When Ike Davis told reporters,”Gag me with a spoon,” red flags were raised.¬† Why was he talking like he grew up in Reseda?¬† It wasn’t the dreaded Valley Fever, was it?¬† Like, oh my god, it might be.¬† Valley Fever, from what I gathered from Google, WebMD and other non-reliable sources, could knock Davis out a week, two weeks, a month, a year or for his career.¬† Yes, there’s a lot of space between best and worst case scenario.¬† Maybe you remember Conor Jackson got Valley Fever and pulled a Kotchman for a year.¬† The kicker for me is the Mets trainers scare the shizz out of me.¬† They once diagnosed Casey¬†Stengel with the flu and he had been dead for seven years.¬† Right now, the Mets are saying it shouldn’t be more than a week for Ike.¬† I’m not moving him down my rankings yet, but if you’re drafting right now, I’d be very cautious.¬† Anyway, here’s some more news going on in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Corey Hart – Had knee swelling and went for an MRI.¬† When the trainer told Ron Roenicke Hart’s issue, he said, “Corey swelling,” and Ron said, “Donna Martin graduates.”¬† The MRI said (figuratively) Hart needs arthroscopic surgery and will miss the start of the season.¬† I’d be surprised if we see him at full speed before the third week of April.¬† Figure, four weeks to recoup and at least one week to go on assignment.¬† It’s a pretty big blow for Corey Hart and everyone that likes to wear sunglasses at night.
Rickie Weeks – From the Files of “Of Course Rickie Weeks Is Injured” comes a predictable update.¬† He’s injured.¬† Maybe if they rename his dossier the files of “Maybe Rickie Weeks Is Healthy,” he might have a fighting chance.
Jesus Montero – Took a foul ball off his mask, inspiring him to turn water into the whine, “Shouldn’t I just be hitting?”¬† The good news is he was catching.¬† Hopefully, this is a sign that Montero won’t have to wait long to get catcher eligibility.¬† I’m guessing with days off and days he just DHs, he’ll need about two to three weeks for 10 games played behind the plate.¬† The other good news, his punim is fine.¬†
A.J. Burnett – Broke his orbital bone during a bunting drill.¬† This is the worst bunting injury since a Set PA over-decorated the seaboard of The Love Boat and bunting fell on Gavin MacLeod during a dress rehearsal and nearly caused a work stoppage.¬† “We only have¬†Annette Funicello until Friday; get MacLeod back on the set!”¬† That’s a studio exec in the 70’s.¬† A.J. is out until at least May.¬† Probably the nicest thing he’s done to fantasy owners in the past few years, so now no one in their right mind will draft him hoping for a bounce back.
Grady Sizemore – I swear Grady Sizemore’s body is older than Whitman B. Mayo, who played Grady on Sanford and Son, and that actor passed away over ten years ago.¬† Sizemore’s now out for 12 weeks after undergoing micro-discectomy surgery, which is a surgery performed by a miniaturized Dennis Quaid.
Vladimir Guerrero – It’s being reported that the Marlins are not pursuing Vlad.¬† Probably for the best.¬† With his knees, that chase would’ve been a bore.¬† Instead, the Marlins are pursuing Aaron Rowand.¬† That could be fun with Rowand’s tendency to run into walls.
Anibal Sanchez – Felt some soreness in his shoulder.¬† In related news, Grey is holding his breath.
Joel Zumaya – After he has Tommy John surgery performed by Dr. Freeze, he will attempt another comeback.¬† I’m guessing he’s gonna try to throw with his left arm.
Alex Rios – I think most spring training numbers are meaningless, but one thing to keep an eye on is where people are batting.¬† Right now, Robin Ventura likes Rios in the three hole.¬† Giddy up!
Ryan Howard – Had a setback with his surgically-repaired Achilles because of an infection.¬† Maybe he shouldn’t have tried picking at his wound, yelling “Scabs here” like he was Pauly D.¬† The Phils are saying this will delay his original May timetable.¬† I’m beginning to think we should assume we’ll see Howard around the All-Star Break and anything else we get is gravy.¬† Billy Butler, “Did someone say gravy?”
David Wright – Sitting out the first few games of the spring with ribcage discomfort.¬† I’m not concerned yet.¬† Guess what the key word is in that sentence.¬† Hint:¬† Starts with a Y ends in a T and it’s got an E in it.
Carl Crawford – Dealing with inflammation of his left wrist.¬† You know what’s good for that?¬† Swinging a bat, if you live in opposite world.
Stephen Drew – Will probably miss the start of the regular season.¬† I’m thinking J.D. and Stephen’s father was Mr. Glass from Unbreakable.
Alfonso Soriano – Said he’s open to batting leadoff.¬† That’s akin to me telling Jessica Alba I’d be open to having sex with her.
Freddie Freeman – Partially dislocated his kneecap.¬† Says it should be, um, re-located shortly.¬† I say look under your thigh.¬† It’s probably right there.
Giancarlo Stanton – Mike Stanton changed his name to Giancarlo.¬† Just when you thought Stanton couldn’t get any sexier, he goes and changes his name to The Sexiest Name Alive, according to People Magazine.¬† If Moli√®re were alive today and not writing a hacky sitcom for The CW, he’d write a play about Giancarlo, the seducer of fantasy baseballers everywhere.