Scott Boras is pushing this “MLB owners are in collusion” narrative, and what better way to push that agenda than have Mike Moustakas turn down a $17.4 million dollar qualifying offer from the Royals to re-sign with them for $6.5 million. Boras is playing a long con here, and no one’s seeing it! But I see it! *takes index and middle finger and points at eyes, then points at picture of Boras* You know who Mike Moustakas needed as his agent? Regina King. She is doggedly persistent. Have you ever seen Regina King quit? Oh hell no. There’s no quit in that woman in every role she’s in. If Scott Boras were married to Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire, Cuba would’ve signed for chump change, and never waited for his quan moment. Moustakas needs to hire Regina King, stat! So, I haven’t changed anything in my projection and ranking for Moustakas in my top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball with this re-signing, because that was the baseline I was projecting off of anyway. Now to see if I can get Regina King to do my auction bidding for me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the post, there are a few RCL drafts this weekend that need you! You as in you you. Why are you looking over your shoulder? I’m talking to you! Sign up for a league, and if we don’t fill them, you’ll get your money back, but let’s assume they will be filled because you like to win some cash-money. Yes, you you still! Also, in those leagues are JayWrong and MattTruss, so you know the leagues will be talked about on the site. Anyway, the roundup:
Lucas Duda – Signed with the Royals to be their number one hitter. *clenches lips together to stifle laughter, bursts out* Gah! I’m sorry. I feel like a contestant on that old timey game show, Make Me Laugh. By the way, you ever notice contestants on old game shows all look so old? They could be 25 years old in 1985 and they look like they’re 65 years old and in 1962. There should be a game show filter on SnapChat that does this to pictures. Any hoo! Duda will perform exactly as he has over his career — power and low average. He is ranked in the top 20 1st basemen.
Ricky Nolasco – Signed with the Royals. He’ll compete for a rotation spot and a spot in their lineup. I say bat him third with their options.
Jon Jay – Signed with the Royals to hit leadoff and platoon with Paulo Orlando aka The Florida Project. Last year, The Federalist hit .296 with two homers and six steals in…Guess how many games. C’mon, two homers and six steals. Guess how many! Bet you’re not within 20 games of how many he played in. Okay, give up? He played in 141 games. I will now cackle myself silly. The Royals might have the first leadoff man in fantasy baseball history to not be worth owning in 15-team leagues.
The Federalist, Jon Jay, argued for a unification of the country, and now he sides with the Royals. What a turncoat!
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 6, 2018
Corey Dickerson – Traded to the Pirates. From Pittsburgh to Tampa is just about neutral, culturally and baseballically. Baseballically is defined as Norman Rockwell with throat cancer from chewing tobacco. The only iffy on the snafu is there’s no more DH and Pirates have two locked-in OFs and a bunch of other guys who can play in place of Dickerson, so Dickerson may lose 45-70 ABs, and I’ve moved him into my top 80 outfielders.
Cameron Maybin – Signed with the Marlins. Jeter raises mic and drops mic. He’s done. Are you not entertained, Marlins fans?! Okay, seriously, the Marlins not only traded all of their players away, but now they’re also making it so they can’t play their rookies either? Please tell me Maybin’s not gonna start over Brinson. Please. As for Maybin, he’s in my top 100 outfielders rankings.
Ben Gamel – Out for 4-6 weeks with a strained oblique. Dah, first sleeper of mine down and we’re not even through March. At least get to April healthy before disappointing me, right, Delino DeShields? I’ve lowered Ben Gamel in my top 100 outfielders.
Drew Pomeranz – Dealing with a minor flexor strain. As Dr. James Andrews says, “There’s no minor flexor strains, there’s only elbows that have not yet paid for me to buy Larry Ellison’s island.” I haven’t moved Pomeranz in my rankings yet, but I’d be lying if I said I was drafting him with full confidence. He says, I repeat, he says he’s fine.
Stephen Vogt – Out a few weeks with a shoulder strain. Move him down your draft boards! *moves Vogt from 470 overall to 471, claps hands* Whew, I’m exhausted!
Yuli Gurriel – Had hamate bone surgery and out for 5-6 weeks, according to the Astros, which means he’ll miss 8-10 weeks and never look same. Okay, being negative, but this isn’t good news no matter how you slice it. It being his hand. For his sake, hopefully Yuli’s doctor isn’t Asian. Updated his ranking and projections in the top 20 1st basemen, and War Room.
Forrest Whitley – Top Astros pitching prospect was suspended for 50 games. No word if the Cardinals hacked the drug test results to make it look positive.
Tim Lincecum – Signed by the Rangers. My column:
Edinson Volquez, Cole Hamels, Tim Lincecum, Mike Minor, Matt Moore, Bartolo Colon… Rangers rotation looks good on paper. If that paper is aged parchment that turns to dust when you handle it. https://t.co/WQnvM0M6C7
— Razzball (@Razzball) February 27, 2018
Paul Goldschmidt – I caved to the dankest of humidor timelines and moved Au Shizz down a few pegs in the top 10 for 2018 fantasy baseball (CLICKBAIT!). To say there’s no effect from a humidor is to ostrich our heads into the dunes of dopiness, but to say it will mean everything is going too far the other way. I throttled a little bit, but I’d still draft him where I now ranked him.
Steven Souza – Traded to the Diamondbacks. You know when you lose a girlfriend (or wife, for some of your sadder beanbags) and your natural inclination is to work harder to make the next girlfriend like you? Your last girlfriend said you never went out with her and her friends enough! You always complained about that tapas bar she liked to go to! You used to insist her friend Robin used to be a man who went by the same name! But with this new girl, you’re not going to make the same mistakes. And, sure enough, the new girl doesn’t like you for different reasons. This seems like what’s going on with the Diamondbacks. J.D. Martinez refused to re-sign with them, and now they’re going out and being aggressive suitors for everyone. Jarrod Dyson? Sure, what the hey! Souza? And the band played on! Why won’t all this work? Because they’re putting in a freakin’ humidor! I left Souza in my top 60 outfielders, but this does dunk the trunk (totally a saying!) on Jarrod Dyson in my top 100 outfielders.
Chris Owings – If the humidor didn’t convince you that the Diamondbacks don’t want anyone to own their hitters in fantasy, they’ve announced Owings will not start. I’ve updated him at the top 20 2nd basemen.
Zack Greinke – His velocity is down and said he doesn’t have it anymore. Oh, man, someone please keep an eye on Greinke, he sounds like he’s in a dark place. Greinks, ol’ pal, it’s only the beginning of March. C’mon, have an ice cream cone and cheer up! I haven’t moved Greinke in my top 20 starters, but I’m not excited about drafting him now either.
Ben Revere – Signed with the Reds as a backup outfielder, and to perform at kids’ birthday parties under his magician name, “Denard Span.”
Zach Davies – Dealing with a strained oblique. He could miss the beginning of the season, will depend if Davies can work out the kinks.
Colby Rasmus – Signed with the Orioles as a backup outfielder. Opposing teams’ pitchers better watch out on short schedule days from around the 6th to 8th inning when Rasmus is ready to pinch-hit!
Carlos Gonzalez – Sounds headed back to the Rockies. The Rockies are the worst! They’re like the poisoned apple. “Ooh, looks yummy, I wanna taste said apple.” And now you’re dead. Sorry, apple eater! Every time there’s light on Tapia or Dahl or any rookie, the Rockies make some dumb decision to re-up a vet. Beware, Ryan McMahon owners, Mark Reynolds will be next. As for CarGo, once the deal is official, I will add him into my top 100 outfielders, and moved down Dahl, Parra and Tapia.
Carlos Gomez – Signed with the Rays. Wow, the Rays are almost as bad as the Marlins. This is like a race to the bottom for both Florida teams (though, technically, there’s three Florida teams, and the third one, the Yankees, has more fans than the other two). I added CarGo to my top 100 outfielders, and top 500 overall.
Brent Honeywell – Out for the year with a torn UCL and had Tommy John surgery. He’ll be genuine for two-zero-one-nine, and ain’t no half steppin’.
Jose De Leon – Also needs Tommy John surgery. Apparently, Brent Honeywell sneezed on him. You gotta Dracula, Honeywell, c’mon!
Francisco Liriano – Signed with the Tigers. I added him to my top 500 alternate names for garbage.
Adam Engel – With Charlie Tilson being cut in White Sox camp, it looks like they’re doing a 180 to Engel. Engel is similar to Carlos Gomez without his flashy .245 average, and more like a .205 average, i.e., he’s a destitute man’s CarGo, I will call him, The Shopping Cart. I added Engel to my top 100 outfielders (barely).
Matt Carpenter – May not be ready for the opener. To pretend I’m a real journalist, this news got me: *insert appropriate meme* Damn, I sound bitter, but that is how things are reported now. If it was 1974, Woodward and Bernstein would just tweet a blinking white guy GIF. Any hoo! I’m not moving Carpenter yet. Because, Jesus, I’m not Roman! Also, I assumed he’d miss some time.
Seung Hwan Oh – Signed a deal with the Jays after a deal with the Rangers fell through when Oh failed a physical due to elbow ligament inflammation. The exchange rate right now between US and Canadian Dollar is 1.00 for every 1.26 ligaments, so he should be fine.
Troy Tulowitzki – Jays manager, John Gibbons, said Tulo’s not expected ready for Opening Day. Gibbons added, “Well, dur.”
Mike Napoli – Signed with the Indians to help them transition from mascot, Chief Wahoo, and his smoke signals to new mascot, Napoli and him jogging while smoking. He’s in my top 20 1st basemen (more like top 60), if barely.
Danny Salazar – Will begin the season on the DL, which moves Clevinger into the rotation for the time being, at least. In my top 60 starters, Salazar is in a tier of starters who I wouldn’t draft, and, in that same starters ranking post, Mike Clevinger is listed in a tier I would draft, so I didn’t move anyone. Is Salazar above Clevinger even though I wouldn’t draft him and would draft Clevinger? Yes, because my brain works in mysterious ways and that’s why you love me! Metaphorically! Get your hand off my butt!
Brandon Moss – Released by the A’s. I think this makes the Athletics a rolling stone. With how their team is assembled, that Rolling Stone would be Matt Jagger, an all-or-nothing slugger who can’t field.
Adam Lind – Signed a minor league deal with the Yankees. Cashman referred to Lind as an “insurance policy.” So, Lind is the Affordable Don’t Care Option.
Brandon Drury – Traded to the Yankees to play 3rd base, and make every Noo Yawker sound drunk when they say his last name. “Awfficer, I’m sorry for running dat red light, I was gettin’ somethin’ outta my car Drury.” “Drury?” “Yeah, dat thing, other there.” “You mean, glove compartment?” “Glove compartment-Drury…Tomato-tomahto. Let’s hurry up here.” The Noo Yawk Glove Compartment finds himself in a good place to play, but, unfortunately, it’s still him doing the playing. I’ve added him into my top 20 2nd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball.
