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Bauer is back. You have 24 hours to pick him up before someone else does and the terrorists win. Cleveland Indians pitcher/rapper/counter-terrorist Trevor Bauer will be called up to start Tuesday versus the Tigers and likely take over Danny Salazar‘s spot in the rotation. The third overall pick in 2011, Bauer has filthy stuff, with numerous pitches at his disposal, including that sweet 95-97 mph fastball. He has struggled with control during his brief stints in the majors (7.1 BB/9 in nine major league starts), which has ultimately kept him from finding success in the big leagues. However, in a spot start in early April (6.0 IP, 4 H, 2 BB, 1 ER, 8 K), it seemed like Bauer’s command issues were a thing of the past.  Granted, that start was against the Padres, but he impressed nonetheless. Although he labored through his latest minors start (5.2 IP, 12 base runners, 6 ER, 4 home runs), the Indians obviously think Bauer is ready to show his stuff, and I don’t mean his free-styling ability. Yeah, he raps. Does that make you like him more or less? Not so sure? Maybe you should listen and judge for yourself. He’s still not as bad as P. Diddy. Whether you believe T-Bau’s a gifted lyricist or not, his 4-1 record, 2.15 ERA, 1.09 WHIP and a 44/14 K/BB ratio in 46.0 IP at Triple-A this season could certainly help out your fantasy pitching staff. If he can pitch twice as good as he can rhyme, Lil’ Trev could be headed from the “Gutter to the Grail” like his song. He raps,  “From gutter to grail, we rise up to win it/Wahoos on first with his eyes on the pennant.” So Trevor Bauer can spit hot fire, let’s see him throw some hot fire next week versus Detroit. Based on his upside, he’s worth the add in all leagues. To quote the the Notorious T.R.E.V., “Getting filthy with the pitch…getting stupid throwing cheddar,” pick up Bauer in your league, cause buying Bauer makes you better.

Here’s what else happened Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Devin Mesoraco – 1-for-3, 3-run HR (4). Mesoraco picks up right where he left off. Mesorock n’ rolling! In his limited play this season, Devin had 22 hits in 47 ABs with 4 HRs and 13 RBI. Look at your catcher. Now look at another team’s catcher. Now look in the mirror. Devin Mesoraco has probably been better than all of these players. With Joey Votto headed for a possible DL stint, Mesoraco looks to factor big into the Reds offense the next few weeks. Grey told you to BUY him and he is somehow available in over 50% of ESPN leagues so go pick him up.

Alfredo Simon – 7.2 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 8 K and his fifth win. Alfredo is a conundrum, wrapped in a enigma, covered in riddles and deep fried in mystery, with a whole lot of guacamole, sour cream and Frank’s red hot on the side. Nice rebound outing after getting chased early from last week’s start by the Rockies (3.0 IP, 8 hits, 3 ER). And those 8 Ks are certainly a pleasant surprise. I wouldn’t expect these kind of strikeouts every week, but I think Simon has proven he is a serviceable fantasy starter given the right match up. He gets the Nationals next week and I’d call that the right match up.

Francisco Rodriguez – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, SV (17). Is it sad that he’s been the best player on the majority of my fantasy teams?

Jeff Samardzija – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 6 K and his fourth loss despite his 1.62 ERA. The Cubs offense, or lack thereof, strike again! Cue the Jaws music. Sorry Shark! Meanwhile, Kyle Lohse (7.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 1 BB, 2 K) pitched his way to his fifth win. Despite the win, I think I’d take Samardzija’s start over Lohse’s if I had the choice. That’s how much of a sucker I am for the strikeouts! I am K-razy for Ks!

Junior Lake – 1-for-4, HR (5). Just think, if he played every day he could have had eight home runs by now!

Josh Reddick – 2-for-4, 2 HR (4), including a grand slamy and 6 RBI. Two homers! That shizz is re-ddick! Apparently, that’s how the kids are saying “ridiculous” these days. Everything is abbrev’d. It’s just cooler. I get it! Ain’t nobody got time for full words anymore. Josh has three multi-hit outings to go with three home runs in his past four games and now is as good a time to pick him up as any.

Derek Norris – 2-for-4, 2 runs. In case you miss out on Mesoraco but still hate your catcher, Norris has two home runs and eight RBI in the past week.

Zack McAllister – 1.1 IP, 5 hits, 3 BB, 8 ER. More like McOWWister, right!? Because if you own him that’s gotta hoit and stuff. The A’s continue to hit, scoring 11 runs on 13 hits including two hits from Yoenis Cespedes and home runs from Josh Donaldson and Jed Lowrie.

Sonny Gray – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 1 ER, 3 BB, 9 K. Son-ny Gray is sweeping my fantasy woes away. On his way, to winning me E-R-A! Back due to popular demand (seriously, enough with the emails people), The Count has returned as a special guest to tell you about Sonny Gray’s outing. Take it away Count: “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…NINE STRIKEOUTS! MWA-AH-AH! I love to count!” We know you do, Count, and I love strikeouts.

Nick Swisher – 1-for-4, HR (3). Sigh. Come on Cleveland. You’ve got to do better than that. Trevor Bauer better be awesome.

Tanner Roark – 5.0 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Grey and Stream-O-Nator told you to BUY this start. He’s got the eye of the Tiger, and we’re gonna hear him Roooark! Tanner’s been a decent to good streaming option given the right match up. He’s been particularly awesome sauce at home (17.2 IP, 2 ER, 17/5 K/BB ratio) and with the Reds all beat up, I could see possibly starting to think about maybe considering the option of using him next week, too.

Tyler Moore – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. Tyler is about as exciting as the first season of Breaking Bad, but even that had its moments of greatness. Tyler the Run Creator has a four game hitting streak with a HR in that stretch, and if you need a bat in NL-Only or deeper mixed leagues he should see lots of playing time while Adam Laroche is on the shelf.

Yu Darvish – 8.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 11 K. On Fridays I’m in Love with Yu, so I tend to reference the Cure a lot here. But really, I should probably be referencing Biz Markie because baby, Yu, Yu Got What I Need.

Drew Hutchison – 9.0 IP, 3 hits, 1 BB, 6 K, his first career shutout and his second win. Anything Yu can do, Drew can do better. Drew can do anything better than Yuuu! No he can’t, but he out dueled the ace last night. Hutch has been hard to peg, giving up 12 ER in his previous three starts, while also going 7+ innings in two of those starts. His 55/16 K/BB ratio sure is nice to look at though, so he obviously could have some serious strikeout upside. I’d avoid his start in Boston next week, but I’ll be watching closely. If Hutch can make Kevin James desirable to women, I’m sure he can become a useful mixed league starter, too.

Adam Lind – 2-for-4. Lindy has hit safely in six of the nine games he’s played since he returned from the DL. This may be the Xanax talking, but I see the power coming for Lind sooner than later. I also see golden eagles, flying through the sky and over rainbows until they morph into dolphins and free fall to the sea to become one with the ocean. OK, that part’s probably the Xanax talking.

Chris Tillman – 9.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 1 BB, 3 K. I would be even more impressed if Drew Hutchison didn’t just do the exact same thing. You freakin’ unoriginal hack! Whoa. Sorry Chris, I ain’t mad at ‘cha. I’m just upset I have to wait even longer to find out who the O’s closer is.

Chris Davis – 2-for-3, HR (3). Guess who may or may not be back? People call him CHRIS-THE-DISH! Actually, nobody calls him that!

Brian Dozier – 2-for-5, HR (10). I used to make jokes here about how Dozier would put me to sleep. Now, he keeps me up at night thinking about how his power-speed combo will lead me to fantasy glory.

Josmil Pinto – 2-for-3, HR (6). How many more homers is that than Joe Mauer? “One. Two. Three. Four! Four more homers than Mauer! MWA-HA-HA!” That was a rhetorical question, you can go home now, Count. “I love to count!” Sigh, yes we know, oh how we know.

Kyle Gibson – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. He’s been impressive in spurts this season but like his distant relative Mel, Gibson could go all Apocalypto on you at any moment.

Max Scherzer – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 4 BB, 7 K and his sixth win. Speaking of Mel Gibson, Mad Max was a real Road Warrior last night and shut down the Sawx at Fenway. Bostonians would have to agree that 1.83 ERA, 1.03 WHIP and 11.14 K/9 is wicked good. Apparently Max hasn’t lost a May start in three years, which seems cray but ESPN says so, and who am I to question that.

Lance Lynn – 6.0 IP, 9 base runners, 2 ER, 3 K and his fifth win. Lance Lynn knows how to win! I will give him that much. It probably helped that the Cardinals had 13 hits.

Kolten Wong – 2-for-4, run, SB (4). Grey and the rest of the Razzball crew have been telling you to BUY Kolten for Wong time now. Besides one of the coolest names around the guy’s got four steals. Pick him up, this kid’s gonna be a star, ha-cha-cha!

Chris Johnson – 2-for-4, run. CJ’s got six multi-hit games in his last 10 and if you need help falling asleep at night, Chris Johnson’s game stats and a little marijuana can really help, but that’s most likely the pot more than the stats.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-4, 2 SB (4). Another BUY this week, and it’s hard not to like any player hitting in front of Troy Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez at Coors field, but hey, also SAGNOF!

Jorge De La Rosa – 7.0 IP, 1 hit, 0 ER, 1 BB, 5 K and his fifth win. Had a no-hitter going through six innings before Chris Denorfia (2-for-4, run) went and spoiled it all by hitting something stupid like a triple. I think opposing pitchers must love the Padres even more than Jay does.

Adam Dunn – 2-for-4, 3-run HR (6) as the White Sox won 7-2. I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure this ball traveled 700 feet. Dunn decided to go out for some traditional Texas BBQ post game to celebrate. In a related story, Texas has run out of cows.

Alejandro De Aza – 1-for-4, run, SB (4). Just when I’m about ready to drop him again he keeps doing stuff. Stop doing stuff!

Jose Quintana – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K and his second win. Not the juicy start you may have been expecting from an Asstros match up, but good enough for me to keep him on my roster for next week’s start at Kansas City.

Christian Yelich – 2-for-4, 4 runs, HR (5), SB (6). Christian likes his slam and legs with extra body of Christ, and occasionally a little extra slam, but not on Fridays!

Pablo Sandoval – 2-for-4, run, RBI. Grey told you to BUY for some reason and he notches two hits. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Grey’s a wiiiitch! Panda should be cheap enough that he could be worth buying, like the new waffle tacos at Taco Bell, except buying Sandoval will only make you half as sick to your stomach. Breakfast at the ‘Bell: greet your morning with diarrhea.

Chris Archer – 5.2 IP, 2 hits, 5 BB, 0 ER, 5 K and his third win. Archer was right on target last night. I may be mistaken, but I think I hear Kenny Loggins playing softly because the Angels must have entered Archer’s DANGER ZONE, LANA!

Yasiel Puig – 3-for-5, HR (8), 2 RBI. The Cuban Missile cannot be stopped, and I don’t mean just in school zones. Call the Kingslayer, someone needs to deal with this guy! His Grace, Lord Puig of House Cuba, First Bat of Dodgers, Famed Defector, Father of Illegitimate Children, Protector of Adrian Gonzalez and sworn Defender of the 88 cities of Greater Los Angeles county, stretches his hitting streak to 15 games, a span during which he has amassed 24 hits, 4 home runs, 9 runs, and 17 RBI. If I was forced into trial by combat, I’d want Yasiel Puig to be my champion right now. Who needs dragons when you got this guy?

Zack Greinke – 8.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K and his seventh win. Zack Attack! Of course I don’t own him anywhere this year. The Greinkster tied Roger Clemens’ record last night of 21 consecutive starts allowing 2 ER or fewer. Yeah, he’s been that good! Zack is rocking a 1.11 WHIP and a 2.03 ERA that’s good for top five in the league. The 10.29 K/9 is real purdy and the elite 2.69 xFIP is Re-ddick! I used to own Zack every year, but we had a bit of a falling out. He got injured a lot, he bounced around the league a bit, he got attacked by Carlos Quentin, etc. But mostly he was a big Caleb Johnson supporter while I was pulling for Alex Preston, and that created a considerable amount of tension between the two of us. Either way, the past is in the past, Zack, Caleb prevailed, and if you’ll have me back, I’m ready to be best friends again.

Questions? Problems? Complaints? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!