06/12)
@ DET
Blaine Hardy
(06/17)
@ CLE
TBA
CC Sabathia NYY (06/12)
vs. WAS
Tanner Roark
(06/17)
vs. TB
TBA
Andrew Heaney LAA (06/11)
@ SEA
Wade LeBlanc
(06/17)
@ OAK
Daniel Mengden
Clay Buchholz ARI (06/12)
vs. PIT
Jameson Taillon
(06/17)
vs. NYM
Jason Vargas
Chase Anderson MIL (06/11)
vs. CHC
Jose Quintana
(06/17)
vs. PHI
Aaron Nola
Trevor Williams PIT (06/11)
@ ARI
Patrick Corbin
(06/17)
vs. CIN
Anthony DeSclafani
Chris Stratton SF (06/12)
@ MIA
Elieser Hernandez
(06/17)
@ LAD
Ross Stripling
Mike Leake SEA (06/12)
vs. LAA
TBA
(06/17)
vs. BOS
Chris Sale
Jordan Lyles SD (06/11)
@ STL
Jack Flaherty
(06/16)
@ ATL
TBA
Wade LeBlanc SEA (06/11)
vs. LAA
Andrew Heaney
(06/16)
vs. BOS
Eduardo Rodriguez
Lucas Giolito CHW (06/11)
vs. CLE
Carlos Carrasco
(06/16)
vs. DET
Artie Lewicki
Sam Gaviglio TOR (06/11)
@ TB
TBA
(06/17)
vs. WAS
Tanner Roark
Jason Vargas NYM (06/12)
@ ATL
Mike Foltynewicz
(06/17)
@ ARI
Clay Buchholz
Blaine Hardy DET (06/12)
vs. MIN
Jake Odorizzi
(06/17)
@ CHW
Hector Santiago
Wei-Yin Chen MIA (06/11)
vs. SF
Madison Bumgarner
(06/16)
@ BAL
Alex Cobb
Elieser Hernandez MIA (06/12)
vs. SF
Chris Stratton
(06/17)
@ BAL
Dylan Bundy
Hector Santiago CHW (06/12)
vs. CLE
TBA
(06/17)
vs. DET
Blaine Hardy

Maikel Franco – The Last time I saw Maikel, I told him his mother was an astronaut. Being allergic to walks (12 on the season) Franco rushed me, grabbed me by the throat and screamed: “Don’t you ever insult my Mother, you geek.” I said, “Maikel, that’s not an insult to your mother, it just means you’re all Ef’d up,” and after being benched for two straight games (now 3), it wasn’t his place to argue. He dropped me, wiped a tear from his eye, and walked away without another word. Say one thing for Maikel Franco, say that he’s accepted his limitations and knows that he’s never going to be great, and there’s a lot to be said for that. Yes, it takes a real man to recognize his downfall………BUT, of course, he could have worked on improving his game instead of doing whatever it is he does in his spare time, so maybe we shouldn’t give him any sort of credit.

J.A. Happ – 7 innings, no earned runs, and his 8th win on the season? Wow, I’d suggest the Blue Jays dump him in a trade before this immaculate carriage turns back into a blumpkin, or however that saying goes. Impressive outing. Triple Kudos points. We miss you in Seattle, bud. Not really.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr.  – Yes, he’s hurt, I understand, but this gave me the opportunity to stash him in the Razzball expert League, as he will be a vital cog in my worst to first, truly epic comeback. You are all witnesses.

Trevor Bauer – Every time I see Bauer dominate, it reminds me of the homers here in Seattle, who, for the first few years after the 2011 MLB draft, insisted that Danny Hultzen was the superior pick. I never understood how you could pass up a college legend like Bauer, yet my beloved M’s did so and Bauer is turning into what Strasburg was supposed to be as he went 8 strong, with 12 k’s and the dub. Seriously, is there anything worse than arguing with a homer? Carnie folk or homers, what’s the creepier species?

Caleb Smith – The Stream-O-Nator was on point, as I received this solid, scoreless outing from Smith last night. Other than a couple rough starts, Smith has actually been quite good for the Marlins and arguably the most exciting player on their major league roster. Of course, that’s sort of like saying you got drilled by the best looking guy in prison, so is it really a compliment? I say, yes! You don’t usually get gift baskets afterward in prison though. Maybe Jeter should start doing jailhouse seminars to teach these criminals some god damn manners…

Marco Gonzales – Have Cardinal fans figured out we fleeced them in two separate trades yet? Thanks to Mike Leake the legend, and Gonzo, the Mariners are in first place, ahead of the Astros, which is something not even the most astute of predicators saw coming. This 26-year-old pitching savant’s record now sits at 7-3 to go with a sparkling 3.28 ERA. Is it for real? Do supplements you purchase from your multi-level marketing (Ponzi schemes) help get you in shape? You tell me.

Bud Norris – If this Bud is your closer in real life, you’re probably an alcoholic. Luckily for you, so am I. Why pay 40k for rehab, when I can sponsor you online for 45 bucks a month? Seriously though, Bud Norris is terrible.

Justin Verlander – He’s not a man. He’s like a piece of iron. At one point a couple years ago, Justin Verlander’s contract looked like an albatross; Now it looks like Jessica Alba in a thong made out of licorice. Rarely do you see a trade deadline deal work out to such blissful perfection, as it did for the Astros who not only got a World Series title out of it, but that’s being followed up with arguably the greatest season of Verlander’s career. That’s saying something, considering big daddy already has an MVP trophy to his name. I can’t say I saw this one coming.

Addison Reed – Reed somehow has a 3.13 ERA even though he’s given up a run in three of his last four outings and seemingly 50 of his last 55 outings. Everything the Twins have done has basically backfired, but there’s still time to turn this thing around! Not really.

Jarrod Dyson – Kudos to Jarrod for going 0/3, not scoring a run, having an RBI or stealing a bag in the D-Backs 9-4 win in Coors. By my calculations the odds of that happening are about 1,000,000 to 1. Impressive.

Matt Kemp – Kemp’s got me thinking about to the good old days; That greased up, squeezing Rihanna’s booty cheeks on a yacht, swangin the 10-inch python around, MVP caliber season having days. What a time that was. Matt Kemp is one of the coolest men of all time and for us to think he was finished, was a disgraceful underestimation of man who still possesses the Golden stick.

Hector Neris – A clean inning!!!! THE ELDER GODS BLESS US ON THIS DAY!

Domonic Brown – Hanging out with Andy and Red in Zihuatanejo, working on the boat and farming hermit crabs. Word is they dumped him on an island with Wilson, after he kept letting everyone down, time, and time, and time,  and time and time again. Sad!

The Washington Capitals – I wish I cared. Las Vegas was the more intriguing story, was it not?

The Golden State Warriors – You have have back to back titles, but you don’t have my respect, and you’re going to have to deal with that for the rest of your lives.

Soccer – Please stop wearing those scarves. I just don’t get it.

Dylan Covey– Don’t look now, but the White Sox are 21-40, charged up after shutting out the Red Sox and defeating Chris Sale on the road, are ready to make a real run at this thing. I’m going to be completely honest with you here; I have absolutely no clue who Dylan Covey is.

 

 

Thank you so much for spending part of your weekend with me, as I know you’re extremely busy avoiding your wife and children. Please, for me, have a fabulous rest of your weekend and best of luck to you on closeout Sunday. Let’s chat about all your Two Start Pitcher and Soccer scarves questions in the comment section!

Sincerely yours,

Beddict

   
  1. Chisoxx22 says:
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    Nice write-up, I own strasvurg and keep thinking he’ll come into a top 5 arm…. Wishful thinking, but anywho, seems like a no brainer but which side in a 5×5 roto 10 team. Baez/strasbrg for Didi/kluber

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Chisoxx22: Man, Strasburg always does turn it on in the second half, I feel like and I do like Baez more than Didi, but seems like defiantly the safer option, especially since Strasburg is dealign with minor injury. I’m always living in fear he’s going to DL

  2. Duhhhh says:
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    There is nothing worse than arguing with a homer. I live in the bay with all the warrior fans. I know they just won it all, but I had a homer tell me that Shaun Livingston is untradeable….. really? Homers are a dillusional bunch.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Duhhhh: some of my best friends are that way, and there’s just no arguing with them . it is the most frustrating thing one can do. It’s better to just walk away. Just say no. It literally enrages me. Glad you understand

  3. Duh says:
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    I always love your humor.

    Can I hit on homers for a second? I live in the Bay Area and there is literally nothing like a Warriors homer. Everyone here can only name 4 players on the team. No one knows who Mitch Richmond, Chris Mullen, Tim Hardaway or Latrell Sprewell are. They think that 82-0 is achievable. Lastly, they think players like Livingston and David West are untradeable. I live in LaLa land and I root for anyone playing the warriors…. except poor GM Lebron and the Cavs. How bad is that team he made? Irving > it2 > Nance and Clarkson. Great job.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Duh: Great minds think alike. DUH!!!!!! I want to thank you for doing your part to hate the Warriors and their pretend fans. I can’t tell you how much I truly appreciate it. David West LMAO. He’s beyond washed and basically an assistant coach at this point. I think he retires. Livingston was so awful in that Rockets series but his mid range game is pretty incredible but yea he’s pretty average player.

      Bay Area has already forgotten the legend Baron Davis and that Warriors team who won as an 8 seed. Now that was sick

      Clarkson, wow………..He is so awful. I can’t believe the Lakers allowed him to play enough to put up the numbers he did. Really, Really, really, bad

      • Duh Again says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I just read that the Warriors front office is trying to get Brow and are willing to trade Green and Klay. This kind of deal makes me a Warriors fan. Every Warriors fan would hate it because they have never heard of Anthony Davis. It’s like the homers would be stunned and confused for at least a month until they realized there would be plenty of room on the Brow bandwagon. And my god…. what would happen if Brow was actually the best player on the team???

  4. jiggy nits says:
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    thanks again for your advice the other day. STILL looking for a slight power upgrade in my NL only roto 5×5

    my jose peraza and clay bucholz for their gregory polanco and fatt albers

    which side you like more

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @jiggy nits: Anytime Jigggz, I’m probably with that. Polanco couldn’t be any worse. Wait, so there’s no holds category and Fatty is there? Bucholz should be hitting the DL any day now and Peraza has Billy Hamilton power. not a ton to lose depending on your roster. I’d probably say go for it, Jigz

      • jiggy nits says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: 10 team NL ONLY even without holds those ratio guys dat can vulture a save are all spoken for. still- he will be the worst guy on my team after this deal if i pull the trigger

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @jiggy nits: Man, Polanco has been blowing for years. do you have a solid option to replace Peraza?

          • jiggy nits says:
            (link)

            @Tehol Beddict: you know what i didnt do the deal yet cause im still unsure. peraza has 2b/ss/of in CBS right now so ill have no backup SS after TREA if i do it. got panik on the bench to slot in at 2b though. im gonna hold off and maybe take a run at schwarber instead

  5. P says:
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    How can you mention Nicholas Cage in the 2000’s without mentioning “Bad Lieutenant, Port of Call New Orleans” by Werner Herzog. This wasn’t just one of Cage’s best movies ever (Wild At Heart might edge it out), but one of the best movies of the 2000’s. One of the most underrated movies films of the 2000’s as well. I can’t figure out the lack of recognition.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Werner Herzog breathed new life into dying franchise like a lonely widow tries to resuscitate her cat, and the cat comes back alive!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        For shame, Tehol

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Grey: included with Amazon prime. The Elders bless me on this rainy night

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Grey: I won’t believe it till I see it. About to start it now. Never heard of Herzgog either. Should I have? I’m embarrassed

        • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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          @Tehol Beddict: Herzog directed “Aguirre, The Wrath of God” and “Fitzcarraldo”. Those are two worth watching. The former would be considered for a spot on my top 10 favorite movies list. The latter features a steamship brought over a mountain.

        • Old School Brother says:
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          @Wallpaper Paterson: @Tehol Beddict: You’ve never seen Grizzly Man? It’s a shame Herzog and Clint Eastwood never worked together, that would’ve been a match made in heaven.

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Grizzly Man is a must see

          • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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            @Old School Brother: No, I did not see Grizzly Man yet

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Watch Grizzly Man, and feel better

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @P: I honestly thought you were joking but I see it got solid reviews. I apologize and I shall watch it right now as I’m sick and in bed. Please forgive me, P. I’m on my knees

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: VAL KILMER IS IN THIS!!???? Two gods sharing the screen. This is the best night I’ve had in some time

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Val Kilmer cures better than chicken soup

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @P: I’m still not sure if you’re serious. This movie is awful hahahahahhahahahahaha. What accent does he have? It changes throughout. Sounds like James Cagney. Nobody in the movie has New Orleans acccents. Cage hair with no sideburns . HORRIBLE movie bro hahaha

      • P says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:@Tehol Beddict:

        Are you serious??? Port of Call New Orleans was the most “Cage-ey” performance ever. Its 100% pure Cage. Cage with all the stops pulled out. The movie also has some of the most over the top scenes in the last 20 years. Herzog went full boar into making what it seems in his mind was his “American Action Movie.”

        Ok, the accents are off. But the film was shot in New Orleans and the shotgun double house where he sneaks behind the gunman, the bars, and the decor inside homes are all New Orleans.

        Whatevs. Go watch that Dragon Porn show on HBO.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @P: im kidding. I loved it and watching it again now. I just wanted to see what you’d say. Thank you for the recommendation. I appreciate it

  6. Adam H says:
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    How DARE you speak poorly of Ghost Rider?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Adam H: the sequel changed my life

  7. Eric says:
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    Grear work Tehol!

  8. Dave Mathspews says:
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    Tehol. Nice work. I am grossly behind on everything I should have watched (and I don’t care). I started watching Boardwalk Empire on Prime. Just saying. Have a nice day Lothar of the Fantasy Hill People.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave Mathspews: that’s a great show. Better to binge watch anyway my brother

  9. Thon says:
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    Sale isn’t going x2 this week.

Comments are closed.