You never owned Aubrey Huff before, but going into your draft you glanced at your cheatsheets and saw Huff’s 2008 numbers and thought you really found something purdy. You called your lady and said, “Baby, tonight we can watch any Kate Hudson movie you want, I got Aubrey Huff in my draft!” So you sat through Ten Things I Hate About Kate Hudson and Matthew I’m-Kinda-Gay and thought life’s okay, this movie will end and Huff will still be on my team. Now you’re thinking about how you wish you had Gordo Sandoval and those two hours of your life back. No fear, Flav loves reindeer. Aubrey Huff hit .231 last May and .337 in June. Then .332 in the 2nd half. In 2007, he hit .309 compared to .258 in the 1st half. Listen, I hate Huff. Seems like he leaves 20% in the locker room, but he’s repeatedly shown to be a 2nd half hitter. I wouldn’t buy him with Gallardo, but I think at this point, you don’t have to. You can probably get him for very cheap. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Mike MacDougal – I gave up on the Nats and their perpetually frustrating closerousel, but you, friend, you’re your own person. I’d grab some Tagamet if you’re going for Macky D’s.
Ryan Madson – Oh, but Lidge will return and then Madson will lose the job and…. Oh, Grey what do I do?!?! Pickup Madson, random italicized voice.
Ryan Hanigan – If you get an erection for longer than four hours after picking up Hanigan, then you should see a doctor, but he does have catcher eligibility and he’s been playing and hitting (.313 in June).
Scott Podsednik – SAGNOF!
Tony Gwynn – Batting .429 in the last 7 games. I think his average ends up closer to Chris Gwynn than Tony, but he has speed to burn (not calories like his old man).
Juan Rivera – I debated whether to add him because he’s really just about any other random schmohawk outfielder on waivers with power, but he’s been hot. He can probably out-homer Vlad on the season. Though that’s less an endorsement of Rivera and more an indictment of Vlad.
Nick Masset – MR. B’s alert. Masset has 23 Ks in 23 2/3 IP and has only given up 2 runs so far this year.
Gavin Floyd – I had every intention of putting Floyd in the sell section, then I started looking at his numbers. Floyd has a 40/12 K/BB in his last six games. His road/home splits are atrocious, so I wouldn’t start in away games, but I’d grab him in 12 team leagues for home games. And that’s me semi-sorta-endorsing Floyd! It’s a brand new day, Sting.
Russell Branyan – This Buy is for the guys in the back of the room. He’s at 35/14/29/.317/2 on the season. He’s currently showing Cantu what he can do when he do the voodoo he do.
Colby Rasmus – He’s on his way to a 20/10 season, which is yawnstipating in 10 team leagues, but there’s a place on it in deeper leagues. If he gets the oh-so-coveted number two slot in the order in front of Pujols, his Meatballs To Hit Ratio will go up. If he gets the cleanup spot, his future will be cloudy with a chance of meatballs, but his RBIs will increase. This blurb was brought to you by Sony Pictures.
Clint Barmes – Over .400 in June… Near .500 over the last week. Hmm… Those are kinda the same thing. Hey, ya’ll, we got a new MI to pickup.
Sean West – Okay, in NL-Only leagues, but you’re basically asking to get tied to the WHIPping post in mixed leagues if you go West, young man.
Dan Haren – I almost made him the lead, but I didn’t want to panic people by doing one of my patent pending Sell Yells. (It involves lots of exclamation marks and a title rhyming Haren with barren.) Haren’s a notoriously weaker 2nd half pitcher, but it’s not like he becomes Sidney Ponson. He’s just not as dominating in the 2nd half. I wouldn’t trade him for a ticket to see Jersey Boys, but I would start exploring offers. History tells us that the best is not yet to come.
Kendry Morales – Four!…Air ball!…Punt!
Nick Blackburn – 4.01 K/9 for Blechburn.
Carlos Quentin – I’m contractually obligated to trash a White Sox player after I’ve trashed a Cubs one – The Abe Froman Peace Accord of 1986. I think some time in August is a safe bet for Quentin’s return. At which point, two things can happen. 1) He returns and he’s productive. 2) He returns, struggles and reinjures himself. You may want to believe in one, but two seems more likely at this point. For those who don’t know, before Quentin broke out last year, he was an injury-prone prospect. You can change the spots but not the leopard, or whatever that cliche is.
Scott Feldman – He’s a solid number two. I’m not talking about the number he is in anyone’s rotation.