The Tigers playoffs hopes just took a shot in the lower extremities. ¬†Now if they get to the playoffs, they’ll have to pitch Verlander 4 times in a 5 game series with Miggy pitching the other game. ¬†That’s not our concern though, is it? ¬†Of course, it isn’t. ¬†Our concern is on the fantasy diamond, which is also what you proposed to your baby’s mama with. ¬†“Shizz is on layaway, baby, you know I got you when my checks come in. ¬†Now let’s run off to City Hall, and make this thing official before your pops comes for my nuts.” ¬†Max Scherzer left after 2 innings yesterday due to right shoulder fatigue. ¬†Here’s what his left shoulder had to say, “I told that honkey-ass shoulder to take a damn catnap!” ¬†Wow, harsh words from the left shoulder. ¬†This late in the season there’s no way Scherzer is going to come back so you can go ahead and lose him in non-keepers. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Quintin Berry – Left yesterday’s game with a shoulder injury. ¬†It’s an epidemic!
Miguel Cabrera – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 39th and 40th homers. ¬† This is the first time he’s hit forty homers in a season and he’s the first Tiger to hit 40 homers since Cecil Fielder. ¬†When reached for comment, Cecil said, “Hey, Prince, call me sometime. ¬†I’m your father. ¬†Blubber runs through our veins!”
Clayton Kershaw – The prayer triangle worked again! ¬†He was diagnosed with a hip impingement. ¬†That sounds like when a large person gets stuck in a turnstile at an amusement park, but it’s good news. ¬†He could pitch by the end of this month.
Alejandro De Aza – 2-for-4 with his 8th homer. ¬†That’s the Mr. Brady homer. ¬†If you’re going by the phone keys.
Gordon Beckham – 1-for-4 with his 16th homer. ¬†He now has 3 homers in the last ten games and is batting near .350 in the last week. ¬†For Beckham, he may as well be walking on the moon. ¬†Feet that don’t touch the ground, or hardly make any sound. ¬†Beckham’s walking on the moon.
Krispie Young – Left yesterday’s game aggravating his right quad. ¬†He said he liked his left quad better and then his right quad was like, “I don’t need this crap, I’m aggravated!” ¬†Can we just pretend Krispie never came back from his early season shoulder injury?
Ian Kennedy – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†His peripherals are nearly identical to last year only his ERA bumped up almost a run. ¬†As expected, he’s more of a 3.75 to 4.00 ERA guy rather than a sub-3. ¬†I imagine next year he’ll be drafted exactly as he is, which is a number three fantasy starter.
Carlos Gonzalez – He thought he might be able to start yesterday’s game, but he was scratched after he couldn’t run at 100%. ¬†Hanley Ramirez hasn’t run at full speed since his rookie year, get on the field!
David Huff – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER. ¬†He was a hot name bandied about in the comments because of the Stream-o-Nator. ¬†As Rudy mentioned on a podcast a few weeks ago, small sample sizes are gonna wreck a bit of havoc on the Stream-o-Nator. ¬†When it sees 5 scoreless innings and that’s it, it starts thinking you’re Cy Young in The Fly machine with Lefty Grove.
Lonnie Chisenhall – 1-for-5 with his 5th homer. ¬†Not bad since he’s only played in 32 games. ¬†Oh, just face it, I’m gonna be excited about him next year. ¬†For now, he’s hitting near .300 in the last eight games with 2 homers. ¬†It’s not Mike Schmidt Jr., but it’s not terrible.
Danny Espinosa – MRI showed only a bruise and Espinosa hopes to return on Wednesday. ¬† Wednesday called and said I hope so, because I have Brock Freakin’ Holt starting at middle infield.
Nate Eovaldi¬†– 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. ¬†Whoa, whoa, whoa, pardner! ¬†Here’s me the last three months, “Nate Eovaldi is good, but no one will let him throw more than 100 pitches or past the 5th inning.” ¬†So, in the Marlins’ infinite wisdom, they wait until the games mean nothing and throw Eovaldi for 8 innings and 114 pitches? ¬†That’s crazy…like an Ozzie!
Giancarlo Stanton – Will be rested until Friday with soreness in his left side. ¬†I hope I didn’t hurt him when I poured hot wax on his soft, supple skin. ¬†Oh, wait, this is fantasy baseball not baseball fantasies. ¬†My bad!
Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.71 and hand the Astros their 100th loss. ¬†There’s always next year, Houston, when you’re in a division with the Rangers, A’s and Angels. ¬†It’s only the best AL division that has been beating the AL at a .589 clip since the ASB. ¬†Maybe the M’s and ‘Stros can start their own division. ¬†Call it the Weird AL division.
Cameron Maybin – Sat out yesterday with a sore Achilles. ¬†He said, “It’s hard to walk right… At you baby… But here’s my number… So call me, Maybin?”
Yonder Alonso – 2-for-3, 1 RBI and now hitting near .450 in the last week. ¬†He hasn’t shown a lot of power (thanks, Petco!), but he’s looking like he could be a .300 hitter by next year. ¬†For right now, he’s a hot schmotato that I’d grab if I needed some counting stats and average.
Chris Nelson¬†– 2-for-3 with a steal, hitting .500 over the last week as he continues to hit the cover off the ball. ¬†Roy Hobbs, “Hey, that’s my shtick!”
Wilin Rosario – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs as he hit his 25th homer to tie a Rockies rookie record. ¬†He did miss a few catchable balls that were ruled wild pitches. ¬†He easily leads the majors leagues with twenty passed balls and said after the game, “Every ball I miss, you can see that most of the time I don‚Äôt miss that same ball again. ¬†It might be a different one, but it‚Äôs not the same one.” ¬†So when he goes to pick up the passed ball, he’s not kicking it away. ¬†That’s good.
Tim Lincecum – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks to get his ERA below 5 for the first time all year. ¬†Yes, it’s been a weird year. ¬†On the bright side, he’s sporting an ERA right around 3 since the All-Star Break. ¬†That was your mind on drugs, this is not.
Marco Scutaro – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, now batting near .500 in the last week, and he brought pasta back from Asia.
Erasmo Ramirez – 8 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†Was a big time grab by the Stream-o-Nator (117!), but Wilhelmsen forked over the win and gave up two inherited runs that were tacked onto Erasmo’s line. ¬†Now the Stream-o-Nator and Wilhelmsen are gonna have words. ¬†And it’s not gonna be pretty.
Corey Hart¬†– He reported no progress with his foot. ¬†A stalemate, huh? ¬†Has he tried to offer it a new pair of socks? ¬† Corey said, “I will not negotiation with my feet!” ¬†Okay, dude, take it easy.
Yovani Gallardo – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†Start looked even better on my team before Cishek took the business end of a toilet bowl brush and rubbed my stats with it.
Norichika Aoki – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 27th steal with six steals stolen off Barajas in the game (3 from Braun). ¬†See, Dr. Dre was right: ¬†B******s ain’t sh*t. ¬†At least I think the title of that song is really about Barajas.
Mike Napoli – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer since his return from the DL. ¬†When he hits homers, he hits them in bunches like a horny monkey.
Homer Bailey – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. ¬†He’s now strung together four straight quality starts, after facing the Lastros twice, the Cubs and the Pirates. ¬†He’ll get the Dodgers and Pirates in his final two starts. ¬†I’m Bailey-shy because of how many times he’s burned me, but those aren’t two terrible starts.
Jeremy Hellickson – 4 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Po’ Sawx. ¬†This game didn’t fit into any narrative I could have imagined early yesterday. ¬†Hellickson doesn’t strike people out and the Red Sox are dealing with The Curse of Johnny Pesky. ¬†Hellickson, you bewilder me and not in the good way like a random girl on the street saying, “I fancy mustaches.”
A.J. Griffin¬†– 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. ¬†Today I didn’t even start A.J. ¬†I got to say it was a good day.
Coco Crisp¬†– Left yesterday’s game with¬†pink eye. ¬†GLAAD said they were proud of Coco’s stand against Yunel.