Los Angeles is a town where the only thing better than a great idea is cashing in on the goodwill of that great idea via sequels. ¬†So it is no surprise that the Dodgers released a sequel to their 2009 hit, Malcontent Ramirez. ¬†If you loved Mannywood, you’ll like Hanleywood! ¬†In the first one, a brooding superstar, played by Wesley Snipes, sick of the big city moves to the The Biggest Little City After Reno — Los Angeles — and gets a little help from the people who care, managers, agents and studio people. ¬†In the sequel, a brooding superstar, played by Omar Epps, saves a city in economic ruin by collecting roughly $40 million dollars from his new city for lackluster play. ¬†Can’t wait for the 2015 pickup of Aramis Ramirez starring Mike Epps. ¬†Like Manny, Hanley Ramirez has all the talent in the world.¬†¬†His issues in Miami are probably more mental than anything.¬†¬†One sour note on Hanley vs. Manny is that Manny was going from AL to NL and able to feast on more fastballs. ¬†I’m willing to gamble on him with the Dodgers that his talent plays up to snuff — hey, Bob Crane! — in the new environs. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dee Gordon – It’s being reported that Gordon will return from the DL and move to a bench role. ¬†The Dodgers gave him a good long leash, but every time they put out the bat signal, he was the Bane of their existence. ¬†Oh, well, I’ll be so-missin’-ya Gordon. ¬†(The preceding was at the request of focus groups that said I need to target more 12 to 15 year olds.) ¬†Yesterday, Hanley did play 3rd, so it’s worth seeing how it shakes out if you have DL room.
Nate Eovaldi – Going the other way in the Hanley trade, Lasorda’s favorite olive oil. ¬†Dodgers Stadium to Crayola Canyon is a push as is Eovaldi’s value change. ¬†He needs to go deeper in games to be mixed league-worthy and was probably already owned in NL-Only leagues, so there’s that.
Starling Marte – He was in this past Friday’s Buy. ¬†Here‚Äôs my¬†Starling Marte fantasy. ¬†Some of the things I said, “Mash-Up of the Lambs” would make a great twice-baked potato in¬†“Jose Tabata‚Äôs skin” with a side of “fava beans.” ¬†Damn, those quotes are terrible, I could never work for Zagat’s. ¬†Well, go read the post. ¬†The short of it is, I grabbed him in a 12 team mixed league for his upside with his speed and power combo.
Alex Rodriguez – Take the part where Mac Lethal says “It’s done” and replace “It’s” with A-Rod. ¬†Out six to eight weeks and the Yankees will go to… Eric Chavez? ¬†I find that extremely unlikely. ¬†There’s no way the Yankees rely on Chavez in the heart of a pennant race. ¬†This team is littered with goldplatement players. ¬†Which brings me to…
Chase Headley – The Yanks will go hard after him. ¬†I’d absolutely stash him for the next few days to see if he ends up in a better home park. ¬†Well, any other park is better, but The House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built would be ideal. ¬†BTW, he homered yesterday. ¬†Why? ¬†Because he wasn’t in godforsaken Petco.
Jesus Guzman – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. ¬†A show of hands for everyone who owned Jesus Guzman for this game. ¬†Now everyone with their hand up that is related to Jesus Guzman, lower your hand.¬† You don‚Äôt count.
Ichiro Suzuki – 1-for-5 and a caught stealing. ¬†Ichiro really looks reborn with his new team. ¬†Sideways mouth emoticon with a squiggly line for my mustache.
Albert Pujols – Sat out yesterday with a sore elbow and went for x-rays, which came back negative. ¬†Which II, The Return To Which Mountain? is luckily positive. ¬†He’ll probably return for Friday’s game, which is after Fursday, a secret day between Thursday and Friday.
Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a home run. ¬†Just another day at the office, and that office door reads, “The Greatest of All-Time.”
Torii Hunter – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. ¬†He has a shirt that reads, “I’m With Stupid Awesome!”
Kevin Youkilis¬†– Left yesterday’s game with an injured ankle. ¬†Looks like his mom doesn’t talk with Achilles’ mom.
Trevor Plouffe – May have to go to the DL if he can’t swing a bat. ¬†Hey, that never stopped Nick Punto!
Ricky Romero – 1 1/3 IP, 8 ER. ¬†If you still own him, you’re not reading this anyway, so let me start by saying I was the one who parked so close to your luxury car that you couldn’t open the door and needed to climb through the passenger seat. ¬†I also was the one playing that minutes song from Rent at two o’clock in the morning, singing the chorus with all the wrong words. ¬†5,673 minutes in a day! ¬†¬†I’m sorry,¬†it’s just so catchy.
J.P. Arencibia – Well, that hot streak came to an end unserendiptiously (Made Up Word of the Day!). ¬†J.P.’s out for six weeks with a fractured hand. ¬†It would’ve been fitting if he hurt himself making chicken on one of those “Set it and Forget It” rotisserie’s, but alas…
Francisco Cordero – Speaking of alas, Astros need to pull the F-Cord and let him plummet to the ground. ¬†Yesterday, 2/3 IP, 3 ER. ¬†Day before, same shizz. ¬†If you’re not affiliated with the Astros, you can go ahead and skip down. ¬†This is meant for them: ¬†I mean, seriously, people are looking at you like you’re a bunch of incompetent buffoons! ¬†My 12-year-old niece wouldn’t use F-Cord as a closer and she thinks Justin Bieber invented this thing called “music.” ¬†You need to put on your big boy pants and stop sending out there a guy that cannot close games for the few wins you actually may stumble on. ¬†Smarten up, and go with Lopez! ¬†Schmohawks!
Donovan Solano¬†– 0-for-1 with 2 steals. ¬†His name literally translates to 60’s heartthrob of the sun. ¬†Here’s what I said previously on him, “Solano has no power, no speed, but I hear he can sac fly like nobody‚Äôs business.¬† If your fantasy league has a ‚ÄúFundamentals‚ÄĚ category, Solano‚Äôs an immediate pickup.” ¬†And that’s me quoting me! ¬†Donovan’s prospects have me pretty mellow yellow. ¬†In NL-Only leagues, you have to do what you have to do, but in most leagues you can do better. ¬†Look at me having faith in you! ¬†Like the MasterChef judges with the blind girl. ¬†I’m waiting for them to do a challenge where they blindfold all the other cheftestants and they give the blind girl mittens. ¬†Also, Rudy created a game,¬†you have to _____ when Gordon says ‘stunning’ or ‘amazing’ to describe something.
Justin Ruggiano – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and a steal… Okay, every Marlin had a steal yesterday. ¬†Not surprising that a battery of Hanson-McCann would have a stinky trigger finger.
Giancarlo Stanton¬†– About two weeks away from returning. ¬†Ah, to be young and heal quickly. ¬†And to be young and sexy and Giancarlo’s girlfriend. ¬†Wait, huh?
Jason Heyward – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer. ¬†I said about a month ago that Heyward could be more valuable than Justin Upton this year and was lambasted for it. ¬†Lambasted, I tell ya! ¬† ¬†Well, neither is running away with the Crazy Talent, Crazy Hype, Will They Perform Up To Their Ability title yet, but Heyward’s got a one and a half car lead.
Tommy Hanson¬†– 5 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners with 7 walks, 7 Ks. ¬†That Tommy sure throws a mean four balls.
Drew Stubbs – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a steal. ¬†The day before, a homer. ¬†Tomorrow, the world! ¬†If someone was impatient and dropped him, grab him now.
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. ¬†I can talk about how inconsistent he is until I’m blue in the face, but it’s not Halloween and my cougar doesn’t like when I dress up as a Smurf. ¬†I’ve tried.
A.J. Griffin – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. ¬†Staked to an early 10 run lead, he hit up Expedia and booked the free room at the W on the Ivictory Coast.
Coco Crisp – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and 2 homers. ¬†Best performance by a breakfast meal since¬†Johnny Cakes romanced Vito.
Chris Carter – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a homer. ¬†Now has 6 homers in 43 ABs and three in the last ten games. ¬†He had been platooning, but his power, and lack of strikeouts (once a hinderance for him) should force him into the everyday lineup. ¬†He’s been compared to Ryan Howard, and not only in girth. ¬†Definitely worth a look if you’re dying for power.
Jayson Werth – Target date for Werth to return is next Tuesday. ¬†The Wal-Mart date for Werth is Monday at midnight. ¬†Take that, Target!
Stephen Strasburg – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks. ¬†St. Rasburg looked divine once again. ¬†I don’t envy the Nationals decision about what to do with his innings limit. ¬†I’d shut him down at 160 innings, but the opposite argument is very compelling. ¬† I just feel like you can’t sacrifice St. Rasburg’s future for the now. ¬†Though, even when cherry picking, Verducci’s results on limiting innings tends to be the pits.
Danny Espinosa – 2-for-4 with his 9th homer. ¬†He’s been on a tear lately, hitting near .400 over the last week and over .350 in July. ¬†His K-rate has been the same in July (not good) and his BABIP is crazy in inflated (read: ¬†lucky), but, as they said in Ancient Greece, ride the lightning while it’s raining. ¬†BTW, why is it whenever you type in a player’s name into Google the first suggestion is girlfriend? ¬†I’ll tell you why. ¬†Because when you guys get together you’re worse than a sewing circle with your gossiping. ¬†Bunch of bitties, all of you! ¬†Yeah, I said it.
Adam LaRoche – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games. ¬†LaRoche meet 2nd half of the 162 game schedule, 2nd half say wassup to LaRoche.
Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-3 with his 5th homer, raising his average to .323. ¬†Kinda surprised by the amount of ADD (Attention Deficit Drops) focused on Rizzo. ¬†Seems like everyone wants to drop him. ¬†Wasn’t it two weeks ago you were glad you got him? ¬†Chillax, over-the-internet friend.
Pablo Sandoval – Will wait until Friday to see if his strained hamstring warrants a trip to the DL, but it sounds like it will. ¬†Too bad, if anyone seemed hamstrong, it was Sandoval.
Tim Lincecum – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 8 Ks vs. the Padres¬†as he’s trying to single-handedly ruin the predictiveness of FIP. ¬†If Lincecum had any bigger of a problem with men on base, he’d be an inner-city mayor.
Ryan Roberts – With the addition of Roberts, the Rays designated Hideki. ¬†More time for his Guinness world record porn collection! ¬†And yesterday Roberts hit a homer. ¬†He really hasn’t done much in the last year (last year in the 2nd half he hit .239). ¬†If you’re totally desperate, I can understand the flyer, but I’m not rushing out to grab him.
Francisco Rodriguez¬†– 2/3 IP, 2 ER. ¬†Dor-K!
Carlos Gomez¬†– 2-for-6, 2 runs, 1 RBI as his owners continue to watch ess CarGo. ¬†Well, that didn’t work. ¬†You butter pick up dis CarGo. ¬†Yeah, not much better.
Rickie Weeks¬†– 4-for-4 with a homer. ¬†That’s more like a Rickie Month!