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J.A. Happ went the distance yesterday, throwing a shutout with 3 baserunners and 4 Ks.  Somewhere, Ed Wade’s Toupee smiled.  Now Happ has almost a month of quality starts.  So all’s good under the Happ hood, eh?  Eh, indeed.  Or more like crapp.  Something’s not copacetic when a guy has 32 walks against 41 Ks.  His xFIP says he’s a devil’s uncle.  If a devil’s uncle means Happ has gone lucky.  His team’s been better in the 2nd half, but they’re still the Astros.  And all of those reasons are why I’m short of Happ-y on J.A.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dan Uggla – Strained right groin knocked him out of the lineup yesterday.  His left groin said the right groin was always ‘acting pissy.’

Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, but gave up 3 more unearned runs for the ticker shock.

Aaron Hill – Hit his 20th homer.  He has 434 ABs, 92 hits, 62 Ks and 20 homers.  You don’t have to be Professor Frink to know that Aaron Hill should be hitting better than .212.  He’ll go from overrated in the 2010 preseason to a sleeper for 2011 as I practice Saberhagenmetrics.

Wade Davis – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  All you streamer harpies out there should take notice that Davis gets the O’s next.  You know what happens when you see a pitcher on waivers that is getting the Orioles?  You get the O’s face.

C.J. Wilson – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  There should be a glossary term for a closer/middle reliever that is mediocre in a relief role then becomes a reliable starter.  Think Dempster and Wilson.

Nelson Cruz – The good news is he returned from the DL.  The bad news is he’s one day closer to his next DL stint.

Bobby Jenks – 1 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Hey, maybe he can become a starter.  I know what you’re about to ask.  My answer is Thornton should be back Thursday.

Alex Rios – 5-for-6, 4 RBIs and the slam & legs.  You got him for the price of a Honda and he’s driving like Alexis.

Gordon Beckham – Hit on the wrist by a pitch and was immediately taken out.  X-rays showed no breaks, which is oddly enough a good break.  He’ll still miss a few games while the pain dissipates.

Roger Bernadina – 2-for-4, 3 Runs and his 13th steal.  He also has 10 homers on the year.  It’s a Bernadina bounty!  He’s managed to put up Big FraGu’s numbers in 150 less ABs.

Travis Hafner – 8 for his last 12 and has his average up to .282.  Imagine if he wasn’t hitting for power like a Sparky Anklebiter (10 HRs).

Homer Bailey – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Here’s what I said 2 weeks ago, “Is it me or does it feel like he has a triumphant return to the majors every other month?  Seems to go like this for Bailey.  First start in the majors and he blows away the opposition.  Starts four more times and gets rocked or injured.  Then he’s DL’d or demoted.  A month later, he returns triumphantly.  Rinse and repeat.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Peter Bourjos – 2-for-3 with the slam & legs.  Bunch of games yesterday for a Monday so I had to bench one hitter in all my leagues.  Guess who it was.  Sonavabench!

Carlos Zambrano – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Brenly pointed out something interesting that was obviously fed to him by a producer.  If you throw out Big Z’s first start of the year, his ERA is around 3.75 as a starter.  Take that, Gatorade cooler!

Mark Reynolds – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with 2 homers.  A double donk night for Mini-Donkey.  All brays to the Mini-Donkey.

Justin Upton – Hurt his shoulder after striking out.  Maybe a fantasy owner went overboard with his voodoo doll.  Hopefully he doesn’t need a DL stint.  You have my promise that as soon as someone else reads about it, they will update me in the comments and then I will put a pithy spin on it in tomorrow’s roundup.

Rod Barajas – 3rd homer this week.  Before you know it, he’ll be the hero of Los Angeles then he’ll be unceremoniously dropped to waivers in 18 months.

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks.  Kuroda’s been good for a while now, but the Phillies are a mess right now.  I haven’t seen a whole lineup slump this bad since NBC post-Friends.

Jonathan Sanchez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Jorge de la Rosa’s 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  How did I have the cojones to start both of these guys in multiple leagues and not get rewarded with at least one win?  How?!

Ian Stewart – Mini-Mini Donkey is headed to the DL with… Go ahead, guess.  If you guessed strained oblique, you are a genius.  Take a lap around your computer, cheering yourself.  This is apropos of nothing but I found it funny.  PETA was protesting a basketball game where the players would ride donkeys.  Someone responded in opposition to PETA’s opposition saying, “You can’t hurt a donkey unless you REALLY try, hard.  They will also bite or kick if somebody mistreats them.  (They’re) perfectly capable of looking after themselves without the intervention of PETA.”  It would be awesome if PETA agreed and went with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (except, ya know, donkeys.  They’re self-sufficient.)

  1. Simply Fred

    simply fred says:

    You published: “borderline-fantasy-starters-week-20-21”. I had room for, and was able to stream (in a competitive league): enright, garland, dickey, hammel, and zambrano.

    They provided 31 IP, 22 K, 4 WINS!, 1.74 ERA, and 1.26 WHIP. Fine work, SIR!

  2. fitz says:

    Drop Jeter in a H2H? I have Infante and Jeter is batting .160 in his last 15 games.

  3. DJSatane says:

    Does anyone think Mets may shut reyes down to preserve him for next season, since they have nothing to play now?

  4. joe from point pleasant says:

    is it just me or is jay bruce making a late push to meet his projections for this season. a .280 25 hr season would be a nice step forward for him. you know he has the power, so the average and ability hes shown to hit lefties seems very promising. im thinking he goes off to the tune of .290-30-100 next year, which is more of what i was expecting this season.

  5. J.Ro says:

    A “Ry.J. Wilster”? Just a first suggestion; surely someone can do better than that.

  6. Terrence Mann says:

    I’ve got to go to work but I just wanted to drop by and say Alex Rios.

  7. YourMomsBoyfriend says:

    i got Rios for 1$. Turned around and traded him for Broken $#%$ing ARod. How dumb do I look?

  8. Steve says:

    Ah, Rios. If only you performed like a third-rounder when you WERE a third-rounder.

  9. barker says:

    12 team 2 C league in the playoffs
    would u drop ruiz to pick up any of these starters (have napoli and doumit)

    figueroa vs stl pelfrey @ atl gorz vs pit mcdonald @ chc

  10. Tony says:

    2010 the year of the strained oblique….

    grey i told you happ would be awesome, jk, of course he’s on my opponents team this week and he had the nuts to throw him vs. the cards??? BLEH!

  11. Mike says:

    Dempster diving?

  12. Hi Grey — I have Beckett on my team in a 20-team roto league and I’m going back and forth about starting him tonight @BALT. He did look a little better last time out (albeit against Seattle) and he’s got great career numbers against the Os. But I’m still nervous about starting him.


  13. Malacoda says:

    Perhaps when a reliever delivers good starts (like Dempster or CJ Wilson) it can be said that you have a res-erection lasting more than 4 hours.

  14. d-rot says:

    Or a res-erection lasting more than 4 batters. (or innings).

    I like it malacoda.

  15. dave says:

    8 team AL only – need to keep my ERA and WHIP respectable, while trying to make up ground in K’s.

    – Do we think Ivan Nova is service-able?


  16. d-rot says:

    Also, grey-

    Who will future grey like more in 2011- Aaron Hill or Kelly Johnson?

    Thanks in advance…

  17. ruah says:

    3B – Betemit, Blake or Kouz

    OF – Bernadina or Venable

  18. Bill Lumbergh says:

    @Grey et al: I’m thinking that you should call the converted relievers “hillside stragglers”. They are slow to develop their skills on the mound!

  19. ScoutAbout says:

    Hi Grey! Now that Nellie Cruz is back, drop Murphy for Jose Tabata in H2H league with weekly lock lineups?

  20. Mr. Rickey says:

    Who do you like better the rest of the way:

    Filthy Sanchez or De La Rosa

    Gomes or Burrell

  21. ScottyM says:

    I like the middle reliever idea and nominate Stretch ArmStrong for the glossary term.
    Braden Looper wasted half of his career as a reliever when he could have earned millions if someone would have just Stretch ArmStronged him earlier.

  22. Dingo says:

    This one seems too obvious, but how about “Dempster Diver”? As in, someone who is able to produce value from what always looked like nothing more than a pile of trash.

  23. Dingo says:

    Also – that Rios line made me groan out loud. Well done, sir!

  24. Lob Ball says:

    Muchas Gracias for suggesting I bench Cahill last night. You’re the best.

  25. Black Beard says:

    Anyone have any idea about the Houston closer situation? I’m assuming Lindstrom comes back and it becomes a muddle, but was curious if Lyon might stick. Thanks!

  26. Black Beard says:

    re: Leo Nunez and Marlins closer situation:

    Marlins interim manager Edwin Rodriguez said Monday that he has no intention of replacing Leo Nunez at closer.

    The Fish blew their major league-leading 23rd game of the season Sunday against the Braves and Nunez was charged with his eighth blown save, but Rodriguez doesn’t see a better solution. “If I had a little bit more options, he would be the setup guy right now,” said the interim skipper.

  27. royce! says:

    In a 10 team roto, I have Floyd but don’t plan to start him for the next 3 starts (@BOS, @DET, MIN). Though I would like to start him for the 3 starts after those (@OAK, @LAA, CLE). Should I just drop him in the hopes that he’ll pitch poorly @BOS, etc., so no one will pick him up, and grab a MR to bring down my peripherals? I was in first place until yesterday, and my team’s main issue is ERA and WHIP (5 and 5, respectively).

  28. Eddy says:

    I have to bench two of my five closers in order to make room for some SP today. These are my closers

    Soria vs TEX
    Cordero vs MIL
    Heath Bell vs ARI
    Matt Capps vs DET
    Valverde vs Twins

    I originally decided to sit the last two because they’re the most shaky, but idk if it’s such a good idea sitting closers in a game when a low scoring game gets me a save from one of them. On the other hand, a high scoring one renders them both useless.

  29. Wiley says:

    H2H league. Would you take Duensing, Wade Davis, or Colby Lewis heading into the playoffs?

  30. Xar says:

    Best. Headline. Ever. Cust ‘kayin.

    How about Nice Guys for the Wilsons and Doumits (because nice guys are great, solid friends but are unable to seal the deal)? Or maybe Mr. Nice Guys, so you can do the inevitable “no more Mr. Nice Guy” comment when one of them either starts to close or uust blows up? Something along those lines would work …

  31. Cole says:

    dempster/wilson types: Pen-wetters

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @simply fred: Nice

    @fitz: Eh

    @DJSatane: Could happen.

    @joe from point pleasant: Be even nicer if he didn’t wait until the last 5 weeks of the season to hit. Or hit more than a quarter of his homers in 4 games.

    @J.Ro: Yeah, not crazy about it.

    @Terrence Mann: Ha!

    @YourMomsBoyfriend: Ha

    @Steve: Yeah, seriously.

    @barker: Napoli…

    @Tony: Ha

    @Mike: That’s not so great.

    @Enrique: Why would you own him and not start him vs. the O’s?

    @Malacoda: Hmm… Don’t think that’s gonna work.

    @dave: Yes

    @d-rot: Johnson… Hill has no speed.

    @ruah: Betemit, Bernadina…

    @Bill Lumbergh: That’s not terrible, but don’t think it’s fully there yet.

    @ScoutAbout: Go for it.

    @Mr. Rickey: Sanchez, Burrell

    @ScottyM: Not crazy about it.

    @Dingo: Thanks! Dempster Diver’s kinda eh.

    @Lob Ball: Cool

    @Black Beard: Thanks for the heads up!

    @royce!: Go for it.

    @Eddy: I’d sit the last two.

    @Wiley: Duensing

    @Xar: Rudy came up with the title. What about when Nice Guys finish last?

    @Cole: Seems to work in its inverse, i.e., Kerry Wood was a starter then became a pen-wetter. Need the opposite way.

  33. Wah says:

    Drop Asdrubal for EYJ?

  34. Eric H. says:

    The Rangers went “Dempster Diving” and found a real gem in C.J. Wilson.

  35. Cole says:

    Also as a heads up, Lorenzo Cain is looking great. He is hitting .303 in 66 ABs for the brewers. In those games he has 20 hits(5 extra base hits) and 5 steals. In the last 3 games he has thrown out 2 runners trying to tag and go to second and hung on to an awesome catch even as he ate outfield wall. I know, who gives a shiz about defense, I’m mentioning it because he is doing things defensively that no other brewer cf can do solidifying his spot in the lineup. It’s hard to put him over 10 hr in a full season, but I see him hitting .290 and stealing 35-40 bases.
    In short— Cain is Able —Bible’d!

  36. Watch it Buster says:

    Grey, which pitcher should I stream?

    Enright vs SD
    Gorzelanny @ PIT
    Garcia @ CLE
    Volstad @ WAS

  37. Brad Havens says:

    Time to fire Jenks (again). In his place, I’d like to pick up a starter. DHudson looks like a nice option, and Myers is out there as well. Since I’m chasing wins as well as ratios, Arroyo might work too. Thoughts? Thanks.

  38. wacho from the bronx says:

    Hey grey, I’m holding on to chris johnson from the astro. I’m ready to drop him. Should I proceed?

  39. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Wah: Sure

    @Eric H.: I can see the club going Dempster Diving but the pitcher is not a Dempster diver.

    @Cole: Be nice if he did that over a full season.

    @Watch it Buster: Enright

    @Brad Havens: Arroyo

  40. Pepcids – Pitchers who cause less heartburn when called upon to start vs. in relief like Rolaids.

  41. Gibby says:


    I’m keeping it simple today brother. Which of theses two OF would you choose for my playoff run the rest of the way:

    Carlos Quentin or Jay Bruce

  42. @Grey: Nice call on Cahill last night. Bench Gallardo @ Cincy tonight? He’s been Gallousy Galately. I have ten starts left to my ghost opponent’s five, so I should win K’s regardless.

    Benching Mazzaro @ Yanks tonight too?

  43. Grey

    Grey says:


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