On his way to The Stadium That Jane Fonda Didn’t Receive In The Divorce Settlement, Jason Heyward ordered his chariot driver to the side of the road so he could wrestle a wildebeest.¬† Suicide mission or pregame ritual?¬† Doesn’t matter.¬† With nary a scuff to his gladiator sandals, he escaped unharmed.¬† With the wildebeest head shipped off to PETA, Heyward arrived at the game, went 2-for-5 and hit a home run.¬† No doubt, he is the greatest player since RBI Baseball’s Darrell Evans.¬† After the game, Heyward said, “What game?¬† I was commissioned by Al Gore to form cloud cover.”¬† Consider Heyward a 80/20/80/.280/10 guy.¬† If someone offers you better than that, take it.¬† If you’re in a league where someone gives you a top 50 player for him, you’re in a sucker league.¬† And you better beat those suckers.¬† Remember, Jordan Schafer hit a home run on Opening Day last year.¬† Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Nate McLouth – Hitting eighth.¬† He did hit .010 in the preseason, but I think Cox comes around on him.¬† Could be a nice buy low situation.¬† Then again, I’m not a huge fan of McLousy, so I need to stop touting him.
Carlos Zambrano – 1 1/3 IP, 8 ER.¬† In all fairness, he gave up five bloop singles… And two bloop 450 foot homers.
Derek Lowe – 6 IP, 5 ER and the Win.¬† I don’t like Lowe this year; this start did nothing to change my mind.
Shaun Marcum – Had a no-hitter through 6 and a third until Nelson Cruz said I am more than an All-Star replacement.¬† Marcum’s one of those pitchers I’d be all over if he played in the NL.¬† In Toronto, s’okay.
Jason Frasor – 1/3 IP, 2 ER as he blew the save.¬† He has guys behind him that can fill-in, but the Jays are playing for nothing.¬† So it’s six of one, half dozen of another for how long Frasor’s closer leash will be.¬† I’m not grabbing Downs or Gregg yet, but one more blown save and that could change.
Adam Lind – HR yesterday.¬† One down, 34 more to go.
Travis Snider – 0-for-4, 3 Ks.¬† There will be quite a few of these type of days.¬† He can still hit plenty of homers too.¬† The bugaboo is he’s batting 9th.
Mike Napoli – Didn’t start yesterday.¬† Napoli is why the Ron Popeil method of setting and forgetting your catcher was invented.¬† Napoli doesn’t play every game, it’s how Scioscia do.
Carlos Gomez – 4-for-5, steal and a homer.¬† Gomez hit 2nd yesterday.¬† I mentioned in the comments that he could be this year’s Emilio Bonifacio.¬† What I mean is a guy that steals 4 bases in one week, everyone adds him then by the third week of the season people wish he’d die by falling in front of a marching band that tramples him.¬† Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t add him early, just don’t drop anyone you’ll regret.
Carlos Gonzalez – It’s an 8-for-10 day for CarGoes. Gonzalez was also thrown out by about a foot trying to steal.¬† Good to see him running, be nicer to see him getting better jumps.
Seth Smith – 0-for-4, 3 strikeouts.¬† Fowler owners and lispers rejoice.
Huston Street – Received good news that there wasn’t nothing seriously wrong with his shoulder.¬† Except that he can’t pitch.
Dan Haren – 7 IP, 1 ER.¬† I’m guessing it’s before the All-Star Break.¬† Hey, look, it is!
Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday.¬† Reynolds isn’t ready to relinquish the Mini-Donkey title just yet.¬† Mini-Donkeys are stubborn.
Ian Stewart – HR yesterday.¬† In a land of men and Mini-Donkeys, there was one Mini-Donkey who was smaller than all others, but his heart and home runs were bigger.¬† His name was Ian Stewart and he’s Mini-Mini Donkey.
Mark Kotsay – Announcers were talking him up as a professional hitter that “adds flexibility.”¬† I don’t know but his wife makes me stiff.
Mike Jacobs – 0-for-4 as he hit cleanup.¬† I get the whole righty-lefty thing, but Mike Jacobs can barely cleanup his locker.
David Wright – HR yesterday.¬† After last year, his owners will take any power signs, but this homer was a fortunate, well-placed blast that was just around the pole.¬† Or as they call it in New York, The Pesci Pole.
Jose Reyes – Stole two bases in his rehab game.¬† It won’t be long now, ya’ll.
Casey Kotchman – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs.¬† As expected, he hit third against a righty.¬† For those that aren’t hip to handiness, there’s a lot more righties.¬† If you can find someone to get into your lineup when the Mariners face lefties, it could be worth it.
Delmon Young – 2-for-4, HR yesterday.¬† Deep leagues obviously need to react quicker than other leagues.¬† Who knows, Young is still, well, young at 24 and he was once a big time prospect.
Roy Halladay – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.¬† What’s a bigger joke?¬† Halladay vs. the Nats or Lannan vs. the Phils.
Placido Polanco – 3-for-5, 6 RBIs, grand slam. That was a month’s worth of Feliz.¬† Spanish pun intended.
Ian Desmond – 0-for-2 as he hit 8th.¬† Willie Harris went 0-for-4 from the two hole.¬† While Desmond needs to hit to stay on the field, Willie Harris should not be batting 2nd.
Ryan Franklin – 1 IP, 2 ER.¬† Kazaam!
Chris Carpenter – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 Ks.¬† Rudy and I both agree that we wouldn’t own Carpenter this year.
Albert Pujols – 4-for-5, 2 HRs.¬† Poo-Holes is spitting fire.
Colby Rasmus – 2-for-4, HR.¬† Really wish I got him in a league this year.¬† I have a feeling it’s going to be his coming out party.¬† Maybe he’ll announce it in The Advocate.
Drew Stubbs – 2-for-2, didn’t get the start, but was brought in to face the lefty Reyes.¬† If Dusty’s only playing Stubbs vs. lefties, it kills his value.¬† Worse, I think all the Reds’ outfielders — aside from Bruce — are looking at 350-400 ABs.¬† That’s Gomes, Dickerson and Stubbs.
Joey Votto – 3-for-5, HR yesterday.¬† It was a good day, Ice Cube.
Zach Greinke – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks.¬† Over/under for Greinke’s no decisions this year?¬† 16? 17 maybe?
Justin Verlander – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks.¬† Same thing every year for Verlander.¬† April early showers, bring May flowers.
Cameron Maybin – 0-for-4, 3 Ks.¬† It’s no embarrassment to be overmatched by Johan, even Johan 2.0, but Maybin looked completely lost.¬† My bigger problem with Maybin is he only has 20 steal speed.¬† He’s not a burner.
Gaby Sanchez – 2-for-4 with a double.¬† Yeah, not that exciting but I own him, so you’re gonna have to occasionally hear about him.
Ken Griffey Jr. – You see this Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial with Griffey running around the store?¬† Is this commercial from 1993?¬† Griffey strained his hamstring somewhere in aisle #5.
Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 4 baserunners.¬† After Buehrle made one of the best plays by a pitcher ever, The Hawk, the White Sox announcer, said Buehrle’s had a storybook career.¬† Can’t wait for the movie.¬† The Mark Buehrle Story starring Michael Rappaport.
Carlos Quentin – No wonder he’s always getting hurt, I watched him get hit by pitches twice that he should’ve easily avoided.¬† He has the reaction time of Robert De Niro in Awakenings.