Drew Stubbs will replace Willy T.Â (<–Sounds like characters from a blaxploitation film.Â And neither are African-American.Â Weird!)Â Stubbs might get the shaft vs. righties but he can be baadasssss for speed.Â Drew Stubbs was selected a few picks before Travis Snider in the first round of the 2006 draft.Â Not for his power… No, he won’t have much of that.Â Not for his Ks either, but he may have a lot of those.Â In Triple-A, he had 104 Ks in 107 games.Â In. Triple. A.Â That’s not a great sign.Â If you need speed, SAGNOF!, but Stubbs might come as an average liability.Â In one league, I dropped Snider (that was quick) for Stubbs, because I need speed more than power in that league.Â Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joey Votto – Left with blurry vision.Â Will be evaluated today.Â Votto’s teammates could really mess with him by all wearing those novelty t-shirts that says, “1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Floor,” with the blurry type.
Johnny Cueto – Heads to the Disgraceful List with a plus-10.00 ERA in the 2nd half.Â I’m sure Cueto’s owners wish he were on the DL for the last two months.Â If you were having any problems pulling the trigger on dropping him, the Reds took care of that for you.Â I’ll see you next March, Cueto, fairly well ’til then.
Hiroki Kuroda – Heads to the DL with a concussion. (Pun point for Grey.)Â Jeff Weaver or Vicente Padilla will fill in for him.Â Blech for the Blue.
John Smoltz – Smoltz signs with the Cards.Â I wouldn’t pick him up outside of NL-Only leagues.Â I don’t think he’ll suddenly be worthwhile just moving back to the NL.Â Maybe some matchups potential.Â But that’s about it.Â I know Chi-Ali said, “Age ain’t nothing but a number,” but Chi-Ali’s in jail for murder, so let’s assume he doesn’t own Smoltz either.
Matt LaPorta – Should’ve been called up two months ago.Â Shoot, he shouldn’t have been down in the minors to begin with.Â If someone can figure out what Eric Wedge was doing in Crazy Town for the last few months, let us know.Â In Triple-A, Matt LaPorta had 41 walks to only 54 Ks.Â He had 17 homers in 92 games and a near .400 OBP.Â I’d grab LaPorta if I needed some pop.Â I like Snider a bit better for UTIL pop, but LaPorta has better eligibility.Â They’re kinda tomato-tomahto.
Carlos Quentin – HRs in back-to-back games.Â He’s capable of 12 homers the rest of the way.
Zach Greinke – 7 IP, 4 ER, 8 Ks.Â Since May 31st, Greinke has a 3.56 ERA.Â Cust kayin’.
Justin Verlander – 8 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks.Â Greinke, I see your bid for a Cy Young and I raise you my own.
Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 2 Hits, 0 ER, 11 Ks.Â A pitcher on the phone with his agent, “I wanna frickin’ face a pitcher three times a game!Â I wanna face frickin’ Augie Ojeda three times a game!Â Rusty Ryal?Â Ryal?Â What’s that, Gaelic?Â I wanna face Rusty Irishman!”Â Agent, “I understand, Mr. Halladay.Â You have to talk to J.P.”
Dan Haren – 5 IP, 6 ER.Â Now up to 2.74 ERA on the year.Â It sure is a slow climb to a 3.25 ERA.
Carlos Guillen – HR yesterday and three in the last seven games while batting .333.Â I’m no fan of Guillen, but he’s batting in the middle of the order and he’s seeing the ball well (unlike Votto).
Carlos Gonzalez – Another homer yesterday.Â This is getting ridiculous.Â Oh, and Barmes hit his 20th.
Clay Buchholz – 6 IP, 1 ER.Â It was about three starts ago I said I’d own Buchholz.Â Since then, he’s under a 1.50 ERA.
Pat Burrell – Another homer.Â Now has 8 more left in his bat.
B.J. Upton – Back-to-back games with homers.Â I speak for all his owners when I say, “It’s about time.”
Clayton Kershaw – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER.Â How many pitches do you think he threw in under 4 innings?Â If I gave you the over/under of 95, which way would you go?Â I’d love to see an extra inning game between the D’Backs and the Dodgers, where both bullpens were emptied, and they were forced to throw Kershaw and Scherzer.Â It’s immediately sudden death because neither pitcher may go more than three innings.
Bill Wagner – He’s a middle reliever barring a trade or K-Rod getting into the same subway as Brian Bruney.Â There’s lots of middle relievers I’d own before Wagner.
Bill Hall – Acquired by the Mariners.Â They’re just trying to make Beltre seem more appealing.Â I know that trick!Â You act like a complete imbecile around your girlfriend’s sister, then when you meet the parents they have severely low expectations of you, having heard stories from the sister.Â Then you act normal, and the parents are like, “Hey, he’s not that bad.Â He used utensils!”Â And it gets the parents thinking your girlfriend’s sister is just jealous.Â What?Â Am I the only one that does this?