R.A. Dickey¬†put up another insane line yesterday — 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 3 walks, 13 Ks. ¬†I don’t own him anywhere (of course, I wish I owned him everywhere), but this is the kind of season that’s just fun to watch from a real baseball perspective. ¬†Basically, I’m gay for Dickey. ¬†That’s the 2nd definition of gay. ¬†Dickey now has 41 2/3 straight scoreless innings, two straight one-hitters, 103 Ks to 21 walks and a 2.00 ERA with a 0.89 WHIP. ¬†I don’t think his scoreless streak qualifies for Orel Hershier’s record, because of an unearned run and we all know how much baseball holds its records sacrosanct.¬† *cough* McGwire hugging Roger Maris’s family while a needle falls out of his pocket and Selig kicks it under a seat *cough* ¬†Last time out, I posited that Dickey was a top ten starter, if I’m using posited correctly. ¬†Well, if I could use posited wrong, he’s positedly awesome. ¬†I love how he’s going to isolate fair-weather baseball fans when he starts the All-Star Game. ¬†Casual fans show up to see pitchers throw 100 MPH and then you got Dickey. ¬†Nerding baseball up one knuckler at a time.¬†¬†¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ike Davis – 1-for-3 with a grand slam. ¬†Ten days ago, his average was .158 and now it’s up to .196. ¬†He seems to have turned his titanically awful season around right before he hit the iceberg, lettuce hope at least. ¬†See, what I did there? ¬†I faked the pun left and went right. ¬† If Ike were on my waivers, I’d give him another shot because he’s hitting; love’s got nothing to do with it.
Evan Longoria¬†– Had a setback yesterday during his rehab. ¬†Sounds like the 2nd act break of Trainspotting. ¬†We were only relying on Longoria’s return in, like, every league. ¬†In three weekly leagues, we¬†preemptively put him in our lineups. ¬†We even dropped our backup. ¬†Granted, it was only Robert Andino, but still.
Brandon Beachy – Tear in his UCL, which usually means Tommy John surgery. ¬†He’s going to see Dr. Freeze, which always means Tommy John surgery.
CC Sabathia – 9 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks while A-Rod made eyes at his mom.
Kevin Youkilis – Currently being shopped everywhere. ¬†Or so I read in the Penny Saver.
Kyle Drabek – Will miss the rest of this season and early next season with his 2nd Tommy John surgery.¬†¬†Best to plan ahead and start throwing the ball lefty during the extended break.
Josh Hamilton – Didn’t start another game, but got into the game late, as he wrestled with a virus that was damaging his intestinal fortitude.¬†¬†Leonys Martin will tag in for now – he’s interesting in the long-term, but not so much in the short-term.
Aramis Ramirez – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer in the last three games. ¬†Like a guidette would say to her heavily cologned boyfriend that she hadn’t seen in a while, “I aramissed you.”
Rickie Weeks – Keeping his hot hitting and hope alive, Weeks went 2-for-4 yesterday to go with the 5-for-10 in the previous two games. ¬†Oh, Rickie, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, it’s about effin’ time.
Brett Lawrie – 2-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a slam & legs. ¬†With 6 homers and 9 steals on the year, he hasn’t been quite the draft pick many expected back in March, but think of us Ryan Zimmerman owners before you complain too much. ¬†Thanks!
Geovany Soto – 2-for-5 with a homer as he was activated from the DL. ¬†Soto may or may not reign supreme when held up against other catchers in the long haul, but if you’re dealing with a slumping catcher, he could provide some power. ¬†Oh, and here’s a throwback post to make you giggle.
Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-5 with his 13th homer. ¬†He’s batting .270. ¬†SPOILER ALERT BUT YOU REALLY HAVE HAD ENOUGH TIME TO WATCH MAD MEN: ¬†Ready to feel like Lane Pryce right when Don confronts him about stealing money? ¬†Soriano’s having a better season than Justin Upton and Pujols. ¬†And Soriano hasn’t even been that great.
Bryan LaHair – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. ¬†Even with both Chicago teams facing off, one flew out from LaHair.
Ryan Dempster – To the DL with tightness in his right¬†latissimus dorsi.¬† So, he‚Äôs a dolphin?¬† Well, if he‚Äôs that smart, have him throw with his other flipper.
Luis Valbuena– 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer in the last three games. ¬†With Mini Mini Donkey on the DL, Valbuena has been playing every day at 3rd base. ¬†He’s nothing, but a short-term flyer in NL-Only leagues, but¬†if he gets every day ABs, he could surprise with some light pop and speed.
John Danks – Will be out for a while with a¬†sub-scapula tear of his shoulder. ¬†A hoagie¬†scapula is so much more appetizing.
Wade Miley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.30. ¬†Maronna mia, where’s this coming from? ¬†It’s like he’s picturing every batter is Krispie Young and Justin Upton. ¬†Obviously, Miley is someone that could’ve been trusted if we’re playing the fantasy season like that Memento guy, but going forward he’s still very risky with his blah K-rate. ¬†To make matters worse, he’s prospblocking Bauer.
Stephen Drew¬†– Could return as a part-time player. ¬†Gibson said the plan is to start him every third day. ¬†Appropriately, it will coincide with garbage day.
Aaron Hill – 4-for-4 with his 8th homer as he hit for the cycle. ¬†He hasn’t hit a cycle since 2009 when he homered 36 times. ¬†Then he was going through cycles every few weeks.
Mike Trout – 1-for-4 with 3 steals. ¬†Tony Campana called and said well played.
Brett Myers – 2/3 IP, 5 ER. ¬†Holy Kazaam! ¬†Myers hasn’t looked this ugly since someone Googled his dating history.
Jonathan Sanchez¬†– 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks in his 2nd game back from the DL. ¬†He has 6 walks and 7 Ks since his return and the¬†Poughkeepsie Chapter of Speculating on Small Sample Sizes said it looks like he’s up to his usual tricks.
Matt Capps – Twins GM said Capps’s shoulder will be just fine. ¬†He also said he’s willing to trade Capps for a bag of peanuts. ¬†Salted are preferred, but he’ll listen to all offers. ¬†I’d continue to hold Perkins if you have room.
Joe Mauer – Twins GM said that he’s not concerned about Mauer’s bruised quad and he said he’s not even lying about that because they’re not trying to trade him. ¬†A bag of peanuts and you can have your very own major league closer.
Shaun Marcum – Will miss Tuesday’s start vs. his former team with a tight right elbow. ¬†Shawn Michaels’s elbow just went pfft.
Lonnie Chisenhall – Hannahan returned from the DL with his liger. ¬†Well, Chisenhall said liger please! as he hit a homer and went 3-for-4. ¬†Lonnie’s gonna need to keep doing that, because the Indians seem like they’re looking for reasons to demote him and up until yesterday he was giving them plenty.
Scott Rolen¬†– 2-for-4, 2 RBIs as he returned from the DL after a five week layoff. ¬†Todd Frazier’s value takes a bit of a hit, but he DH’d yesterday and Rolen will probably be hurt again by the time the Reds are back in an NL park. ¬†Maybe Rolen can pull a muscle and take out Latos on his way down. ¬†Speaking of which… And, no, I wasn’t saving the best for last, unless you read this site while hanging from a tree like a monkey.
Mat Latos – 4 IP, 7 ER. ¬†Latos’s wife threatened to delete her Twitter account if people didn’t stop hating on Latos. ¬†Maybe because I don’t understand Twitter, but how is this a threat? ¬†Does anyone care if Latos’s wife tweets? ¬†Doesn’t she tweet because she wants to? ¬†Is she doing any public service by tweeting? ¬†Did Al Gore invent the internet so one day Dallas Latos can tweet? ¬†Will we miss one more el oh el in this world? ¬†Not that I consider her a celebrity, but this whole celebrity threat of ‘I’m not going to tweet anymore’ is like celebrities are no longer America’s royalty, they’re now our parents and they can punish us. ¬†“Oh no, Ashton, please keep tweeting, I couldn’t get by one more day without reading you congratulate Jon Cryer on a great episode. ¬†It’s like I’m a fly on the wall of your trucker hat!” ¬†This is why I think Twitter sucks. ¬†Celebrities have made it one giant circle jerk of, “Ain’t I clever?” ¬†At least on Facebook, I can pretend to care about people’s thoughts I actually know through other people I also kinda know. ¬†As for Latos, I’m gonna go ahead and let him audition for the role of Home Run Derby pitcher on someone else’s fantasy team, because we’re finished. ¬†I gave him back his sweater. ¬†He gave me back what was left of my dignity. ¬†I told him, “It’s not me; it’s you.” ¬†I dropped him for Nick Punto, then dropped Punto for Cahill. ¬†I didn’t need Punto, I was just making a point to Latos. ¬†I now have a waiver claim in for Latos and, after I win that claim, I plan on dropping him again for Javier Vazquez, then dropping Javy because he’s retired. ¬†I will continue to do this with Latos for the remainder of the year. ¬†Hell hath no fury like a fantasy baseballer scorned! ¬†And Dallas Latos can unfollow me, if she likes.