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Every once in a while Grey and Rudy will head down to the local Jewish bakery and buy bagels for everyone at Razzball Headquarters. Special occasions, birthdays, Earth Day, or just to let us all know we’re loved. (Note from Grey: it’s not a bakery, it’s a dumpster, and it’s not ‘buy,’ per se.) Of course there’s always that one bagel, whole wheat or multigrain (Note from Grey: those aren’t multigrains) or something equally boring, which sits untouched until all the other bagels are demolished.

I do have to admit, once you toast that circle of whole wheat dullness and lather it with excessive amounts of cream cheese (NfG: it’s not cream cheese either), it’s still pretty damn tasty. While it’s not an onion or sesame or, the Holy Grail, asiago cheese bagel, it’s still a bagel which someone will end up devouring.

For me, head to head points leagues are the whole wheat bagels of fantasy baseball. While it’s not a roto league or even a head to head categories league, it’s still a form of fantasy baseball, which can satisfy my incurable fantasy baseball addiction until the next dose arrives. So when Scott White of CBS Fantasy Sports became desperate enough to invite someone with the name “Donkey Teeth” into his industry points league mock draft, I pounced on that drug-filled wheat bagel like the starving fiend I am.  (NfG: I could’ve sworn I removed all syringes from the bagels prior to bringing them back)

Here’s the points scoring system and roster positions used for this particular mock draft:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Don’t feel good about this fantasy baseball rookie post at all, tee bee aitch.  The Astros seem 100% in win now mode, or winnow mode if you’re talking about winnowing out rookies.  Tyler White seemed all ready to go once he was called up this year, and saw playing time, but hopefully that is not portending anything for Kyle Tucker, because White took six years in the minors and was 27 years old.  Let’s not forget other Astros rookies who seemed all but destined for playing time in the last two years. Two that come to mind:  Derek Fisher and A.J. Reed.  Through a personal connection (and most definitely not stalking), Rudy was at a holiday party with Jeff Luhnow and was told that Reed had the lead for the starting 1st base job — that was two years ago!  Reed did himself no favors to get that starting job, but how quickly did the Astros just go right back to a Marwin/Gattis/Reddick platoon?  Quicker than you can call that platoon, Marwin Gatdick, and wonder how he gets through TSA.  “Excuse me, sir, are you planning on doing a stickup or do you Gatdick?”  Unlike my Victor Robles fantasy, I don’t think I can just ignore the possibility that Tucker never sees real playing time this year.  Wow, this is getting me so amped up in the reverse direction.  Okay, before you abandon ship and go back to reading recaps of Young Sheldon, Marwin’s about to walk and there’s really no one worthwhile blocking Tucker, so &2b[1y29–Sorry, was crossing fingers.  Anyway, what can we expect from Kyle Tucker for 2019 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last night, MLB streamed the Arizona Fall League equivalent of an All-Star Game. In a cunning twist, it’s named the Fall Star Game. The game ended too late for a recap, so this is a preview of a game that has already been played. Welcome to time travel. I’d explain the intricacies of writing in the present about something in the future that will publish in the future about something that happened in the past, but it’s a bit complicated. All I’ll say is it requires weapons-grade plutonium, an internet connection, and a fifth of Dewar’s. The player I’m most excited to see is Keston Hiura (2B), the Brew Crew’s top prospect with the 70 hit tool. He’s kicking keisters in the AFL, hitting .343 with four bombs, five steals, and 27 runs batted in (the league lead). Here are a few other prospects I’m scoping out tonight (last night) in the Fall Stars Game… 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Do the Nats sign Bryce Harper?  For Victor Robles, we should start there.  I don’t think the Nats retain Harper’s services.  That might be tinged with how I don’t think they should retain his services.  Nothing against Harper.  Dot dot dot.  Okay, I have a lot against him.  He seems like a supreme douchenozzle, but he’s a top 15 hitter in the major leagues when you consider OBP.  Maybe top ten.  Whatever the Nats do to replace for him, aside from Manny Machado, will be a step down.  As much as I like Victor Robles, and I do, he’s not going to be Bryce Harper.  However, I think the Nats should lose Harper because they haven’t been able to win with him, so why pay $850 bajillion for a guy who is going to get you into third place?  This is so important for Robles, because, if Harper leaves, then Robles is a lock for an everyday job.  Sexy Dr. Pepper, Juan Soto will play and Adam Eaton somehow is signed on for yet another year.  That leaves one more spot.  Yes, I know Eaton is injury-prone.  Don’t pretend you’re telling me that.  I’ve been telling you that for five years.  However, I’d be shocked if Eaton is suddenly a 4th outfielder, so we need Harper gone for Robles to play (and, of course, no other random outfielder signings by the Nats; goes without saying, though, yes, I am saying it).  I’m going on the assumption this is what’s going to happen, that Robles will play.  Unfortch, when we make an assumption, we make an ass out of an ump.  Angel Hernandez and Joe West resemble that remark.  Anyway, what can we expect from Victor Robles for 2019 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I lied to you loyal Razzball readers. In part 1 of this 2019 fantasy baseball mock draft hosted by Justin Mason of Friends with Fantasy Benefits, I told you this was going to be a four-part series. Well, unfortunately between rounds 23 and 24, the MLB regular season ended and thus, so did our Fantrax mock draft. The draft room disappeared from the league page and every future pick was being auto-drafted. Rather than waste your time discussing random players being auto-drafted I’m just going to highlight a few notable undrafted players at the bottom of this article. Back to the draft itself: three words can sum up rounds 15 through 23: risk, relievers and rookies. You’ll soon see what I mean. (BTW, the 2nd part of the fantasy baseball mock draft.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Halloween! Go figure…sometimes the universe seems to match things up perfectly. This system is an effing house of horrors. Honestly, the only thing more boring than writing up this Mariners list in late October would be writing up a top ten ranking of actual mariners. Hmmm…Captain Phillips has a lot of upside but you can’t argue with Ahab’s floor. And let’s be honest, the Gorton’s fisherman has a double-plus beard. Anythehoo, this is our first list void of any Grade A prospects. With no real standouts and a couple of extremely young players, this system is tailored more for a deep dynasty leaguer than a 2019 redrafter. To pumpkin spice latte things up and give myself and the tens of people reading this post something to argue about, I’m including my top ten Treehouse of Horror shorts. Boo!

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Late in the season, when it appeared like Eloy Jimenez might be called up, I said he was putting his finishing touches on his Roy Hobbs’ Halloween costume.  Maybe I was saying that because he was tearing the cover off the ball, maybe I heard something about the following clip I’m about to share or maybe I really am a prescient witch — preswich?  Either way, watch this:

In case you’re not seeing how far the ball is going, I got a little secret for you to judge the ball’s trajectory.  After his first swing, the ball smashes the light tower!  Okay, he is Roy Hobbs.  It’s such a whatever swing for him, before the ball hits the light tower, he’s already hit another home run!  That’s right, that’s not a GIF of one swing, it’s of two swings!  He swings and the ball travels so far that he’s able to swing and hit another home run before the first ball smashes the light tower!  Sure, it was a home run derby, but are you kidding me?  Have you seen home run derbies before?  Guys are exhausted after they hit a home run and are asking for time outs and calling up Bryce Harper’s dad for tips way before they hit another home run!  But Eloy hits the light tower, pulls the bat back and hits another home run!  Seriously WUT.  *feels lightheaded* I need to sit down; Eloy’s got me shook!  Anyway, what can we expect from Eloy Jimenez for 2019 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ayo whaddup it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka The Guy With No Tummy Tuck But Just Looks Fine aka The Guy Who Spent Forty Minutes Googling Steely Dan Lyrics aka The Guy Who Tries To Spell Every Word On A Calculator Held Upside Down aka The Guy Who Eats A Macadamia Nut Like A Professor And Says, “I’m An Macademic” aka The Guy Who Often Wonders Whatever Happened To Ione Skye aka The Guy Who Says His Name Is Steve To Telemarketers aka The Guy Who Can Sing Any Song Off The ‘Fear Of A Black Planet’ Album aka The Dirt On Your Keyboard’s Shift Key.  I’m here with 2019 content, snitches!  Okay, I need to sit down, I’ve exhausted myself in the excitement of it all.  Well, the joke’s on my butt, I have nowhere to sit!  A quick preamble about the 2019 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks.  Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP.  That means no Roman Quinn, no Magneuris Sierra, and no Ramon Laureano.  In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout.  That wasn’t an accident.  I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff.  He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!”  Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year.  Last year that honor went to Ronald Acuña Jr.  Yes, it’s an honor, don’t be so condescending.  This year the top fantasy prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep.  Vladimir Guerrero Jr. will be your number one 2019 fantasy baseball rookie.  Will Vlad Jr. be named to the All-Century Team in 82 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue, due to trademark infringement, only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball?  Can Vladimir Guerrero Jr. be a top 50 overall player in 2019?  Let’s stop the questions and start the answers!  Okay, one more question… Anyway, what we can expect of Vladimir Guerrero Jr. for 2019 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s the marvelous Mesa Brothers! Witness these Cuban compadres crush all comers with their colossal clout! Where do these sensational siblings get their serious swagger? By smoking Chesterfields of course. Chesterfields – on the war front AND the home front. Whoa…so sorry. I had the 1940 newsreel plugin enabled. Okay, we should be good now. The Marlins recently signed a living Doublemint gum commercial for a cool $6 million, and since it’s my job to make things up about prospects so Grey will think I’m useful, let’s see if either Victor Mesa Jr. or Victor Victor Mesa are going to be worth our time in 2019 fantasy baseball. Pass the inter-dimensional clicker. It’s two brothers. Old women are coming, but these brothers have a strong bond. You better bet your bottom dollar that these two brothers know how to handle business. It’s two brothers. It’s just two brothers!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is the opening where I make a joke about Victor Victor Mesa having two first names. (Insert laughter here) (Backflip into awkward transition). Oh damn, I seemed to have forgot to fill in the blanks on my  “Victor Victor themed” podcast opening template. Well, now that the cat is out of the bag, the Razzball Prospect Podcast powered by Prospects Live returns after a two week hiatus.

This week on the podcast we talk the Marlins landing Victor Victor, his potential impact, and where we’d rank him in the Miami system (Pssst #1). Following some spirited Mesa talk, we dive triumphantly back into the 5X5 with 10 top performers from the first month of the Arizona Fall League. We wrap up the show with some discussion of the on-going Prospect 480 Mock, going through picks we liked and picks… well, we didn’t like so much. It’s another episode of the Razzball Prospect Podcast powered by ProspectsLive.com. As always make sure you stop by Rotowear.com, and support our sponsor by picking up some of the freshest T-shirts out there.

Please, blog, may I have some more?