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Carlos Marmol regained the ninth inning duties Friday night as he was called upon to get the save against Boston. Manager Dale Sveum explained he needed more stability and consistency from the tail end of the bullpen. You can’t argue Marmol hasn’t consistently given poor Cubs fans multiple heart attacks (they’re from Chicago so they naturally have multiple attacks). Carlos didn’t waste any time getting back to his old ways; with a 3-0 lead he loaded the bases, walking a batter and giving up a hit. Oh, Carlos! We sure missed you! Marmol escaped the inning unscathed to grab his 3rd save, but really, it’s just good to have him back doing what he does best. I joke, I joke, but Carlos Marmol is an instant add in all formats if you need saves.  He may not help your blood pressure, but he can certainly help you with saves and Ks.  He’s got the manager’s vote of confidence for now (that’s more than we can say about a lot of our current options) and should see the majority of the save opportunities going forward. Cubs fans better hold their breath.

Ryan Dempster — 7.0 IP, 0 ER, 3Ks. Got his 3rd win in a row and his 3rd straight scoreless start. I joke a lot about the Dumpster. I’ve called him names, written him hate mail, stolen his newspaper, etc. But (according to the police), a lot of this behavior is irrational and borderline psychotic. I actually think Ryan Dempster is a great pitcher to buy right now. He’s got great strikeout potential, and with a good opportunity to be traded to a contender his chances for wins could see an increase. I’m buying what Ryan is selling.

Adrian Gonzalez — 0-for-4 against the lowly Cubbies. Yo, Adrian, I know I said no more Rocky quotes, but you make me so angry sometimes.

Justin Masterson — 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 9 Ks and the win. Justin mastered the Pirates o-ffense last night in his best start of the year. With a name like Masterson he belongs on a Pirate ship. Pittsburgh and Cleveland GMs, make it happen.

Jay Bruce — 1-for-4 with a HR, to lead the Reds 7-run pounding of the Mets, which included Brandon Phillips hitting a HR in his 3rd straight game. After the ticker tease last night, Bruce hits a homer tonight. Let’s call this the post ticker-teaser pleaser!

Kirk Nieuwenhuis — 1-for-4 with a HR. Wow. Is this guy’s name hard to spell or what? I must of have had to double check that twice (a quadruple check!). Still, after hitting 2 bombs last night he hit another tonight. That is the definition of a hot schmotato. Pick him up as long as this lasts, and as long as you don’t have to spell out his name. Knewenehaus? Nuwanhouse? Argh!

Phil Hughes — 6.0 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. Got his 7th win behind Curtis Granderson’s big night (HR, 3 RBIs). Been a while since I’ve had to call him Phil Lose or Phil Boos. The 7 wins may be a little fluky, but hey, it’s good to be a Yankee.

Michael Morse — 2-for-4 with an RBI. Beep, beep beep beep, beep beep. That’s Morse code for “Mike is finally heating up.” Now let’s see some beeping power!

Andrelton Simmons — 3-for-4 with a 2-run HR. Grey told you to buy him a couple weeks ago if you needed a MI. If you haven’t bought him yet, I feel sorry for you. You don’t listen!

Brian McCann — 2-for-4 with his 9th HR. Brian Mcthought he McCann and then he Mcdid.

Tommy Hanson — 5.1 IP, 6 BBs, 2 R, 0 ER. Yikes. McHanson was Mcwalking everyone Friday Mcnight and — oh dear, I can’t stop mc-ing.

Matt Moore — 7.0 IP, W, 1 H, 8 Ks. Matt had his best start of the season as the Rays combined to 1-hit  the struggling Marlins. He’s starting to look like the pitcher we all drafted way too early. Don’t get me wrong, this start was quite nice, but I want to see Moooooooore!

Desmond Jennings — 2-for-5 with 4 RBIs. Jennings has been struggling since returning from the DL, so those were some welcome stats. Desmond took a pitch from Zambrano in the 2nd inning and was all like, “Hey ball, see ya in another life, brotha!” BAM! 3-run single! If you got that joke, we have to go back.

Ben Zobrist — 2-for-3 with a HR as Tampa exploded for 11 runs. Here’s what I said about him last week, “…now has collected hits in back-to-back games! Really, any signs of life are encouraging at this point with BenZo.” And that’s me quoting me! (Sorry Grey but I’ve always wanted to do that). Since I typed that he’s had 9 hits and 3 HRs in 4 games with a 6 game hitting streak. He’ll be batting over .240 in no time!

Carlos Ruiz — 1-for-2, left in the 6th inning with a strained oblique. He’ll be reevaluated tomorrow, but Chooch should most certainly miss the next few days. The Phillies went on to get shut out by the Blue Jays bullpen. Rough day for Philly fans. (Update: Saturday morning Ruiz felt it was just a cramp.)

Trevor Cahill — 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 8 Ks and his 3rd win in a row. He’s still under 30% owned in ESPN leagues!? For shame, fantasy owners. For shaaaame. Y U No Like Trevor? He gets Seattle next week, pick him up already!

Carlos Beltran — 2-for-4 with his 300th steal. No, not for the season, for his career. But still cool.

Vin Mazzaro — 6.0 IP, O ER, 4 Ks and his 3rd win. Yaaaawn.

Francisco Liriano — 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks. I’ve been a bit Leary(ano!) to trust Francisco lately, but he gets the Pirates next week and I’d say he’s worth a flier.

Trevor Plouffe — 2-for-4 with 2 HRs. Seriously!? ALL HE DOES IS HIT HOME RUNS!

Jose Valverde — 0.2 IP, 1 ER. Kazaam! Hot damn, Jose knows how to Kazaam! The 1 ER looks harmless enough (fantasy-wise), but it was much uglier than it appeared as a Valverde throwing error led to 5 unearned runs. He surrendered 3 hits in the 10th inning including back-to-back homers to Carlos Gonzalez and Michael Cuddyer. Car Go-ing going gone, his 17th! Cuddyer? I hardly know her!

Melky Cabrera — 2-for-4 with a 3-run HR, his second in 3 games. The Melk Man is now batting .365. Anyone else hate the nickname Melk Man? I mean, the guy’s name is Melky, does he really need a nickname?

Alex Rios — 3-for-4 with 2 HRs. Big Donkey also hit his 23rd home run in this one as the White Sox got to Clayton Kershaw. Not to be outdone, Chris Sale also gave up 5 ER in 5.2 IP, to end his 5 game winning streak. Rios Mio! After a slow start, Alex is quietly having quite the respectable season, contributing in categories across the board. You could do a lot worse.

Brandon Moss — 1-for-4 with a HR. Grey told you to buy him (in AL-only leagues) yesterday! At this point he’s a must own (in AL only and deeper mixed league in which you need an OF). And that’s about as ringing an endorsement as he’s going to get for now.

Yu Darvish — 8.0 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks. Y Yu mad, Astros? Nothing cures a slump like Houston.

Elvis Andrus — The hound dog had the opposing pitchers “All Shook Up” with 3 hits and 2 stolen bases. Yay, Elvis references (for the kids)!

Josh Hamilton — Hospitalized with an intestinal virus, Hammies is expected to miss the entire weekend Astros series, if not more. Not to make light of his illness, but Hamilton continues to find creative new ways to keep himself out of the lineup. I bet the fantasy fairy who granted him the skills to be the best in the league added the stipulation that he must miss at least 20 games a season.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Hamilton. I absolutely adoooore Hamilton. But his injury history (and future) scares me, and if I could get a great deal for him (i.e. a top 5 player), I would feel much safer.