That title is very confusing if you have a lisper reading it to you.¬† Why you’re having someone else read it to you, let alone a lisper doesn’t make any sense.¬† You can’t find a better-qualified Task Rabbit?¬† Put down your soy capp-a-latte and find a better intern; you owe it to yourself.¬† Last year, Justin Upton had a problem with his thumb.¬† He hit 8 homers the first 4 months of the season.¬† After he took off his hand guard and his thumb felt better, he hit nine homers in the final two months. ¬†Chase Headley doesn’t have Chase Field or Headley Field, for that matter.¬† He also doesn’t have any offense around him.¬† Literally.¬† He’s hitting in front of Nadir Bupkis and behind Tumble Weeds Jr., and now he’s out for a month to six weeks, at least.¬† I mentioned Upton because I’m trying to get through that thick melon on your shoulders how important hands are for hitters.¬† Headley has gone from a high-ranked, 3rd baseman looking to repeat last year to a risky DL stash that isn’t much more than a corner man.¬† In the top 20 3rd baseman for 2013 fantasy baseball and the top 400, I moved Headley way down.¬† I wouldn’t touch him with his thumb, fingeratively.¬† A fractured thumb is non-violent, but for fantasy it’s Headley.¬† Double pun point!¬† On a related note that’s a tangent closer than most of what you’ve read, Gyorko could move to 3rd base and might take an extra month to gain 2nd base eligibility in Yahoo leagues.¬† Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2013 fantasy baseball:
Tyler Skaggs – Optioned to the minors.¬† Diamondbacks’ GM Kevin Towers said, “I refuse to build up any prospects’ value by letting them succeed in the majors.¬† They need to be traded when they are at their lowest value.”¬† He then mailed an envelope with a stamp depicting an upside-down plane.
Randall Delgado – Is making a push for the 5th spot in the Diamondbacks rotation and to be traded by July 31st.¬† Delgado‚Äôs teetering on that seesaw (or is it seesawing on the teeter-totter?) between valuable as an NL-Only pitcher and barely rosterable in mixed leagues.¬† If he can knock a walk off his per nine this year, he could swing things to him being plucked out of the mixed league waiver sandbox.¬† Right now, I’d put him at a 7+ K/9 and a 4+ BB/9.¬† That’s shorthand for a low-4 ERA, 1.40 WHIP and a 125 Ks over 160 IP.¬† Though, Pat Corbin, aka Mr. Big, could win the 5th starter job in Arizona.
Scott Baker – Woke up with elbow soreness.¬† Must’ve been having a dream about his brother from another mother, Dusty.¬† Candyman: Part 12 starring Dusty Baker!¬† “Your arm is tired?¬† Then let me give you the hook.¬† Muahahahahaha…”¬† Scott Baker wasn’t due back until mid-April, now he’s gonna have an MRI on his elbow.¬† I’m gonna guess that the MRI will see its shadow and Baker will have 6 more weeks of a DL stint.
Stephen Drew – Going to see a concussion specialist.¬† If you don’t think a concussion can knock a player out for a year, can I get a Morneau?!
Pablo Sandoval – Diagnosed with a nerve irritation.¬† Why the noive of that nerve!¬† He should be fine in a few days after some rest and a box of Rocky Road fudge.¬† (The box of Rocky Road fudge was written on his doctor’s note in Pablo’s handwriting.)
Phil Hughes – Yesterday, he threw a simulated game.¬† Unfortunately, he gave up 7 runs, but the 1984 Detroit Tigers are a tough Strat-o-Matic matchup.¬† Damn you, Lou Whitaker!¬† Hughes could be ready for the 2nd week of the season; the first time the Yanks need a fifth starter.
Grant Balfour – Doctors said his knee will be fine to make his spring debut on Thursday, just no Bernie’ing.¬† Balfour should be good for Opening Day.¬† SAGNOF!
Juan Francisco – The position battle that no one but me seems to care about heated up yesterday as Francisco went deep a day after Chris Johnson delivered a homer.¬† This is like Ali-Frazier.¬† Or Hannahan-Frazier.
Scott Diamond – Will make his first start of the season on April 12th.¬† His mom, Selma, would’ve been so proud.
Jayson Werth – Feels better about his wrist, but isn’t sure if or when he’ll regain all his power.¬† FWIWerth, that’s not a great sign, i.e., nothing’s changed when I put him in an unfavorable outfielder tier.
Chris Carpenter – Told the media that it’s unlikely he’ll pitch ever again.¬† Geez, Carpenter, such a martyr.
Chris Perez – Saying his shoulder is 100 percent and will be ready for Opening Day.¬† On The History Channel’s The Bible, there was a donkeycorn with a strong resemblance to Chris Perez.¬† Coincidence?